#semi-personal

Met with my dad and brother for lunch and had to sit through ten minutes of them wondering why a local kid committed suicide. Noticeably lacking from the conversation was my explaining how someone could keep their depression hidden well away from even their closest family and friends.

Just found out I didn’t get into the school I was trying for so… That’s cool, I guess.

I think what I hate the most is just the feeling of being broken. Not like the pain of breaking something, but more… “incomplete.” Everything positive just feels dulled. Happiness is dampened by the errant sadness, love is crippled by the constant second thoughts. I can be with someone who I love unconditionally and still feel like a fucking robot because I know what feelings should be there and they’re just absent. I want the full spectrum of emotions, not just the bad ones.