i don’t know if any of the reds and blues really count as “feral.” season 8 wash was kinda but not like in the rabies way more like an abandoned fighting dog.
if you see a simmons fan that treats him like an uwu baby they are not to be trusted. if you see a simmons fan that treats him like an unhinged freak they will be smarter than anyone you’ve ever met
like simmons isn’t feral he’s very much domesticated it’s just that he was domesticated by a man who installed a fax machine into his ass. he’s miserable enough to be a poor little meow meow but he isn’t wet enough. like he was abandoned in a box on the side of the road but it was not raining. pathetic but not pitiable.
tucker, leaning conversationally: yeah, church thinks it’s cringe that i love my kid, (he assumes the Guy Fieri pose) but that’s only because his parents didn’t love him as a child. Whapow!
smash cut to Washington looking horrified in the same manner as the Tails Gets Trolled face while trying to eat his breakfast.
if i had the energy i would write a long standing modern au where the reds and blues worked in competing convenience stores across the street from each other and it would be incredibly low stakes and light hearted until i introduced wash and he pulls a fucking gun on Tucker and you find out that church has been a robot made by a highly experimental extremely immoral government agency and everything goes buck fucking wild
