Richie beamed at him with a huge beautiful smile. “But you’re so cute when you ramble, Eds.”
Eddie’s heart raced at the thrill of hearing those words, but he tried to keep himself calm. “Not cute. Don’t calls me Eds. We can talk tomorrow. It’s just I wanted to give you the gift I really made for you.” Eddie shoved the slightly snow covered present into his hands quickly. “This was impulsive. It can wait. Bye Richie.” He started to back away, turning to leave and probably throw himself off a cliff.
yessss gracias por dibujar esta escena !!! ¡Jaja, los colores y el patrón que hiciste para la camisa de Richie son tan perfectos! definitivamente lo usaría. su expresión es tan amable y cariñosa. pobre Eddie. Me encanta esto; ¡gracias!
¡muchas gracias! Lo siento, estoy usando el traductor de Google. ¡Pero me siento muy honrado de que hayas dibujado tantos de ellos! jajaja es tan lindo! Eddie está tan sorprendido. me encanta como hiciste la iluminación
omg you did the moment before the kiss too!!! hahaha you draw them very cute. i love how richie is bright red he’s gonna go for it!!! your style is adorable. thank you for drawing so many!
ahhh thank you so much for these!!! i just saw you did so many but tumblr only notified me of this one! i am going to put these up on the wall as well!
the makeup you gave her is soooo cute! she totally looks like jenna rink i LOVE it! and she looks so sweet. i wouldn’t suspect her of ill will
please reblog if you like it and let me know your reactions. algorithms are not my friend because i spend 2.5 months making each part and not posting during that time, so signal boosting is very appreciated and helps keep me motivated to make more.
If you tell me you have seen something cuter in your life, you are lying.
@scrunchi THANK YOU FOR THIS ADORABLE BEAUTIFUL DTIYS it is soooo cute, cute, CUUUUUUUUUTE!!!!!!
i love ur lineless style and the textures of your brushes. very illustrative!! and their expressions are adorable!! it’s so nice seeing this in color and omg u kept richies checkerboard converse hahahaha i love it!!!! i also love all the sharing details you do, all the shadows, they look so nice. so adorable!!!!! i got so excited when i saw this!!! thank u so much tami
In which Eddie stays in the hospital for two days and Richie has to deal with the thought of being alone for the first time in his life.
hiii guys
so i decided to post some writing after over two years of nothing, i wanted to kinda explain this fic and why i’m posting it now. put it under the cut in case it gets too long.
around two years ago when i stopped writing i went through some shit that really made me hate reddie, i won’t get into it because for the most part i’ve moved on from that part of my life.
a few months ago i decided to revisit this fic, most of which i wrote in summer 2018. i wanted to finish it so i could really tie that part of my life up and put it away. finishing this was incredibly cathartic, and i’m so glad i decided to pick it back up. i didn’t want to make a big post here just to be devastated when it inevitably flopped, so i’m making this more of a personal sentiment. i have loved writing for this fandom for almost three years now, but this will most likely be my last piece of writing. it’s been a wild ride, and for people who’ve stuck around with me i thank you for giving me so much joy these last few years. i’ll still be here, just not writing anymore.
ANYWHO, thank you for listening to me be dramatic. i hope you enjoy this fic as much as i enjoyed writing it. i’m really excited to finally share this, i’ve been thinking of it as my love letter to reddie. corny i know but i’m glad i get to post it :) have a lil preview:
The paramedics swiftly maneuvered Eddie’s limp body onto the stretcher and began to move towards the door. Richie stood slowly to follow them, unsure if his feet could carry him. He stumbled behind them as the men wheeled Eddie through their living room.
“Is he gonna be okay?”
One of them turned around to talk to him. “We honestly don’t know yet, son. We’ll take him to Mount Sinai Beth Israel, it’s at 17th and 1st, not too far from here. Do you need help finding a cab?”
Richie stuttered, tears cropping up in his eyes again. “Can I not… I can’t go with him?”
“Since you’re not family, you can’t ride with him, you’ll have to meet us there. I’m sorry, kid.”
“Um. I’m. Wait, we’ve been dating for like, ten years. I’m his only family. He doesn’t have anyone else.” He was desperate, his breath coming in short gasps around his sobs.
“They won’t let us, it’s the law. I’m really sorry.”
Premise: Eighth grader Eddie Kaspbrak is devastated when he is paired up with Richie Tozier for the annual science fair partners project, convinced Richie is by far the most annoying person he knows. However, the more time Eddie finds himself spending with Richie, he’s not quite sure if it’s hatred slowly accumulating inside of him, or a dreaded infatuation.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Eddie glared at his teacher. “Richie Tozier?”
“He’s a bit scatterbrained, yes, but he’s a bright young man. I’m sure you’ll come up with something great,” she smiled back cheerily.
“I can’t do my science fair project with Richie!” Eddie argued. “He’ll puke all over it or accidentally sit on it or something!”
“Calm your tits, Eds,” Richie rolled his eyes behind him. “I’m sure we’ll make a great baking soda volcano.”
“You’re not allowed to do baking soda volcanoes anymore, Mr. Tozier. You’re in the eighth grade,” their teacher sighed. “But yes, I’m sure you will come up with something great in the next two months.”
It was obligatory for eighth graders to enter in the school science fair for a semester grade, and even more dreadfully required that they work alongside a randomly designated partner. Eddie trudged back to his desk, unsatisfied as ever with his newly assigned science fair partner. It was complete bullshit that they didn’t get to choose their own partners, but the teacher reasoned that it gave them an opportunity to learn to collaborate with different minded people and to get to know a fellow classmate better.
However, Eddie would argue that he knew Richie plenty. Sure, they were friends, but he would have never been Eddie’s first pick for anything academically related. He would have leapt at the opportunity to spend the two months constructing a Rube Goldberg with Bill or analyzing waves of electricity with Stan. He would’ve even spent grueling hours observing the psychological effects of contagious yawning with Bev instead of being paired up with the Trashmouth. Sure, Richie got decent grades, but he wasn’t amazingly academically gifted either. He was a cheater, and a procrastinator, and not at all the type of person to pick up his slack in group projects. Eddie might as well have been on his own.
“So I think we can both agree I’ll probably be doing a good chunk, if not all of the work on this,” Eddie narrowed his eyes at Richie as they migrated to their next class.
“Don’t get so grumpy, Eddie Spaghetti,” Richie insisted. “I’d be more than happy to put the poster board together or give the presentation.”
“Yeah but you don’t want to do any actual work,” Eddie pointed out. “I bet you don’t even have an idea yet.”
“Sure I do,” Richie counteracted.
“Like what?” the smaller boy eyed, doubtful.
“I told you, baking soda volcano. Just cause my idea wasn’t allowed doesn’t mean I didn’t have one,” he shrugged.
“You’re impossible,” Eddie groaned.
“Come over to my house afterschool and we’ll figure something out,” Richie reassured.
“Fine,” Eddie relented.
The entire lunch period was spent with everyone complaining about their science fair partners. Almost everyone was screwed over, except for Mike, who luckily got paired up with Stan. Poor Bill was paired up with someone he didn’t even know, and Ben was with a kid who pretty much got straight F’s. Beverly was with a jock who obviously wouldn’t lift a finger, and Eddie was with, well, Richie.
“It’s not going to be nearly as bad as you think it is,” Richie kept insisting, sipping on an apple juice box. “You’re gonna thank me when you get an A on this.”
“Oh yeah,” Eddie rolled his eyes. “Hell, we might even win the whole fair, right?”
“Eddie,” Bev put a hand on his shoulder. “Come on, don’t get so hung up on it. At least it’s someone you know!”
“Someone I wish I didn’t know,” Eddie grumbled.
After a quick stop at his place to tell his mother where he would be, Eddie walked over to Richie’s house, feeling anxious as ever. Not only was Richie a shitty partner for school projects, but he was just a shitty person to be around in general. He constantly called Eddie annoying nicknames, poked fun at him whenever the opportunity, cursed like a sailor, and had absolutely no understanding of personal space or inside voices. Out of everyone in the friend group, hands down, Richie Tozier annoyed the shit out of Eddie the most.
“Ah! I knew you’d show up,” the obnoxiously loud boy grinned a toothy smile when he opened the door, face to face with Kaspbrak.
“When’s the last time you cleaned your room?” Eddie completely ignored his greeting, face crinkling up at the wretched smell of body odor. He carefully maneuvered his way through the scattered dirty laundry and several piles of comic books littering the floor of Richie’s bedroom. Pink Floyd was playing through a boombox on the nightstand and an array of chips and soda cans lined the shelves. Eddie hadn’t been in Richie’s room since the last time Richie hosted the friend group sleepover, which must’ve been months ago. Usually they all went to Bill’s place, or even Stan’s on occasion.
“I only clean my room if my mom makes me,” Richie replied. “I have a right to fill my space with my own shit.”
“Yeah and you should have a right to be able to see your own carpeting too,” Eddie quipped, trying to find another place to step as he made his way to the bed for a seat.
“Whatever, Spaghetti,” Richie ignored his complaints. He turned down the volume on the boombox before handing Eddie a piece of paper, messy handwriting displaying a list of science fair ideas.
“What’s this?”
“A bunch of ideas we can use.”
“They’re all stupid.”
“Yeah cause they’ve all been done before,” Richie explained, rolling his eyes. “I asked a couple people what their older siblings did.”
“We can’t just steal someone else’s idea!” Eddie groaned. “The teacher’s definitely going to know.”
“We can say we came up with it ourselves and it’s just a coincidence,” Richie offered.
“I’m not copying someone else,” Eddie sighed. “That’s ridiculous.”
“Okay well then what big grand wonderful idea did you come up with?” Richie challenged.
Eddie’s face crinkled up, trying to think of something for a second, and Richie was about to smirk proudly at his defeat before Eddie finally settled on something. “Remember how we learned about the density of a solution a couple units ago?” the smaller boy began and Richie groaned.
“Oh god, you mean to tell me you’re actually taking this thing seriously?”
“It’s for a grade, Richie!”
“Doesn’t mean you have to be the next Galileo.”
“Shut up, asshole,” Eddie snapped. “Look, there’s this experiment where you can measure the buoyancy of an egg depending on the density of the water in a glass. If we add salt then the egg will float more because the density will change-”
“You want to float eggs,” Richie narrowed his eyes. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a more boring idea than that.”
“Look,” Eddie huffed. “I can do the thing by myself if you want, but don’t count on me giving you an ounce of credit.”
“No, look I want to help,” Richie insisted, being semi-serious this time, jokes aside. “I just, I don’t know. I’m not really good at the science stuff, okay, Eds? Just…” He sighed, looking half helpless and half disappointed. “If you tell me what to do, then I can do it. I can get materials or write things down or-”
“You’re broke and your handwriting looks like chicken shit,” Eddie joked. “But yeah, I can find some stuff for you to do.”
“Thanks,” Richie smiled, relieved. “Uh, so this egg thing? What’s your hypothesis?”
Eddie didn’t know if Richie was just sick of arguing or finally realized how much a good grade could help his report card, but he was thankful he was finally on board. The two spent the rest of the evening writing up a procedure and discussing the different variables to the experiment, Richie paying attention and trying his best to understand the mechanics of the entire operation.
They didn’t know when, but both began to slowly feel tired, dreary eyelids and occasional yawns, to the point where Richie started to rest his head on Eddie’s shoulder as he wrote, eyes fixated on how his fingers wrapped around the pencil, watching the graphite create letters into words on the notebook paper. His eyelids began to get heavy, closing, and Eddie began to write slower and slower, his own eyes fluttering shut. Somehow, Richie slid down onto Eddie’s lap, to where the two boys had dozed off. “Richie?” there was a knock on the door that jolted them both awake, both of them checking their surroundings, startled and surprised. Richie awkwardly clambered himself up off of Eddie, the two turning bright red with embarrassment. “Richie? It’s time for dinner.”
“Uh-” Richie fumbled for words to respond with. “A-alright. Eddie’s with me, can he stay for dinner?”
“If he phones his mother and she says it’s okay,” Mrs. Tozier responded.
“Oh shit,” Eddie’s face fell simply at the thought. “I told my mom I would only be gone an hour or two I’m such an idiot-” He felt his chest tighten, anxiety rush to his head, eyes start to get blurry.
“Woah, woah, hold on there Eds, take a breath,” Richie comforted. “You’ll be okay, just tell her you lost track of time.”
“I-I don’t know she might be really mad,” Eddie still felt flustered, starting to reach for his inhaler, glancing at Richie, hesitant.
“It’s alright,” Richie insisted. “You’re okay. I’ll tell my mom. Maybe we can catch up tomorrow or something?”
“Okay… Yeah,” Eddie nodded, strangely feeling his anxiety slowly start to fade. Richie was right. Everything would be fine. They had time. His mom would hopefully understand. He felt his hand fall from his pocket, changing his mind on using the inhaler. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Richie.”
The next day at school, Eddie tried to focus, but his mind kept tormenting him about how the hell he ended up dozing off in Richie Tozier’s bed. He was sure they must’ve both been exhausted from school work and focusing too much on the project, but at the same time, he was insistent on the fact that something must’ve possessed him. Never in his life would he have ever found himself fall peacefully to sleep with Richie fucking Tozier laying on top of him, in his smelly messy room much less. But deep down, the part that Eddie wanted to disregard the most, was that he liked it. Eddie had never really been that close to anyone before, well, alone. Sometimes their friends would lean their heads on each others’ shoulders or all collapse onto a bed or sofa in one huge dog pile hug, but never for that long, and never for…
“You okay, Eddie?” Stan nudged him in the arm. “You look a little lost for someone who’s been going to this school for half a year now.”
“Yeah I’m fine,” Eddie blinked himself out of his daydream, gravitating him and his lunch tray towards the table where the rest sat.
“Hey losers!” Richie loudly greeted, slapping his lunch tray down onto the table, fries falling off the sides.
“Jesus Richie, do you have a mute button or something?” Stan glared at him. “I’m sure the whole cafeteria can hear you.”
“Y-y-yeah R-Richie,” Bill narrowed his eyes. “It’s l-like there’s a m-m-megaphone attached to your m-mouth.”
“You’re all just jealous you’re not nearly as amusing and entertaining as I am,” Richie teased and Bev laughed.
“More like boisterous, explicit, and obnoxious,” she corrected to his dismay.
“He’s called Trashmouth for a reason,” Stan reminded.
“Anyways, how are all of your science projects going?” Ben wondered.
“Stan and I haven’t started yet, but I’m sure we’ll come up with an idea soon,” Mike gave a smile to Stan, who nodded.
“Probably something regarding physics,” he added.
“How about you and Richie?” Bev prodded Eddie. “I heard you were going over to work on it last night?”
“We’re floating eggs,” Richie announced. Eddie looked at him, ready for a dumb joke or an inappropriate punchline that mocked the idea, but nothing followed. He was almost surprised.
“The density and buoyancy experiment,” Stan recognized. “Nice.”
The curly haired boy turned towards Eddie, nudging the frame of his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “We can work on it again today afterschool if you’d like,” Richie offered. “Or uh, if you had something else going on that’s totally cool-”
“No I’m down,” Eddie replied. He let out a small laugh. “I’m actually surprised how invested you are in the project. Thought maybe you’d ditch to go do something else.”
“Oh shit, you’re right, I totally forgot I have plans tonight,” Richie apologized. “Now I remember. I was actually going over to your place.”
“My place?” Eddie raised an eyebrow. “Why the hell would you come over to my place? You know how my mom is.”
“Oh believe me, I know how she is,” Richie grinned. “Going to get to know how she is again when I come over and fuck her tonight.”
“Beep, beep Richie,” Stan groaned.
“W-we don’t want to h-h-hear about you fucking Eddie’s m-m-mom,” Bill shook his head. “N-not when I’m e-e-eating anyways.”
“Come on,” Richie pleaded. “You know Mrs. K loves me. Me and my giant-”
The bell rang as if perfect timing and all of them shook their heads despite holding back chuckles. “I’ll see you after school Richie,” Eddie sighed, using a bit more emphasis in his following statement. “At your place. Not mine.”
That evening Eddie flopped onto the end of Richie’s bed, shoving his backpack off his shoulder and onto to the ground, sighing in exhaustion before looking up at a pondering Richie. “Hey, sorry I fell asleep on you yesterday, I was really tired,” he apologized, looking away towards the window. “I didn’t want to mention anything at school cause I knew the others would-”
“Yeah you’re fine,” Eddie blushed, accidentally cutting him off. “I was really tired too.”
“That my friend, is why I got us these!” Richie held up two energy drinks and the hypochondriac felt his stomach flip.
“No,” Eddie shook his head, starting to fling his arms around as he spoke. “Nononono, nope, those are like, pure sugar and caffeine. Those can kill you, they’ll give you heart attacks, did you know that there was a study on the effect of energy drinks on the youth and they-”
“Would you stop listening to everything your mother says and just drink it?” Richie groaned. “It’ll keep you awake, it’s like coffee.”
“Pshhh t-that is nothing like coffee,” Eddie sputtered. “That’ll give you a seizure with just one sip, it’ll probably-”
“Suit yourself,” Richie rolled his eyes as he cut him off once again. “I drink them all the time.”
“You’re not even old enough to have those your heart’s gonna-”
“Can you just shut up about health for once and do something fun? Like a normal kid? You know?”
Eddie pressed his lips together, almost angry. “What? Ride my bike recklessly and scratch up my knees and eat so much sugar I start seeing stars?”
“That’s not what I’m saying,” Richie sighed. “I’m just saying you don’t do anything fun.”
“I don’t do anything fun?” Eddie scoffed. “I jumped off the rock quarry with you and-”
“Exactly,” Richie pointed out. “We all jumped off the rock quarry. It doesn’t make you special.”
“Fine,” Eddie huffed, reaching out for an energy drink. “I can be fun.”
“Sureee…” Richie drew out, nodding slowly, eyes fixated on the smaller boy struggling to pop open the lid of the can. “Sure you aren’t going to regret that? You know? You’re going to have your heart beat its way out of your ribcage or whatever?”
“We’ll find out,” Eddie challenged. “If I collapse onto the floor with foam spilling out my mouth I blame you.”
“By all means, be my guest. It would be an honor to kill you,” Richie replied sarcastically, watching as Eddie took a sip. “Mark my words, Spaghetti, nothing is gonna happen.”
“Uh huh,” Eddie narrowed his eyes and cringed at the taste, lips puckering up and nose crinkling. “That tastes miserable.”
“It’s taurine. That’s nothing Eds,” Richie laughed, taking a swig of his own. “You should taste whiskey.”
“God no,” Eddie shook his head. “That shit’s poison.”
“Stealing sips from my mom’s cabinet hasn’t killed me yet,” Richie smirked and Eddie groaned.
“Whatever, let’s get back to this science experiment.”
“Alright, what are we going to do today? I told my mom to get some eggs.”
“Really?”
“Well yeah, that’s what the whole thing’s about, isn’t it?”
“Then maybe we can actually start tests today. You’ve got salt, don’t you?”
The two boys cleared off a table and gathered some of the equipment, cups and salt and the eggs from the fridge, Eddie seemingly more jittery by the second. Richie seemed strangely excited for something school related, offering to help out and write down measurements and observations in the notebook, Eddie instructing him on how everything would go down. But minute by minute, Eddie felt his heartbeat picking up, eyes darting around the room, fingers a bit tingly. He pretended to ignore it, trying not to look like a total pussy in front of his thrill seeking, constantly daring, show off of a friend, but he felt it. Whatever sugar and caffeine concoction Richie had given him, it was definitely coursing through his bloodstream at full speed, and he could feel it.
“Ready to drop them in?” Richie asked.
“Huh?” Eddie tried to concentrate, looking at the mess of curly hair, smudged lenses, brown eyes, and chapped lips in front of him that was Richie Tozier. “Oh yeah, yeah go for it.”
“Really, Eds?” Richie almost laughed. “You want the clumsiest of the two of us to be handling the eggs? Nah, I think I’m gonna leave that up to you.”
“I don’t know, Richie,” he began to fumble with the buttons on his pastel colored polo, getting nervous. “I feel kinda jittery, I don’t want to fuck it up.”
“It’s an experiment,” Richie reminded. “If something goes wrong we just do it again, remember? Like, three trials or something?”
“Y-yeah, yeah,” Eddie shook his head. “Alright.”
He carefully picked up an egg, heart racing with nervousness as Richie’s eyes were practically glued on him. It made his hands clammy and sweaty, so he took a deep breath, trying his best not to drop it. “Don’t break it, dumbass,” Richie whispered and Eddie whipped around, flustered.
“You aren’t helping!” he snapped, holding the egg carefully with both hands, glaring at his partner. “Would you stop with the stupid comments?”
“I just don’t want you to drop it.”
“Well duh, I know that, you don’t have to say it, blabbermouth.”
“Okay, sassypants.”
“And could you quit staring at me too? I feel like you’re a goldfish or something, eyes practically bulging out of your face.”
“You wanna see my eyes bulge out of my face, huh Eds?” Richie widened his eyes almost creepily and Eddie pretended to gag disgustedly, turning his back and focusing on the cups of salt water.
“Just shut your face, won’t you? I’m trying to get something done,” Eddie retorted.
“All I’m saying is you better be careful before Humpty Dumpty takes a big fall,” Richie snorted and Eddie huffed, plopping the egg in the water before turning around. “See? Humpty Dumpty’s all well and fine, going for a little swim-”
“We are not naming the eggs,” he snapped.
“Of course we are,” Richie rolled his eyes. “The one in the regular water is Humpty Dumpty but the one in the salt water can be you.”
“Why the hell would the egg in the salt water be named after me?”
“Cause you’re pretty salty yourself.”
“Would you please just shut the fuck up for once?”
“Nah, then I wouldn’t get to mess with you!” Richie chuckled, tousling Eddie’s hair into a mess, making him swat Richie’s hand away.
“God, you’re so fucking annoying,” Eddie grumbled under his breath.
“Am I? Am I really, Eds?” Richie got all up in his face, making him twice as irritated. “Cause you’re pretty fucking adorable when you’re all riled up.”
“Adorable, huh?” he narrowed his eyes, pressing his lips together, bitterly glaring at those dark brown eyes behind the crooked glasses. “Why the fuck would I be adorable?”
“Your little face scrunches up and your cheeks get super red and rosy and your voice gets really squeaky, you pretend to be all mad and scary but you’re just a little itty bitty Eddie Spaghetti,” Richie sighed, smiling down at him only to Eddie’s disgust. “I could never be scared of you.” He reached to pinch his cheeks and Eddie swatted his hand away again, grumbling. “See? Cute, cute, cute.”
“Stop messing with me, Richie,” Eddie tried to bat away his grabby hands, face rising to a blush. He couldn’t possibly be cute. He was annoyed, and mad, and frustrated, he imagined he probably looked like something like Heat Miser from A Year Without Santa Claus. Then again, as he tuned out Richie singing some stupid sappy song about spaghetti, he thought to himself that he couldn’t ever remember anyone else calling him cute. Except maybe Beverly jokingly, after the time he tried on one of her ugly Christmas sweaters for a party. “I’m not cute, I’m just small and easy to pick on.”
“Nah, see, that’s what makes you so cute, Eds,” Richie insisted. “Always fighting me and threatening to fight me.” He sighed and flopped himself over on the couch. “Goddamn sexy.”
“That’s what constitutes someone as attractive nowadays?” Eddie raised an eyebrow suspiciously, walking away from the table with the egg experiment and towards Richie on the couch, peering over the arm to look at him. “Bowers threatens to kick your ass everyday, I don’t see you calling him adorable.”
“Pshhhhh,” Richie rolled his eyes. “Not what I meant, dummy.”
“Literally how is your reasoning any different?”
“You’re you, dumbass. Bowers? He’s like- he’s like if Oscar the Grouch had sex with that girl from the Exorcist.”
Eddie had to stifle a laugh himself, shaking his head. “You make no sense sometimes, you know that?”
“I think I make perfectly fine sense to myself,” Richie shrugged, looking up at Eddie from the sofa, making him feel some weird type of way.
The smaller boy stared down at him, studying the way his messy curls fell in front of his face, how his thick glasses made his eyes seem bigger than they really were, how his lips rested in an unamused pout whenever he wasn’t blabbering on about something senseless. “I’d almost think you were cute too if you weren’t such a goddamn idiot,” Eddie almost wanted to say aloud, but kept himself quiet for the sake of his own dignity. If Richie ever caught wind of Eddie thinking he was cute, he’d never let the boy live it down. “Whatever,” Eddie muttered instead, stepping away from the couch and turning back to work on the science project, still jittery and shaky from all the caffeine.
Eddie’s mother urged him to stay home and not to stress too much about the science project, so the next week Eddie didn’t go home with Richie afterschool. Instead, he started organizing their data and writing out the conclusions on his own, occasionally showing Richie in their science class. But he missed spending time with him, as annoying as he could be. It was nice to be able to spend time with someone, to work on something together, or maybe just simply to be together. Unless Eddie was with the losers, Eddie wasn’t doing much of anything at all. His mother didn’t usually let him go out, but at the same time, where else would he go? Occasionally he would visit Bill’s house and build race car tracks for their Hot Wheels or make flashcards at study table with Stan, but that was about it.
“Would you ever want to, I dunno, just hang out maybe?” Eddie swallowed nervously as he stood by Richie’s locker afterschool, throat constricting with every word. He slipped his hand into his fanny pack, running his fingers over his inhaler, ready to take a puff the moment Richie spurted out some stupid joke.
“Sure,” Richie shrugged to Eddie’s surprise, making him raise an eyebrow, fingers falling to his side.
“Wait really?” Eddie double checked.
“Well yeah,” Richie closed his locker, turning around to face him. “All this science stuff is pretty lame, I’d much rather watch a movie or read comics.”
“But with me?” Eddie still felt hesitant.
“You’re not half as boring as you think you are, Eds,” the taller boy reassured, poking him in the cheek to his disapproval. “Of course. Did you mean like today or?”
“It’s Friday so my mom assumed I’d be out with you guys but nobody said anything at lunch today so…”
“So you want to go on a date with me.”
“Wh-what?!?! No. No, not at all I never said-”
“I’m just messing with you, dummy. Of course we can hang out.”
“You’re making me think twice about it.”
“Oh shut up, Spaghetti. C’mon. We can watch movies and eat all the junk food Mrs. K deprives you of, really fatten you up,” Richie slugged him on the shoulder. “We can watch The Lost Boys. You haven’t seen that one yet, right?”
“Yeah cause it’s rated R! My mom won’t let me watch that,” Eddie insisted.
“Well your mommy isn’t coming tonight, is she?” he teased. “Hey, I think you’d like it. It’s got vampires.”
“Whatever, I’m in.”
The two boys sat on the sofa in front of the television, movie credits rolling on the screen, a bowl of popcorn, a bag of potato chips, and various candies scattered between them, soda cans on the carpet and the lights turned off because Richie had sworn it would make the movie ten times cooler or something like that. Eddie didn’t know if it was cause it was late, or the lights were off and he was nervous, or if he was just plain stupid, but he couldn’t help but hyperanalyze every single instance in which he interacted with Richie that night. The time their fingers brushed against each other when they both reached for popcorn in the bowl. Or when something funny would happen in the movie and Richie always seemed to glance at him just to see a reaction. It was like Eddie was so stupidly obsessed with everything Richie did, and he couldn’t tell if it was cause he hated him so much or maybe, maybe if he secretly was dying to know everything about him. He couldn’t tell why though. Richie had always annoyed him for the longest time, but it was usually due to him being the easiest to pick on in the group, right? He wouldn’t give him all the attention of pestering and flirting and irritating unless Eddie was just the easiest to get a ruse out of…
“Hey Eds,” Richie turned off the television and looked at his friend. “How come you never talk about girls?”
“Huh?” caught off guard by the question, Eddie seemed confused.
“You never talk about girls. Ben’s always writing cheesy ass poetry and Bill’s usually giving Bev these stupid heart eyes, I don’t know. It just seems strange you haven’t said anything about anyone by now. Don’t you have your eye on somebody?”
“Don’t you?” he snorted.
“I’ve got two eyes, my beloved Eddie Spaghetti, and both of them are on you.”
“Boy am I flattered.”
“No really, you’re adorable.”
“Uh huh. C’mon, spill it, Richie. We all know you’re probably head over heels for some chick at school since it seems like you can’t talk about anything but boners and getting blowed half of the time we’re at lunch.”
“You already know I’ve got a lady.”
“Exactly. But why don’t you tell anyone who it is?”
“Last I checked, I tell everyone who she is, especially you. Don’t you know? Me and your mom have been going steady for at least a year now-”
“Jesus Christ Richie, I can’t believe I fucking fell for that.”
“I knew it would work. It always does. You’re so goddamn gullible.”
“Whatever. You’re stupid.”
“Nah, but you’re cute.”
“Sure I am.”
“You are, Eds. Look at your little baby face, how could anyone resist that?”
“You’re so annoying sometimes.”
“Oh I know. One of my many talents.”
The two boys never spoke about having crushes after that. Eddie was pretty convinced it would just end up being counterproductive.
Monday at school, Bev seemed to be the first one at the lunch table, and when Eddie sat down, she eyed him strangely. “I heard a rumor you slept over at Richie’s on Friday. Willingly. Almost voluntarily. Without any science fair business involved.”
“So what?”
“The last time you ever voluntarily hung out with Richie despite being forced was, hold on let me check… Never,” Stan quipped, sitting down at the table after having eavesdropped on the conversation.
“Am I not allowed to hang out with one of my friends?” Eddie retorted.
“You never hang out with Richie, or call him your friend, that’s all I’m saying,” Stan pointed out. “You hate his guts.”
“Or at least you did,” Bev smirked. “I think you’re taking a liking to him. Maybe a bit too much.”
“What?” Eddie cried. “What the hell are you trying to say?”
“I’m just saying, it’s a little suspicious how much time you’ve been spending together. Science partners or not,” she shrugged.
“I do not like Richie he’s-” Eddie struggled to find an insult for the first time in his whole life. “He’s- uh, he’s gross.”
“Gross,” Stan repeated flatly, giving an unamused look. “Really? Out of all of the words in your vocabulary, you choose gross to describe the abomination that is Richie Tozier?”
Eddie shot him a glare as Richie approached the table, never failing to announce his presence with a godawful greeting. “What’s up, fuckers?”
Days passed by before Eddie found himself at Richie’s house once again, the two of them running a second trial of the egg experiment, writing down notes and arguing about specifications. “I just think that maybe we could expound upon the experiment if we maybe decided to try it with different eggs,” Richie persisted. “Like brown eggs.”
“How is that even relevant to what we’re doing?” Eddie sputtered, trying to ignore the fact that Richie was wearing a new Hawaiian shirt today. He usually wore his pink or white one, but today he was sporting a tacky blue one. Eddie only ever noticed because, well, as much as he hated to admit it, he was always around Richie at this point. He wasn’t sure if the realization was something to be proud of, but he had accepted it.
“Maybe the color of the egg has something to do with its buoyancy, I don’t know,” Richie shrugged and Eddie narrowed his eyes.
“Seriously?” he scoffed, almost embarrassed that Richie was that stupid.
“I d-don’t k-know I was just s-suggesting,” Richie’s stuttering stumbled off into an unintelligible mumble.
“Okay B-B-B-Bill,” Eddie teased and Richie looked towards the floor, face red. The smaller boy glanced at him, confused. “Oh god Richie, I’m sorry I didn’t-” Eddie’s face fell. “I didn’t mean to hurt you I was just teasing.”
“I know,” Richie forced a smile, trying to shrug it off.
“I just…” Eddie frowned, scratching the back of his head, looking at Richie apologetically. “I didn’t know this project really meant that much to you.”
“I mean, not really,” Richie admitted. “But I know it means a lot to you, especially the grade, so I’m trying at least.” He swallowed awkwardly, putting on a strained grin. “Doesn’t that count for something?”
“Thanks, Rich. It means a lot. You trying. For me.”
“Of course, Eds.”
“You’re a good friend, Richie.”
The messy haired boy seemed to wince at the words, becoming even more uncomfortable and awkward than before. “Y-yeah. Thanks.” Richie looked away, nudging his glasses up his nose, then clearing his throat, nodding vigorously. “We should get back to work.”
Eddie rode his bike home that day wondering why Richie acted so weird. They had always poked fun at each other and hadn’t thought anything of it. Much less, Richie used the classic B-B-Bill insult almost anytime anyone stuttered, Eddie thought he’d be the very last person to get offended by it. The small boy chewed on his lower lip anxiously, pondering over the way Richie had shrunk up at his words, looking embarrassed and humiliated, almost scared to say anything at all. Which was particularly strange for someone infamously known as motherfucking “Trashmouth.” Eddie let out an exasperated sigh and pedaled into his driveway, his mother instantly wondering what was wrong when he had entered through the door.
“Eddiebear, what’s the matter, sweetie pie?” she fussed, waving him to come over to her recliner seat, television roaring with a laugh track of an overplayed sitcom.
“Just stressed about the science fair project,” he mumbled, giving her a kiss on the cheek. “Richie’s been a little hard to talk to lately.”
“I don’t care much for that Mr. Tozier and this science fair business, it seems like you’ve been losing sleep about it. Why don’t you stay home for a week? You can’t stress too much Eddiebear, you know stress can lead to-”
“Cardiovascular disease, high blood pressure, mental health decline, strokes, abnormal heart rhythms, yeah yeah I know mommy,” Eddie reassured, furrowing his brows deep in thought. “Maybe you’re right. I’ll take a bit of a rest. We’ve gotten pretty far anyways, all we really need to do is make the poster and give the presentation.”
“See baby? Exactly! That’s my baby boy,” she beamed. “Now why don’t you go wash up real good and then we’ll eat supper, hmm?”
“Okay,” Eddie smiled slightly. Perhaps he was right, he was overthinking all of this. It was best to take a step back and breathe, forget about it, then come back to it later. It was good for him and his health.
Richie, on the other hand, didn’t seem too thrilled with the idea. Especially the next morning at school, when Eddie seemed to have delivered the news a little too pressingly. “Seriously, Eds?” Richie slammed his locker door shut a tad more aggressively than he was meaning to, cringing at the way Eddie flinched at the loud sound. “Sorry.”
“Yeah Richie,” Eddie seemed even more irritated now. “My mom says she doesn’t want me over at your place for the next week or so. It’s stressing me out too much.”
“But that’s just your mom, Eds, you know how she gets,” Richie let out a nervous laugh, scratching the back of his head, looking at Eddie for some sort of agreement, but there was none to follow. “She practically has an aneurysm every time you leave the house.” Eddie stared at Richie strangely, unamused. The messy haired boy distorted his voice, becoming nasally and whiny, “Oh Eddiebear don’t go hanging around that Tozier boy, he’s got lice and maggots and fleas, god he’s as bad as a stray dog!”
“Cut it out,” Eddie muttered, annoyed. “We get it, my mom’s a stupid worry wart, I think we all know by now.”
“Sorry I didn’t mean to-” Richie began to stumble on his words again and Eddie sighed, clearly over the antics.
“Look, we still have plenty of time to figure out the science project, I don’t think it would kill us to just take a break for a week or two,” Eddie shrugged. “I don’t see what’s the big deal.”
“I’m just saying maybe you should fight back once in a while,” Richie kept nagging, trying to find some sort of excuse to get Eddie to come to his place afterschool, but the smaller boy’s lips kept pouting into an even bigger frown, his eyes reading clearly frustrated and upset.
“And get myself in trouble?” he retorted. “Yeah, that’s a great idea, doofus.”
“What’s going on? Trashmouth giving you a rough time again?” Bev walked up to the two, smirking at the discourse. “Come on guys, the bell rings in two minutes and you dumbasses are gonna be late for class.”
“Shit,” Eddie’s face paled and he ran off to his first period, leaving Richie feeling empty and even more embarrassed than before.
Kaspbrak could barely think straight in his math class, wondering why the hell Richie was so persistent on getting the project done. Richie had never been the studious type, and sure he liked to make plenty fun of his worrisome mother, but never to the point of trying to get Eddie in trouble over it. He found himself repeatedly applying hand sanitizer over his palms, rubbing it into his fingers, almost as if hoping the germ killing substance would eat away at his pestering thoughts too. God, Eddie had already hated Richie before the whole science fair partners things, but now? Now he was like a parasite to him, festering in his thoughts and daydreams, making him worry and overthink and- shit, he hated him so much. Always trying to annoy him and get inside his own head.
“I think you like Richie,” was the first thing to come out of Beverly’s mouth when Eddie sat down at the lunch table that day, the boy’s face instantly turning a bright shade of red.
“W-what are you even talking about?” he sputtered, practically dropping his lunch tray onto the table, flabbergasted at the accusation. It was just the two of them who had sat down so far, but Eddie was still caught off guard, extremely embarrassed and ashamed.
“Me and Stanley have been talking about it,” she popped a fry into her mouth, smiling sweetly. “And we think both of you got the hots for each other.”
“I most certainly do not have the- the hots,” Eddie awkwardly repeated the phrase, denying her accusations. “For Richie, or for anyone for that matter. I’m too- I’m too caught up with uh, with school. And the studies. And my mom and uh…” He seemed so flustered trying to get the words out he didn’t even really seem to know what he was saying himself.
“Don’t think I didn’t see you two flirting at the lockers this morning,” Bev prodded. “You were making him all nervous and shit.”
“I was not,” Eddie retorted. “We were fighting, actually.”
“Richie and Eddie?” Stanley sat down at the table with a stupid grin, causing Eddie to groan. “Fighting? Sounds like an old married couple to me.”
“Would you two stop?” Eddie implored, exasperated with their antics. “Look, I most definitely do not like Richie, I actually hate him as a matter of fact.”
“Duly noted,” Stan replied sarcastically. Eddie huffed, glancing at the approaching boys and suddenly pretending to become interested in his milk carton.
The rest of the lunch went by and every exchange that occurred between Richie and Eddie was excruciatingly dissected by their friends, Bev and Stan constantly glancing at Eddie, who would either quickly look away or scowl back in their direction. There was even a moment where Eddie playfully shoved Richie, and Bev nudged Eddie’s foot under the table, making him glare at her discreetly.
And to Eddie, it seemed that the rest of the week seemed to continue like that. Richie trying to pester him with some stupid excuse to work on the science fair project, making fun of his mother with poor impersonations and shitty jokes, swinging by his locker afterschool or lingering a little bit more than usual after lunch. Bev and Stan continuing with the dramatic charade, annoying as ever, with raised eyebrows, winking, stupid smirks and sly smiles, and once in a while a kissy face, which especially turned Eddie sour. He didn’t know why they had to make it such a big deal, him and Richie hanging out to work on the science project. That’s all it was… Right?
It was nearing eleven and Eddie was finishing up some English homework that evening, a lamp on his nightstand offering just enough light for him to review his vocabulary words. His mother had insisted he went to bed at nine thirty, to ensure he got all his hours of sleep, but he needed to get things done before school the next day. Wiping the sleepiness from his eyes he persisted, rereading the definition once more before he transcribed it onto a flashcard. That was, until he startled out of his grogginess, jolting up at the alarming sound of knocking. “What the hell?” he looked around when it came again, his head whipping around to stare at his bedroom window. “You’ve got to be shitting me.”
There, in the flesh, outside Eddie’s bedroom window, was Richard fucking Tozier. “Are you going to let me in Eds or just stand there and look pretty?” he grinned stupidly and Eddie, still mortified, rushed to the window, unlatching it and drawing it up.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” he hissed, staring at his friend, who seemed to be completely soaked. “Is it… raining? Richie, what the fuck?”
“Yeah, sorry I would’ve picked a better day but uh,” Richie still stood there, curly hair dripping with water, glasses covered in raindrops, clutching onto the ladder propped up against the Kaspbrak’s house. “Could you maybe let me in?”
“Fucking hell, Richie,” Eddie extended both his hands, helping Richie climb through his window, shutting it promptly before turning around to look at him. “God you were right, you’re just about as bad as a stray dog. A wet, smelly, stray dog.”
“What can I say, Eds? I’m eager, adorable, and high-maintenance.”
“You’re a pain in the ass, that’s what you are.”
“Yeah, but you love it.”
“God Richie,” Eddie pinched the bridge of his nose, beginning to get angry. “What made you think this was a good decision? In the middle of the night much less? Do you know how pissed my mom will be if she knows you’re in my bedroom right now? If she knew you got a ladder and climbed through my bedroom window? And you’re wet, you’re soaking with rainwater! God, do you know how bad that is for you? Cold temperatures weaken the immune system, you could get a cold, or the flu, or hypothermia, or an infection-”
“I’m just fine,” Richie waved a hand dismissively.
“Shit, I’m going to go get you a towel to dry off, okay? And maybe one of my sweatshirts but I don’t know what will fit you so maybe I can see if we have something else…” Eddie rambled off to himself as he exited the room in search for something dry, Richie smiling and shaking his head as he was left by the window.
“Thanks,” Richie nodded as he took a sizable towel from Eddie, tousling his hair in it.
“Why did you even come over in the first place?” Eddie asked and Richie seemed to freeze up, awkwardly clearing his throat.
“I uh, shit, you’re gonna think it’s dumb,” he gave a nervous laugh and then looked towards the ground, shaking his head.
“Please for the love of god don’t tell me you wanted to work on that god-awful science project,” Eddie looked at him, almost begging. “Because it’s nearly midnight and if I hear you try to convince me that it’s a good idea to-”
“I missed you,” Richie blurted out, turning shy. “That’s- uh, that’s why I came to visit. I guess.” There was a pause and he looked up at Eddie, hoping he would say something, but he didn’t. He just stood there and stared at Richie, not really sure what to say at all, or do for that matter. “Sorry, it’s stupid, I know, I probably should’ve thought it through.” Another awkward silence passed between them.
“You missed me?” Eddie raised an eyebrow, highly skeptical.
“Yeah. We were hanging out so much and I was kind of getting used to having you around…” Richie fumbled for an excuse but quickly realized he was only making himself look more like a fool. He sighed, beginning to realize there wasn’t really a way to explain something like this. “I like you, Eds.”
“Well, as much as I hate to admit it,” the small boy looked up at him, hesitant. “I guess I like you too, Richie.”
“No, not like…” Richie winced, hesitant to continue. “Not like friends… I think that I might like like you. More than friends.”
“Richie…”
“I know. I know, it’s stupid, I said it was stupid, I’m-”
“It’s late. You should go home.”
The two boys stared at each other, yellow light from the lamp growing dim now, silence growing ever the more awkward, rain water still dripping off of Richie’s clothes and hair pooling in a puddle to the carpeting at his feet. Eddie’s face scrunched up, clearly uncomfortable with the situation, swallowing dryly, unsure of how else to diffuse the situation as quickly as possible. He felt weird. Almost suffocating. But not in a way that he needed his inhaler. In a way that made him want to disappear.
“You can keep the towel if you want.”
“O-okay.”
Richie lifted up the window again, slowly climbing down the ladder, and Eddie just stared blankly, the strange feeling beginning to grow in his chest and stomach, making him queasy. He watched until Richie disappeared and promptly shut the window, rushing to his bed and placing his schoolwork in his book bag, going to brush his teeth and then head to bed. He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror, face red and flustered, eyes watery, hands shaky. Why did he feel this way? Was he having some sort of allergy attack or something? He swallowed once again, feeling nervous. Richie must have just startled him with the window climbing and the strange confession making. God he was so fucking weird. And annoying. And-
Eddie stopped himself. Yeah, it was weird and annoying for him to show up in the middle of the night but it meant he cared. Cared enough to tell him that he missed him. Cared enough to drag a ladder to his house all the way through the pouring rain. Cared enough to get caught by his pestering mother. Eddie felt even more flustered, rinsing off his toothbrush and heading towards his bed, chewing on his bottom lip. He couldn’t seem to get the image of Richie out of his mind, worried eyes, messy hair, clothes soaked in the rain, stumbling over his words. It was almost cute. Heroic. Charming.
No, they were just friends. That was weird. Eddie turned over in bed, closing his eyes shut tightly, trying to rid himself of any more thoughts about Richie or this nonsense. He would have to talk to Stan about it first thing in the morning. He would know what to do. Or maybe Bev. It felt like his mind had been running at a million miles per hour and had just now run out of energy. Letting out a deep exhale, he decided to go to sleep and leave this mess of a situation for future Eddie tomorrow morning.
“Hey Eddie can we talk-” Richie approaches him in the hallway at school and Eddie shoves aside his nervousness, instead mustering up the most menacing glare he can contrive.
“I don’t want to talk to you,” the small boy stared, giving his friend the cold shoulder as he walked down the hallway, determined to find Stan.
“Look, I’m sorry- I fucked things up, I fucked it up bad, but we can still be friends, we can just forget about it and-” Richie was cut off as soon as Eddie whipped around to face him, flustered and red, blood boiling in his cheeks.
“I don’t even want to look at you right now, Richie,” he fired off the words before he could even think, assuming that maybe if he spoke fast enough it would hide the waver in his voice. “You climbed through my window at fucking god knows what hour of the night just to tell me you had some stupid fucking crush on me or whatever and it’s- it’s honestly pathetic. So get lost.”
The scraggly haired boy blinked back at him through the thick frames of his glasses, dumbfounded. His breath hitched, shocked but also hurt, and he swallowed harshly, trying to deny the tears welling up in his eyes. “Well fuck you too then, Kaspbrak,” he spat through a voice barely breaking, turning on his heels and marching down the hall. Eddie’s eyes followed to where he had violently swung open the door to the boys bathroom and then flickered his gaze back to the front, set on finding Stan. Richie was being dramatic and selfish and childish with this stupid crush and it made Eddie feel ridiculous and overwhelmed. He hated it. He hated him. So much.
“Stan,” Eddie practically yanked at the Jewish boy’s arm once he got to his locker. “We need to talk.”
“What?” he turned around and smirked. “Tozier finally confess his undying love for you or something?”
“Yeah,” Eddie retorted, clearly annoyed. “And it’s making me sick.”
“W-wait what?” Stan stared, doing a double take. “He uh, he did?”
“This asshole broke into my house last night, fucking climbed through my bedroom window in the rain and then barges in telling me that he has this dumb crush-” he begins to rattle off every little detail when Stan shakes his head, begging Eddie to slow down and rewind.
“Woah, woah, woah, let me get this straight Eddie,” he held his hands out as if to steady the smaller boy. “You’re telling me that Richie Tozier told you that he liked you?”
“Y-yeah,” Eddie’s nose scrunched up. “Did you not hear literally anything I just said?”
“Fuck,” Stan’s face fell. “Do you know where he is now?”
“Why the hell should that matter?” Eddie snorted, unbothered.
“Bev? Bev!” Stan waved down his red headed best friend down the hall. “Come here! Quick!”
“Yeah, what’s up?” she asked, jogging towards him, textbooks in hand.
“You need to find Richie. Now,” Stan insisted, a sense of fear and panic in his eyes. “He uh, he did the thing. He told Eddie.”
“Shit,” Bev’s face seemed to fall just the same. “Okay, I’ll get him. Quick. You take care of Eddie. I’ll be back.” And with that she raced down the hall, Eddie growing more and more annoyed and confused by the second.
“What? You immediately side with lover-boy?” Eddie scowls.
“We need to talk,” Stan narrows his eyes, taking Eddie by the shoulder and guiding him towards the closest set of doors. “This is way more than just the stupid crush you think this is.”
“I really don’t think you’re getting the point,” Eddie kept trying to deny it but Stan shook his head, sitting him down on a bench by the playground, chewing on his lower lip.
“Eddie, shut up for a second and just listen, okay?” Stan huffed. “How long have you known Richie Tozier?”
“Since the beginning of middle school I guess,” Eddie replied, miffed. “I don’t see what that has to do with anything.”
“And how long have you and him been fighting back and forth about stupid shit like your inhaler and his dog breath and your mother and his dirty glasses?” Stan folded his arms, smug.
“Ever since we met,” Eddie sighed. “It’s like- neverending.”
“And please, do tell me, why the fuck you’ve been spending so much time around him lately,” Stan pleaded. “And for fuck’s sake don’t even start with that bullshit excuse of a science project.”
“Cause- cause uh, cause…” Eddie searched for a response but ended up pressing his lips together, thinking hard, trying to find an honest answer. Stan was right. If he truly did annoy Eddie that much he wouldn’t be voluntarily hanging out with him. He wouldn’t have been so drawn to him. Or thinking of him constantly. “Cause I think I might like him back.”
“Yeah?” Stan raised an eyebrow, half filled with sarcasm, the other half hope.
“Yeah, I think I do,” Eddie swallowed down his guilt. “And I’m probably an asshole for denying it for so fucking long, but I do. I think I like him. A lot. Despite how fucking annoying he gets sometimes.”
“Then what are you telling me for?” Stan threw his hands up in the air. “I couldn’t give a rats ass, Eddie. Tell him. He’s been dying to hear it since the sixth grade.”
“R-really?” the small boy looks up at his friend as he starts to get up off the bench and Stanley nods, genuine.
“He’s just been waiting around to see if you feel it too,” he murmured. “We all knew it was there. Me and Bev especially. We just had to wait until you came around. Both of you, really.”
“Thanks Stan,” Eddie smiled apologetically. “I owe you one. Really. I um, I’m gonna go.”
“You do that, Eddie,” he nodded, smiling back. “Please. For Richie.”
“For Richie,” he repeated, determined.
The door of the boy’s bathroom swung open just as violently as the first time, and Eddie Kaspbrak rushed in, coming to face a worried Beverly Marsh standing outside one of the stalls, leaning up against it, but freezing once she made eye contact. The gaze in her eyes was harsh, unforgiving, and threatening.
“Can I talk to him?” Eddie looked at her, guilty, hopeful, and desperate. “Please?”
They exchanged a glance, the sound of muffled sobs and sniffles echoing throughout the bathroom, and Bev hesitated for a moment before she nodded, pulling away from the stall door. “He’s in there,” she mumbled, walking past Eddie, hoping to god the two dumbasses would figure it out. “Good luck.” The door swung shut as she walked out and Eddie cautiously made his way to the stall, swallowing down his fear, heart racing in his chest.
He knocked, softly but meaningful, clearing his throat. “Hey Richie,” he gave a pained smile despite his friend’s inability to see it. “It’s me. Eddie,” he coughed, trying to gain some sort of confidence in his words. “Don’t be sorry for what you said last night. I uh, I fucked up. Not you.”
“I get it,” Richie sniffled from inside the stall. “If you don’t feel the same way… don’t feel bad, I know it’s not uh…” his voice trailed off and the smaller boy could hear his pain, the way he felt so broken, so embarrassed. “It’s not a normal sort of thing, so, I get it. If you don’t-”
“But I do,” Eddie insisted, leaning against the stall door, forehead pressed against the surface. He closed his eyes tight, daring to release the words that sat on his tongue. “I like you too, Richie. More than friends.”
“R-really?” Richie seemed scared to ask, as if with one word Eddie would change his mind and take back all he had confessed.
“Really,” Eddie insisted. “I like you Richie. And I was stupid not to tell you last night. Even more stupid to say those mean things to you this morning. I was just scared. Of you, and of myself really, and our friends, and of what others might think, what my mom-”
“None of that matters, Eds,” Richie whispered, barely audible. “Just you. You and me. Okay?”
“Okay,” Eddie nodded, feeling more certain. “Yeah. Me and you, Rich.”
“You bet, Spaghetti,” Richie laughed, one of his stupid heartfelt, genuine laughs, and Eddie felt warm, felt safe, felt calm again.
“Hey, can you open the door? I want to tell you something,” Eddie prompted, taking a step back from the stall. “I’ve been wanting to tell you for a while now.”
“Something else?” Richie wondered, and the small clinking noise of the lock was heard before he slowly creaked open the door to the bathroom stall, and stepped out, facing the smaller boy, cheeks wet with tears and a runny nose, glasses fogged up and puffy eyes.
“This,” Eddie said, going in full force before he could stop himself or get too scared to consider even doing it in the first place. He got up on his tippy toes and kissed Richie, his soft lips pressing up onto Richie’s chapped ones, quickly pulling away, face flushed red, eyes wide, waiting for some sort of response.
Richie’s eyes were huge, staring back down at the freckle faced asthmatic, stunned at the fact that his fucking childhood best friend and crush for the ages had just kissed him on the lips. “Are you serious right now, Spaghetti? Did you just-”
“Shut the fuck up, Tozier before I do it again,” his face turned beet red by now, trying to compose himself from the firework of emotions that had just exploded in his ribcage.
“Well shit, I don’t mind a threat like that,” Richie gave a sly smile, embracing Eddie in his arms, kissing him hard, hands pressing into his lower back as Eddie’s found their way to his messy hair, both of them smiling against each other’s lips. “I could get used to this.”
“Yeah?” Eddie smiled, no longer feeling afraid. “Me too.”
Overview: Richie Tozier wasn’t brave. He never had been. Not in fifth grade when he made it to third base with Jenny, not in eighth grade when they had fought IT, and definitely not now in his senior year, as he was forced to accept a secret he had kept even from himself.
A short R+E fic I wrote at three in the morning to ease my pain.
TW: Swearing, mentions of sex
“Eddie Spaghetti.”
“What, dickhead? And don’t call me that.”
Richie laughed as he pushed Eddie with his foot. He let himself fall back onto his bed from the force of the kick as Eddie’s tsks and tuts filled the space between them.
“As much as Ilove to sit in silence while you ignore me to make out with your schoolwork, I’m bored. Let’s do something.”
“Do what, bitch?” Eddie responded absentmindedly. He didn’t even bother looking up from his work. “I’ve got a lab report due next week and I’ll be damned if you make me fail it. Don’t-”
“E-d-d-i-e,” Richie annunciated.
The smaller boy drew his mouth into a thin line. In the fifteen years since they had known each other, this was one of the few times that Eddie held his tongue. He would never admit it, but the only time he ever did was if he already knew he would go along with whatever Richie proposed.
Richie had discovered that fact a few years ago. The only problem that came from knowledge that powerful was that it left Richie’s stomach in knots that he couldn’t quite explain. And that he couldn’t bring himself to fully take advantage of Eddie’s complacency.
So instead of saying, ‘Hey, my heart gets all funky when you scrunch up your nose and laugh at my jokes. I don’t really care what we do, I think I just want to make you smile forever.’ Richie proposed, “Let’s go get our dicks wet at the quarry.”
His voice came out much more confident than he felt.
“You want to go swimming in that dirty lake when we could go to Bill’s house and swim in his new pool.”
It wasn’t a question. It wasn’t a no.
“Obviously. That pool’s too tiny for my massive dong. I need room to breathe Eds!”
“You know you’re fucking disgusting.”
It still wasn’t a no.
Richie grabbed onto Eddie’s arm and pulled the best puppy eyes in the entire world. His lip quivered and he let his chest jump up in fake, strangled sobs.
“Ed, Eddie, please. Swimming!”
“Lab. Report.”
Eddie’s smile and his quick glance up to Richie’s face betrayed his reply.
“Swim. Ming.”
“Ming isn’t even a word, jackass. Fucking do your homework!”
Richie jumped from the bed with Eddie’s arm still held loosely in his grip. Eddie didn’t pull his arm back. He never did. That was another thing Richie had learned. He wiggled Eddie’s arm daintily, letting his grip loosen until Richie’s hand had moved to hold Eddie’s wrist.
Eddie was small. It was one of his most defining features. Right alongside being Too Fucking Cute and Really Fucking Annoying. Both in the best possible ways. But it was moments like these when Richie was forced to realize just how small Eddie actually was. With his fingers touching because his hands completely covered Eddie’s thin wrist. Eddie’s small smile tugged up to his small eyes, scrunched into a small scowl as he pretended not to want to agree with Richie’s request.
Eddie’s reply almost lost itself on its way to Richie’s ears.
“Hey, did you hear me? Or do I have to change my mind?”
Richie shook his head and dropped Eddie’s wrist. He moved his hand to his chest and bowed towards the door, drawing a sarcastic laugh from Eddie. Even that was enough.
They both took the steps two at a time, calling out to whoever would listen as they ran.
“Hey, going out for a bit, be back later. Don’t wait up and we’re taking our bikes! See ya!”
It wasn’t like anyone would have tried to stop them. Richie liked to think that his parents were just cool like that. And hey, maybe they really were.
Laughter filled the early fall air as the door snapped shut. Eddie, as reluctant as he was minutes ago, sprinted ahead of Richie and jumped onto his bike. He peddled across the sidewalk a few feet ahead by the time Richie made it to his bike.
If it was a race he wanted, by god, he’d get one.
The only problem with racing, they both already knew, was that they each knew every shortcut. They knew where the crowds were, where the path turned bumpy, where there was only enough room for one bike at a time. And if you made it to that part of the trail first, well, you pretty much won. But that never stopped them from trying.
By the time Eddie’s tires threw the dry earth into the air as he screeched to a stop, Richie had already leaned his bike against their tree. Yes, their tree. The winning tree.
Eddie’s bike fell into the dirt and he threw his hands into the air in defeat. His fingers spread to the heavens as his eyes rolled back in his skull. He opened his mouth as wide as it would go and shouted, “Un-be-lievable!”
He stomped forwards, letting his words get lost in Richie’s laughter.
“You almost killed that old woman! You know she probably dropped her groceries, might have even broken her hip. If she was a witch and she cursed me I’m taking you down with me.”
“Edward Sphaghettward, I curse he and thee-” Richie started.
He knew Eddie wasn’t actually mad, no matter how hard he tried to hide his smile. Even though Eddie wasn’t actually mad, he still grabbed onto Richie’s shirt and narrowed his eyes, backing them both to the cliff’s edge.
Richie didn’t exactly try and stop the advance, though. He walked backwards as effortlessly as Eddie pressed forwards. It wasn’t until they stilled a few steps from the edge that Richie realized he hadn’t finished his joke. He had started to notice that happening a lot recently. No matter how often Eddie stole the words from his mouth, Richie still found himself surprised by it.
He found himself wondering what it meant, too. What it meant for his loudmouth self to fall speechless. But that was always something he thought of later. Never in the moment. In the moment he thought about other things. Like now, for instance. With Eddie’s ‘angry’ expression staring up at him, inches from his face, as he gripped Richie’s shirt in his fist. Richie’s mind thought a lot of things.
Currently, his main thought was, ‘What would it be like if I hit my forehead against Eddie’s right now?’ Well, not hit, necessarily. If he just clunked his forehead against Eddie’s and let it rest there as they stared into each other’s eyes, what would it be like? He swallowed hard.
Richie opened his mouth again to try and cover the blush he thought he felt in his cheeks. He couldn’t believe his stupid brain still thought it felt embarrassed around Eddie. He’d never been embarrassed around Eddie in his life. So why-
“Shut up,” Eddie interrupted before Richie could even make a sound. “I hate you.”
Richie blinked. A smile spread across his face, but he wasn’t completely sure why.
“I hate you. I’m jumping.”
Eddie let go of his shirt, took two giant steps, and lept from the cliff.
Richie swore as he moved past him that Eddie’s face was covered in blush too, but it had all happened so fast that he wasn’t quite sure. Besides, he had been lost in his own head. He had blushed. He could have just imagined it on Eddie too.
What would that mean if he hadn’t imagined it?
Richie plunged down after Eddie. The water stung as he crashed into the pool but the feeling in his chest from the drop was enough to even out the pain.
“My dick feels so free!” he yelled as his head broke the surface.
Almost instantly, his mouth filled with water as Eddie splashed him for his comment. They both laughed, though. It couldn’t have been too bad.
Richie lunged forwards and caught Eddie’s shoulders, leaning his hair back into the water. It had already been soaked from the jump, but Eddie still pretended to be offended.
Time lost meaning as they swam. Neither noticed that their hands had turned to prunes or that their stomachs had shriveled to nothing or that the sun had started to caress the tips of the trees. They were too busy laughing. Too busy living.
Richie wasn’t sure how he managed to do it, but Eddie ended up on his shoulders at some point. No one else was there to play chicken with them. Eddie’s free ride was some sort of silent agreement neither of them were aware of making. But neither one complained.
In the end, Eddie was the first to point out the sun. The water had turned an even darker shade than normal as shadows crept over them. Richie had known for a while that they should have left—he was sure Eddie had known too—but he didn’t want to be the one to end their fun. Eddie could be the party pooper.
Reluctantly, they both pulled themselves out of the water and dripped their way back up the cliff.
“I can’t believe you didn’t bring any towels,” Eddie huffed.
“You could have grabbed some too, ya know. I’m not the only one with hands!”
“Yeah, but it’s your house. Andit was youridea to swim and sabotage my entire future by skipping on my lab report.”
“Fine.” Richie stopped in the middle of the trail and hung his head, forcing Eddie to turn with a reluctant smile and watch Richie’s performance. “Eds, I hereby humbly apologize for ruining your whole future forever by forcingyou to come on this epic day of fun instead of finishing your boring lab report a week and a half before it’s even due.”
“Come on, drama queen,” Eddie laughed. “If we hurry, I might be able to sleep over. I just need enough time to tell my Mom first.”
Richie’s insides flipped at the mention of Eddie’s mother. Or maybe it was from him offering to sleep over at his house.
“Oh, no need to tell your mom. She can come too. My bed might be able to hold us both. You can take the rug, of course.”
Eddie deliberately doubled back just to smack Richie on the back of his head.
They walked a bit more in silence. Richie found himself lost in his head again, thinking about the feeling of Eddie’s hand against his head. Thinking about what it might feel like if Eddie let his hand linger a moment. Thinking-
“Where’s your head at? You’ve been quiet for like, five whole minutes. That’s got to be some kind of record.”
Eddie’s voice snapped Richie out of his haze but left him somewhere worse. What exactly was he supposed to say? ‘I was thinking about your hand in my hand, Spagheds.’ Fuck no. That’s… weird. Eddie would definitely think so.
Richie never got to think of a reply before Eddie cut in again.
“What are you thinking about right now? I swear to god if you hesitate a second before you answer I’m throwing your bike in the water.”
“My massive dick,” Richie answered in a flash.
It was an obvious lie, that much was clear to both of them, but Richie would be damned if he lost his bike. No bike meant no riding with Eddie. Between school, their parents, the other Losers, and every other damn obstacle in their god-forsaken town, Richie wasn’t about to voluntarily let anything else take time away from his best friend.
“Then I’m thinking about motherfucking Ben,” Eddie snapped in response.
It was too dark to see Eddie’s face, but Richie didn’t need to see him to tell that he was pissed.
“Was- er, wereyou thinking about Ben?”
“Obviously fucking not, Rich.”
The sound of crunching leaves filled the now heavy silence between them. It was so sudden. So stupid. But of course, Richie’s stupid mouth fell quiet again at the worse fucking time. Always around Eddie. Always when he never wanted to stop talking.
“Hey,” Richie heard himself say.
He’d thought it—he’d thought out an entire conversation, actually—but he never planned on following through with actually saying anything. It was too late to turn back now, though. Neither of them stopped walking, but Eddie turned his head questioningly, expecting Richie to continue.
“I’m, uh, sorry if I did something. Or said something. And I’m not being weird, or, I’m not trying to, but- are you angry with me? And not like, playful angry, but actually snappy and pissed. I know this is stupid girly shit and it’s so weird that I’m even bringing this up because it seems like it happened so suddenly and maybe I’m reading too much into it but I don’t want you to be angry with me and we’re almost up the hill and then we’ll be on our bikes and if we’re riding we can’t talk and-”
Eddie’s sigh calmed the fear beating against Richie’s chest. “Fucking breathe, jesus christ.”
He did. It was deep and ragged and completely out of character. He drew in a breath and let it out as he fell silent again. He wasn’t a sap. That was Ben’s shtick. Bill too. But not him. He hated the way this felt in his head and his heart and his pulse.
They rounded the corner to the top of the cliff in silence. The silence held as they grabbed onto their bikes. He knew he shouldn’t have said anything. Richie swung his legs over his seat and turned to look at Eddie. It was a good thing he did.
Eds hadn’t gotten on his bike yet. Instead, he held it in a death grip as he stared at the ground. They were high enough now that the last of the sun’s rays danced across Eddie’s face, highlighting the lines of frustration that drew across his forehead.
Something inside Richie pulled him to ask what was wrong. To drop his bike and comfort his friend. But something else held him back.
They spent a few more minutes filled with silence before Eddie finally looked up. Richie’s heart skipped a beat as they locked eyes. Feelings were fucking stupid.
“Rich, I wasn’t thinking about Ben.”
“Yeah, we established tha-”
“You weren’t thinking about your dick.”
“It’s hard not to think about.”
“I will throw you back in the fucking sewer with that fucking clown I swear to you-”
“Okay, okay,” Richie laughed softly. “Look, I uh-”
“Do you think I’m brave?”
The question completely caught him off guard. How could he not be brave?
‘Eddie, loud mouthed, witty, unapologetic, I broke my arm, mouthed off to my abusive overprotective mother, faced every fear I’ve ever had, killed a fucking clown, ditched his homework to jump off a cliff into some dirty lake water, Kaspbrak. That fucking Eddie somehow thinks he’s not brave?’
They both sat on their bikes now, staring at each other. Eddie nodded his head thoughtfully and it took a second for Richie to realize that he had said all of that out loud. That definitely wasn’t what he had intended. How many times had he done that before?
Eddie eased himself onto his pedals and slowly pushed off from the ground. He crept by Richie as the sun fully dipped below the trees and said quietly, “I want to be brave.”
His soft voice left butterflies in Richie’s stomach. It was the stupidest fucking thing. He hated when that happened. Except he didn’t hate it. Eddie was so fucking brave. Richie on the other hand, he could act brave, but none of it was true. He was a coward, and of course, it would be Eddie who made him realize that fact.
Eddie. Who made Richie feel like the bravest and the most cowardly person in existence. Eddie, who tugged at Richie’s mind almost every minute of every day. Eddie, who- fuck. FUCK. Fuck fuck fuck. Shit.
Richie’s heart nearly beat out of his chest. His sweat covered palms slipped as he struggled to keep his grip on his bike handles.
What the actual genuine motherfucking fuck. Why did he realize this now? It took him four years. Four fucking years to come to this realization. It terrified him. Richie was almost scared to even acknowledge the thought. If he did, that might make it too real. He wasn’t brave enough for that. Fuck.
Richie bolted ahead of Eddie at top speed. He barely heard Eddie’s angry, “Hey!” called out behind him, but he didn’t stop. Not until they both rolled up to Eddie’s porch, panting and heaving.
Somehow Richie managed to even his breathing long enough to say, “Can’t stay over tonight, forgot, I’ve got a thing. Sorry. See you tomorrow!” and pedal away.
He left Eddie, soaked and panting on his front porch with no further explanation, but in the moment, he couldn’t have given one. And of course, he’d said, ‘see you tomorrow,’ because even in this mess, even in his fear, he couldn’t stay away. Fuck.
Somehow it felt like both an eternity and only a second had passed when Richie finally skidded to a stop outside Stan’s house. He tripped over his handlebar as he jumped from his ride and sprinted to the doorstep.
He took a second to compose himself, prepared his best voice and his most proper manners to convince Stan’s father to let him in, and knocked.
Shuffling came from the other side of the door after another eternity of waiting and it finally creaked open.
“Mr. Uris, hello. I’m sorry to bother you at such a late hour but I have to talk to Stan. Now.”
He spoke too quickly, too urgently, he knew that. But his mind was moving at a bajillion miles per hour and he couldn’t calm himself down if he tried.
“Richard, of course. I’m sorry, but it’s a school night and Stanley has already gone to bed. I’m sure your talk can wait until morning.”
He moved to shut the door, but Richie wedged his foot in the crack just in time to feel his toes crunch in his shoes. Mr. Uris looked shocked. Richie fought back a swear and forced a smile onto his face as Mr. Uris pulled back the door, releasing Richie’s foot.
“Please, I forgot we have a project due tomorrow and if I don’t talk to him now, I could realistically die. I’m completely serious,” he added after Mr. Uris gave him a strange look.
“I will make sure and have him up early, but I’m afraid tonight just won’t work. Goodnight, Richie.”
He cursed softly as the door fully shut and the hall light snapped off: A clear signal for him to Fuck Off. Or it would be if Richie didn’t know which window was Stan’s.
After a few minutes of waiting, or maybe it had only been a few seconds, Richie doubled back into the landscape and dug out the biggest rock he could find. He wound his arm back, aimed, and tossed it gently against Stan’s window. Except it wasn’t as gentle as Richie had anticipated. Actually, it wasn’t gentle at all. The rock completely shattered the window, spraying the room with shards of glass.
Richie cringed as he stared up at the mess. A war raged in his mind as to whether or not he should run. But before he could make the decision for himself, Stan appeared at the scene of the crime. He held the rock in his hand, aimed down at the ground below as a fire blazed in his eyes. He had been fully prepared to attack whoever had assaulted his window until he saw it was Richie.
Realizing it was his friend only made him want to throw it more. And he did.
The rock missed Richie by a few feet, but only because he knew Stan hadn’t aimed properly. He leaned out his window and half shouted, half whispered, “What the hell was that for?”
“I have to talk to you right now or I’ll die, and your dad wouldn’t let me in the house!” Richie shout-whispered back.
“So you break my fucking window?”
“I’m going to fucking die, man! Right now! Talk!”
“All you ever do is talk…”
Stain pulled his head back inside and disappeared. Richie tapped his foot impatiently. He rocked back and forth, spun in circles, paced. He did basically everything ever because Staniel was the slowest person on earth. But finally, the door creaked open, then shut, and Stan joined him on his lawn.
“What t-”
“Stan, I think I’m gay.”
The words fell from his mouth before he could even give them an ounce of thought. It was lucky he even managed to say it, but it hadn’t been far from his intended reveal.
“Okay…” Stan trailed into silence with a look on his face that screamed, ‘is that all?’ and frankly, Richie was offended.
“Okay? That’s all you have to say? Why aren’t you freaking out? I’m freaking out! I’m about to have a motherfucking heart attack on your lawn!”
Stanley’s face softened suddenly, and he cut Richie off before his rambling could go any further. That was part of the reason Richie went to him over any of his other friends. Stan knew how and when to shut him the fuck up.
“Wait, you’re being serious right now?”
“Yes, I’m being serious! I’m having a crisis, a gay crisis, and I don’t know what to do! I don’t even know if I am, but-”
“Oh my god. Okay, I’m going to bite my tongue on a lot right now but just let me get one thing off my chest.” Stanley took a deep breath and looked Richie dead in the eyes. A dopey smile plastered his face. “You’re just finding this out now?”
Richie’s mouth had already opened, anticipating nearly every possible response but the one Stan had just given. His mouth snapped shut out of confusion before he tried again.
“What do you mean?”
“Rich, you’ve been making googly eyes at Eddie for the past five years!”
“You mean goo goo eyes?”
Richie realized Stan’s bait too little too late. He had already fallen into the trap of asking, so that was on him. It was stupid. Barely even a joke. But it did help calm him, somehow.
“See! If it wasn’t true you would’ve thrown a joke there.” His tone suddenly turned more serious, though it still held the kind support Richie craved. “So, it is Eddie?”
“Yeah… I guess it always has been.”
“What made you realize now?”
A sigh escaped Richie’s throat as he tilted his head back, staring up into the stars. Where to even begin.
“I took Eddie swimming like, five minutes ago-”
“You realized this five fucking minutes ago?!”
“Shut up, I’m going through atonement here. Yeah. I’ve been thinking about stuff for a while. Not like, whether or not I like guys, but just the way Eddie makes me feel. It’s warm and jittery and happy and sick and all these weird conflicting emotions that ball up in my chest and my head and-”
“Rich.”
“Yeah, sorry. Anyway, we swam and Eddie asked me if he was brave. Then I thought a bunch of stuff in my head that I guess I accidentally said out loud. Nothing weird, just basically, ‘Yeah, Eddie. You’re super brave and here’s a ton of reasons why!’,” Richie said, accompanied by a terrible Eddie impression. He cleared his throat and continued. “That got me thinking about how I really do think he’s brave. But I’m not brave. But Eddie makes me feel like I’m brave, and I’m always thinking about him, and he gives me butterflies, and the best part of my entire day is getting to make him smile. It all just kinda hit me. I think I’m gay. And I think I have a crush on Eddie.”
Stan rested a hand on Richie’s shoulder. He understood. Aside from Eddie—which, now he was technically a crush, so could he really even count?—Stan was Richie’s closest friend. That meant they knew each other. He knew what Richie needed.
“It’s gonna be okay. Did you talk to Eddie about it?”
“Obviously not, that’s why I’m here or I’d be…”
Richie wanted to make a joke. He wanted to say, ‘Or I’d be back sucking his dick.’ but he had no clue how Eddie would react to Richie’s confession and it seemed wrong to joke about something that could potentially ruin his entire life. Richie wasn’t even sure himself as to what he wanted. He had liked girls in the past. Or at least, he thought he had. But now that this realization had struck him, there was no denying that he liked Eddie. He really liked Eddie. He just didn’t know how any of this worked. It sucked.
“This is going to eat you alive if you don’t talk to him.”
Stan interrupted Richie at the perfect time even when he was trapped in his own head. He almost wanted to hug him.
“Thanks, Stan.” Richie pulled his bike from the ground and jumped onto the seat. Stan’s confused expression drew a smile across Richie’s. “If I think too much it’ll never get it done so I’m going to go talk to him while I’m still riding the Stan high. Make sure tomorrow at school I’ve said something!”
“Wait, Richie, not tonight! His mom-”
“Yeah, I’ll confess my love for her too!” he shouted back over his shoulder.
Just like that, he was gone. He’d apologize to Mr. Uris about the broken window later. Now, he had more important things to attend to.
If Richie didn’t think Stanley would call him out in front of the rest of their friends for not talking to Eddie, he would have ridden straight home and panicked in silence for the rest of the night. But Stan would Absolutely do that. And Richie had promised. So here he was, stopped in front of Eddie’s porch, again, for the second time tonight. It couldn’t have been much more than an hour since he left, but that didn’t matter right now. It couldn’t.
Richie’s heart pounded as he threw a pebble against Eddie’s window. He was careful this time not to shatter the glass, but breaking it proved much more effective. It took Richie nearly ten tries before he finally got Eddie’s attention.
He looked angry as he leaned out into the cool air. His freshly showered hair stuck to his forehead.
“What do you want? I thought you had a thing?”
“I did. Thing’s over now. Can we talk?”
Eddie’s face scrunched in concern. He almost pulled his head back inside but thought better of it. It was like a breath of fresh air and a punch in the git when he nodded hurriedly and waved Richie inside.
Scaling the tree that branched to Eddie’s window barely took a second, or maybe it took forever. Either way, once he finally stepped inside and Eddie quietly lowered the glass behind him, time stopped completely.
“How was your thing?” Eddie asked in annoyance.
“You know. It was a thing.”
Perfect. Eddie stole his fucking voice again. They stood for a bit in complete silence until they both rushed to speak at the same time.
“I thi-”
“Rich, I-”
They shared an awkward laugh. The next minute was spent arguing over who should talk first, until Eddie finally drew himself up to his full height—which barely reached Richie’s nose—and demanded that Richie talk. It was the first time he had ever heard someone ask him to talk. Usually it was the opposite.
“Okay,” Richie started with a shaky sigh. “I, uh, hate talking about feelings and junk. That’s girly and weird. And I’m not that, but I- I wanted to say that, well, to talk about- I wanted you to know that I realized, maybe, I think-” Richie swore under his breath and muttered, “God, I sound worse than Bill,” before he forced himself to continue. “Gay. That’s- I think I’m gay. That’s it.”
That wasn’t it. But even just saying that took too much effort. So for now, that was it.
Silence filled the room again. It grew heavier with every passing second, but Eddie never looked angry.
For the first time in his life, Richie stayed voluntarily quiet. To add another first, he prayed. He didn’t even pray that Eddie liked him back. Just that he wouldn’t hate him. That they could still be friends.
“What about Jenny? Sixth grade?” Eddie finally asked.
Richie couldn’t help but laugh. The outburst brought a smile to Eddie’s face and for a second, Richie let himself hope.
“Well, I liked her then. Or, I thought I did. I thought that was the best day of my life for a really long time-” Eddie’s face fell suddenly and Richie quickly changed the subject. “But now I don’t know if I actually did like her or not. It might have been an in the moment thing. But if it wasn’t- I don’t know if you can like both. But I know now I’ve got a crush on a guy. Like, it’s definitely a crush, and so I think I might be…”
He trailed off into silence again. Eddie sat down at the end of his bed and nodded his head slowly.
“You can like both, dipshit,” he said quietly.
Richie mimicked Eddie’s actions, nodding his head slowly. He barely registered the playful insult.
He guessed that made sense. You could like chocolate and vanilla, so why not girls and guys? That made sense…
“What were yougoing to say?” he asked eventually.
Eddie swallowed nervously and shifted his weight on his bed.
“I uh, I don’t like both. That’s what I was going to say. Guys and girls. I don’t like both.”
It took a second for Eddie’s confession to fully register. By the time it did, Richie had never been gladder in his entire life that he held his tongue. He might have confessed a dark secret and ruined their friendship, but at least he hadn’t admitted to having a crush on Eddie specifically.
After Richie failed to respond, Eddie finally broke the long spell of silence. “I only like guys.”
Richie continued nodding his head until Eddie’s words finally clicked into place. When they did, Richie’s entire nervous system shut down. He froze mid nod, his eyes staring at the carpet. His eyes shifted up slowly, afraid of what they might see. When gaze finally met, Richie saw nothing but warmth.
He found himself smiling without even having let it happen. A warm, nervous feeling filled his chest.
“Yeah?” Richie asked breathlessly.
Eddie laughed in response. “Yeah.”
“So, uh, how long have you known?”
“It was about five years ago when I really accepted it,” Eddie confessed. “But I think I knew when I was a lot younger. You?”
“About an hour ago.”
He hadn’t meant to admit that, but his brain wasn’t exactly working on his terms right now.
Eddie’s eyebrows raised in a crease, and he drew his head back in shock. His face had turned redder than a tomato. He tried to play it off by looking up at the ceiling and ignoring Richie. It worked about as well as he expected it to.
“I didn’t mean-” Richie started, but Eddie cut him off.
“You made me realize I was gay.”
Silence was the theme of the night. The only plus was that each time it fell over them, it felt better than the last.
“Really?”
Richie’s breathy reply filled with more hope than wanted to allow, but at this point he didn’t care.
“Yeah. It was that year when everyone hit puberty all at once-”
“Fifth fucking grade,” Richie groaned.
He nodded his head and closed his eyes. It felt good to fall back into his jokes.
“Yeah, fifth fucking grade is right. Everyone else got crushes and went off and had sex and… I just wanted to hang out with you. I was just, don’t fuck with me for this, I thought I was a late bloomer.”
Richie snorted but Eddie’s sharp glare set him on his best behavior. He threw himself onto the bed by Eddie’s pillows and propped himself onto his arm, ready to hang on Eddie’s every word.
“I thought maybe I was broken, or I hadn’t actually hit puberty. Then one day we had a stupid science project and we came here to work on it.” Eddie paused to deepen his blush. “We got it done really fast and I still wanted to hang out, so we laid around and read comics for a while-”
“Wait, I think I remember that-” Richie interrupted, but Eddie cut him off again.
“You got bored and you’re an asshole, so you gave me a wet willy and I wrestled you for payback…”
Eddie trailed off but he didn’t need to finish the story. Richie remembered exactly what happened.
He was bigger than Eddie, he always had been. So, when Eddie had tried to retaliate with a wet willy of his own, Richie didn’t shy away from proving his strength. Eddie had pushed Richie playfully into the wall, but he flipped their roles like it was nothing.
They struggled for a bit, but Richie only let it draw on so Eddie wouldn’t feel bad. Richie ended up on top of him, pressing his wrists down into the mattress as he let out a triumphant laugh. Eddie’s face had flushed red from the exertion of fighting him, but looking back, there might have been another reason for his scarlet appearance.
The electricity in Richie’s chest might not have just been from his victory.
“This one guy in our grade made me realize,” Richie sighed dramatically. He let a dreamy look fall over his face as his gaze rose to meet Eddie’s. He was surprised when he thought he saw Eddie’s face hold a glint of anger. “He’s about yay high-” Richie held his hand to his nose. “Dark eyes, darker hair, and the only wit in the world to rival my own. Oh, and he’s the cutest motherfucker in the entire world.”
Richie’s heart raced just having those thoughts rattle inside his head, let alone saying them out loud. An hour and a half ago he had forced himself to come to terms with the fact that he liked guys. That he liked Eddie. Now, somehow he found the courage to speak his heart. This was all way too much and he loved it.
“What the fuck, dick for brains?”
Richie snapped out of his euphoric daze and stared at Eddie in confusion.
“What?”
“Dude? I just confessed to having a lifelong crush on you and you sit here and tell me about some other guy that gave you a hard on? What the fuck?”
How on earth could he have fallen in love with the stupidest person in existence. ‘Love?’ That was a thought for another day.
Richie couldn’t help but laugh. He rolled forward and grabbed onto Eddie’s knee, pulling himself into a sitting position so he could lean against the wall. Really, he did it to lean closer to Eddie. Now, more than ever, all he wanted to do was be close to him.
“It’s you, Eds. You’re my fucking crush.”
His gentle voice calmed Eddie’s rage. It took a moment, but Eddie finally laughed. His blush turned soft as a smile stretched dimples into his cheeks.
Richie wasn’t sure how long they laid in bed and laughed. It felt like forever. Like no time at all. He never wanted it to end. But when it finally did, they were both leaned against the wall, an arm or hand keeping their skull from throbbing against the hard plaster. Their heads were close. Barely inches apart. That’s what finally stilled their laughter. Proximity.
“You smell like the fucking lake,” Eddie finally whispered.
Laughter was their new theme. It was much better than silence, but the threat of it never left. Richie held his breath as their giggles faded. It was his turn to break it.
“Can I kiss you?” he whispered.
Richie wasn’t brave. He never had been. But he was learning pretty quickly how to change that.
Eddie nodded without a moment’s hesitation and then they had both leaned in. Nothing existed but Eddie.
It was slow at first, both hesitant to move out of fear or nervousness or whatever the fuck. But the second Richie’s cold, chapped lips pressed against Eddie’s smooth ones, he felt starved. He needed to kiss Eddie, more than he had ever needed anything else in his life. And fuck, he was gay.
Richie pushed back against Eddie needily. He had barely enough sense to put his hand in Eddie’s hair before his head slammed into the wall. His hair was still damp from his shower, but it was soft and short and shitit felt so nice.
Eddie kissed him back just as hungrily. They pulled each other closer, nothing but a mess of limbs and tongues.
The second Eddie parted his lips and tugged at Richie’s curls; Richie was gone. His tongue pulled a moan from Richie’s throat. Eddie swallowed it as Richie tipped his head down and deepened their kiss.
Richie suddenly pulled back and threw his lips against Eddie’s cheek. Then his jaw, and his chin, and his neck. His fucking neck. He had to hold a hand against Eddie’s mouth to stop his moaning.
He could stay in this moment forever. Terrifying and new and fucking euphoric. But he knew he couldn’t let himself. Not now. As much as he wanted to.
Richie drew his tongue up Eddie’s neck, savoring his freshly washed taste and the sounds his mouth pulled from him.
“Is it okay if we wait?” Richie panted.
His chest heaved with every breath he took and damn if he didn’t want to keep going. But he needed to think. And Eddie needed to breathe. And they had all the time in the world.
“Yeah,” Eds responded breathlessly. “Yeah, whatever you want. Yeah.”
Richie leaned in and kissed him again, softly. He pulled Eddie down on top of him as they fell back into the mound of pillows.
They laid together in Eddie’s twin bed, holding each other close. Richie wasn’t going anywhere. And Eddie didn’t want him to.
Richie’s mind hadn’t been still since the second he had learned to think. But right now, in this moment, only one thought filled his mind.
But anytime Richie even remotely shifted backwards, Eddie’s mouth chased his. He put a slick kiss on Richie’s mouth, before, by some unknown force within Eddie that hadn’t previously made itself present, biting his lower lip, dragging Richie’s mouth back to his. Richie groaned from somewhere deep in his chest. Eddie had his hands cupping his face, unsure where else to put them, as their tongues slipped together and Eddie actually shivered. Richie’s hand wormed in between Eddie and the door. He grabbed Eddie by something skirting the line between his back and his ass, and pulled him flush against himself. Eddie remembered where he was, his college’s dressing room, who he was with, Richie Tozier, and who he was in general, Eddie Kaspbrak. A boy who doesn’t make out with boys in locker rooms, for Christ’s sake.
