#software engineering
// To appease the typing gods
( submitted by @jasminenoack)
*Syntax Error* “Ah, there it is.”
*Syntax Error* “Ermmm is it here?”
*Syntax Error* “Arrrg, I give up.”
*colleague comes over* “There it is.”
// submitted by @photofocus-blog1
// This is blatant pandering to the Plutonian gods
( submitted by @skaiawards)
One week before program is due: “I’ve defined all of my classes, I can easily write the code to implement them in a few hours!”
One hour before program is due: “I can not do this it takes more time than I thought!”
// submitted by @kurokatana101
*Building everything properly and efficiently, doing regular tests of individual functions and fixing errors as you go*
“Well alright, everything works alone. Time to test it all together.”
*SERVER CRASHES*
*last backup was an hour ago*
“… so this is how the apocalypse starts. Super duper.”
// submitted by another0ghost
Days into CS100: “Man, this isn’t so hard.”
Days before final: “…I forgot what the header is.”
// submitted by @askcivilization-blog
*working on code that implements a method the professor wrote*
“Why is this not working?! This should definitely work!”
*checks professor’s method*
“He copy-pasted wrong! Of course it won’t work when THE MAIN METHOD IS WRONG!!”
// submitted by thecaptainpetty
*has been staring at and scrolling through code for 20 minutes trying to figure out why its not working*
*fed up* “LOOK I KNOW YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO WORK LIKE 95% OF THE TIME BUT what about that other 5%, huh? Can I program a random generator that’s rigged to only make the code work?”
*suddenly stares wildly off into the distance* “Maybe…”
// submitted by @transcomputational
Programming in Scheme/Lisp “What do you mean ‘no body found in expression’? It’s right there!! Stupid parantheses!”
// submitted by @broadwayuponastar
Program: *Does not do what it’s supposed to.*
Me: “But where is the error?”
Me: *compiles code piece by piece to find the error, while the ‘error in line such-and-such’ remains unhelpful*
Me: *finds the part that throws the error*
Me: “There is no error here…”
Me: *goes through letter by letter*
Me: “…I forgot the array brackets and instead asked for a variable.”
Me: “Why is this throwing an error twenty lines later in a completely different code section?”
// submitted by @whimsilica
When your IDE glitches and nothing works when you know it should work-“What do you meant it’s an error? WTF ARE YOU SMOKING IDE?”
*restarts IDE* “Ohh well would you look at that, everything works, I fucking love my job!”
// submitted by vkmicro
“How to take user input in java”
// submitted by xgigabytesx
When the while loop keeps crashing everything and you can’t figure out how to make it not infinite, and you’re like- “alright, it’s time to contain the beast”
(submitted by vkmicro)
“It works on my machine.”
// submitted by davetromp
(Reviewing a problem with a group of peers before a Java test)
Me: —and you know what a constructor is, right?
Three of four peers: *blink, exhausted*
Fourth peer: No, we weren’t taught anything.
Me: *incoherent squeaking* *erases stuff on white board to make room for a new wave of illegible handwriting*
// submitted by @fourohfourlifenotfound
// theres a lot to unpack here
// but lets just throw away the whole suitcase
( submitted by nt1274)
Professor: “You have to do the first part of exam on paper. No, you cannot use anything else and you’ll get a completely new problem that you’ve never seen before that’s essentially a mix of everything we’ve done for the whole semester. And during the class we can only show you the examples we know and have done for years previously. HF!”
// submitted by @akatsuki-rin
What the documentation said: “This software is compatible with Windows OS.”
What the documentation meant: “You can theoretically compile this on Windows, as long as you download a Linux-like command prompt, download an executable to handle Linux-specific decompression algorithms, change the line endings on every file, and manage to install several other dependencies that do not have Windows compatible versions.”
Programmer, who wrote the rest of their program in with Windows OS specific code, not realizing this: *endless crying*
// submitted by stemsynthillusionist
“So we want to append these two Excel files to another Excel file, while validating the info from an XML file and a data file.”
“Okay so I’ll grab the xml file and reference the data file, then validate it to the Excel files right?”
“Actually now that you say it that doesn’t make sense, we don’t need to do that.”
*Headdesk*
// submitted by angrymarker
