I hate my self for loving rare ships. Thanks to that one fanfic.

Yuuki Mishima x Suzui Shiho

mimiuhh:

WINTER GIRLFRIENDS !!!!!!

matching scarfs and everything ❤️❤️

ok but like. in the p5royal ending anne moves to the same school as shiho. idiots in inaba au. hey. hey. listen HEY

Fandom: Persona 5

Ann Takamaki Week 2020 » Day 5: Birthday

Word Count: 4704

Rating: G

Summary: Six months after Shiho’s accident, Ann still could not forget the sight of her friend’s crippled form on the ground. All she wanted was for Shiho to be healthy again so they could have fun like they used to. On Ann’s 17th birthday, Ren prepared a surprise for her.

Note: A belated happy birthday to Ann!!

Read on AO3.

~*~*~*~*~

Ann was reading a fashion magazine on her bed when her phone vibrated, beeping once. She reached for it, patting her bed and the sides of her pillow. Where was it? Her phone was nowhere to be found, so she looked up, and saw light shining from the top of the stackable cube shelves next to her bed. She grabbed her phone and checked the notification. One message. From Ren. The smile came unbidden as Ann unlocked her phone and clicked the message.

‘Happy birthday!’ it said, followed by party-face emojis and birthday stickers. The time stamp beside it read 12:02 AM. Her grin only grew as she struggled to keep her composure, rolling over to her back and holding her phone over her head.  

‘Why aren’t you asleep?’ she asked. 

‘Why aren’t you?’ 

Ann snorted a quiet laughter. Would it kill Ren to be honest sometimes and say he wanted to be the first to wish her a happy birthday? Not that she would admit she’d been waiting for his message either. 

‘What are you doing?’ he asked then.

Ann grinned. ‘Texting you.’

‘On your bed?’

‘Yep.’

There was a momentary pause before he said, ‘Do you have plans after school? Wanna go somewhere?’

There it was—the question she’d been waiting for. Ann had kept her afternoon open for this very reason. Her grin threatened to swallow her face whole as she typed, ‘Are you asking me on a date, Ren?’

Another pause. ‘Maybe.’ 

Cheeky. Ann laughed under her breath. ‘Alright.’

***

Ren’s invitation was the only thing occupying her mind the entire morning. She wondered where they would go. Sharing a parfait at a cute cafe would be nice. Or maybe they’d go to the movies? They could eat a fluffy cake at a pastry shop. What if, at the end of their date, Ren surprised her with a present? Not something huge, but something unexpected. And then he’d walk her home, his hand holding hers, and once they reached her porch, his eyes would bore into hers in that way that made her stomach twist and knot before he’d lean into the gentlest kiss he had ever given her. The thought already made her heart race and cheeks burn.

Her phone vibrated again inside her bag while she queued in front of the subway escalator. She had put it on silent after the incessant beeping on the train ride to school. Her friends had flooded their group chat with birthday wishes and promises to hang out. A birthday party at Leblanc after school, Ryuji had said. But Ann already had plans, and when she’d said so, Ryuji and Futaba had bombarded her with questions: what plans? With whom?

Ren was conveniently not on. Ann wondered if he was doing it on purpose. It wouldn’t be a stretch to think he was waiting for her somewhere at the station, smirking to himself as he watched their group chat notifications come in. 

When her phone vibrated again, Ann exhaled a quiet sigh and fished her phone from inside her bag. If Ryuji still spouted nonsense about how no one in their right mind would date a girl like Ann, she would give him a piece of her mind once she cornered him at school. However, it wasn’t Ryuji’s name that greeted her eyes. Ann’s eyes widened when she beheld the name displayed across her phone.

‘Happy birthday, Ann!’ Shiho said in her message. ‘Wish you all the best. Sorry we can’t celebrate together like we used to, but I’m sure Ren-kun has prepared something amazing for you. I’m still doing well on my rehab. The doctor said I’ve improved a lot. Not enough to do any sports yet, but I hope we’ll get to see each other soon.’

Her fingers twitched, and she clutched her phone tight. Shiho always wished her a happy birthday before school. Then Ann would find a cute little present hiding in her shoe locker or desk drawer. Shiho would throw her arms around her from behind with a beam spreading from ear to ear as she asked her where Ann wanted to go or what she wanted to eat. A part of her expected that to happen now, grinning with glee as she read the message, before she remembered that Shiho was no longer at her school.

‘Thanks, Shiho,’ she typed her reply, then her fingers wavered over the keys, her lips quirking up in quiet delight. If Shiho’s health had improved, the time they’d be able to hang out might be closer than she thought. She’d set to type something, anything—that’s amazing news, Shiho—when the image of Shiho’s crippled body on the ground flashed across her mind. 

It’s your fault.

She froze in her tracks, her hands on her phone becoming still.

“Hey.” The sudden hand on her shoulder made her jump. A figure stood beside her—a figure in her school uniform. Sunlight reflected off a pair of glasses as Ren peered into her eyes. But then his smile faltered at her lack of response. “You okay?”

“Huh?”

“You kind of spaced out.”

Ann blinked—once, twice. “Sorry, I was—” The rush of traffic on the other side of the sidewalk startled her. She looked back behind her shoulder and found the subway exit standing some thirty feet away. She glanced at her phone, then quickly typed her reply. She’d already sent it and stashed the phone back inside her bag before Ren could take a peek at it.

“Were you waiting for me?” Ann asked instead, adjusting her bag straps around her shoulder.

Ren’s gaze was searching, but when Ann said nothing, he didn’t press the subject. He nodded down the pavement toward their school. “Let’s go,” he said, his lips breaking into a small smile.

***

“It’s from Shiho,” Ann said later that day. On lunch break, she sat on her desk, leaning against the window while she ate the melonpan she’d bought at the cafeteria. The sweetness exploded in her mouth. Ren’s dark gray eyes flitted upward, meeting hers for only a moment. “The text message I received this morning. She wished me a happy birthday.”

“That’s nice.” Ren responded with a nod, taking a bit bite of his tuna-flavored rice ball.

Ann waited for more, but no other answer came. “That’s it?” she asked.

“What else?”

She didn’t know. Some kind of surprised reaction, maybe? Or asked how Shiho was doing?

“She’s your best friend,” Ren went on. “You try not to show it, but I know how much you miss her.” 

Ann pursed her lips into a thin line. She averted her gaze to her bread now held on her lap.

“How is she, though?” he added.

“Good, it seems, at least from her texts.” Amazing, in fact. Now she just needed to wait until the doctors let Shiho travel. Or, wait, she had a better idea. Ann turned around in her seat and fully faced Ren. “Do you think we should go see her?”

“What?”

“She’s been pestering me to visit, saying there’s a confectionery store with all manner of sweets near her school. She said they’re really good.” 

Ren chuckled. “Do you wanna meet her or do you wanna eat some sweets?” he said. Ann responded with one of her own, leaning back against the window.

“Do you remember when I told you about Shiho?” she asked. 

Her voice was quiet under the cacophony of her classmates’ gossips and talks. She hoped her voice reached no one but Ren. From the corner of her eyes, she could see she had his full attention. 

“We only met in middle school, but it always felt like I knew her my entire life. She was this weird girl, quiet. While everyone avoided me, she just… randomly struck a conversation with me, saying my painting sucked.” The memory prompted a wry grin spreading across her face. “My parents were always away, so my house was always empty. When Shiho learned about this, she started taking me to all sorts of places. Pastry shops. Bakeries. These cute accessory stores or just shopping for clothes. Sometimes, I go with her to visit some sports stores or help her practice before big games. I never missed her games…”

Ann trailed off. It seemed like it was just yesterday when they were perusing the stores in Shibuya’s underground mall. Shiho had never tasted the buffet’s chocolate fountain either. When Ann went to visit her, maybe she could bring Shiho a crepe from that stand in Central Street Shiho loved so much. The small pang in her heart returned, clenching a little tighter. 

After school, Ann refrained herself from pestering Ren to tell her where they were going. It was going to be a surprise, and she was content to let it stay that way. They rode the train to Shibuya and hopped off at the station. She half-expected Ren to lead her out and into Central Street, but they headed for the Keio Inokashira Line, where they boarded another train heading for Inokashira Park.

“We’re going to Inokashira Park?” Ann asked once they boarded the train and found an empty spot between a man in a suit and a woman carrying groceries.

“Yep,” he replied, but didn’t elaborate.

That was unexpected, though Ann wouldn’t say she minded going there. It had been a while, and strolling through the vast park under beautiful autumn leaves might be a great way to spend her birthday. 

The ride took 20 minutes, give or take. They descended from the train, then exited the station to a quiet residential area. The park lay only a short walk away. Over a stone bridge crossing the river, trees with gold and brown leaves lined the path on both sides. Ann breathed in the crisp afternoon air, cool against her lungs. She always loved it here. 

“So,” Ann said, turning around on her side and peering into his eyes. “What’s the plan?”

“Want me to tell you, or would you prefer it be a surprise?” He’d kept walking with hands in his pockets, his lips curving into the beginning of a smile.

Ann grinned. “Surprise me.”

Ren grinned back.

The first agenda of the day was a swan boat—one of the top tourist attractions of the park. Ren had apparently accompanied Yusuke on a ride once, where several people had thought them a couple. He had wanted to ride it with Ann after that. But when the rental place came into view, standing in the distance over the bank of the large pond, Ann ground her feet to a halt. Legend had it that the Goddess Benzaiten would curse any couple who rode the swan boat together. They would break up shortly thereafter. 

“You really want to ride the boat?” Ann asked.

Noticing she had stayed back, Ren paused on his steps, tilting his head in genuine inquiry. “Why?” he asked. Ann refused to say why, partly because it was a ludicrous legend, partly because she feared the legend might come true. Understanding dawned on his face when she said nothing, and Ren pulled his lips into a teasing grin. “What, you’re afraid of some superstition?”

There were valid reasons one should be afraid of it. What if something bad truly happened to them and they broke up? 

“If something bad truly happens and we break up,” Ren went on, “you can just blame the curse and forget all about me.”

Ann scoffed, feeling his reply was ridiculous enough to lighten her mood. “I could never forget you,” she said. Her answer brought a smile to his face, and Ren reached out to take her hand.

“That’s why I’m saying we should get on the boat and prove the legend wrong. Besides, would you really let some curse get between us?”

The answer was obvious as Ann felt her lips pulled into a quiet grin. He tugged her hand, then led her to the boat rental place.

It was her first time riding the boat too. It seemed fun, but she never had the chance to ride it. “Next time” had been her reason. If she thought about it now, there were no particular reasons behind it. Why? She could’ve ridden on it with Shiho if she wanted. Had Ann ingrained the curse so deep in her mind that she became incapacitated because of it? Because even without the bad luck, her life had already been a hell of its own. 

People had shunned her. Some had even bullied her. She’d tried not to let it get to her, but for a twelve- or thirteen-year-old, peer pressure had been enough to corner her and make her think of the worst. Should I dye my hair black and wear contact lenses? If I look like everyone else, people may start to like me. These thoughts had spiraled down in her mind with no signs of stopping. She was always alone; her parents were never home. She had no one to depend on—until Shiho, but even that light only lasted three years before she was taken away from her. 

Paddling the swan boat was harder than it looked. And with a difference in strength, it was hard to coordinate their movements. Ann would think their time in the metaverse had strengthened her muscles, but that did not seem like the case. 

“You don’t look like it, but you’re pretty strong, aren’t you?” Ann said, huffing and puffing her breath. 

Ren wasn’t entirely active in gym class either. He wasn’t the strongest nor the fastest. When the boys played soccer or basketball, he would always sit back. “I hate breaking a sweat,” he’d said once. Yet every time they were in the metaverse, he always looked like he was ready to show off. 

Ren chuckled under his breath. “I’ve been going to the gym. Morgana nagged me to strengthen my muscles.”

Figures. The cat was behind everything. She should follow his example and visit the gym more often. 

Wait—

“Whereis Morgana?” Ann hadn’t seen him since morning. 

Ren’s smile was wry. “When I told him I’ll be going on a date with you, he turned around and flicked his tail at me.”

“Poor guy. You should buy him something. What about sushi?”

“I should buy yousomething.”

Ann clicked her tongue in irritation then stared him down, her eyes hard. “You never gave him those tuna sushi, right?” He never did, from all the way back in August—Ann knew. Ren quickly relented, averting his gaze and finding some interesting spot to observe on the water. “It won’t be the high-end sushi bar like in Ginza, but I’m sure there are some delicious ones around here.”

“Then,” he said, “we’re having sushi for dinner.”

***

Massive trees lined the pond on either side. In the spring, pink and white sakura petals decorated the trees in its transient beauty. Ann often sat on the benches, under the awning of the low-hanging branches and overlooking the pond. She imagined that rowing a boat in the middle of it would feel like traversing through a forest. The thick foliage obscured the view of passers-by and park-goers, making it seem like she was in a dreamscape or fantasy, where there was only herself and nature. 

That was what Ann felt now that she was sitting on a boat in the middle of the pond. But instead of sakura, the trees were now lined with gold and red and yellow with a dash of green here and there. They had stopped paddling, resting their legs. They’d gone quite far, their boat rocking between the gentle waves. Late sunlight dappled across the water surface. When a cool, crisp wind that brushed past her skin like a soft caress against her face, Ann watched the water rippling along with it. By the bank, leaves danced in the wind, swirling and dipping and soaring high until they flew out of sight. 

“Having fun?” Ren asked. Ann nodded, drawing a quiet, contented breath. She felt his smile more than she saw it, before he shifted his gaze away and said, “I heard you’ve been wanting to ride the boat.”

That caught her attention. She turned to him.

“Who did you hear it from?”

“Shiho.” The answer rolled easily off his tongue, as though it was apparent. If Ren were any other person, Ann would have thought he might have heard it in passing or from Shiho herself. But he barely knew Shiho—barely talked to her before the incident in April—so how could he have known? He didn’t give her a chance to ask before he glanced behind his shoulder and said, “The sun almost set.”

The far eastern sky had grown a deep blazing orange while the sun made its slow descent behind them, sending out the last of its rays before dipping under the horizon. Ann swallowed her question as she moved to paddle alongside Ren to turn the boat around. They’d gotten the hang of it, finding the perfect rhythm between his paddling and hers. They reached the rental space by the time the sun completely disappeared. 

Hand in hand, they headed for the gate leading toward Kichijoji. Various kinds of stores stood on both sides. From second-hand boutiques to chic cafes, furniture stores and handmade accessory stores. Ren’s focus had been on his phone for a while, typing one-handed as text message after text message came with each vibration and incoming beep. 

“Who’re you talking with?” Ann asked.

“Hm? Oh, Sojiro.” The slight pause had tugged her curiosity, but when he met her inquiring gaze, Ren only said, “He’s making sure I don’t go home too late.”

That was nice, Ann thought, to have someone to worry about when he would get home. She didn’t have anyone like that.

Ren messed with his phone for a while longer. When Ann peeked, she noticed the map open on his screen. ‘Sushi bar’ was the search item and several red dots had appeared. Ren clicked and unclicked each dot, reading the descriptions and the reviews left on it, until he finally decided on a place and led her to it. 

His phone beeped again. Another incoming message. Ann glanced at him right as Ren sent his reply. 

“Boss again?”

Sojiro didn’t seem like the type to worry so much. Hadn’t he let Ren out on nights? Ren’s ambiguous nod only fed her suspicion that he was hiding something. She opened her mouth then, about to say something, when they rounded a corner and a voice she hadn’t expected to hear reach her ear. 

“Ann.”

Ann froze. 

Soft and meek, it was a voice she hadn’t heard in person for months. The last time Ann heard it was when they brought her to the school rooftop before she moved away. Ann slowly turned around in search of the source, and there, some twenty feet ahead, was a person she hadn’t expected to see. Dressed in a navy-blue jacket and white cropped trousers, her black hair tied in its usual ponytail, Shiho’s features lit up by the smile blossoming across her face. She held her hand high above her head, waving at her excitedly.

“Aren’t you going to say hi?” Ren asked when Ann failed to react.

He was beaming, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. Did he know? Did he plan this? Nonsense. Didn’t he know how far Shiho’s home now was? How had she even gotten to this place? On a school day, no less. Then there was her message that morning. Sorry we can’t celebrate together like we used to. Shiho wouldn’t have said that if she’d planned to come. She wasn’t the type to surprise Ann like this. But—

I’m sure Ren-kun has prepared something amazing for you.

Ann slowly shifted her attention to her still-beaming boyfriend, who was nodding his head toward Shiho as if trying to say, go on. Go to her. 

“Did you plan this?” Her voice was only above a whisper. 

He replied with a shrug and a knowing smile. Maybe he thought this was what she wanted, and maybe it was—she’d said so herself; she wanted to meet Shiho. But as Ann loosened her hold on Ren’s hand and all she wanted was to cross the distance and hug Shiho with all her might—because Shiho was here! She’d travelled all the way here!—Ann found herself hitting Ren’s arm instead. Again and again and again—hitting him with a fist as, one by one, tears rolled down her cheeks. 

Why did he bring Shiho here? Didn’t Ren know her friend was still in recovery? Didn’t he know she was still going to rehab every week? Ann knew, because Ann had been in touch with Shiho every other day. They’d texted each other and called each other. Ann knew everything that was going on in Shiho’s life as though she lived it herself. And Ann knew that every day was still a struggle, even though Shiho had said she could almost do everything by herself now. But almost was still not one hundred percent everything. Her physician praised her for improving so much in so little time, but they’d told her to not push her limit. And travelling was clearly pushing the limit. 

What if something bad happened to Shiho on the way? What if Shiho could never return to how she once was?

Arms wrapped around her. Shiho rested her cheek on Ann’s shoulder, warm tears seeping into her school blazer.

“I’m alright, Ann,” Shiho whispered to her ear, over and over like a mantra. “I’m safe.”

***

“I’ll leave you two to catch up,” Ren said before he disappeared from the bar. Ann watched him leave from their seat by the corner. They’d ordered several sushi sets, Ren promising to pay for everything. From his part-time jobs, he’d explained to Shiho. Though there was probably some truth to his words, Ann knew most of it came from their Palace pilfering. 

Silence descended, broken only when Shiho said, “Don’t blame him too much, Ann.”

Ann glanced at her friend before shifting her gaze to her hands. “I’m happy you’re here with me now, Shiho, but…” She shook her head. “Once we return, I’m going to give him a piece of my mind. How could he have thought of bringing you all the way back to Tokyo?” If their sushi had arrived, Ann imagined she would have taken out her irritation on them. It’s not that she disliked Shiho’s presence. Just that…

“I wanted to.” Shiho’s quiet reply drew Ann’s attention to her. “I want to celebrate your birthday with you. And more than anything, I wanted to show you how well I’ve gotten.” Her lips quirked into a small smile, brightening her features. “And it’s not like I went alone. Mom’s here somewhere.”

“Your mom?”

Shiho gave a self-deprecating chuckle. “I got an earful, though.”

“Serves you right! If you wanted us to meet, I could’ve gone to your place instead. In fact, we were just talking about that this afternoon.” 

“But that wouldn’t have been a surprise.”

A muscle twitched along Ann’s jaw as Shiho let out another light laugh. Ann clenched both of her hands on the table, gritting her teeth at her friend’s nonchalant attitude.

“Don’t overestimate your body, Shiho, please. Didn’t the doctor say you shouldn’t push yourself? You’re not your one hundred percent yet. What if something irreversibly bad happens? Yes, it’s great to hear your health has gotten better and I can’t wait to hang out with you again, but—”

Shiho’s crippled form flashed across her mind. Her throat closed up; tears sprang in her eyes as Ann furiously blinked them away. When she spoke next, she couldn’t hide the tremble in her voice: 

“I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.” If Shiho’s rush to return to her full potential backfired, Ann didn’t know if she could forgive herself.

The server brought their sushi with three glasses of cold green tea. Ann averted her gaze, brushing at a stray tear as she took out her phone and mumbled something about telling Ren the food had arrived. However, before she could, Shiho’s hand encompassed hers. 

“Do you still blame yourself?” her friend asked.

Ann went still. “I don’t,” she said, even as her heart clenched tight and her breath caught in her throat. 

“It’s not your fault, Ann.”

She knew that. She thought she did. That was why Carmen woke up from inside her. But then there were moments when she lay in the dark, when thoughts she never knew she ever had kept her awake the entire night.

Your fault. Your fault. Your fault. You should’ve noticed the signs. You should’ve known she was suffering. Even if there had been nothing you could’ve done, you should’ve been there for her at the least. You’re her friend! Why had you let her feel so alone, so cornered, that the only consolation she could find was on the other side of the rooftop ledge?

Shiho pulled her into her arms, whispering soothing words to her ear. “It’s alright. It’s okay. I’m fine. It’s not your fault, Ann. It never was.”

The dam broke. Ann clutched onto Shiho’s back as tears she never realized she had held streamed down her face. 

***

Maybe it was an excuse—checking up on Shiho, or going to the sweets store near her school. All Ann ever wanted was to see her friend healthy again so they could have fun like they used to.

When Ren returned to his seat, Ann ended up giving him a piece of her mind. A little more nagging and scolding and refusing to speak with him for the rest of the day. Shiho joked that it must have been Benzaiten’s curse, at which Ren laughed and Ann frowned. 

“We’re not breaking up,” Ann said with certainty. 

Shiho and Ren looked at her in surprise, after which Shiho said to Ren, “You heard her, Ren-kun.” They snickered at Ann’s expanse. 

Shiho’s mother had gone to Kichijoji’s shopping arcade before she went to pick her daughter up at the sushi bar. Ann drew an internal sigh of relief when she saw no signs of vexations on her face as she greeted Ann with a smile. When the girls introduced Ren, however, there was a frozen stillness to her features that even made the unflappable Ren break out in sweats.

They waved her goodbye, but before they turned around the corner to wherever her mother parked her car, Shiho turned around once and shouted, “Come over sometimes, okay?” Shiho beamed, waving her hand high, then disappeared from view. 

“You heard her,” Ren said. She did.

Ren offered his hand, but Ann only spared it a glance before turning her back on him and heading down the opposite direction from Shiho. Ren fell into step beside her. 

“I’ll walk you home,” he said.

“No need.”

“Even so.”

Night had fallen. Lights flickered along the storefronts and windows. Conversations floated around as they walked in silence between passers-by in the shopping district. 

As they turned the corner and headed back toward the park, Ann murmured, “Thanks.” 

She’d acted strong—acted like she had accepted everything. That was never the case. A part of her—an insecure part of her—always came in the middle of the night to whisper despicable things about herself. Fake. Impostor. She only joined the Phantom Thieves because she felt guilty about Shiho. She’d sought to change the hearts of vile adults so no one would have to suffer like her again. It was true, but that was only half of the truth. In all honesty, Ann wanted to seek forgiveness. A redemption. If she accomplished many good deeds, maybe the Gods would hear her prayer and give Shiho her health back. 

As the park came into view, Ann felt Ren’s gaze on her. She still refused to meet it, but let her face break into a tiny crack of a smile. The twinge of pain in her heart gradually subsided, leaving her feeling liberated, as though a heavy weight had been lifted off her mind.

~ END ~

A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes

Fandom: Persona 5

Word count:2323

Rating:T

Summary: Set in the third semester, after everyone’s false realities break, Ren finds Shiho back at the underground mall.

Note: commission for @thalassatides. Thank you for commissioning me ^^ this was fun to work on!

Read on AO3.

~*~*~*~*~

To fall in love with a dream…

Never had Ren entertained such thoughts—never thought it was possible—until that afternoon he accompanied Shiho on another one of her excursions in the Shibuya Underground Mall. A laugh here, a smile there—the way she looked as she perused store after store from the sports equipment to the sundries shops: calm and… cheerful. Bereft of any sorrow and pain she’d felt under Kamoshida’s reign. He had never seen her so happy before.

“Look, Ren! Isn’t it cute?”

Shiho called his attention to a pair of plush charms—a mascot of some TV show he knew in passing. But it wasn’t the charms he had his eyes on. A brilliant beam graced Shiho’s lips, and it was all he could do to stop his heart from skipping a beat.

“We used to watch this show a lot—Ann and me.” Her voice was soft. She returned her gaze to the charm, distant and nostalgic. “Ann used to admire the villain a lot. I wonder if they have… Ah, here it is! Maybe I should buy one and show her the next time we meet.”

Smiling to herself, then, with a nod, she set off to the cashier to buy the charm of a woman in a red suit. Ren watched her ponytail bobbed and swayed in rhythm with her step, trying and failing to ignore the pang in his chest. Maruki’s reality—that was all this was: a figment of whoever’s imagination following Ann’s dream shattering that reminded him the false utopia still lived.

He’d found her a couple weeks back, browsing the shelves of the sport equipment stores here in the underground mall. The sight of her had shaken him to the core that, for a good long second, he had stood frozen, until Morgana peeked out of his bag and climbed onto his shoulder.

“What’s wrong?” the cat had asked.

Wordlessly, Ren had pointed at Shiho’s petite figure, only for Morgana to see nothing but thin air amongst the stacks of cold spray. Ren couldn’t believe the cat, gave him an incredulous look, only to receive a quizzical gaze in return.

“There!” he’d said again. “Right there picking up a can of—”

Morgana had disappeared from his shoulder when Ren turned his head. He couldn’t find him, no matter where he’d looked. And just as he’d thought the cat must have slipped away somehow—which, if Ren was honest, had been absurd since he had neither heard him plop to the floor nor felt the soft touch of his paws down his back—a familiar voice had called his name.

“Ren?”

Ren blinked. Shiho now stood in front of him, peering up his face through the unkempt hair he called his bangs. The sudden proximity—or, more like, the sudden materialization of the girl he’d been recalling—jolted him in surprise, pushing him to take a step back.

“You okay? You seem rather out of it.”

“I’m fine.” Ren cleared his throat. “Anyway, where to next?”

“Well, this is supposed to be date—”

Curse the flutter in his heart.

“—maybe somewhere date-like, I guess? Movies? Diner? Now that I think about it, I have no idea what people do on dates.” She flashed a sheepish grin at him. “Sorry, I guess we’ve just been going along with my whims.”

“I quite enjoyed your whims, actually.”

His words made her pause, and for a split moment, he wondered if he’d said something wrong. But then her smile grew, just a little around the edges, with a tinge of pink coloring her cheeks.

He remembered that look. When they had passed by the florist and the owner had called him aside, she’d asked him if he was on a date. Their vehement denials had only prompted her to giggle and say it was a shame. “You look good together,” she’d said. It had sounded like a tease, but the kindness in her eyes had seemed to speak otherwise. And apparently Shiho had thought the same, because her denials had stopped short, followed by a momentary pause in which her cheeks had grown red. Her smile had come soon after, slow but sure—a small thing. One would have thought Shiho was shy.

She’d turned to him then, and with that smile remaining on her face, said, “It seems we look good together.”

Never had Ren felt a powerful urge to draw someone into his arms and never let go.

***

They went outside, where winter was well on its way and dark clouds gathered in the sky. The weather report from early that morning said it would snow later today—which should be soon. He wondered if he could watch the snowfall with Shiho.

In Central Street, Shiho noted how everything looked different, even though nothing had changed. An effect of Maruki’s reality, perhaps? Or simply the fact that she had been gone for almost a year.

“There’s the crepe stall we used to queue on weekends,” she said. “Ann loved asking me out to the diner, too. Oh, I remember going to that karaoke place during middle school—” She stopped, then glanced at him. Another one of those sheepish smiles. “Sorry, it’s not a very date-like topic, is it?”

“No, no, please continue. I enjoy hearing about them.”

Again, that pause, but this time Ren was conscious enough to realize he’d made her blush. He should stop doing that! Because her blush would make him blush, and her smile would make him smile. But this was only a dream that would shatter once he defeated Maruki and returned the world to the way it was. If he let his heart flutter anymore than this, he’d never be able to let her go.

“Hey.” She tugged at his sleeve. “Wanna go to the arcade?”

***

Arcade games might not be the best to judge one’s physical prowess, but watching Shiho winning the basketball game was a sight to behold.

“You’re losing on purpose!”

Shiho laughed as she landed another perfect score inside the basket. Within the allotted time, she had already achieved 25 points, whereas Ren was still sitting on a measly 14.

“No, I’m not.” Ren offered his own chuckle. “You’re just better at sports than I am.”

Time ran out; the number “27” flashed across the screen of Shiho’s machine. Shiho grinned from ear to ear.

“Tired?” she asked.

“Not in the least.”

“Well,I am. Guess I’m still a bit out of it.” Shiho rolled her shoulders, and it seemed like their basketball game had really taken a toll on her. “Let’s get something to drink.”

Ren intercepted her before she could move. “Let me. I’ll make a quick run to the store; you stay here.”

Shiho’s protests fell on deaf ears as Ren rushed to the double sliding doors before she could stop him. The frigid wind stung his face the moment he stepped out. Pulling his coat tighter around himself, he hurried to the store next door, where he bought two cups of hot coffee and threw in a bag of chips. He thanked the cashier, then made his way out. He had barely left the store when a voice called him from behind:

“Amamiya-kun.”

Ren froze. A few aisles down, behind one of the shelves, Maruki stood in a sweater and coat, his unkempt brown hair falling over his eyes. For a split second, Ren was back in that white office, sitting on those brown sofas and being offered candies and food in return for helping with his research. For that split second, Maruki was not the maniac who’d fancied himself a savior.

“Relax,” his former teacher said when Ren put up his guard. He moved out of his aisle with both hands raised. “I’ve come in peace.”

“Peace offerings rarely involve skulking behind someone’s back.”

Maruki smiled thinly. “Care to take this outside? You wouldn’t want an audience overhearing our conversation.”

While Ren would rather not agree, he nodded, then let Maruki walk in front of him.

The former counselor led him to an empty spot between the store and arcade. Above him, the sky looked ominous. The heat was slowly seeping away from his coffee. He’d have to finish this conversation soon.

“What do you want?” Ren asked. They still had a few days before the deadline.

“I came to check on you. Your countenance, for one, looks much better than I had expected. Brighter, I’d say. Softer.”

Ren narrowed his eyes. “What are you talking about?”

“Why. this reality, of course. The effect of having Shiho Suzui by your side.”

Shiho?

At his stricken silence, Maruki blinked in surprise. “You haven’t figured it out.”

“What haven’t I figured out exactly?” Ren asked through gritted teeth. “I know she’s part of your world. I know she’s not real. None of my friends can see her. Why? Some kind of effect from your reality, no doubt. It’s like you’re playing with my head, conjuring a lifelike apparition that only I can see to convince me to—”

“I didn’t conjure her.” Maruki’s interruption was quiet but firm. His eyes behind those spectacles showed sympathy instead of scorn. “You conjured her yourself.”

“No, I didn’t—”

No—wait. A memory surfaced to his mind of a brief talk they had one afternoon after school. Among the regrets he’d had during this entire ordeal, Shiho was close to the top. The girl who’d shown him kindness when all others had shown contempt, content with believing baseless rumors and calling him a problem kid. Her bright smile had been his sole respite, an oasis in a desert of abhorrence.

But then she jumped.

“You wanted to save her,” Maruki went on. “You said you wished you could’ve prevented that incident from ever happening.”

He did, and so did Ann. Who was it who broke her reality when Shiho could’ve lived happily there? A hypocrite—that’s what he was—for wanting to preserve this moment when his friends had sacrificed theirs.

Ren clenched his hands. “This isn’t what I wanted.”

“Not quite, yes, but an alternate reality nonetheless in which the girl you love never had to experience those things. Would you not give her that?”

He would. Which was why he would not have blamed his friends had they chosen to stay within their dreams. Who was he to deny them of their desires? But they had chosen to break free. They had chosen to help him. Whatever honeyed words Maruki said, however perfect this new reality seemed to be, in the end, it would only be an illusion, and like every illusion, it would eventually shatter.

His lips tugged into a quiet smile even as his heart began to break. “Thank you for bringing me back to my senses, Doc,” he said. He bowed his head. “I’ll see you at the Palace.”

He bid Maruki goodbye, then headed back inside the arcade, stopping short just as the doors slid open because his coffee had gotten cold and he should buy another. He had just climbed down the steps when the arcade doors slid open again. A familiar pair of footsteps stopped behind him.

“There you are!” Shiho was scowling, though her eyes were more worried than angry. “What took you so long?”

The crack echoed in his ears. He felt the tears sting his eyes before his throat closed in a quiet sob. Noticing the change, Shiho tilted her head to the side. “Ren?” she called his name. Her voice was so soft and gentle and warm. No longer would it ring in his ears.

He cupped her cheek, then felt her jump, felt her eyes try to meet his. But his gaze was trained on the prominence of her cheekbones, where a bruise used to color it purple but now only a pale white remained. She relaxed into his touch.

“I’ve got to go,” she said, “haven’t I?”

Ren looked at her with a start. A small, knowing smile spread across her lips.

“You knew?”

“Always.”

“How?”

Shiho shrugged. “Just that, the memories I know to be true would often contradict the visions I would have in my mind.”

Was it because of him? His inability to accept this new reality prompted him to conjure an imperfect apparition of the one thing his heart desired most. His lips trembled; the tears he’d held at bay slowly rolled down his face.

“I’m sorry.”

But Shiho shook her head, and she enveloped his hand with hers. “Don’t be, Ren. For what it is worth, I am happy.”

Her smile reached her eyes, and Ren burned that image into his mind.

“Ah! Before I forget.” She reached into her pockets, then withdrew a small silver charm. A flower. “Iris,” she said. “I found it at the accessory shop.” She dropped the charm on Ren’s open palm. It weighed as heavy as the torrent raging inside him.

“I thought you bought a charm for Ann.”

“Ah, well…” Shiho chuckled. “I’m not exactly real, so even if I did, I wouldn’t be able to give it to her.”

Ren pursed his lips, enclosing the charm in his fist. For a heartbeat, they stood there, hand in hand, gazing into each other. It was a brief glimpse—the glint he spotted in her gray eyes. Before he knew it, she had risen to her tiptoes and pressed a featherlight kiss to his cheek.

“Have faith, Ren,” came her whisper. “We’ll meet again.”

Like a dream waning into light, her corporeal form faded until only glimmers remained. Something cold and wet landed on his skin, stealing the lingering warmth of Shiho’s kiss. Snow had fallen in soft flurries of crystal and ice. But Shiho was no longer there.

“I’ll come find you.” With breath clouding in front of his face, Ren vowed into the sky. “Once all of this is over, I’ll come find you, and we’ll start anew.”

In his mind, he could see the brilliant beam gracing Shiho’s lips. It lit up her features.

~ END ~

(i PROMISE this is the last one)

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(part 1)