today was a good day for a selfie #makeupjunkie #selfie #toomanyselfies #poutysmile #bigblueeyes #contourandhighlight #definition #wavyhair #makeupjunkie #newmakeup #yay #myself
(Whenever I ask “What is love” someone always responds by referencing the song. And it irritates me. So please don’t.)
One of the lovely things this class has tried to do is get us to examine our own and others ideas about love, sex, and intimacy and challenge us to recognize that there are many different viable scripts for love. To me, love is often a choice: a conscious decision made once or continuously to behave in a certain manner to someone. A connection built up over time. This term though, I discovered that love also really is an emotion.
I had rejected the idea of love as an emotion because when most people use the term “love” as an emotional verb, they often refer to what I call the “superficial” fluff of initial attraction. Passion is important to a relationship. So is attraction. But the “googoo-gaga I’m so crazy about this person” crush that fangirls get over popstar icons is not love. Neither is the over-the-top, shallow portrayal by most love songs that are popular are the radio today (notable exceptions being “All of Me” by John Legend, “True Love” by P!nk, “I Choose You” by Sara Bareilles - “Marry You” by Bruno Mars, “Love Song” by Taylor Swift, etc. are awful portrayals of ‘real love.’).
The first person who “loved me” didn’t tell me so until two years after the fact, because he had decided for himself that the relationship could never work (we were friends at the time). The second person is now my fiancé.
I’ve said “I love you” to friends, family, and of course, to my significant other, but most of the time, it’s been motivated not by the moment but more the lasting relationship, in the sense that if my best friend does something for me, I might say “I love you” but it’s not because of what she just did, but more because it’s one in a series of loving gestures.
Recently though, there have been times with my fiancé where I just say, “I love you” because that’s the only word that really describes how I'm feeling. And I’d never experienced that before. I’m happy, but it’s not just happy. It’s not just contentment. It’s a feeling of, “I’m so happy that I get to spend the rest of my life with you, this moment is so perfect I wish I could just freeze it, but I don’t need to because something about this, the two of us, just feels so right. A lot of people I’ve asked about "how do you know when you’ve met 'the One’” frequently answer, “you just know.” “It’s something you’ll know when you know.” And I’ve always thought that was the most bogus answer ever. It doesn’t say anything! But now… I don’t know… I really do feel like it’s something you have to experience. But for me, this really is the definition of love - at least, as an emotion. Certainly I still retain all my other ideas & ideals about love, but this feeling, that I think is innate and natural and universal, I really do believe this is love. And it’s really exciting for me to see that.
Because if this is what love feels like, this intimate, deep connection with another individual, then it really can’t be bound by gender or number of times, because you don’t stop feeling sad or happy just because you think you should, it doesn’t stop being happy or sad because things change. In that moment, when you feel this strange union of souls, when you look at the other person and the only words in our American English language that can describe it is “I love you” then that is love. And for me, it answers the question of “can you feel love multiple times” because if love is that emotion, then obviously, yes you can.
And maybe this isn’t “love” and this is only “my definition” but given what people have said across many cultures and stories, I think I have fairly good corroboration.
It’s just funny, because this has been an unanswered question for so long, but for me, this term, I’ve finally found my answer. And that is pretty neat. =)
A more concrete word for the subjective ‘line’ that exists in people’s minds. The whole 'you’ve crossed the line now’. Usually it refers to when something goes from being ok to being unacceptable. Varies depending on the person.
Hello! I’m not sure if I qualify as poly and I guess I’m wondering what does or doesn’t. I’m happy in my current romantically monogamous relationship, but I’d be happy to try adding another person to make a throuple if it came to it and all three of us had feelings. My partner and I are also casually open sexually. What’s the line between ‘open relationship’ and polyamorous?
There is no high court that deems you worthy of “qualifying” for the label of polyamorous. There is no exact checklist of qualities you must measure up against in order to claim a certain term.
I think our current culture has gotten way too worried about how best to use these manufactured semantic tweezers and microscopes to try and define and categorize anything and everything. The purpose of language, including identity labels, is to serve us in finding tools to live healthy, happy, fulfilling lives. Period.
If identifying as polyamorous helps you in some way, if it gives you more access to resources that you need, if it allows you to more clearly communicate about your needs and desires, great! If not, great! Ultimately it doesn’t really matter what you call yourself as long as you’re able to effectively navigate the world and manage your relationships.
To actually answer your question, generally, people say that the line between an “open relationship” and “polyamory” is that an “open relationship” implies a central or primary relationship with casual sexual openness, while “polyamory” includes multiple committed relationships. But everyone has a different definition of what a “primary relationship” is, what it means to be in a “committed” relationship, what “casual sexual openness” looks like in practice, so it’s really a useless definition.
Seasons change as a matter of course. Winter turns to spring. Spring turns to summer. Summer inevitably turns to autumn. This latest change in season is felt through the swift change of warm to cold, sunny to rainy. But what exactly is a “season”?
By definition, a “season” is a part of the year marked by the weather exhibited as a result of the position the Earth has in regard to the Sun. We recently experienced the yearly September equinox where the Sun appears to cross the celestial equator, heading southward. In the Northern Hemisphere, this has marked the beginning of autumn, a change borne witness to by leaves floating to the ground. There is much to look forward to: apple and blackberry harvests, big piles of leaves, and of course, pumpkin spiced lattes.
Image credit: Leaf piles by Hans. Public domain via Pixabay.
An Anzac Biscuit is a sweet biscuit from Australia and New Zealand, made of oats, flour, sugar, butter, golden syrup, baking soda, boiling water, and sometimes coconut. They have long been associated with the Australian and NZ Army Corps (ANZAC), established in W1. The biscuits were sent by wives and women’s groups to soldiers abroad as the ingredients don’t spoil easily and kept well during naval transport. They are now also made commercially for retail sale.
1 cup plain flour - 1 cup rolled oats (regular oatmeal), uncooked - 1 cup desiccated coconut (optional) - 1 cup brown sugar - ½ cup butter - 2 tbsp golden syrup - 1 tsp bicarbonate of soda / baking soda - 2 tbsp boiling water
Combine flour (sifted), oats, coconut if using, and sugar in a bowl. Melt butter and Golden Syrup in a saucepan over a low heat. Mix bicarbonate of soda with the water, add to the butter and syrup. Pour the liquids into the dry ingredients, mix. Spoon dollops of the mix, about the size of a walnut shell, onto a greased tin, leaving space between dollops to allow for spreading. Bake in a 180C / 350F oven for 15-20 mins. Cool on a wire rack and seal in airtight containers.
Note: The American tablespoon is a little smaller than the British/Australian, so be generous with your Golden Syrup and water.
I used to write my feelings right here, where people can judge me for the things I’ve done, how I look and the way I live my life. But if I have to write how I feel right now, I can say the word that describes me the most is EMPTINESS.
My ex got back from his trip one year, he doesn’t want anything to do with me, I just got back to the person I used to be, a girl who fills her emptiness with guys, but this time is worst, at least years ago I was a virgin.
Each guy I go out with ends up as a number on my list, and that number is what scares me the most, is what defines me. How many guys do you have to screw to be a slut? How many guys do you have to screw to be a good girl? Which is the number that makes you worth it.
Those words can blend together, occupy the same space in our minds, to the degree that two words that sound the same, but used in different contexts, can have their meanings grafted onto one another. So that we think of that concept in the same terms, because we’re a species that needs a name for everything.
There’s a lot of power in a name.
So let me separate the terms for you, do a little rewiring. It’s ok, I’m a qualified professional, I know my nuts from my bolts. Just stay still and let me tinker for a moment, and I’ll have it all sorted out in a jiffy.
You’ve got submissives, and Submissives. I use the capital not out of any particular respect, but just because one is a proper noun and one is an adjective. When outside of the world of D/s, calling someone ‘submissive’ has the following connotations:
Shyness.
Introversion.
Weak willed.
Timid.
Lacking in confidence.
Which is rather wholly negative, I’m sure you would agree. A bit of a doormat, that submissive is. Not really all that much fun.
Within the world of D/s, however, the meaning is wholly different. It’s less about personality traits, instead focusing on their sexual proclivities, and how they like to be treated within a romantic relationship. The problem is, it’s a word that has been reclaimed from common use, and so the connotations get carried along with it.
They’re redundant. Hell, they’re misleading. I’m not just unsurprised when a Submissive makes a bold move, I’ll outright expect it. It’s about having a confident, passionate woman who will willingly defer to me, rather than someone who is naturally weak and subservient. It’s about a decisive nature on the Submissive’s part, far more than it is on mine. While I might make a lot of decisions, the most powerful is in her hands. That’s quite the thing.
So let’s separate one from the other, shall we? It might go a way to removing those feelings from submissive’s altogether, because I’m fairly sure that that perception isn’t doing anyone any good, and might actually be creating those tendencies where they have no right to exist.
You’re not automatically a submissive because you’re a Submissive. There may be some overlap, but that’s half the point of the Dominant. To make sure any commonalities get removed. So you can be a Submissive and a strong individual.
