#san fransico
I was in Greenwich at the weekend having a goose at the vintage markets, two little comedy value gems above. I really wanted the Levi’s denim suit jacket, for all the formal events i go to ha, but in my current finical position i was priced out the game. i’m big on the lives tab though, regret not buying them, hocked all my money on a great pair of Levi’s Big E selvedge, a total bargain at £20, cant go wrong, i’ll post up a pic of them tonight.
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Happy tiger
Credit: Heath Smith
Instagram: @heathsmith
Right Hand Tattoo, Edmonton, AB, CAN
San Francisco
Went to the San Francisco Zoo, and this was my favorite part!
//Letters to YVYNYL//
Agouti - Chameleon
/ Somehow, music seems to transcend “death” a lot. Or maybe, death brings words or music or… Carmen Caruso has been writing music as therapy for a while now and you’ll hear it in her songs. She sent me this video and a letter to tell me - and all of you - a bit more about the impact some life/death experiences have treated in her creative process. Let us know what you think below.
Dear Mark,
I want to thank you for taking the time to read my letter. I spent some time reading through some of the other letters you posted here, and I’ve really enjoyed what other artists have shared. My album Nodes is rooted in dealing with the aftermath of death and trauma.
Watching someone you love slowly wither away is heartbreaking. You spend hours researching, trying to help them, but you feel so out of control as they become a shell of their former self. Over the past eight years, I have lost four grandparents, one to Alzheimer’s, one due to complications from repeated seizures, and two to declining health. My husband lost his mother to Parkinson’s, and we lost our pet Arthur to a tooth abscess, both of which were long-battled illnesses.
I also lost a close friend who I used to play music with. He was about to start a new chapter of his life to study music abroad in Europe when he died on a camping trip from heart failure. No one saw it coming. I never got to say goodbye to him and that still haunts me to this day. I think that death was the hardest one of all: losing someone who was just starting out his life, and had so much life to live.
Throughout all of this, I was dealing with my own PTSD, brain fog and severe chronic fatigue. There were moments in trying to finish this album where I couldn’t write. Some days I just had to consign myself to the couch because I had no energy to do anything at all. I was tossed around from doctor to doctor, and tried everything from cleanses, sleep meds, naturopathy, acupuncture, nasal surgery, antidepressants, EMDR, heavy metal testing, and immunotherapy. My struggle to regain my health has been a long physical and mental journey that I’m still on to this day.
People have told me that my album sounds happy to them, even though the content of my lyrics doesn’t always match the mood. I think that’s almost a metaphor for how I try to hide my emotions, to pretend like everything’s OK. I feel like it is these moments of darkness that society never seems to want totalk about. I always find it unhelpful when I see people suffering from loss on Facebook, and commenters just say, “Thoughts and prayers for you and your family, give me a call if you need to talk!” People don’t understand how difficult it is for someone who is struggling to push through their own isolation to call someone else. I try to call my friends when they are not doing OK even when they don’t ask for it, because I know now that sometimes we need someone to be that person, to be a lifeline. Sometimes we all need someone to check in on us. And in a way, my album is trying to do that as well. Through my lyrics, I hope to connect with other people who have been through similar experiences and let them know that they are not alone.
This album is about turning something negative into something positive. As a node is the beginning and end of sine wave, I thought it was a fitting description as I saw several doors close in my life, and began to step through this new one with Agouti. Thank you again for taking the time to read this.
All the best,
Carmen
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They’re just perfect
