#somethingpersonalforachange

(Repost from my Instagram since it will be helpful for you guys as well)

Long story short so you can choose to scroll past or read: I’m dealing with ADHD and I never knew I had it until now, at age 27. I’d like to spread more awareness about this condition since a LOT of people might be struggling with it without even knowing. It can give you the feeling you’re failing in everything you do and that there’s something wrong with you, while there is an explanation!

In the first 5 slides you can read what ADHD means and what types there are. I personally have inattentive ADHD, meaning that I’m physically not hyperactive but am only dealing with a brain that has trouble with certain things. I don’t always deal with all of the symptoms, though, and it depends on what situation I’m in and how I feel.

So many people around me have recently discovered (at a later age) they have ADHD because the pandemic is making the symptoms stand out more. When I look back I already had symptoms as a child, but they have never been noticed by anyone, ever. I’ve always been undereducated about ADHD and thought it was just something that simply ‘gives you too much energy’. School never taught me what it really means, unfortunately. But according to science it’s harder to recognise ADHD in women (slide 8) so I guess it was only a matter of time to discover it myself. A bit later than I would’ve wanted, but better late than never.

Now it all makes sense why I was so 'obsessed’ with everything related to the IT movies (and other movies/characters throughout my life) because it’s common for people with ADHD to hyperfocus on something they’re interested in (slide 6). No matter how much you’d like to focus on other things for a change, it’s pretty much impossible and the only way to deal with it is to just go with the flow. If it makes you happy and gives you positive outcomes, then don’t feel sorry. Personally the IT fandom in particular gave me the chance to develop myself in art, meeting new people, making friends, inspire and becoming inspired by people and even make me appreciate the horror genre.

The first time I was reading about Leonardo Da Vinci having ADHD (slide 7) it was almost as if I was reading about myself. I abandon my projects all the time whenever I find motivation in something new. It’s something you hardly can suppress and you feel terrible about all the projects that end up unfinished. Personally it makes me feel like I’m failing, thinking I’m not good enough or that I don’t deserve my talents. I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m also dealing with anxiety, since it’s common for adults with ADHD to deal with at least one other mental health condition. I’m scared to apply for a job, scared that I’m not talented enough and scared to disappoint people.

But thankfully I don’t feel alone in this anymore. The questions about my behavior traits finally have been answered and the ADHD community really makes you feel you matter. I still don’t know how to deal with it, though. The pandemic has definitely worsen my symptoms and I can easily say that I am the worst version of myself I’ve ever been. I am barely functioning because there is no daily rhythm (school, job, activities) I can hold on to.

If you recognise yourself in my story and the slides of information, remember that you’re not alone. I hope people can tell me their experiences and tips how to deal with ADHD.