#quarantine but make it fashion
As I write this, day, uhhhh, 14? of quarantine(??) (It’s a Saturday, I definitely know that much) I can’t stop looking at clothing websites, thinking of all these spring and summer outfits that will no longer have many occasions to be worn to if we keep social distancing like this.
Obviously the clothes are not really the point–the clothes represent all the lost opportunities: dates that can’t happen, job interviews indeterminately postponed, weddings canceled, retail jobs lost, the sudden evaporation of income, it’s all real uplifting stuff.
What happens with all these items? Does the stock languish in unopened storefronts for months on end? Do we start getting increasingly desperate sale announcements in our inboxes? Do we wear wild dresses in our own homes to attend Zoom happy hours and livestreamed civil ceremonies? Working from home, drinking from home, the days and nights blur together.
So, I present to you–out of a desperation to focus on something other than my homework and existential dread for a few minutes–J. Crew’s ridiculous spring/summer occasion collection, along with my deranged commentary:
For the wedding that was going to happen at a Mediterranean-style villa: Since you’ve been scrolling through Instagram all day, imaging what social distancing from a huge house in Taos with Spanish tiles in the kitchen would be like, why not wear this while you drink a glass of Etna Bianco from the comfort of your couch?
For the wedding that was going to happen on Nantucket: So instead of an escape to the cape this summer, you’re…. cooped up with your (soon-to-be-ex) boyfriend in a 1 bedroom in Park Slope. Put on this sunshine-y number, kick back with Jia Tolentino’s Trick Mirror, and read the last essay “I Thee Dread” and complain about your bf never doing the dishes to your friends in the group chat. Then turn on Vampire Weekend and dance around the living room wearing headphones while you drink a Cape Codder.
For your childhood friend’s wedding in her giant backyard in your hometown: Because you can’t really wear this dress to Zoom Karaoke or even a bar if they ever open again. Or go to the park and take selfies near a tree from a safe social distance. You were always jealous of her backyard and the joke’s still on you cooped up in an apartment!!
Because your artsy friend said “FRIEDA KHALO REALNESS” in the dress code: You spent $389 on this dress that your grandma threw out in 1982. Turn on Gourmet Makes, wear the tallest platform heels you have, and mix up a margarita.
Oh, you were supposed to honeymoon in Tulum? Sorry, that sucks. Here’s a knockoff Rhode Resort by Liberty lewk for you. I can taste the ceviche from my laptop.
