thepeacefulgarden:

Sexual Self Care

Your sexuality is a part of yourself, and as such, deserves as much care as the rest of you. This can look like…

* Deciding for yourself when, whether, and with whom to engage in sex.
* Deciding that sex just isn’t for you, and that’s okay.
* Getting regular OB/GYN or urologist checkups. (And being honest with your doctor!)
* Getting tested for STIs regularly, especially in between partners.
* Saying “no” to sexual acts that make you uncomfortable, or that you don’t feel ready for.
* Exploring and learning what you like and don’t like.
* Learning about sex, anatomy, birth control, etc. especially if the sex ed you had during your formative years was nonexistent or just straight-up garbage.
* Ditching purity culture and all its empty promises.
* Using reliable birth control unless and until you want a baby.
* Deciding for yourself when and whether to have children, and how many to have.
* Deciding for yourself what you will do if you have an unplanned pregnancy.
* Being really honest with yourself about whether you personally can do casual hookups, or whether you absolutely need to have a relationship in order to have sex.
* Communicating and setting boundaries with partners.
* Making sure that if you choose to have sex, you’re doing so for the right reasons (i.e. not just to please your partner, or “fit in,” or what have you)
* Making sure you get your share of the pleasure pie, too.
* Listening to what your body is telling you.
* Letting go of shame.
* Ditching toxic diet culture and learning to love your body, or at least accept it.
* Understanding that porn is a fantasy; it is nothing like real sex with a real human being.
* Getting help for porn and sex addictions.
* Letting go of internalized misogyny, homophobia, biphobia, transphobia, etc.
* Learning to both give and receive pleasure.
* Learning to communicate what you need.
* Taking responsibility for your own thoughts, words, actions, omissions, marital fidelity, feelings, etc., instead of dumping that on other people.
* Dressing for yourself, in clothes that make you happy (within the scope of appropriateness for a given occasion), not to either attract or repel any sex or gender.
* Deciding for yourself what labels define your sexuality or gender, or whether any labels fit at all.
* Carrying condoms/dental dams/etc. with you on dates, even if you don’t end up needing them.
* Making sure someone knows where you are when you go on dates or hook up with people.
* Understanding that being rejected doesn’t necessarily mean anything is wrong with you, and not taking that as a personal affront.
* Learning what healthy relationships look like.
* Getting help for and healing sexual trauma of any kind.
* Deciding for yourself what you share (or don’t share) on the Internet about your sexuality, your past, etc.
* Learning how consent actually works.
* Showing concern for your partner’s well-being and pleasure, as well as your own.
* Not using sex/porn/masturbation/etc. as a way of masking or avoiding your personal or relationship problems.
* Not tying your sexual history (or lack thereof) to your worth as a human being, or as a partner.
* Deciding that what other people think of you is their responsibility, not yours.
* Getting out of toxic relationships.
* Not sleeping with your ex.
* Going no further or faster than you really want to go.
* Deciding for yourself whether you’re into kink or not. (And that vanilla is valid!)
* Peeing after sex.
* Being honest with yourself and your partners.
* Developing a positive body image.
* Accepting that both you and any partners you have will have a past, good, bad, and ugly, and not judging or defining yourself or them by it.
* Really getting to know someone before agreeing to move in with them, have a baby with them, marry them, etc.