It’s implied in the aftermath of Steven sacrificing himself to Homeworld that–after realizing that doing what Rose would have wanted and doing right by Steven might be mutually exclusive–Pearl chooses Steven. It’s as a direct result of this that, in Gemcation, she tells himthat she wants to tell him everything, and then in A Single Pale Rose, she figures out a way to do it. And her emotion afterward isn’t framed as angst at disobeying–it’s framed as relief. In Reunited, she’s finally able to admit to herself, “I do it for me!” And in Change Your Mind, she comes off as free–in a way that has always been an aspiration for her, but that I don’t think we’ve ever actually seen. It’s as if she’s finally accepted Rose’s death (symbolized, perhaps, by her new form?)
It’s as if, in choosing Steven in the here and now over her memory of Rose at the beginning of the season, Pearl chose life,even in the midst of the tremendous loss she feels and continues to feel. She chooses life–and in this way, is finally able to accept her loss, and is finally able to be free.
I’m just so proud of her.
Okay, I’ve been stewing on this arc–and Pearl’s arc throughout the show and pre-canon–and I want to add on to this a little bit. I’ve written a bit about this in a few places-both meta and fic (for the latter, mainly Cyclesand my new piece Moving On), but something I think is clear is that Pearl’s relationship with Rose, especially after Pink Diamond became Rose all the time, wasn’t just about love. (Though the love is real,even if it originally developed at least in-part out of Pearl’s programmed devotion to her Diamond.) Her relationship with Rose was also about identity.
Pink’s “shattering” also represents a shattering of the paradigm of Pearl’s entire existence and identity-framework. She was Pink Diamond’s Pearl…and now, without that, what is she? And that’s terrifying. And to cope, I think, she makes a shift. She loves Rose Quartz already, so she decides–perhaps subconsciously–that thatis her new identity. What is she? She’s someone who loves Rose Quartz.
And she keeps this identity for the next five thousand years. It’s why she’s so threatened by Greg–he represents a threat to her being able to enact that identity. And even after Rose dies to give birth to Steven, this is her identity, though now how she enacts it is by honoring Rose’smemoryin every way possible. In the extended intro, while Garnet and Amethyst both mentioning fighting for something, Pearl says only: “I will fight in the name of Rose Quartz and everything that she believed in.” What does she,Pearl, fight for? What does shewant? It doesn’t matter. Only what Rose wanted did.
This is also the answer to the question she asks herself in “It’s Over Isn’t It,” as to why she can’t move on. Because to “move on” from the sense of immediate grief that she’s still holding would again represent the destruction of her identity.
But, like I said, Steven’s sacrifice at the end of Season 4, when Pearl realizes that she might have to choose between honoring Rose’s memory and doing right be Steven, she chooses Steven. In realizing that she wants to choose Steven, she realizes that she is capable of wanting. She is even capable of wanting things that are in direct contradiction to what Rose wants.
InGemcation,when she tries to tell Steven the truth, she says:
“There are things that are impossible for me to explain. But I want to. I–”
And then, in A Single Pale Rose, after Steven finally doesknow the truth, she says:
“I’vewanted to tell you for so long.”
Pearlwants. She’s wanted. She has desires all her own. And if that’s the case, she realizes, if she has desires independent of Rose, she must also have motivations independent of Rose, as she realizes (with a little help from Steven!) in Reunited:
“I do it for me!”
What is she fighting for? She finally has an answer. She’s fighting for herself.
And if she has motive–if she can fight for herself–she must have a self!! One that’s independent of Rose. And we finally see that embodied in her new form–and her utterly new contentment–in Change Your Mind.
And if that’s the case, Pearl is finally, finally truly free to be herself. She’s free to discover and create who she is. She’ll never stop missing Rose or loving her, but missing and loving Rose is no longer all she is.
Ugh I’m so proud of her!
The more I think about it, the more it occurs to me that this is like the exact opposite of what Ruby learns in The Question before deciding to ask Sapphire to marry her.
Ruby tells Steven:
“Sapphire was always there with me. I feel her smile just like it was mine. And now…gah! That’s lame, right? I came here to be my own Gem, but I’m still thinking about what she’d like, what she’dwant! All. The time.”
It’s not a perfect parallel—there are marked differences in the relationship between Ruby and Sapphire and that between Pearl and Rose. And there are marked differences between Ruby and Pearl themselves. But here, too, Ruby seems to think that “being one’s own Gem” and being in love and like actively concerned with the desires and needs and wants of the person one loves are mutually exclusive concepts. For Ruby, she’s decided she wants to be her own Gem, and feels like she therefore can’t let go of that love. Pearl had the opposite problem–the love was non-negotiable, and she’d thought that meant that she couldn’t be her own person.
In both scenarios, and in different ways, it’s Steven that helps each of them realize that you can be your own person within a relationship. That these things aren’t mutually exclusive.
Season 5 is just big for everyone finding agency and selfhood in their relationships with others!!! yay!
(There’s more I wanna think about parallels between Ruby and Pearl and their relationships @meskime gets at this a little in their incredible fic goodbye to the river joining the creek,but this seems like an less-tapped-than-it-might-be well…)
Okay, let’s put aside that Steven watched people die more than once, including himself. And also the fact that this was more than a little disorienting for him.
It’s quite cute that she can pass her ability to others through a kiss.
The fact that Garnet placed that faith in him, and gave him the information he needed to make a decision. Again, more than anyone, she really does trust him so much and encourage him. And it was more about the decision-making aspect, rather than just, hey look, here’s all the ways you can get hurt. That was there, too, sure, but… different emphasis I suppose.
She’s not saying, here’s what to do Steven, or no don’t do that. She’s saying… here’s what I can show you, and you decide the best option. And she’s there the whole time he’s having the visions, so that she support him and tell him that.
Look at her smile, too. She just. Loves him so much. ;-; And I love them. And Pearl is still standing strangely, as Pearl does.
MAJOR SU SPOILERS!!! This talks about meta from future episodes so please don’t read this, Cheesy!
Okay so actually not putting aside the fact that Steven watched people die and himself over and over again, I think this brings up something interesting in how much responsibility the gems/Garnet place on Steven and how they choose to raise Steven.
Like not setting this aside as just being a cartoon, the fact that Garnet chose to place such a responsibility to Steven by having him watching people die by his actions and pushing Steven into traumatizing moments to learn from is quite messed up. But the gems don’t know how to raise human kids, Garnet doesn’t realise this can be traumatising and a lot to put on a kid. After all, gems were never kids and how they grew as beings was being pushed into very hard and traumatising moments to grow. That’s how Garnet had her moment of growth, in the middle of a war and had to learn how to make good decisions. (This is also seen in contrast with how rejuvenated Garnet acts, being goofy, indecisive and not understanding the consequences and prospects of things, since she didn’t have the memory and environment of growing under a war)
So of course this is how Garnet chooses to raise Steven, she thinks he is ready to face traumatising stuff head-on so he can learn from them and gain an understanding and grow to make good decisions, just like her. And he does grow! But at what consequence? This is contentiously happening in the show where Steven grows, but he is enduring so much traumatic stuff as a consequence, and we all know what happens afterwards to him.
None of the gems saw it coming. After all, this was normal to them. Because of the war and the after-effects of it all affecting them they all grew up with trauma and enduring it and learning and growing. They don’t know it’s trauma, it’s just how things are.
We can even see this way that Garnet teaches Steven in Future, where she lets him feel the consequences of his actions with the wedding proposal and it absolutely traumatises him and he spirals even further. Garnet was just doing what she thought was normal and what she has always done like here. She thought she was helping Steven and helping him grow by him realising his mistakes by making him experience it. But that’s not okay, especially to a traumatised kid as Steven and we saw how. But Garnet doesn’t realise it, since it was normal to her doing this and it has worked before like here in Winter Forecast, hasn’t it?
So yeah, it’s so interesting to look back and see just how many things when we have our new lens, just how much of it actually wasn’t okay and you can see how much stuff we see in SUF stems way back even here. Like it always didn’t sit right with me that Steven saw people die multiple times and wasn’t even aware that it was Garnet lending her future vision (which like Garnet, come on, you could have at least explained it to him so he didn’t have to have this very real fear experiencing having his family and friends die and then scrambling in confusion when everything reset. Plus actually give Steven the ability to at least consent to have those visions). And well now with SUF saying that yeah this isn’t just cartoon stuff, all these experiences are real to Steven, it hammers home how tragic this really is.
