#shadow king
my left hand is a knife and my right is a fork
i will pull you apart like a butcher pulls pork
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Scott’s plan to let the Proteus problem fix itself by convincing Proteus to commit suicide works, and suprise, suprise, one of the only voices of dissent is Scott’s abandoned bastard kid Cable. Proteus’s own mothers don’t even give a shit, although based on that disembodied head there maybe we’re supposed to assume that the Shadow King is still influencing Moira. I don’t fucking know, but what I do know is that Piecemeal is fucking dead, and I’m pretty god damn sure he had no intention of committing suicide at the start of this story. He seemed like he was wanting to be relieved of the pain that was being inflicted on him throughout this entire train wreck of a crossover. And guys . . . guys … get this. Want to know who the “Kings of Pain” end up being? It’s one of those Rob Liefeld characters whose name you will never remember, and Toad.
Toad! Toad was the chessmaster! Fucking Mortimer Toynbee himself! This guy!This rube! I don’t fucking believe it. I’m starting to remember why I quit reading X-Men for a couple of decades there after Claremont left. (X-Factor Annual #6 – 1991)
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Geez look at how draw right up everyone’s buttholes in these comics (including Nova). Anyway, once everyone gets together on Muir Island and stops fighting, we get a recap on the old Proteus story from Uncanny X-Men #125-128 which is good for people like me because I read those comics like five years ago and I completely forget how all that went down.
Imagine if you were reading all these comics when they were published and it had been like 12 years since you read that story! Who could possibly remember! Reagan came and went in that time!! Nine seasons of the Facts of Life had concluded!! No one was the same after that! (X-Men Annual #15 – 1991)
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Ooo zombie Colossus. Come on Charles, start snapping these X-Men out of their Shadow King trances! You’re just as strong as he is, if not stronger! You melted his brain that one time! I’m actually surprised that Stevie Hunter is still alive here. I thought she was doomed at the end of the last issue but it turns out Colossus has been chasing her ever since then. (Uncanny X-Men #278 – July 1991)
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Belch!!! This is more disgusting than that time Maddie was tricked into making out with Mastermind. How does a monster with that many rows of teeth even pucker its lips to kiss someone?? Woof and it’s double creepy considering how starved Rogue generally is for physical contact. I don’t even want to think about how far the Shadow King is taking it with all the women he has mind controlled right now. It’s likely a full on astral orgy going on over there. Gross gross gross see this is why god didn’t give men powers of telepathy. (Uncanny X-Men #278 – July 1991)
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Oh. It all makes sense now. The Shadow King exists in the real world and he started Q-Anon and Trumpism and instigated the 2021 attack on the capital and drafted the Don’t Say Gay bill and the trans-exclusive bathroom bills and is about to overturn Roe v. Wade and gave birth to Marjorie Taylor Green, Lauren Bobbitt, and Matt Gaetz. Seriously. This comic was written over thirty years ago, but it perfectly describes the state of America last Tuesday. Are we ever gonna get better than this. (Uncanny X-Men #278 – July 1991)
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