#scapple

So…it’s been a while, etc. etc. etc. At least I won’t quote Staind. Good lord, that would be awful.

An apology of sorts

I suppose there is something I should talk about. The past year hasn’t been good at my job. Since probably April, my boss - a man in his late 50s/early 60s who fucked up one too many business decisions, and is now the bitch of a private equity firm - has given up on trusting me to do my work, and has his lackey (an art designer who has been working there 15 years (including when it went bankrupt), long enough that he probably doesn’t recognize that his nose is brown and smelly) serve as a boss, even though I don’t report to him. It’s been so bad that the 2-week vacation I had in May/June wasn’t fun because I was anxious about shit that happened at work the day I left. In addition, tensions boiled over where I was placed on probation for 60 days (i.e., I would have to “improve” or get fired). That 60-day probation was lifted a little over a month because I “improved considerably.” That this happened the day after another person was fired whose work I would have to do…well, we know the real score.

It’s been a struggle throughout, and extremely stressful. I have few places to relieve that stress. (Furthermore, as part of the provisions of my probation, I’ve been denied the chance to go to counseling). As a result, it’s taken a shape of anger, where I’ve lashed out repeatedly at people. Sometimes it’s at friends, sometimes random strangers on the street. Sometimes it’s on Discord and forums. Consequently, I’ve alienated a lot of people, especially in the 3DX community. My absence from the #3DX Discord is a reflection of this. For this…I’m sorry.

However, at the same time, I can’t just disappear from everything. While my absence will help mitigate any further damage, it won’t solve the real problem. So, I’m trying my best to figure out things without completely disappearing from view. It’s not easy.

I’m looking for jobs, but after a promising start (including an in-person interview at a big tech company), it’s been…not great. I haven’t been as focused on it, admittedly, but now at this point I need to redouble my efforts. Of course, the problem is that December is a bad month for hiring in general. So I may not see any results for a while. The only solace I have is that my boss is out of work for a month starting mid-December, which gives me at the very least some mental breathing room. I can go back to counseling, do a couple things I used to do such as work from home ocassionally (which’ll help with in-persons), and so on. But still…this isn’t fun.

Stories to Tell

With that said…I’ve been still writing. In fact, I’ve been writing more than I usually do lately. I just completed the first chapter in a sci-fi series called “A Long Trip to Nowhere Important.” While using Dizzydills’ characters and some of its lore, this’ll be its own story/universe. I was inspired by some discussion in Dizzy’s forum about a “road trip” story. Now, that’s actually kind of a novel idea: A road trip, but in space. That has a lot of different fun ideas you can play with. And it got my gears whirring. I wrote out a couple stems for different episodes in the story, and have completed one chapter so far. That is currently going through the first round of editing with my editor (who is back! Yaaaay), and will probably get another round before I publish it in key locations such as Literotica and Hentai-Foundry.

This story is the first time I’ve made full use of Scrivener, a writer’s tool that allows you to better write scripts and stories and such. I also used Scapple, a way to jot down notes and connect them in specific ways. It’s had its uses, but I’m not entirely sold on the idea.

There are other stories I’m working on. One is this original idea I’ve been toying with, currently titled “Scene in an abandoned bathroom.” It’ll probably be a one-shot. I’m uncertain when I’ll finish that, but it should be soon. That’ll likely go through a different editor. While futa-centric, it’s got elements which Supro would certainly call “Cronenbergian”

The other completed stories, “Those Who Came Before” and “Cantata for the Wolf Moon,” will face edits soon, likely after “A Long Trip.”

I’ve also worked a bit on a script idea for an animation I was playing around with. Which leads me to my next point…

Computer Boxes

I’m building a computer. It’s a work in progress right now getting all the parts, but I should have everything by the end of this week. I had the budget to go a little wild, and Black Friday produced some good results

While it’s not super high-end (no Threadripper), it’s got the parts I need for what I want to do. Ryzen 3900X (or 3950X, I might attempt to snag it tomorrow if they restock for 30 seconds at Amazon or something), 2080 Ti, 32 Gigs of RAM, 1TB SSD + 12 TB HDD…It’s got good things.

While I do intend to use it for gaming (obviously), I have other agendas. One of which is to learn Blender, Unity, and UE4. I realize that I’m not much to the scene without at least learning some goods. Honestly, I’d rather not involve myself with Daz, so I thought the best route to learning something would be through animation, namely Blender and Unity, along with possibly UE4. I have the tools needed to learn them. It’s just a matter of learning them, really.

And then…

What Lies Ahead?

That remains uncertain. The specter of my job is damning. I don’t intend to stay here longer than I have to. Nor do I wish to let this stress destroy me.

I will say that, by the end of this year, I’ll be publishing a story. Maybe 2, maybe 3, but at least one for now. From there, I’m uncertain what the future holds, writing-wise. There is a distinct possibility I may explore doing scripts for voice actresses, but I’m not sure I want to do that. I feel a little less confident there.

Once I have the PC up and running, I’ll be gaming for a bit, but I will certainly dive into Blender, Unity, and UE4 at some point. Not sure when, though.

For the immediate future, I’m going to try to update a little more often than I have. If not here, then on Twitter. Just little updates here and there. Because my exposure to Twitter is minimal, this shouldn’t be a problem? But I’m not going to be active on there beyond ocassionally replying to something Gazukull or Supro or DB said.

I’ll keep you posted.