Dead brain: Dean is queer-coded because he likes Broadway musicals and wearing panties.
Live brain: Dean is queer-coded because he feels constant pressure to offer up excuses for things he “shouldn’t like” but somehow can’t stop liking even though he’s embarassed and defensive.
Third eye brain: Dean is queer-coded because over time he learns to be proud of his “weird” preferences and accept and love himself for who he actually is, rather than being ashamed of the “traditional ideal” he isn’t.
I mean, we could argue this is how his queer-coding evolved, on one level.
But, if you don’t think the cucumber water in 12x07 Rock Never Dies was Berens writing some “Dean likes dick” subtext, I don’t know what to tell you, seeing as Oscar Wilde made the exact same queer-coded joke in the Importance of Being Earnest, when Algernon eats all the cucumber sandwiches, which were intended for the ladies.
The cucumber water was definitely queer coding but the thing is, Dean doesn’t just go “cucumber water, yummy!”
He sees the cucumber water and thinks “that might be good- NO! Men don’t drink cucumber water! It’s for the ladies!”
But then Sam drinks it, which gives Dean an excuse to both try, and enjoy, this new thing. But he wouldn’t have done it without some kind of excuse.
When people are like “it was really important for Dean to come out of the closet in the finale” it wasn’t because we needed validation that “cucumber water = queer.” It’s because we want Dean to be able to embrace his preferences and be happy with himself.
Yes true, and that’s why his N. American silence in 15x18, 15x19 and 15x20 in relation to Cas, feels like violence done to him (symbolised by that goddam rusty nail). We know he had something (queer) to say.
the way that sam thought of himself as “not clean” when he was a child, and then grew up to find out that he has demon blood in him. and the way he says that it’s in him and he can’t ever rip it off or scrub it clean. he works out and eats healthy, obsessing over the cholesterol and the carbs. he wants to keep his body clean. when billy sees him infected in s11, she tells him he’s unclean. sam’s reaction:
and all of this so far is only due to the demon blood. but then he has to let in lucifer, the devil, the most unclean in the biblical sense. and he falls to hell - crawling with damned souls.
when he’s back, he feels like he’s served his time for all the crap that he’s done and maybe he can find peace now. but then the trials come and he realizes he has a chance to be purified. he wants to purify himself so badly, even at the cost of his own death. but he doesn’t die, instead, he’s saved - and shouldn’t that be a gift. but he’s saved by the infiltration of an angel in his body. an angel that has committed murder using his hands. his hands are not clean, they never were, but now neither is his body. this body that had served its time in hell and this body that was supposed to be purified by the trials. this body that he took care of to make it clean
season nine dean is sooooooo funny he hates himself so much and is walking around like mr doom and gloom but every word out of his mouth is blatantly missing the point. and also he has meticulously kept scruff so that you know he’s down in the dumps
but also like (as has been said in the notes) dean literally WAS there. he was in the bunker he SAW kevin’s health and wellbeing deteriorate and what did he do??? he said suck it up!!! he treated that kid like a machine and kevin is the one who payed the price and he DID fail kevin in that respect. kevin’s death undeniably IS on sam and dean but the wires in this guy’s brain are so crossed that it’s like…. well see dean blames himself for kevin’s death because gadreel killed him and dean was the one who sought gadreel out. but that doesnt actually hold up? like killing kevin is a choice that gadreel made, that gadreel chose to execute knowing all the particulars, and that is something that dean does not have control over. but he feels like its his responsibility. which is just nuts. like its crazy to me how dean perceives himself and what he blames himself for because its all very distanced from whatever he actually did. like:
fucking insane! dean is like yeah there’s something inherently poisonous about me that can’t be helped and it gets people killed and its like. babe. No. YOU are responsible for your choices. like. dean actively hurts people, he plays ACTIVE roles in hurting people, but i feel like (and i could probably be corrected on this and it does change season to season) he tends to blame himself instead for any passive role that he takes on. like the more i’ve thought about it the more i think that when dean tells garth he wasn’t there for kevin when he needed him, he means that he literally wasn’t in the room when kevin was killed. he blames himself for not being able to actively, in the moment, stop it (or at least fight it). and even in what he says to sam, he doesn’t actually like… apologise. like if we take him at his word that he does believe he’s doing it all for the right reasons, that the ends do justify the means….. then what?? he doesn’t regret his choices or his actions, which are things he should take responsibility for and things he should be beating himself up over. instead he latches onto this idea that he’s inherently poison, which conveniently excuses any of his actual actions because oh well someone would have got hurt either way, and he’s so fucking miserable that he can’t even see that this is what he’s doing. god. he is literally his own worst enemy huh
