#sierra burgess is a loser

LIVE

pair: ace x thermite ( @elliewan has inspired me from ao3 works!!) and mentions of ash x iq

warnings: insecurity, hurt/comfort i suppose? some fluff n angst

desc: ace isnt always so full of himself, you know.

the song is sunflower by shannon purser! from sierra burgess is a loser. the version in this is the movie version. highly recommend it!

this isnt going along with any of the stories posted, or anything!! just my own little idea that i was thinking of!

in truth, its more like ace is out of thermites league?? im unsure how to explain it other than ace wanting to seem “normal” enough for thermite to like him back, i suppose. also, ace thinks jordan likes women more sorta?? dont expect anything too good :) just an idea

–

rose girls in glass vases
perfect bodies, perfect faces
they all belong in magazines

“He’s so full of himself. Who would’ve guessed he’s a rescue worker?”

“Maybe he’d be better if he didn’t have his face shoved in the screen all the time, taking selfies.”

Yeah. Håvard heard it all. It never fell on deaf ears for him when it came to insults. They were jealous, he told himself. They envied him, he lied.

When he was alone, on ‘off’ days, was when he fell into such a daze. He’d just lie in bed until someone came and bothered him. Almost never. Who wanted to be around someone only concerned with their self?

Most days. That was how often he prided himself in his looks. His charm. His personality. His skill. He knew he had so much going on that others could only dream of having, but..he was never satisfied. But why? Was it because of his stupid longing for him?

those girls the boys are chasing
winning all the games they’re playing
they’re always in a different league

He wished the feelings would go away. But he was in too deep. He’d been crushing since the moment they’d met. And now, he was stuck in a quicksand pit of feelings. Maybe a typhoon. A whirlpool, perhaps.

He couldn’t help but chuckle halfheartedly in the darkness of his room, pulling his comforter tighter over his frame, then closing his tired eyes. He was perfectly ready to nap until Max bust in.

“C’mon, Haughland, let’s go! Trace, Weiss, Ela and are going out to town! It’s nice out and you look too sad to mope!”

“Oh, please, I’m fine.” Håvard huffed and covered his head, yelping a bit as the blanket was yanked off, exposing him to the cold.

“Come on! No isn’t an answer!”

And that was how he wound up being dragged along by the short Aussie, ahead of the few others with them. One of the Bosak sisters, he couldn’t pay enough attention to tell which. Ela likely. Then Monika. Whoever else, Håvard didn’t know.

However, when he glanced back, he felt his heart sink just a little more. Monika and Jordan talking. He hated this feeling of jealousy and how close they seemed. But..it was likely work, right? Yeah, that’s what it was.

stretching toward the sky like i don’t care
wishing you could see me standing there

He felt a little better after some time, teasing Max a little and laughing a bit. However, time felt to go by so fast as they all found a nice restaurant, pushing together a bit to fit an extra chair for Monika. It felt inconvenient to Håvard, as he was squished up against the man he had feelings for, and then there was Monika, on his other side.

Even worse was that he felt invisible as they talked something about a new gadget to test in the lab. And to make it even worse? He was asked to scoot over, but complied silently. He felt a little bad for seeming so grumpy, but he ignored Monika as she asked if he was alright.

So, they ordered, all of them picking something fairly healthy, minus Håvard, who just got a straight up salad. That was the healthiest he could find. Even upset, he wanted to keep his diet. It wasn’t very busy, so it took a short while for them to receive their food. And while everyone else ate just fine, he felt suddenly disinterested, poking at the sad looking salad on his plate. Maybe it was only sad because of him. Maybe he was contagious.

“You should eat, Haughland.” Someone said to him, but he waved his hand dismissively, just drawing little patterns in the condensation on the cup, almost smiling until he heard Monika say something.

“…Yes, I suppose we could do that. I can’t wait.”

He blinked at the cup, then frowned at his own slightly distorted reflection. He glanced up, where Max sat, perfectly still. Max had heard just as much as he had.

With a slight cough, he got to his feet. “I’ll be right back. Uh..smoke break.” He was lying through his teeth, but any excuse to step away would be lovely.

“But you don’t smoke?” Ela said, narrowing her eyes as if confused.

“There’s a lot you don’t know.” He smiled slightly, which he knew lacked it’s usual charm. He just stepped outside, leaning on the wall.

but i’m a sunflower, a little funny
if i were a rose, maybe you’d want me

For a second, he let tears he didn’t know he’d been holding back to fall. No sobs. Just silent tears and a slight whimper as he gazed up to the sky, eyes focused on a fluffy white cloud. It looked like a snail.

He smiled slightly, but that quickly faded when he heard a ring of a bell and he turned, to where Jordan stood, looking awfully worried. He wiped his tears quickly with the sleeves of his turtleneck.

“Are you o- no you’re not.”

“I am.” He argued back with a small smile, which was actually kind of genuine. But it didn’t last long.

“What happened? Did you…Did you lose someone?”

“Sort of in a way. Or so it feels.” Håvard shrugged as Jordan leaned on the brick wall beside him.

“Talk to me. If..you want, of course.”

“No, I’m fine.” He laughed a little, shaking his head a bit. “It isn’t important anymore. I’ve cried over it. I’m done.”

“You admitted you cried!” Jordan huffed and crossed his arms. “So you’re not- or weren’t okay?”

“I..suppose you could say that.” He shrugged, a little more serious now.

if i could, i’d change overnight
i’d turn into something you’d like

“Then..can I ask what’s wrong?”

Håvard paused a long moment, then sighed. “You. And it isn’t really your fault.”

Jordan paused himself, then tilting his head. “What d’ya mean?”

He hesitated, then smiled slightly. “Monika. You’re going on a date with her, I heard. I just-”

“Oh! That? That isn’t a date. Really.” Jordan said, waving his hands slightly. “Just some tests on my charges. Weiss is eager to see if we can make the hole it creates a bit bigger. Who’d think sheof all people would be excited to do such a thing?”

He laughed a bit and Håvard smiled a bit.

“I’m sorry, then. I just..”

“Like me. I know, silly. Not hard to tell. Trust me on that much.” Jordan grinned and leaned on the wall beside him. “But..I don’t like Weiss. As a friend, sure. But nothing more. And she’s the same, trust me. She drools over Eliza.”

Håvard felt his face flush and he laughed a bit. “I wish I was a bit less thick-skulled. Maybe I would have noticed.” He paused. “Is that the right phrase? I think that’s what you all say..”

Jordan frowned a bit. “We don’t mean to hurt your feelings, you know.” He said, voice more soft now. “Just..I don’t know how to put it..”

but i’m a sunflower, a little funny
if i were a rose, maybe you’d pick me

“Not always. I know.” He smiled. “I’ve accepted it.”

“I mean it, A- Håvard.”

“You said my name right-”

“Practice.” Jordan smiled a bit. “But..that’s not my point. What I mean is..you can be a bit..arrogant. But, I don’t always see you that way. Not everyone does. But I won’t say there aren’t times where people are annoyed.”

Håvard snorted a little. “I know that much, silly!” He smiled. “I just..get insecure. And..And before you go on about how I have so much, it doesn’t mean I’m happy. Content, maybe, but..not exactly happy.”

Jordan paused, as if waiting an explanation. He didn’t wait long.

“It’s more so because..I wonder if I’m enough. I..I figure you can tell I like you…no, I’m in love with you, but..am I enough?”

Jordan opened his mouth to speak, but Håvard stopped him.

“I may not be. But..I’ll change..I’ll change for you.”

but i know you don’t have a clue
this sunflower’s waiting for you
waiting for you

And that was when Jordan seized him by she shoulders and kissed him like there was no one watching. And while no one really was, they could’ve been seen. But neither cared.

Håvard was pleasantly lightheaded when Jordan let go, laughing a bit like he’d gone hysterical. It took him a minute to recover.

“You don’t have to change for me, you stupid snowball of confidence and- and-” Jordan huffed, just pulling Håvard close in effort to suffice in place of words. And suffice it did, as he seemed to finally be able to genuinely fully smile for the first time that day.

but i’m a sunflower, a little funny
if i were a rose, maybe you’d pick me
but i know you don’t have a clue
this sunflower’s waiting for you
waiting for you

After a while, they stepped back inside. Max looked awfully surprised, but grinned as he saw his friend smiling and happy.

They left shortly, Jordan and Håvard hanging back, walking beside one another, hands touching every so often. They said nothing, but they were happy.

And no, they weren’t together. Just..happy for the time being.

And that was okay.

–

IM SO PROUD OF THIS IDK WHY
THE BEGINNING ISNT TOO GOOD BUT IDM IM HAPPY AND I LOVE IT

also i thought of thermite calling ace snowball would be cute bc i think mans has platinum blonde hair and burns really easy in the sun bc hes so pale