i will never be over the fact that during first contact a human offered their hand to a vulcan and the vulcan was just like “wow humans are fucking wild” and took it
Humanity’s first contact with Vulcans was some guy going “I’m down to fuck.”
Vulcans’ first contact with Humans was an emphatic “Sure.”
“sir…these…these humans…they greet each other by…” *glances around before furtively whispering* “by clasping hands…”
*prolonged silence* “oh my…”
“sir…sir how will we make first contact with them? surely we…we cannot refuse this handclasping ritual, they will take it as an insult, but what vulcan would agree to such a distasteful and uncomfortable ritual??”
*several pensive moments later* “contact the vulcan high command and tell them to send us kuvak. i once saw that crazy son of a bitch arm wrestle a klingon, he’ll put his hands on anything”
Elsewhere, w/ kuvak: “….my day has come.”
The vulcan who made first contact with humans is named Solkar guys. Y’all just be makin’ up names for characters that already have names.
Bonus: here’s a screencap of Solkar doing the “my body is ready” pose right before he shakes Zefram Cochrane’s hand:
I swear Vulcans only come in two types and they are “distant xenophobes” or “horny on main for humanity”. Also apparently this guy is Spock’s great-grandfather and frankly that explains everything.
Hey so I looked into this at one point and that handshake literally created a lifelong telepathic bond between the two of them, and basically all of Solkar’s descendants were later obsessed with humans, including freaking SPOCK, so I’m not saying that handshake was so gay and good that it created an intergenerational telepathic bond between Solkar’s descendants and humans, but I’m also not….not….saying that.
The slow deliberationwith which Solkar takes Cockrane’s–I’m sorry, Cochrane’s–hand… The sheer sensuality witch which Solkar infuses an otherwise borderline impersonal social ritual… It clearly shows a very conscious knowledge, on Solkar’s part, of what the significance of the handshake is in Vulcan terms and of how affected he is by it.
That’s why he’s so slow in doing it, and so sensual. A part of Solkar can’t believe this is happening, despite it being a perfectly logical thing to expect from a human, and the rest of him can’t believe how good it is.
I bet that if the camera zoomed in any further we would see the dilation of Solkar’s pupils and a quickly-repressed shiver of delight. Cochrane’s firm, businesslike clasp is probably (in sexual terms) being perceived as a deliciously carnal display of dominance.
No wonder Solkar is all like, “TAKE ME, YOU WILD-MANNERED BARBARIAN WITH ENTICINGLY ROUGH CALLUSES.”
And so we find out that yes, there is such a thing as bottoming in Pon-farr.
Every time this post comes round my dash, it just gets better.
Hooray, it’s First Contact Day! We are one year closer to inventing Warp drive and meeting those wacky neighbours of ours, the Vulcans, for the first time. I’m not sure how the Vulcans would have responded, but I am sure that for Zefram Cochrane, the party would have continued long into the night (Star Trek: First Contact). I am certain that many cocktails were imbibed and pierogisconsumed.
I’d like to think that when the Vulcans saw that Cochrane was a bit worse for wear the next morning, they provided him with appropriate sustenance to help him recover. At the top of the list would have been the Vulcan Mocha, with enough coffee to get the brain going but with enough sweetness to make it palatable first thing after a long night. If you don’t find it sweet enough with the chocolate, you can also add some sugar, as Harry Kim preferred (VOY: Non Sequitur).
Replicate your own (Makes 2 medium sized mochas)
1 cup brewed coffee, quite strong (I used espresso) 1 cup milk 50g / 1.7oz chocolate pieces 50ml / 1.7oz boiling water 2 teaspoons sugar (optional, to taste) Chocolate flakes for garnish (optional)
Start by brewing your coffee - whatever type and method you want to use is fine. I used a moka pot on the stove but really it is up to you.
Place the chocolate pieces in a small bowl and cover with the boiling water. Stir well until the chocolate is completely melted into the water and no pieces remain.
Heat the milk gently in a small saucepan on the stove, until small bubbles appear around the edges. Remove it from the heat at this point - you don’t want it to boil and burn. If desired, you can use a stick blender to froth the milk - this won’t work as well a a coffee machine but should still provide you with a bit of froth you can put on top of your mocha.
To assemble: In a medium sized mug or coffee cup, pour in half your coffee (it should come up about halfway up your cup) and then half the chocolate mix. Stir together. Pour in the milk until it reaches the top of the cup. If desired, add a teaspoon of sugar and stir in.
Spoon your milk froth over the top and use a microplane or small grater to grate chocolate flakes over the top of your mocha. Enjoy while still very hot, so you can get on with the business of establishing interplanetary relationships.
