#spiels

The sniffling whimpers were the worst part of this mess. Quiet, choked off noises so clearly meant to never be heard by anyone besides the monster wearing his beloved’s face.

Daeodon wanted to be angry at the beastly creature. He wanted to call forth all the rage he had felt the first time he’d laid eyes on that faun and funnel it all into mauling him.

But he couldn’t. Every time he dared to glance the man’s way some stupid part of his heart would momentarily stall his movements and snuff his flames.

The eyes that looked at him with all the fear of a man facing down a dragon could hold were the same shade of honey brown and held all the same light and life his husband’s had all of those years ago.

The voice he cried with was the same, the way he held himself through the pain of their first and only clash. The rounded tear stained cheeks and full lips pulled into a pained grimace were his beloved’s too.

Daeodon knew his beloved lays dead deeper within these caverns. His body cold but whole and untouched by rot after all these years as only god’s would be.

But that man could have fooled him were it not for the anger that burned through him as he wielded the intent to kill Daeodon with the same mighty sword that had killed his love those years ago.

The man now sat in Daeodon’s bedroom. His wounds bandaged and his broken arm set.

In the pouring rain outside he’d screamed for Daeodon to just kill him. He’d fought his wounds being see too until all the fight he had just evaporated and the tears began to flow until they two evaporated into those solemn whimpers.

Daeodon paced the chamber beyond his bedroom, his wings ached with the need to fly away from this mess, his mighty claws with the need to end it with violence. Static itched through his mane and lightning struck outside the den. He needed to do Something, but what that something was remained a mystery to him as every thought that tried to piece itself together instead tied itself up in knots.

He turned to begin pacing back the way he came, but saw that monster beside the doorway.

His heart thudded with that same painful hope the man’s mockery of a visage always seemed to fill him with before his mind could catch up.

“Go back. I’m not ready to deal with you yet,” Daeodon snarled,

“Too bad,” the man snarled back, his hooves clacking against the stone floors as he approached, “I want to go to the village on the other side of the forest. So either take me or let me leave on my own,”

“No, Go back,”

“Fuck you, just tell me how to get out of here, so I can be on my way,”

“No, There’s monsters-”

“Shut up, I know there’s monsters, I know the forest is a fucking death trap because of the storm you’re causing. I don’t care. I’m not staying here and I’m not going home,”

“You ungrateful brat, I could kill you-”

“But you won’t. You’ve already proven you’re not good for it. So, let me go either find a monster who actually will or get to the village where- I don’t know. I’ll figure something out once I’m there,”

“Is your death wish truly that strong?” Daeodon expected him to step down. To finally obey and return to where Daeodon didn’t have to look at him.

“Yes,” The firery resoluteness of that single word felt antithetical to the meaning it carried.

Daeodon tried to find something clever to say in response, but instead all he could ask was “Why?”

“Why would you care?”

“I don’t. I’m just curious. You come to fight a dragon wearing the face of his long gone love, hoping to die. I want to know why,”

The man shifted, his arms held tightly crossed against his chest as he seemed to argue internally with himself,

“Because, There’s no better option for me. Happy now?”

“No, Stop being cagey and explain yourself,”

“I don’t have to-”

“I’ll take you all the way to the village if you do,” Daeodon cut him off. It was a win win in his eyes, the man would gone, and he’d have his answers.

The man stopped his protest, his eyes calculating as he carefully picked his next words, “Give me something worth selling and I’ll tell you why I look like him too,”

“Deal,” Daeodon nodded towards the lounge he’d kept since the days of his lover living with him, “Take a seat and get talking,”

The man did, settling down as he picked his words, “You’ve made it rain constantly for all of these decades because of what happened to Tahir, right?”

“They took away my sunlight, so I took theirs, yes,” Daeodon confirmed.

“Yeah, the priests tried to resurrect him but it didn’t work. So, they decided to reincarnate him,” he gestured to himself with a sour look, “That’s me. I think they failed though because besides looking like him I don’t think I’m anything like him. So, sorry, your sunlight isn’t coming back anytime soon,”

“Fools,” Daeodon growled, “How dare they besmirch my beloved’s memory like this,”

“Yeah, yeah, shut up and let me finish. They raised me to be his replacement, and made sure I spent my entire life knowing I’d be wed and sacrificed to the same beast that’s murdered all but one of his brides… I got fed up with it all. Always being compared to the actual god of love and beauty gets old real fucking quick, and if I failed to be him, either you killed me like you have all the others or leave me to the rest of the beasts. And if I wasn’t a fuck up and you accepted me then that would just mean I’d be even more Stuck in his shadow. Filling his place in your bed and forced to pretend I’m him every waking moment lest you drown everyone again.

"I Didn’t care to wait for our wedding to find out what you’d do, so I just, took the sword and ran when they weren’t looking. If you killed me I’d be free, if I killed you I’d be a hero who stopped the rains, but I knew I had no chance against you. It was just the quickest route to the same end, ” he shrugged, as though everything he had just said was normal.

“And now that I haven’t killed you, you’re going to try to start a new life in the other village?”

“What else is there for me to do?”

Daeodon tried to find a rebuttal, not because he particularly cared but more that he was starting to resent the newly calm air between them. Eventually, he had to admit his defeat, “We’ll leave in the morning. The jungle is too dangerous to risk going at night even if I am beside you,”

“You could stop the storm. You would be prayed to again, and maybe your name wouldn’t be a curse then,”

“I could. But I won’t. I don’t tolerate things being taken from.”

“He was just a thing to you?”

“He was Everything to me,”

“And So? He’s gone now, he’s been gone longer than I’ve been alive. Making it storm like this isn’t going to bring him back,”

“It’s not about bringing him back, its about taking something equal to what has been taken from me. My sunlight was stolen, so now I have stolen yours. Once I have mine back, you too will have yours. It’s not complicated.”

“He’s not coming back.”

“I know,”

“Aleistar, Darling? Can you come here for a second?” Haze sing songed from the front hall in that tone he only ever used when he was absolutely furious but doing a good job at keeping his temper in check

Aleistar, to his credit, did not flinch too hard when the demon he bound his soul too sent a twinge through their connection to make sure he heard. It wasn’t painful, more a polite tap on the shoulder in case he was asleep in his chair.

“I’m Coming,” Aleistar called back, standing, and carefully navigating the ever growing stacks of dog themed magazines which seemed to be slowly encroaching on his arm chair like a very pointed swarm of passive aggressive begging, “What is it, Love?” he asked when he rounded the corner.

Haze simply gestured to the envelope in his hand, “Who’s Hazel?”

Aleistar felt his blood run cold, the consequences of his actions breathing down his neck, “No clue, it must have been sent to the wrong address, here just let me-” he reached for the envelope but Haze pulled away from him,

“No, It was definitely delivered to the right address my beloved husband, man who’s soul is tied to mine in a binding stronger than any law or ceremony could create,” his pitch black eyes narrow, “It definitely says Our address, but the funny thing is, it’s addressed to one Mr. Aleistar B. Yeats and one Mrs. Hazel Yeats,” he tapped his foot and purses his lips, “So… I’m just curious. Who is this Mrs. Hazel?”

“I’m sure it was just a typo-”

“Are you? Because there’s a few others in this stack all reffering to a Mr and Mrs Yeats. And unless your mother has moved in and I just didn’t notice, there is no Mrs.Yeats at this address,”

“Haze, my love I promise it’s not what you think, just please-”

“Aleistar, remember I have to follow any order you give me, but can do whatever I want to see them to completion. Pick your words carefully and do not tell me to calm down,”

Aleistar’s mouth shut with a click of his teeth. There was no getting out of this one scot-free and that was becoming more and more apparent.

“I lied to some of my coworkers about you, ok? I- I didn’t correct them when they assumed you were a woman and said your name was short for Hazel,” he waited for anger, but the hurt briefly flashing accross his husband’s face was much worse.

“Why would you do that? This was what you wanted wasn’t it? I thought-”

“No- No! Haze, no, I’m sorry,” he tried to reach out for him but again, Haze just stepped away, “Some of my coworkers aren’t the most modern. I… Right after we were married, I was Terrified I might lose my job if they knew, so I lied. And It’s gotten to far out of hand. I never meant it to hurt you,”

Haze was quiet for a long moment, “Will you let me fix this? Or am I just going to be Mrs.Hazel every time I have to interact with your coworkers,”

“You don’t have to fix it. I’ll do it, ok? I promise, you won’t have to be anyone other than yourself,”

“Myself but as a human,” Haze clarified with that sour look that made Aleistar want to pull him into his arms.

“Yes, at least until it’s safe enough to act otherwise,” Aleistar admitted.

“I’m still pissed with you,” Haze sighed, tossing the letter in it’s appropriate pile, “You’ve got work to do mister,” he prodded, “And I know exactly where you could start-” he held up another dog magazine,

“We’re still not getting dog, Love”

“Killjoy,”

In which Toi'uhla and Lordakai meet under different circumstances.

A small tailor’s shop on the south end of Joi proudly flew a flag stolen off an old naval ship. The lord who approached the doors flanked by zer attendants and tailed by guards had been disappointed to learn the owner of this strange little establishment had long since left the pirate life to his past. With this shop being it’s tombstone.

Still, as ze entered ze felt zer nerves light up with a quiet sense of things being just to the left of what they should be. A man, larger than any other Toi'uhla had ever met stood behind his counter. His grey streaked hair pulled back in a messy ponytail and his pitch black eyes glinting from behind the curved lenses of his glasses. His broad reptilian face looked far too gentle and warm as he smiled and welcomed them in with a deep and warm voice.

“Toi'uhla, it’s an honor to have a client as prestigious as you in my shop,” he stepped out from behind the counter, his clothes plain but decorated with lace trims and well polished buttons, “Come, come, Let’s get your measurements taken so we can chat about what you will want for your wedding attire,”

“Its a pleasure to be here,” Toi'uhla followed him, gesturing to zer accompaniment to stay in the waiting room, “How long have you been a tailor Mr.Lordakai?”

“Just Lordakai is fine enough if you do not mind. But, if you count the years of yore when I was working the backrooms of my nan’s shop as a boy, just about 80 cycles. So, I can assure you, you are in good hands,” he leads zer into a small round room with a circle of mirrors set up around a perch with a ladder leading up to it, “There’s a changing room through that door if you’d rather undress alone,”

“This is fine,” Toi'uhla shrugged, “You’re going to be seeing it all anyways,”

“True, true, but everyone has their preferences. You are welcome to keep on however much or little as you are comfortable with, but the closer to skin I can get the better the measurements will be,” he stood to the side, his hands clasped in front of him and his long whip like tail swishing behind him, “If you will allow me this discretion, I can’t help but get the feeling it wasn’t my years of experience that drew you here all the way from Cu'Liona,”

Toi'uhla took zer place on the perch before answering. Ze was wearing only zer shorts, but the old man’s scrutinizing gaze made zer feel more bare to him than any amount of nakedness would ever achieve.

“I heard you used to be a pirate,”

“Yes, briefly, and many years ago. I do nothing to hide that, but why would you care? Think I know the secrets of some lost treasure or another?” he teased as he pulled out his tape measure,

“No, no… It’ll sound absurd, but I asked for an appointment with you just to be a bit rebellious,”

Lordakai laughed, deep and hearty as he wrapped the tape around Toi'uhla’s thin waist, “Is that what lorinuses due to be rebellious then? Make appointments with long reformed crooks?”

“It is when thats all the rebellion you can afford,”

“Hm, I suppose i can see the logic then,”

“Do you ever regret it?”

“Being a pirate for those years? No. It was thrilling in a way, and now the consequences of it have long faded and the memories been made sweeter with age,”

“I meant the reforming part,”

“Ah…” Lordakai trailed off, and Toi'uhla caught the way he paused and purses his lips in the mirror, “There are days, when me and the missus arn’t getting along and the customers are complaining about things I can’t control, that I miss the life. A friend or two I wish I’d kept closer,”

“Who were they?”

“Are these questions part of your rebellion?” he huffed, good natured and warm even as he deflected,

“I don’t know. I think I’m just making conversation,”

“We could talk about your wedding attire instead. Maybe chat about your spouse to be and-”

“Anything but that,” Toi'uhla cut him off as anxiety flourished within zer.

“So… Don’t like your spouse to be then? Or is this the normal anxieties of marriage getting to you?”

“I do, ze’s my best friend, and I’d lay down my life for zer just as quickly as I’d clean for zer-”

“But you don’t love zer, do you?”

“I do love zer but… But not in that way,”

“You wanna know a secret?”

“Do I?”

“Maybe, it might help,”

“Share it then,”

“The woman I left the pirates life for, the mother of my children and my wife who I’ve been very happily married to for almost 70 cycles now? I’ve never loved her in that way, and she’s never loved me either,”

“Then why would you marry her? Did you think you would love her eventually?”

“Nope, I found out I’d fathered her clutch, and it didn’t matter if I loved her or not anymore. We had cubs to raise. Responsibilities that were a lot easier with us wed than not,”

“You left a life of adventure for responsibilities you didn’t ask for and a woman you didn’t love?”

“I left a life of worry and filth and violence for an honest one with my family. My point, your lordship, is that you don’t have to love zer to have a happy marriage with zer,”

“But I want a marriage with love in it,”

“And I want my daughter to send letters more often,” he joked, “We can’t always have everything we want. We just have to pick what leaves us wanting the least,”

Toi'uhla couldn’t respond, ze felt that lump of anxiety I’m zer chest throb and swell as ze was forced to face zer confusion and fear of what was to come,

“A lord like you, from a species that isn’t too precious about sharing their mates, having anxieties about this sort of thing puzzles doesn’t it?” Lordakai mused, “It’s not about this mysterious "zer” is it? Maybe, if I’m not crossing a boundary, this is about more than just the marriage, what, with you so eager to hear an old man’s ramblings about a life that’s no more?“

"Maybe,” Toi'uhla sighed, “Tell no one this, but maybe… Maybe I wasn’t cut out to be a lord married to a monarch,”

“Maybe indeed,” Lordakai mused as he stepped away to note down the many measurements he had taken while they spoke, “But you can’t know that until you have lived it, can you?”

“I guess,” ze swallows back a sharper retort, “I guess,”

“Hey, perk up, Toi'uhla, I’m certain you’ll be ok,”

“I’m not worried about not being ok, I’m worried about being bored and trapped with responsibilities I never asked for. But You wouldn’t understand would you? You gave up a dream life willingly to go chasing boring shackles of responsibility,”

“That friend I mentioned? The one I wish I’d kept closer. Do you know what happened to her, you lordship?” his response was careful, guarded, but spiked with something approaching hurt,

“What? Did she die in battle having carved a name for herself after a life of exploration and wonder?”

“No, She died after a battle left her insides out side of her long enough for infection to take her. She was the bravest, fiercest, most brilliant pirate I ever met, But a cabin hand getting a lucky shot with a rusty steak knife was enough to end her. And that? That was a happy ever after for a pirate. She died a slow painful death, but got to say good bye before she was gone. The myth of a pirates life you have in your head is far from the truth,”

“You said it yourself. It was worth it. You never regretted it. So, which is it then? Dreadful slog, or something you look back on even after loosing a friend to it?”

“It was both,” Lordakai sighed, “It was a life I miss every single day filled with people I would give anything to speak to one more time, and it was a life I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy,”

Silence fell between them again, Toi'uhla nearly shaking with wound up nerves about things Lordakai knew he would never truly understand.

“Toi'uhla? Think of it this way, I’m happy I left the life, and you should be too. A pirate and a lord meeting never goes well for the lord now does it?”

That same sense of strange unease, like things were not quite right filled them both once more. Toi'uhla swallowed zer suffocating nerves,“I guess, but maybe in that other life we would have been the exception.”