#public diaper change
A 4th to Forget (Excerpt)
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Both Anna and my parents took the approach that, as young adults, they’d rather us drink responsibly around them than debaucherously around others. Little did they know, both Anna and I had enjoyed our fair share of beverages elsewhere, but nonetheless, it usually persuaded us to take advantage of the free drinks at home.
“C’mon, let’s make one. If you’re nice, I might even see if my dad will let you have some of his nice whiskey.” She said with a conspicuous grin before exiting the room.
Shortly thereafter, Anna’s parents made dinner. Mexican of course, their favorite. They frequented meals such as these; “The spicier, the better!” they’d say. To the contrary, me and spicy were not copacetic. I did my best to dredge through the meal, but my diminishing appetite was quickly becoming noticeable.
“You gonna eat?” Anna questioned in jest with a soft smile.
Understanding what precipitated her question, I peered up at the table. I’d hoped to find someone as dispositioned as I was to the audaciously spicy food that awaited me; instead, empty plates abound.
“Too spicy for ya, huh?” Lance joked, communal laughter following.
Whether it was the alcohol or my pride, the stuffed serrano peppers were no longer intimidating.
“Not at all!”
As I attempted to casually devour one, my mother’s concerned expression glared brightly. As the heat quickly escalated, I was reminded why her concern was valid.
“I didn’t know you liked those so much! Here, take a few more.” Anna’s mom graciously offered, appearing to confirm I was hiding my displeasure well.
“Thanks… they’re… great.” My gabbled response was clearly not to my mother’s liking as she again produced a pronounced stare in my direction.
“Sweetheart, I’m sure those are tasty, but they may come with a hefty price tomorrow.” My mother announced, again provoking laughter before she even finished.
I responded with a silent “I’ll be fine” shrug as table conversations resumed. As I continued, my mother discreetly exited the table and approached me.
As she quietly leaned in, I quickly ascertained the source of her discontent.
“Honey, please stop. I don’t want you to have another accident like last time.” She said through a quieted whisper that couldn’t have been quiet enough. I quickly fixed my eyes on Anna to ensure she hadn’t heard, but her subtle curiosity was hardly conspicuous.
“You know your IBS flares up when you eat spicy food…”
“MOM… NOT… NOW.” I quietly demanded through gritted teeth.
Anna’s curiosity was now visibly peaking. Luckily, my embarrassment-riddled cheeks were easily mistaken as a result of my eating.
“How about another drink?” I questioned towards Anna, hoping to dissuade my mother from continuing her talks of my potential calamity.
“Yes please!” Anna stated while handing me her empty glass.
My mother concluded her informal reprimand with her eyes boring into me imploringly.
As the night continued, Anna and I quickly attained, and subsequently eclipsed a buzz. While usually responsible around our parents, they too were throwing them back. As the night wore on, it seemed as though the only responsible people residing at the residence were Anna’s cousins who were already in bed.
The fun began to fade as we’d blown past warm and fuzzy and approached sloppy and sleepy. Anna and I helped clean up before heading to our hodgepodge bedroom full of 13 to 18-year old’s.
As we lay in bed, conversations ensued with Nathan and Lance. Though I was took drunk to care, or perhaps, too drunk to tell the difference, I got the sense that Lance was flirting with Anna.
He was tall, athletic, and if forced to admit, good looking. I didn’t necessarily feel threatened upon meeting him, but I had sensed he lacked boundaries, which was cause for concern.
Anna and I have something that Lance couldn’t offer, which gave me solace. We had been friends for a year before my feelings for her had involuntarily begun to ooze out of me. Despite my fear of compromising our friendship, I finally found the courage to disclose my feelings to her. Surprisingly and much to my delight, she too admitted she had begun to have feelings for me as well.
I need not deceive you; my feelings for her were immutably stronger. There was little doubt that I didn’t pass the “eye-test” when we were together. Her long silky brown hair, green eyes, and slender athletic build didn’t proportionally match me, but what made us special was how close we were; we could talk about anything. Her personality was a bright beaming light that, comparatively, made everyone else appear glaringly dull.
The alcohol soon put us to sleep, dulling my feelings of inadequacy.
The sun lit the room, waking me despite my resistance. Slowly becoming lucid, the absence of noise caught my attention.
Peering around the room, I realized it was empty. I guess I had more alcohol than I thought.
My throbbing headache corroborated my suspicion. Then, something else unequivocally confirmed it.
No… please… not that…. not now.
Peeling the sheets back, the familiar sight and smell surfaced memories of the not-so-distant past.
Humiliation filled me from my toes to my burning cheeks. The inescapable memory of being treated a fraction of my age engulfed and destroyed the dignity I’d worked so hard to build.
The sound of footsteps approaching redirected my attention away from self-pity and into survival mode. Every step growing closer and every thought moving faster, I panicked.
As the door opened, I stood there frozen, futilely using my pillow to obfuscate the undeniable damage to my PJ’s.
I was well-aware that I likely appeared more like an embarrassed 4-year-old than the 18-year-old that I was.
“Hey honey, Anna told me what happened. You feeling okay?”
My face instantly went white. The realization that Anna already knew surged a tsunami sized wave of regrettably misplaced indignation. Now, I not only appeared like an embarrassed 4 year old, but felt like one.
“I… I…. don’t know… what… happened.”
Every stuttered word that escaped my mouth continued to match my pathetic appearance and my mom’s disenchanted expression.
“It’s okay, honey. You’ve made a lot of progress and that’s something you should be proud of.”
My mother’s compliments were always slathered with her maternal incentive, but this was beguiling.
Then it caught my eye.
“Mom…” I stopped as I felt my petulant tone shifting to a petulant whine.
“I don’t need...” Again I caught myself, but this time not out of my own self-awareness, but the presence of someone in the hallway.
Anna appeared from behind my mom. I abhor the polarizing sight before me; Anna, in a revealing skirt that left little to the imagination, showing off her long, slender tan legs, my mother, holding what I could easily prognosticate as my new underwear, and me, appearing no better than a frightened little boy.
“Hey babe, it’s okay. Accidents happen.”
Her maternal tone made me feel a lot less like her boyfriend and a lot more like her child.
“No! They don’t, I mean it did… but, it’s not like I need...”
“No need to be dramatic. I know all about your history of ‘accidents’, both day and night.”
Anna stated this matter-of-factly as she began approaching, me quickly noticing familiar supplies in hand.
“Wait! What, how? I mean… what do you think you know?”
My begrudging tone birthed a sarcastic expression on her face as she proceeded to direct me back towards my bed.
“C’mon, just let your mom change you and when I get back we can hangout.”
Her soothing voice seemed to always calm even the most ferocious storm.
Now on my back staring up at Anna, I acquiesced to their insistence of ‘protection’
“Wait, where are you going?”
My mother began cleaning my bottom as Anna paused at the doorway.
“Lance asked if I wanted to go out to the lake with him and Nathan. We’ll probably be back in a couple of hours.”
“Wait!”
Anna again paused, now peering back at me annoyed.
The smell of baby powder momentarily shifted my attention. The feeling of my mother applying it entirely shattered it.
“…Yes…?”
Now she seemed frustrated.
“Can I come?”
For the umpteen time this morning, I again noticed how utterly childish I sounded after words escaped my lips.
“Up.” my mother commanded.
Staring into Anna’s eyes, I felt the diaper slide underneath me. The expression on her face served as the undeniable answer to my question.
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