#she just cares too much

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Ch.9: No lies (4)

“Ah, you f-felt that?" 

Naruto stares at Hinata’s round belly, where his hand covers her whole abdomen. 

"I did,” he whispers. Still amazed at the movement going inside Hinata’s body, at their baby moving. 

Hinata covers his hand with hers, moves it to the side of her stomach. “I think next is h-here." 

And she is correct. Naruto feels a kick in his hand a few seconds after, and he can feel in his chest something he can’t explain yet. He crouches down and presses his lips to Hinata’s pregnant belly. "Hello, baby.”

She giggles and rests her hand on his hair. In love with him and the way he loves their child already. 

“So, dizziness and nosebleeds, is that all?" 

Naruto rests his ear on her stomach and Hinata ends up resting her hands on his arms. “N-nosebleeds sometimes, yes.” 

Naruto nods and hears her heartbeat against his ear. Her hand on his hair, her fingers sometimes tracing his whiskers. He closes his eyes and lets silence reign for a few seconds, before remembering something he wanted to talk to her about. “I’ve seen you taking your walks with Neji a lot these past few days.”

Her fingers stop for less than a second, and Naruto makes it as if nothing happened. 

“I h-have asked him t-to accompany me on my s-strolls.”

Which Naruto knows, because Sai has shared as much, but the question remains, “I thought you didn’t have that great of a relationship with him.” He remains on the floor, with his head on her, doing his best not to overwhelm her.

Hinata keeps quiet a second, but Naruto knows it is her putting her thoughts in order as her fingers trace absent-minded patterns across his cheek. 

“I… we have b-been talking about a lot of th-things. It’s been f-fun.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes. Uhm, we d-didn’t have the best ch-childhoods, I think.” Her voice gets lower, her breathing more controlled, “I… always wanted a r-relationship with him, I b-believe. He was the only one who… he w-was the only one who didn’t seem to h-hate me back then.”

Naruto raises his head, sits with his legs crossed facing her. Hinata looks at her hands, and doesn’t seem to want to look Naruto in the eyes. “He would do th-things that s-seemed to be for me, but then h-have the perfect excuse as to w-why do it for my f-father, so I thought… I w-wondered, you know, am I just a n-nuisance to him as w-well?”

Her voice is quiet, “I n-never knew… I couldn’t k-know, he barely talked b-back then,” she chuckles. Naruto offers his hand, touches hers with the softest of touches, and Hinata reciprocates, grabs his hand between hers. She is not crying. “It’s b-been good, talking to h-him. S-Sharing stories… having- h-having a relationship.”

Hinata fears tears will follow next, so she bites her lip. She knew she wanted to have a relationship with her cousin for a long time. For longer than a long time. He was the only thing keeping her from losing herself in screams and self-pity, he showed her the barest of kindness, the barest of encouragement and yet she treasured them, because that’s what they were in that house. Treasures. Tiny and yet important. 

She would have loved to receive more. 

And so she followed him. Bothered him. Looked for him for the things no one else would give her. And he did sometimes, and then he didn’t most times. And she still wonders whether it was duty or love or pity or a sense of at least being better off than her…

They still have yet to talk about the harsh stuff. They still have to talk about their actual relationship. Hinata yearns and fears that moment, but at least now… at least now she has a relationship with a person she holds so dear -against all odds-, a person she is ashamed to hold in such regards, and yet… 

She is so happy she can walk with Neji and talk about the weather without worrying about what’s gonna appear as they turn the next corner, about the people walking around them, about what’s going to be reported back to her father, about the disgusted face her father would give her as she came ba-

“I’m glad, then.” Naruto’s warm hand brings her out of her trance, as he gets closer and searches for her eyes, as his hands move up and down her arms, as he brings her in for a hug. She feels herself relax, lays her head on his shoulder and lets him pamper her. 

“Thanks, for… for t-taking care of him, t-too.”

Naruto remembers Neji’s silent work, as he asked for his help when Hiashi’s letter first came. The way he read the letter, explained what he thought all of this meant without even asking for them to be alone, his excellent work and his disposition. Never questioning Naruto, asking for permission to voice his opinions. 

Nothing like the rude man who had faced him that first time. 

Naruto tries to connect the rude man with the eager cousin. The cold asshole with the warm family member. But maybe none of that is important, because what he cares about is that his wife was able to make it this far with his… help. 

And thanks to that she is with him now, and Neji has shown nothing but his best behavior. So Naruto puts his worries to the side, “I love you.”

Hinata chuckles as she buries her face in Naruto’s shoulder. Nothing matters. Nothing matters because Naruto is here. 

Naruto wonders whether he should share with her his godfather’s news before his father arrives. But what would he say? And what would she say, too?

No answer is enough to let him relax, so he does the next best thing. He peppers kisses all over his wife’s face, filling the room with their laughs. And he remains quiet.

⁂⁂⁂

Minato arrives at the compound with Mito in tow and they stop in their tracks as they watch Jiraiya taking a stroll through the gardens with Naruto and Hinata. 

    Minato bolts towards his master, with a flustered Mito following behind. 

“Master!”

    “Oh, calm down, calm down, I’m not going anywhere!”

    Jiraiya is the one to bring the excitement down, with laughs and pats in the back that make Minato’s high come down in an instant. There are anxious looks coming and going between Minato and Mito that Hinata catches but knows not how to feel about. 

    Naruto remains impassive and he is the one to offer they go and find a private room in which to talk. 

    Hinata feels her chest tighten slightly, and although in any other time Naruto’s tranquil attitude would help her calm herself, this time, she grows nervous. 

    Jiraiya starts to tell of his travels -as he did before with Naruto and Hinata-, and it is with a mixture of interest and obvious haste that Minato asks questions. He wants to know, but he also doesn’t care about anything at all but whatever information can help Naruto. And yet he fears to hear no new information at all, or anything worthwhile. 

    Lady Mito remains quiet, staring at Jiraiya with her eyes shining in anticipation. Jiraiya is stuck between a rock and a hard place. He tries to gauge the room’s ambience, tries to control the emotions that reach him and he ends up anchoring himself in Naruto.

    Naruto and his tight smile. 

    Naruto and his resigned attitude. Out of anyone in this room, he knows what will follow. It’s what always follows whenever Jiraiya comes back, pleas and requests he never answers.

    He can never answer them.

    And now, although Jiraiya should feel accomplished and happy, although his travels have at long last brought forth an answer, he dreads talking about it.

    He knows what comes next. And Naruto stares at him, without blinking. Waiting to remain quiet and bear the sure goading that will follow.

    “What?” Minato catches on, and his eyes travel from his son to his master. “What’s going on?” 

    “So,” Jiraiya starts, “good news first, I learned of a technique that allows one to… uh, gather energy from the environment and replenish the user’s.”

    He looks around, with a face that asks for some smiles or positive feedback. Hinata gives him a faint smile and Jiraiya smiles back. She doesn’t know what this is about.

    “And?” Minato urges, and whatever ambience Jiraiya had been able to bring into the room disappears in a second. 

    “You know, that means that the Beast will take less of a toll on Naruto’s body.”

    “Good, then why aren’t you as excited?”

    “It’s… you gather energy from the environment but it asks for the user to become one with nature, so it entails extreme meditation and barely moving a muscle-”

    “I could do that,” chimes in Naruto. 

    Jiraiya nods to him, “Good, good, it will help. But, uh, I’m not as excited because from what I could tell from the quick check I did on Naruto, well…”

    “It took a toll, right?” Minato hates the idea, but Naruto just came out of a forced tearing of the seal. For him to come out of it unscathed is just, idealistic. “The forced tearing of the seal took a toll on Naruto’s body that you can’t fix, right?”

    “Good news is, it can be fixed, in fact, I think it will be fixed if he adds this new technique. Bad news is just-”

    “We’re back on square one,” Naruto finishes. 

    Lady Mito makes fist of her hands. Naruto’s life could have been extended… if none of this would have happened. But it did. 

At least… at least they’re on square one…

    At least they are back where they were before. 

Lady Mito feels her emotions going unchecked and raises her head to compose herself. But then sees Jiraiya’s eyes locked on Naruto’s and her heart squeezes. “What is it?”

Naruto’s eyes flash to her, almost ashamed, and she fears, anguishes over what’s to come. 

“Well,” Jiraiya starts again. Minato keeps his eyes glued to the floor. “Do you remember what we talked about, long ago?” 

Lady Mito tilts her head. They have talked about so many a thing regarding Naruto’s seal. Each time with a little more urgency. “Would you mind refreshing my memory?” 

Jiraiya lets out a heavy sigh and then blurts out everything all at once, “Back then we surmised that the Beast’s chakra seeping out of Naruto for so long meant we could in turn add something to the seal that could, you know, help with that, and if Naruto’s body didn’t have to worry about that, then, in turn, it may send resources to keep himself alive instead of sealing the Beast.”

Lady Mito doesn’t ask. Fears the answer.

“Do you remember?”

“Yes.”

“It’s done.”

Naruto doesn’t move a muscle and the euphoria of having something so tangible in front of her is enough to send Lady Mito in a spiral of anger towards the stubbornness of her grandson. 

“Does that,” she tempers her exhilaration, “does that mean that Naruto would have a normal… normal lifespan?”

“If he undergoes the procedure then he will have a longer life compared to what we expected before, yes.”

All eyes fall on Naruto. His eyes fixed on his godfather. 

“If I undergo the procedure, will I be able to use the Beast’s chakra as usual?”

“No.”

Naruto evades everyone’s eyes, stares to the floor for a second and then answers, “then it’s not an option.”

Jiraiya is the only one who seems to accept this answer. As Minato and Lady Mito open their mouths trying to find anything to say, but keeping quiet in hopes that the other would talk first.

HInata looks at everyone in turns, her last glance at Naruto’s profile, whose jaw is tight. And then she stares at the floor. Quiet. 

“Why not?” says Minato, and Lady Mito seems to want to drill a hole in Naruto’s mind in search of an answer.

“We have just been attacked by a clan that was thought to be dead, we are now under unprecedented times with a truce between Beast Tamers and- hell, even if we were under normal circumstances it doesn’t make sense for us to give away our best card against enemies.”

“We can fight without your Beast. We can put up a fight.”

“Putting up a fight doesn’t sound that promising, dad, sorry.”

“We can fight without your Beast, Naruto.”

“Really? Are you sure?”

“We have better guards and patrols and people on our side, and Shikamaru-”

“I remember an attack happening and reaching the inner compound a year and a half ago.”

“Even without the Beast you could have handled it.”

“But what if I couldn’t?”

“If you’re going to go down that way, then what, are you going to keep that damned Beast to protect us from even the weakest of enemies? You’d rather obliterate whoever comes than to try to keep yourself-”

“Listen,” Naruto presses his hand forward, stares his father down, “I am in charge of protecting this clan, and I will do that. If that means keeping this damned Beast inside of me then I will.”

“Naruto-”

“Dad. Even you can’t be sure of what’s to come now. Who would have thought an Uchiha would appear? How long till a clan breaks the truce between Beast Tamers? How long till a bunch of clans come together and try an attack?”

Hinata feels her chest being pressed down, but does her best not to lose her composure. She wishes Naruto’s answers weren’t so obvious, weren’t so factual, she wishes he were more selfish or weaker. But he remains unfazed, unflinching, and so Hinata bites down whatever tries to come out of her. 

“Maybe further down the road, dad… maybe, when we can be more sure of what’s to come.”

Lies, though. Because Naruto knows enemies won’t stop appearing, and not even Shikamaru is able to come down with predictions for the future that are without a surprise. But Naruto knows the people in this room worry for him, so his tough persona crumbles down a little. Just a little, just a second. 

“Further down the road won’t give you as much time, son…”

“I know… I know.”

Jiraiya believes some ripples will turn up regarding this matter, but the thick of it is now dealt with. He believes that if Minato can’t change Naruto’s opinion, then it’s not even worth it for him to try. He believes everyone in the room thinks that Minato is their last resort, maybe Naruto’s wife, but seeing her biting her lip and looking like talking is the harshest of tasks is enough to realize she won’t add on the issue.

But then Lady Mito speaks.

“If we could talk with our people and improve our security?”

“Grandma Mito…”

“If we could get all of this approved by Shikamaru? I know how much you trust him, we would get his approval first, and then-”

“Grandma Mito.” 

The room is silent, and then Naruto closes his eyes in pain, “Please, just, not now.”

Lady Mito is shaken, “We have the chance to recover so much time, Naruto.”

“I know.”

“You could live till- till you’re 50, 52 maybe. Naruto, this is such a gift.”

“We can’t now. If we are under attack and I can’t use my powers as usual it could mean-”

“We would protect the clan!”

“So what? You know how much the Nine-Tails chakra means in a fight, jeez, you know why whole ass clans try to get their hands on the Beasts, it’s because we win wars.”

“We are not under war.”

“We are not under war now, yes. Am I really the only one worried about the Uchiha’s going around? The same ones that were able to knock me out by looking at my eyes?”

“Now everyone is preparing countermeasures, you are ready to fight them again-”

“Am I, though? What if I’m not?” 

Lady Mito snarls, “Then we would step up.”

“And then a bunch of my people die. No, thanks.”

“Because now only you would die, right?”

Lady Mito feels white hot rage filling her. Because all of this could have been dealt with if she had been here when her daughter was attacked. And then she could have spared her grandson from this. All of this. But she wasn’t here. She is never here. And she hates it, and she hates it, and she hates it. She is desperate. She is guilty. She wants to cling to Naruto’s robes and beg and plead and cry and whine and never let go until he decides he is more important than them. 

She wants him to want to stay here. 

She lays eyes on Hinata, and Naruto puts his arm in front of her, his other hand pointing at her, “Don’t you dare.”

She is hurt. She is hurt and she is trying to come up with any kind of excuse that can shake her grandson’s resolve even a little. Enough to make his dumb stubborness crumble. She means to bring Hinata into the discussion, but Naruto shows his fangs too, and now Lady Mito wants to bawl. 

See? See how much you care? So her brain focuses on this tiny little bit of hope, and doesn’t think too much about it. It’s a fear of hers, too. It’s something she would never say out loud, because it’s a low blow. Something she regrets the moment it comes out of her mouth.

“Don’t you want to see your child grow?”

She freezes the second after, and she can feel Minato’s eyes on her. 

Naruto’s blue eyes open wide, impossibly so. He’s hurt and ashamed and his resolve does crumble. She can see that. He stares a second and she thinks he is going to cry. 

But he whips his head the other way, and leaves the room in haste. 

Nobody moves a muscle and Lady Mito whispers after a few seconds, “I’m sorry.”

But nobody blames her. They can’t.

It’s Hinata that stands then, with her hand on her belly.

“Hinata…,” starts Lady Mito, but Hinata looks at her with empathy in her eyes.

“It’s o-okay.” 

She follows after Naruto and finds him near a flower patch, under a tree. He stands there, but doesn’t let his weight rest on the trunk.

He feels her before she can say anything.

“Just give me a minute, love.”

But she can’t. Not now. So she keeps on walking and stops just behind him. Her hand to his back. 

“Please.”

“N-Naruto.”

He doesn’t move. 

“Naruto.”

He turns to her, and his eyes shine. His hair looks blonder than ever under the sunlight and he’s close to tears. He opens his mouth, trying to justify his actions, lest Hinata think he doesn’t actually care about her, about their child.

But he doesn’t get to say anything, because Hinata brings her hand to his face, to his whisker marks. She drags her fingers along, “I-It’s okay,” she whispers.

And Naruto breaks. 

His tears fall and his lip trembles, and it’s not until Hinata brings him into her that he buries his face on her shoulder and shudders as he gasps for air.

“It’s okay.”