Original Request: Can i request a suga one where the reader gets hurt while he’s in a show? Like the reader has to be taken to the hospital? And how he reacts?
“Good luck tonight! I hope you have a great show, as always <3” you typed, a smile crossing your face at the thought of your boyfriend hard at work on stage.
It was the second to last show of the tour and everyone was exhausted. You could hardly remember the last time you saw Yoongi so drained. Even when he was up late in his studio, he at least seemed refreshed in the morning, knowing he made progress. But now… Now he just seemed.. different; like he wasn’t always all there.
You were jolted out of your worried haze by your phone buzzing in your pocket.
“Thanks love <3 I’ll be home soon, just wait for me. Be careful walking home tonight and call me so I know you made it home safe.”
You sighed, tucking your phone back into your pocket, knowing you probably wouldn’t hear from him again tonight. You told yourself over and over again that he’d be home before you knew it, but before you knew it, you missed him all the same. Since the group was gaining popularity so quickly, almost every city on the tour had extra shows added at the last minute. The tour was supposed to have ended over a week ago. You missed Yoongi more than anything, but nevertheless, you were always unbelievably proud of him. Seeing how hard he worked for his fans and to be able to do what he loved all over the world made you love him even more.
You missed the way he’d groan whenever you wanted to go out instead of stay in and relax, or watching him brighten up after his first meal of the day. You even missed waking up to him still snoring and even his tendency to take up the entire bed.
Your head was clouded as you walked through the streets on your way home from work with Yoongi this, Yoongi that. Every so often you’d walk past a window or catch your reflection in a puddle and realize you’d been smiling at the mere thought of him. Even the tiniest things like when he’d yell for you to come see him in the studio so he could ask your opinion about his new tracks or just to have you sit on his lap while he worked, though the working never lasted long in those situations.
You took the same route home every day. Saw the same people, cars, vendors, even the same squirrel in the same tree every single day since the day you started your job. But today was special. Today, you knew that Yoongi would be home tomorrow.
As you walked, you couldn’t help yourself from imagining what it would be like to have him home again; to have him be there waiting for you after a long work day or to hear him running lyrics in the shower. He’d be home for a while this time. At least, longer than usual. The group was taking a break after this tour to relax and get ready for the next round of insanity.
You wanted to do something special for Yoongi when he got home tomorrow. Most of your walk was spent trying to think what he’d like the most. You knew him well enough to know that once he was home, he wasn’t going to want to go anywhere for the next few days, so planning dates was out. You could buy something to spice up his first night home, but then again, he’d been away for so long that “spicing up” probably wouldn’t be very necessary. Suddenly, you were snapped out of your own thoughts by the most amazing smell coming from a few streets over. Immediately you knew what you were going to do for Yoongi. His favorite bakery was just a few blocks off your normal route home from work and he always ranted and raved about how amazing their cakes were, so why not stop and pick him up one?
You headed towards the smell, excitement bubbling in your stomach. He’d be here tomorrow. Just a few more hours. You heard indistinct shouting as you stepped off the curb to cross the street, but were so absorbed in your own thoughts to care. A split second later, you heard nothing at all.
*************
Yoongi had you on his mind, as always. He put every ounce of effort he had into the show, knowing he could see you as soon as it was over, but for some reason, the staff still seemed uneasy. Whenever he was backstage, everyone avoided eye-contact with him and only spoke in hurried whispers to one another. As far as he could tell, the show was running as smoothly as ever, possibly even the best it had run the whole tour. So what was the problem?
During another member’s solo, he took a moment to rush over to their manager and ask what the hell was going on. Why was everyone so on-edge?
“It’s nothing for you to worry about. The show is running fine, people are just worried because it’s the last show of the tour. Come see me after the show.”
He tried to press for more information, but before he had the chance, he was called back out on stage. The whole show, something was bothering him. He felt like there was something people weren’t telling him; something important that he should know. The thought of you kept him going. Knowing the better he performed the prouder of him you’d be and the sooner he could come home to you helped him to put his mind at ease.
The show ran flawlessly from start to finish, with not a single thing out of place, which only put Yoongi more on-edge. Something wasn’t right; something important, and they weren’t telling him.
As soon as the curtain fell and the boys ran backstage, he pulled Namjoon aside.
“Did you notice anything weird during the show? Like people were nervous?”
Namjoon’s smile faded and he nodded.
“I noticed. I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m sure they’d tell us if it was something important. If they’re not telling us, then there’s probably nothing we can do about it.” he reassured him.
“I don’t know, I feel like there’s something they don’t want us to find out about. Something’s up and I want to know what.”
Namjoon nodded in agreement and touched Yoongi’s shoulder.
“Then let’s go find out.”
The two of them turned and marched over to the tour manager, demanding an explanation.
He dismissed them with a wave of the hand and told them they’d talk about it after the photo session. A half-hearted smile played across his face, a thinly veiled attempt at distraction.
Yoongi huffed and stalked off to find his phone, knowing he should have a voicemail from you telling him that you made it home safe. Hearing your voice always calmed his nerves, even if it was just a recording. He rustled through his belongings to get to you, only to find his phone was missing. Panicked, he ran to their manager, asking if he knew where it went.
“I have it. I knew you’d be looking for it and I need you to be focused for at least another hour. You can have it back when the photos are done.”
Yoongi’s hands started to shake as the anger welled up inside him.
“Give me my phone. I’ve been expecting a call and it’s very important that I know I got it.”
The manager slipped Yoongi’s phone back in his pocket.
“You got lots of calls. I told them you were busy. I’ll tell you what they said later. Now go get ready for the fan photos or you won’t be getting it back at all.”
Furious, he clenched his fists in an effort to hold himself back, but upon feeling a reassuring hand on his shoulder, he relaxed, turning to see Namjoon and the rest at his back. They knew how important your call was to him. Checking his phone after a show for it was never a problem before tonight and everyone was starting to worry.
“The tour is over, so your services are no longer required.” Namjoon stated curtly, smiling ever so sweetly at the tour manager. “Oh, and you can return his personal property now or get reported for stealing.”
The manager stood there, dumbfounded, before smirking and assuring them that the tour wasn’t over until the fan photos were done.
Surprisingly, Jin quickly came to the rescue. “The tour is over when we say it’s over. We are the artists and we control our own time. The fan photos will go on as planned, but as we said, your services are no longer necessary. How do you think your bosses will like it when we tell them that you blackmailed us with our own property to do what you want? Or that you’ve neglected to tell us whatever it is that’s so obviously wrong that even the makeup noonas are worried?”
Everyone stood in shock at Jin’s sudden boldness. Sighing, the manager went to hand Yoongi his phone, pulling it away just before he was able to grab it.
“I’m going to give this to you, but only after you swear to me that you’ll handle the consequences.. Whether you like it or not, I’m still the tour manager. If anything goes wrong before you’re back in Seoul, it’s my ass on the line.”
Yoongi nodded and snatched the phone out of the manager’s hand, pushing his way through the other members and stalking away.
The others started to follow him, but Namjoon held out his arm to stop them. “Give him some space. Whatever’s going on he doesn’t need us all butting in. Let him come to us when he’s ready.”
Yoongi unlocked his phone and checked his notifications. Nothing. Nothing on his SNS, no new texts, everything was normal. He shook his head and ran his hands through his hair before pulling himself up and heading over to join the other members.
Everyone was quiet as Yoongi rejoined them. “So? What’s the big news?” Jimin finally asked.
Yoongi just shrugged. “I’m not sure. There were no notifications or anything, so I don’t know what that guy’s problem was.” He pushed the bad feelings from his head, chalking it up to having a bad tour manager who just had a problem with him.
The fan photos and hi-touch seemed to take forever. While he may have been able to calm his nerves after finally getting his phone back, Yoongi couldn’t push the thought of you from his mind. He was constantly thinking about you. He wondered what you were doing, if you missed him, what it would be like to see you again after so long, even things as simple as whether or not you had dinner and if you ate all of his kimchi again.
The rest of the tour activities flew by in a you fueled haze and before he knew it, he was in the van on the way back to the hotel. Usually the van was loud and made it hard to focus, but everyone had a long, stressful day, so hardly a word was said. Yoongi couldn’t wait any longer. He usually liked to wait until he was back at that hotel to call you, but something about today made his need to hear your voice that much stronger.
He pulled out his phone and clicked the phone icon. For some reason, his recent calls were completely full with at least ten from an unknown number and about the same number from you. His blood turned icy and his hands felt like lead. Something was definitely wrong. It took him a long while of staring at the screen and trying desperately to prepare himself mentally for whatever he was about to hear.
Namjoon looked over at Yoongi and knew immediately that something was up. He craned his neck to look over at the screen and saw the multitude of missed calls. Namjoon placed a hand on Yoongi’s shoulder and asked him if he needed a minute. Yoongi nodded hesitantly as Namjoon asked the driver to pull into a nearby parking lot for a moment. By now the rest of the boys knew something was up and were preparing themselves to do whatever they could to help.
The driver pulled into a parking lot and parked, the boys all scrambling out of the back seats, leaving Yoongi alone in the van. They all assured him that whatever it was, they’d help him through it and closed the door.
Yoongi’s hands were trembling and his breath hitched as he dialed your number. With every ring, his heart rate increased, eventually getting to the point that he could feel a pain in his chest. It felt like it rang forever before someone finally picked up. Yoongi couldn’t help but to feel a wave of relief wash over him when the ringing finally stopped.
“Y/n! Y/n what’s going on is everything alright? I’m so sorry, the manager wouldn’t give me my phone after the show and he must have gone through and cleared my notifications so I didn’t even see your calls until just now. Are you okay?”
There was a moment of silence before a deep, husky voice came through the other end. “Is this Min Yoongi?”
Yoongi’s heart went from racing a mile a minute to stopped completely in that instant. Why would a man have y/n’s phone? “Yes this is Yoongi who the hell are you??” Every possible scenario ran through his mind. Had you been cheating on him? No, he thought. You’d never do that to him. Maybe kidnapped by insane fans? There wasn’t enough time for him to even think through all the possible scenarios before the voice came through again.
“My name is Dr. Kim and I’m the head of surgery at Seoul Municipal Hospital.”
Immediately tears sprung to his eyes. Hospital. That was the one word he was hoping not to hear. Something had happened and you had been hurt and he didn’t even know about it. You were hurt and he hadn’t been there to protect you.
“You were the emergency contact for a Ms. y/n, does that sound right?”
Yoongi rubbed his eyes and held his head in his hand. “Yes, she’s my girlfriend. What happened, is she okay?”
“Well, there’s good news and there’s some bad news. It’s up to you which one you want first.”
“Bad news. Give me the worst of it first.” He figured he’d need some good news afterwards just so he wouldn’t break down completely.
“Well, the bad news is, y/n was in a pretty severe accident. She was hit by a speeding driver as she crossed the street.”
Yoongi’s vision started to blur as tears stung at his eyes and he started to feel light headed. None of this would have happened if they hadn’t added extra shows and extended the tour. If only he had been home with you, he thought. Then he would have been able to protect you and this never would have happened.
Finally Yoongi composed himself enough to ask for the good news.
“Well, the good news is, she’s out of surgery and in recovery. She was pretty seriously injured, but she’ll pull through. The worst of it is over, now it’s just a long road of recovery ahead of her. Since you were the emergency contact, you should probably get here as soon as possible. It’ll be good for her to have a familiar face here when she wakes up.”
Yoongi wiped the tears from his face and tried to calm his nerves. You were okay, and that’s all that mattered. “I understand. I’ll be there as soon as I can. Please, take good care of y/n… I don’t know what I’d do without her, I can’t lose her..” he pleaded.
“Of course. She’s not totally out of the woods yet, but we’re going to do everything in our power to make her better, please just trust us and get here as soon as you can.”
Yoongi hung up and held his head in his hands as he sobbed. He wasn’t sure if he was sad, or just angry with himself for not being there when you needed him. Just then, the van door slid open and the boys looked at him with eyes wide, no one daring to say a word.
Yoongi looked at them with determination in his gaze. “Get me to the airport. Now.”
*********
You felt warm. The only sensation you could recognize was warmth. Not a physical warmth, but the kind you feel in your chest when you see a loved one after a long time apart, or when you smell something that reminds you of a fond and distant memory. All you could think of was Yoongi’s smile beaming down at you as he watched you rubbing the sleep from your eyes, slanted rays of sun trickling in from between your bedroom curtains. You reached out to touch his face, only to find your hand passed right through it. His smile began to fade as you reached for him again, the image of him slipping farther and farther from your reach. The warmth in your chest began to fade to a dull ache, then a stabbing pain with each breath, a different kind of heat manifesting itself. The kind of searing heat you feel when you get a paper cut or have a bad sunburn. You gasped for air, but it felt as though someone had stretched a hundred rubber bands around your lungs, making it nearly impossible to draw breath.
You forced your eyes open if only for a moment, and all you could see was red and blue lights flashing over head. You heard shouting and frantic footsteps all around you. There must have been some kind of accident, you thought. You wanted to run. You wanted to be able to pick yourself up and get yourself out of there, but you couldn’t move. It wasn’t until you saw the crowd of people gathered around you and felt the cold metal of the stethoscope pressed to your chest that you realized what was happening. There had been an accident. You had been in an accident.
The man standing over you yelled something to his colleagues, then turned to face you again. He said something to you, but you didn’t know what it was. You weren’t even worried about yourself, at that point. All you could think was “Where is Yoongi?” Your mind raced with thoughts of your boyfriend. Where was he? How would he react when he found out you were hurt? Who would be there for him through it all? God forbid, even what he would do if you didn’t make it. Your worry faded away slowly along with your consciousness.
You slowly regained consciousness, one sense at a time what felt like only moments later. You regained feeling first. You felt a deep soreness all over your body. You felt like you hadn’t moved in god knows how long. You next noticed the pain in your chest and the annoyance of the wires and tubes taped and poked and secured all over your body. Next was smell. The air around you smelled sharp; like someone had used too many cleaning products in too small of a space. It was nothing like the place you thought you had just been. The air stung your nostrils and felt cold in your aching lungs. You noticed a light, rhythmic tapping that wouldn’t stop no matter how much you wished it would. Beeps and hisses and commotion somewhere far away.
You forced your eyes open just enough to see blindingly bright lights above you. After a few seconds, the light became bearable and you were able to open your eyes enough to see more clearly. You blinked the sleep from our eyes and looked around. Your hands had tubes and wires attached to them and your leg was elevated in a sling in front of you. You knew you must have been in a hospital. You looked to your left and saw a long list of medications and details of injuries written on a whiteboard. Was that all just for you? “Broken leg, shattered pelvis, cracked ribs/internal bleeding, cracked sternum, etc.” the board read. How long had you been asleep? Did Yoongi make it home alright?
Your mind stopped after that. Yoongi. Where was he? Had he finished the tour alright? Had he made it home safely? Had anyone even told him what had happened to you? You started to panic and breathe more heavily, causing a sharp pain in your chest. You winced from the stabbing feeling.
There was a rustling on the other side of the room as Yoongi sat up from the recliner he had been napping in at your bedside. His hair was a mess and you could tell that he hadn’t slept much lately, judging by the gaunt look of his face and the puffiness of his eyes. As soon as you saw him, your eyes welled with tears. He stretched, rubbing his face to wake himself up.
“Yoongi..” you whispered, tears spilling down your cheeks.
He stopped, his hands still covering his face. Slowly he moved his hands away from his eyes to see you smiling at him from your hospital bed. As soon as he saw your eyes he rushed to your bedside, almost tripping over an IV stand in the process, any semblance of exhaustion he had now long gone in his excitement. “Y/N! I can’t believe you’re awake they said it’d probably be a few more days before you woke up! How are you feeling? Do you need anything? Water? Should I get a nurse, are you in pain?” He frantically checked over every piece of you Before you finally got his attention long enough for him to stop talking.
“Yoongi, what happened? How long was I out?”
“You really don’t remember what happened?”
You shook your head before realizing that was a bad idea from the stabbing pain that shot through your neck and down your back with each movement. “The last thing I remember is that I decided to stop by that bakery you like so much before going home from work to get you something for when you came home. After that, everything is blank.
Tears spilled over Yoongi’s face and you heard him sniffle. “I shouldn’t have gone on tour again. Or I should have taken you with me. If I’d fought them harder to bring you with us none of this would have happened..”
“That’s not true and you know it. You love what you do and I would never ask you to stop touring for me. And I couldn’t go on tour with you even if they had allowed it. I have a job and a life here, I can’t just drop it all and come on the road for months at a time. I knew what I was getting myself into when I said yes to you. I don’t blame you for this and you shouldn’t blame yourself either, okay?”
He nodded and wiped the tears from his face, kissing your hand softly, like you were some kind of doll that might crack and fall apart at the slightest touch.
“So what happened to me?”
He sighed and climbed into the bed next to you, wrapping his arms around you and pulling your head into his chest. “They told me that you were hit by a speeding driver on your way to the bakery. Apparently they were going way over the speed limit and not paying attention to the stop sign when you were crossing the street. You’ve been knocked out for twelve days…” His voice cracked, then trailed off. “They weren’t sure when or even if you’d wake up again.. I was so afraid y/n.. I was so scared that I was going to lose you and there’d be nothing I could do about it.” You felt his shaky breaths as he let out a sob and gripped you like you were at risk of fading away.
You pulled away from his chest and cupped his cheek in your hand. “But you didn’t lose me. I’m here, aren’t I? I’m here and I’m getting better and nothing is going to take me away from you, so no more tears, okay? It’s gonna take more than one bad driver to get rid of me.” you assured him.
“I love you so much, y/n. I don’t know what I’d do if I ever lost you like that.”
“I love you too, Yoongi. I’m not going anywhere, I promise. You’re my forever, remember?” You felt sleep beginning to take over again as your eyelids started to droop. You let out a yawn and snuggled in closer to your boyfriend.
He smiled as he watched you drift off back to sleep, suddenly hyper-aware of not only your breathing and the feeling of having you in his arms, but also the small lump he’s had in his pocket, waiting for you to wake up and claim it. He opened the small box and set it on the bedside table for when you finally woke. “That’s right y/n. You’re my forever.”
⤷Genre:romance; fluff; husband!yoongi x wife!reader.
⤷Warnings:none.
Yoongi was the very creation of all you adored, all melting together within a masterpiece you called your husband
The warmth of his molten eyes swirled with love so much like your favorite cup of coffee just as the soft shape of his nose so strongly resembled your childhood kitten; not to mention the plush pillows of his cheeks that reminded you of the most beloved breads so perfectly; your lover was simply the manifestation of all the things you loved most, into one, perfect being.
Which is why your eyes focused upon his endearing features, instead of all else whilst you basked within his arms and savored the warmth of his love, willing to merely stare at him for as long as he would allow.
And it was with every skim of his lips or shy flutter of his lashes did you think of something other than him, how you wanted nothing more than for your little ones to share the very features you adored.
With the reverie of your future in mind, your fingertips just couldn’t be helped as they lovingly traced over the line of his jaw and followed the imaginary path to the bow of his lips, contently following the pull to very tip of his nose, where you tenderly pressed into the soft curve.
Your heart faltered once his soft irises rounded into two perfect spheres before he locked them upon your own, surprised by the soft gesture, his chest rose and fell hurriedly under your palms, and for a moment, you feared the worst.
But the smoothe skin of his cheeks creased just below his eyes and foretold of the gummy smile that tenderly kissed his lips beneath your gaze, and you gasped softly at the relief.
“What was that, baby?” He breathlessly whispered within every nook and crevice of the flustered laughter you elicited with the loving touches of his skin, that wrote your words of love in his every feature you admired.
Your own breathing grew uneven as his body curled tighter around your own before his nose carefully nuzzled into the crook of your neck, to tickle your flesh with his hot breath as he flustered you endlessly, returning the unintentional favor.
“It just felt right” you shyly admitted, cupping his soft face within your hands as you cooed at your adorable love, “I love how all of your features fit you so perfectly, and I thought-”
Your words perished upon your tongue once a heat that his presence had made you so familiar with kissed every crevice of your skin, when his curiosity drew him away from the gentle kisses he placed within the hollow of your throat, only for his head to tilt, as if to silently inquire deeper into your thoughts until the truth spilled from your lips.
“Our children will be so perfect.” You suddenly blurted, unable to lie to the one who held you so dearly.
Yoongi’s mouth merely gaped within the silence that followed your confession, and for a moment you believed you had said far too much of your heart, until his lips suddenly met yours, in a fleeting kiss, that was almost twice as sweet as your soulmate.
He parted the kiss far too soon for your approval of the contact, but once the rosy hue of his cheeks scrunched with his sweet smile, you found yourself to forgive him, especially once his eyes stared into yours as if you had given him the very stars above whilst his fingers reached to intertwine with your own.
“If they’re anything like you, my love, they could never be anything less.”
SUMMARY: Yoongi, the only dragon hybrid to exist, has done a lot to escape the life he has been put into. He killed those who held him just to run away, to have the chance of living a life he’s been longing to have for years. Even after switching continents, they seem to be after him, hunting him. When he meets you, he knows you’re one of them and there’s only one way to survive - to kill you.
GENRE: smut angst action fluff-ish
WORD COUNT: 11k
WARNINGS: enemies to lovers, mentions of murder and blood, violence, Yoongi rides a motorbike, cursing, blowjobs, fingering, Yoongi has claws and fangs, temperature play, his cum tastes different, choking, fighting for dominance, unprotected sex, breeding kink, Yoongi is stubborn but soft, fox hybrid!taehyung and i’m so soft for him
AUTHOR’S NOTE: It is finally here, my part of The Hybrid Collab! I can’t even tell you how excited I am to post this after months of planning. I think everyone agrees with me that the thought of Dragon!Yoongi is too much to handle. I had this idea in my mind for as long as Daechwita has been around now-it just took me a while to write it sksks.
I’d also love to thank @spicykoreantatertots & @yeojaa for betaing this fic and helping me with it. @kimtaehyunq Mags, tysm for designing this beautiful banner for me! Also; thanks for listening to my rambling and keeping up with me and this fic. It was so much fun cooperating your Taehyung into it, I love him. :(
Summary:Life sometimes sucks. You’ve been stuck in that strange world that is adulting, questioning everything about life as you’ve gradually grown harder and harder to everything until one bland date brings you to a small record store and you meet him. Min Yoongi. In his very words, ‘not a good guy’ but he’s just too tempting to ignore. And safe, careful, planner you finds yourself wrapped up in the storm that is Yoongi.
Pairing:Min Yoongi X Reader
Genre:Smut, possibly the longest sex scene I have ever written, with bits of introspective romance?? I guess?
Word Count: 15.2K
Warnings: unprotected sex, oral (F giving and receiving), spanking, a hell of a lot of dirty talk, and as always from me, plenty of swearing.
A/N: This isn’t complete. You’ve been warned. It doesn’t leave off on like…a cliffhanger or anything, but I’ve had this bad boy sitting around for ages and I’m just too busy to finish any of my projects at the moment but a lovely friend of mine reminded me about this particular bad boy Yoongi fic and I felt that I owed all of y’all who’s stuck around my very long bouts of radio silence a holiday present. Merry Christmas, you filthy animals.
You can still clearly remember the first time you fell in love. It wasn’t anything amazing or special, it wasn’t some wonderful whirlwind romance always portrayed in stories and movies. But you can remember the butterflies, the way your skin warmed uncomfortably any time you held hands, the way your breathing grew uneven just from the smallest of hugs or stolen glances. Soft kisses when others weren’t looking would send your head into the clouds. You can also remember the heartache, the way it felt as though everything had come crashing down when he moved on and you were stuck trying to pick up the pieces of your life. But you would eventually, and if there’s anything that you’ve learned as you’ve gotten older it’s that love changes entirely. Not just with each partner but also with wisdom. Where you once could talk about the innocence of love now it was sex, marriage, children, careers, half-assed dates, trying to decide if you could see yourself living with that person or if the relationship wasn’t going anywhere after just a few months.
Love used to just be. It just came one day, crept into your heart like a thief in the night but instead of taking anything it just took up space. Ahhh, what a way to live. Youth holds far more innocence than people realize. Growing up is a pain, the world becomes crueler and you start analyzing everything instead of just living. When did that happen? When did love become a strategic game rather than just an effervescent thing swirling around in the depths of your soul? When did you start worrying so much about keeping up with others around you?
You weren’t always all this doom and gloom. In fact, most people will say that on the outside you seem to be a very positive, kind person. A bit of a pushover. Always there to help. Some might say otherwise, that sure you’re nice enough but you seem to have a wall up. Is that such a bad thing? Is it bad to want to protect yourself from the inevitable pain of having to move on? If you were to answer honestly, wholeheartedly, you probably started feeling this way a few years ago. After you watched your best friend walk down the aisle. So beautiful. So happy. And you were so fucking alone. Miserably alone. And you felt like a complete bitch for watching such a beautiful moment happen all while thinking selfishly about none other than yourself. And then everyone else moved on. They got married or moved in with their partners. They had children. Your siblings all got married. And then there’s you. The forever bachelorette. The workaholic.
If we remain on the topic of honesty, you aren’t even sure you know what love is anymore. You can vaguely recall the innocence of days past. The earnestness of loving simply because you couldn’t control it. But you can’t describe it. How does one describe love? If you had asked the you of yester-year…fine, yester-decade…you would have said, “It just is. It’s there one day and it strings you along for a wild ride and you just try your best as the shotgun driver to help steer this whole thing along.” But the older, hopefully, wiser you? Well, now you see love as something more akin to a good game of chess. It’s a strategy. A battlefield, a place where good plans should hopefully get you across the way but where other plans can foil you. Fucking Pat Benatar had it right, who would’ve guessed?
You glance back up at your date, drawn out of your internal ramblings as the waiter passes by. This guy isn’t the worst. He certainly isn’t the best. On paper he’s got everything going for a good future. He’s a doctor, he seems nice enough, he has his own home. For fuck’s sake, he even works at a free clinic one weekend a month just to help people. And he’s obnoxiously handsome. It’s your third date with him. But why is it that you just don’t feel a spark with him? Maybe you should sleep with him, see how that pans out. That’s one thought. On the other hand whenever a waiter passes by you desperately want to grab the check and run back to your sanctum away from this boring hell.
"(Y/N?)“ You blink back up at Shownu, giving a small awkward smile.
"Sorry, I guess I didn’t get enough sleep last night. I’m a little tired.”
He nods kindly, grabbing a passing waiter and paying the check before he resumes speaking with you. “It’s okay, you just looked a little bored. I’m sorry I’m sure that cardiovascular disease is probably a boring topic to most.”
"Oh no, it’s fascinating.“ Lies. It felt like he was trying to read to you from a textbook. "I’m just a bit out of it. I have a new client who’s been more than a bit difficult and I’ve had to work almost around the clock to try to figure out what’ll make them happy.”
"What do you do again?“ Looks like you aren’t the only one snoozing off when the other person’s speaking. That’s not a good sign.
"I’m a graphic designer. This client, in particular, is a local coffee shop, they’re rebranding themselves but apparently, the two owners are having a hard time agreeing with what direction they want to go in. I’ll get a green light from one and a red light from the other and it’s been almost a week of this now.” You ruffle your hair aggravatedly before stopping. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to talk so much about work, I’m sure it’s boring.”
"A bit.“ My god dick, take a hint. You were trying to be polite earlier and here he is just openly calling your work boring. "But that’s okay. You’ve got a lot on your plate. You drove here right?”
"Yup, I guess I’ll talk to you later.“ Another lie. You have no intention of contacting him again. Even if he is hot and a doctor. Your friends would call you crazy to not be interested in him. But is it so wild to want to enjoy your time with the other partner? When did the world become about saving face and looking good? Was it always this way and you were just ignorant? No. Naive would be a better word for you. You needed to grow thicker skin.
Shownu doesn’t even walk you to your car, not that you’re bothered by it. You wanted to escape just as much as he did. Looks like you’ll have to keep looking. Or maybe you should give up. Be a spinster. Widdle your days away in your work and be the fun aunt who comes around to steal stop signs and do dumb shit with your nieces and nephews. Yeah, that sounds a lot more like you than some boring marriage. Maybe. Or maybe you’re just giving up. You can’t tell. Maybe it’s just the last glass of wine you had talking.
You look around before getting in your car, your eyes spotting a small record store across the street. You’ve lived in the city for ten years, yet you’ve never seen this tiny little gem before. It’s tucked away, a small poorly lit sign simply saying ‘records.’ It looks so unusual here, in the posher side of town. But ten years ago this place hadn’t been gentrified. It’s like this one little building is holding out, refusing to conform. Unwilling to yield with the times, refusing to be aesthetically pleasing for some woman who owns a teacup poodle and drinks overpriced syrupy coffee who needs perfectly paved roads and has to speak to the manager. And before you can understand what you’re doing you’re jaywalking your ass right over to it.
It’s cramped, wall to wall, row after row it’s filled with vinyls of all colors. There’s a few teenagers looking around, clearly affluent based off of their clothing but rebelling. At least that’s what you’re assuming based off of the designer clothing mixed with cheap hair dye and piercings. Ah, you remember those days. Except your clothes were hand-me-downs and goodwill finds. Maybe vinyls are cool again. You can remember thinking you were hot shit to finally get a walkman at a garage sale. CD’s were already mainstream then but they weren’t cheap. The kids at school didn’t have pity on you for that. Not that it mattered to you, it felt like you finally had the whole world of music available to you whenever you wanted.
It feels nostalgic to go through the records. You can remember the way your oldest brother would begrudgingly take you with while he flirted with girls in a different record store. It was the spot, where only the raddest kids hung out. And now here you are almost three decades later in another record store late at night with just a bored employee and two rich kids who think they’re hot shit for being in on something that others aren’t. Ah, youth.
One record, in particular, pulls at you. You stop for a moment, thumbing it before gently picking it up. Christ, does wine give you all the yearning for nostalgia or are you just getting old? You’ll go with the wine, it’s a much more comforting thought than confronting your age right now. You want to hang this up. Remind yourself of who you were. Who you are. You’ve been losing sight. Maybe. It’s hard to tell, life moves too fast the older you get. Or maybe it’s that pesky malbec. The fact that you only had two glasses isn’t important. You need a scapegoat for tonight. A way to ease this growing uncomfortable feeling in your chest. Like the world is falling apart and moving on and you’re stuck somewhere. You aren’t sure where. But you do know that you need this. So you march up to the register, the two brats in the shop trailing behind shortly after.
The boy, no that’s definitely a fully grown man, lazily gazes up at you before taking the record and scanning it. You’d call him cute, but his eyes look a bit too hardened for that word. He looks like he’s seen some shit and doesn’t hide it from the world. Like he’s ready for a fight at all times and probably sleeps with one eye open just in case. He’d be the type to survive a zombie apocalypse. "I didn’t realize we even had any Atmosphere records. Wow, that takes me back.”
"Ant really was ahead of his time. I mean, don’t get me wrong, Slug is a great rapper, but the real key to their music was how Ant produced everything. Their new records are great too, but this one? This one’s just a real gem.“
"Hmmm, look at you, corporate hotshot getting her panties in a twist over some nineties backpack rappers.” His words drawl lazily, a sardonic smile curling up and showing the gums of his teeth as he places the record in a bag. “The world is full of surprises.” You aren’t even sure what to say as he hands the bag over to you, standing there with your mouth agape before he nods his head. “You gonna move lady? I’ve got other people waiting.” The teens behind you snicker, and you harden your eyes for just a moment before grabbing the bag and marching out. What a dick. A total dick. Tonight’s not your night. Christ, what were you even doing there? You don’t even have a record player.
You don’t realize it until you get home twenty minutes later, still fuming as you pull the record out, that he’s left behind his phone number on the receipt. “Call me when you’re bored, Ms. Corporate.” When did the fucker even get the time to do this? The little shit’s fast. He didn’t even give you his name. Why does that bother you so much? He was a dick. You shouldn’t want to know his name. You go to rip up the receipt but for some reason you find yourself tacking it up on the fridge. Maybe you’ll save it for a lonely, no scratch that, angry night. Reem his ass out for fun and then you’ll tear it up. Yeah sure, that’s why you’re keeping it.
———————————
A week’s gone by and you still haven’t taken down that stupid receipt from your fridge. You haven’t gone back to the shop either. You’ve been too busy, surviving off of ramen and egg sandwiches while working painfully long hours until you want to tear your hair out. You finally reach some semblance of agreement between the two owners, and you’ve finally finished working on their project. You got it done faster than anticipated, you just wanted them out of your life. But now you have only small projects in the meanwhile. And that’s dangerous. Because free time keeps allowing your brain to wander back to him. If you’re Ms. Corporate then he’s Mr. Dick. You kind of wonder what his dick looks like, if it’s big enough to back up his ego or not. You’d rather die than admit that. Shit, what are you thinking? If you’ve got time to fuck around then you’ve got time to pick up some more clients.
———————
You aren’t sure how you wound back up here, but suddenly you’re back in the same vinyl shop with Mr. Dick behind the counter again. You refuse to acknowledge the inner glee at seeing his face again. You barely even look in his direction, instead, you start rifling through the records before picking out a few more. Once you start digging through you find your brain focusing more on the artwork, on the way how everything comes together, nostalgia blossoming as you thumb through familiar covers. Radiohead, The Roots, Sade, Maxwell. Lord, you can remember your first boyfriend putting Maxwell on while making out with you in the car. You called him an old man, said it was probably what your parents put on to have sex. He was dejected, you thought it was funny but sweet. He didn’t see it that way. So it goes.
You quietly walk up to the counter, a soft smile playing on your face as you carefully place everything before the look on your face is wiped back to a careful blank slate when you see Mr. Dick cocking a half-grin at you. He looks like the type of guy that high school girls used to cream themselves over, they probably still do. The kind that always has a cigarette in hand, definitely used to be a skater, probably has a secret love child on the other side of the country, maybe did some minor time for a couple of DUIs. You almost want to laugh at the way you’re trying so hard to picture his life. The poor dude’s probably just totally normal, or maybe you hit the nail on the head. What does it matter, he’s just some random dick.
"Ms. Corporate, you’re back I see.“
"I am.”
"Always a pleasure to see a pretty gal in here, but especially when it’s you.“ You roll your eyes and he grins at this, you hate the way how your defenses almost momentarily break at just how cute he is when he smiles, really smiles. Here you were trying to figure out if he’s done time or not and suddenly you’re wanting to pinch his cheek. Christ, you need to get out more. And you don’t mean back here either. "I’m a little sad though, you never did give me a call.”
"I never got bored. Besides, what was I even supposed to do? Call you up and go, hey the dick behind the counter at the record store, I’m bored?“ He laughs at this, a full belly laugh before he cocks his head to the side.
"You’re an interesting one Ms. Corporate. Here I was trying to figure you out, and you’ve thrown me for another loop. I wasn’t lying though, I was disappointed that I didn’t hear from you.”
Your eyes narrow for a moment, trying hard to fight the heat that so desperately wants to rise to your cheeks. “Like I said, I wasn’t bored. And I’m not interested in speaking to random nameless douchebags.”
He nods his head, sliding your credit card and humming for a moment before the machine chirps and he hands over your bag and receipt. Before you can turn around he’s speaking again, “Yoongi. Min Yoongi.” You stare at him for a moment before he continues, “Now I’m not a nameless douche.”
"A named douche doesn’t fair any better in my books. I suppose I should’ve said that first.“
"Fair enough, but at least I don’t buy old man sex music in the middle of the night.” You can’t help but laugh at that, Maxwell really is old man sex music so you can’t blame him. In fact, some twisted part of you is elated that he thinks so too. Not that you’d admit that to even yourself.
"Have a good night, Min Yoongi.“ He looks startled for a second, he’s almost transfixed on the way you laugh. You can’t feel his eyes trailing you as you walk out the door, you’re far too focused on trying to calm the strangely warm fuzzy feeling trying to take over you to notice.
————————-
Life is strange, no matter what age you are things will pop up that you can’t explain how exactly it’s happened, or why it’s happened. The trick to being an adult is looking like you know what the fuck is going on, but the honest truth is no one does. Maybe they think they do, maybe they really do more often than not, but no one does one hundred percent of the time. That’s the honest truth. The entirety of humanity is a mass of dumbasses pretending to look like they know what’s going on. You are indeed one of those dumbasses, another fish in a large school trying not to be eaten but having no clue what lays beyond the school of fish ninety percent of the time. Your predator goes by the name of Min Yoongi. Perhaps he doesn’t even see himself as a predator nor you as prey, but that’s exactly how you see it. It’s been over a month since you last stepped foot in his workplace. There should be no need to go. You now have five vinyls and still no record player. Most would call them poor financial choices and an odd way to splurge. You’ve thought about it more than you can count though, going back to see him that is. That stupid fucking receipt is still hanging up on your fridge, and it’s taken everything in your willpower to not call him randomly.
Min Yoongi. You wonder, far too often for your own good, who he is. What he likes, dislikes. What makes him tick. What gets him off. You blame him. It’s the way he looks at you. Cold eyes, analyzing you to your very soul. Sneering at you one second, taunting you smugly, before switching to the sweetest smile you’ve ever seen. You’ve only seen him twice, no longer than a few minutes at a time. You don’t know if you can even say that you’ve ever had a real conversation with him. He doesn’t even know your name. And yet he runs through your thoughts on repeat. You would love to be able to settle on a normal human. A good guy, someone like Shownu. Safe, stable, traditionally handsome, a great career. But your stupid fucking brain feels nothing around a guy like him and then suddenly it sparks and rewires itself around a douche named Min Yoongi who you actually wondered if he did time or not. Life is strange. So it goes.
It’s thoughts like these that are your downfall. Late at night, all alone in bed. Pondering what he’s doing, who he’s doing. You’re sure a deadbeat like him has a slew of girls at his beck and call. He certainly acts like it. But that shouldn’t matter to you. After a month of wondering, going back and forth, staring longingly at the fridge, you’re picking up your phone and slowly entering in the numbers. One digit takes you nearly thirty seconds, the last time it took you this long to call someone was when you were staying at your grandmother’s house using her outdated rotary phone as a child. And here you are, a grown woman, terrified over some dick who works at a record store. Life is strange, you can’t help but think as you delete the numbers and enter them back in. Should you, shouldn’t you? What’s to gain? What’s to lose? Life is about strategy, isn’t it? Does he offer you anything? Perhaps temporary release is all you need. But can he actually offer that? Maybe. Hopefully. Maybe not. Who knows. It’s a risk. Not a calculated one either. In fact, odds are heavily stacked against him. And the adult in you says to not bother. That’s what vibrators are for, if all you’re looking for is a release. But there’s another voice, something longing for this. There’s something about him that plays on repeat in your head. Something that stirs up oddly sentimental feelings in you when you think of him. Which is strange, you don’t know him. So how can sentimentality be tied to someone you just met? Maybe it’s just part of his trade for soon to be old spinsters like you, you guess.
You take another deep breath, staring at the screen as you sink down to the floor of the kitchen and finally hit the dial button. Shit. Fuck. What are you doing? This isn’t like you. You haven’t thought out every exit strategy yet. Christ. Oh god. "Hello?” His voice is deeper over the phone. You won’t explain how that makes you feel, it’s a bit embarrassing honestly.
"Yoongi?“
"Ms. Corporate?”
“…Yes…” That’s right, you never told him his name. There’s garbled background noise for a minute, you hear him telling someone to shut the fuck up before it’s eerily silent for a moment and then you hear a breathy chuckle. And oh god, you are so so so fucking screwed.
"Holy shit. I didn’t think you’d actually call. Just when I thought you forgot all about me you actually call.“
"I was bored.” You bite back a smile, head resting on your fridge as you stare up at the ceiling. Jesus, you should dust more often, is that a spiderweb?
He gives a sing-song laugh, and that strange tipsy feeling in your gut bubbles back up again. You feel oddly nervous, kind of giddy. When’s the last time you felt this way? You don’t know if you ever did. “Holy Christ. I’m sorry, give me a moment, this just…makes me weirdly happy. Fuck. Shit. -I SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GO HOME. Sorry, not you Ms. Corporate. Just uh, a friend. He’s a dipshit. A bit drunk. Having girlfriend troubles I guess. Dunno why he came to me. I uh…I dunno why I’m telling you this either. Christ. Are you still there?”
"I’m here.“ You don’t know what to say. Fuck. Why did you call?? It’s been nearly thirty seconds and you’ve already lost all confidence in saying anything. This is why you need a plan, a strategy. When you don’t know how to proceed the only option is to deflect. So deflect you shall. "How did you know it was me?”
"I’ve answered nearly every unknown number asking if it was you for about six weeks now if I was very honest. Not that you needed to know that.“ You swear you can hear him give an awkward chuckle. How unexpected. Perhaps staying behind the counter gives him an odd confidence boost. Or maybe he’s been drinking just like his friend and is being a bit too honest. You’re not sure why, but that doesn’t feel like such a bad thing to you. The lack of snark is as startling as it is endearing.
"Well, I’ve kept your stupid receipt pinned to my fridge for the last six weeks. Not that you need to know that.” You smile at the way he laughs this time, mentally visualizing his gummy smile. Maybe you should have face timed him. But then he’d see you looking like a full damn mess in the middle of the night. You’ll just have to imagine what he looks like.
"You’re really cute Ms. Corporate. Really obnoxiously cute for someone who has the strangest taste in music. I mean you went from Atmosphere to Radiohead to Maxwell. I’m sure it branches out even further than that and hopefully to a few other decades. I’m curious.“
"About what? My music tastes?”
"Well yeah. And a lot of other things about you. Like I said, I’ve been trying to figure you out. You run around in my thoughts all day lately. That’s not fair Ms. Corporate. Not fair at all. At least you can think of me as the douche with the name. But all I’ve got is Ms. Corporate with weird music tastes.“
"Hmm….”
"What do you mean hmmm? Isn’t this your cue to, oh I don’t know, tell me your name?“
"It’s fun this way. Safe. Now I don’t have to worry about you looking me up and finding my place and chopping me up into pieces.”
"Pretty sure I would’ve done that beforehand if that were the case, you know, cover my tracks and not leave my number behind or anything. Come on Ms. Corporate, you’re killing me. I want to know if your name is as pretty as your face.“
You give it a moment, relishing silently in the exasperated sighs you hear over the phone, his feet shuffling loudly against pavement before finally, you speak up. ”(Y/N). My name’s (y/n).“
”(Y/N).“ The way he says your name slowly has tingles running up your spine, your cheeks heating up at the way it almost feels like he’s savoring your name. Christ, what is it about this cheeky devil? One second he’s captain douche and the next second he’s adorable and then suddenly he has your toes curling just from the way he says your name. He has 'bad idea’ written all over him in big bold letters and yet here you are, sitting on your kitchen floor grinning like a fool. When’s the last time you smiled this much? Shit, that’s a depressing thought, let’s not think about that. "That’s a pretty name. It fits you.”
"You sure do seem to be all compliments tonight. I’m wondering when sir asswipe will come out.“
"I save him for the store. Customer service will do that to you.” That’s…fair enough. But still. And why does that make you laugh? Why is it that everything just seems so easy with him? “(Y/N).” He pauses for a moment, you hear a lighter clicking in the background before he takes a drag. Well, it looks like you got one thing right, he’s a smoker. Ashtray tongue, not that great. You bet he makes it look hot though. “I wanna see you.”
You don’t respond, breathing halting for a moment before you hum. You want to see him too, that’s the honest truth. You want to get to know him, explore him. Open him up and examine his thoughts, lay in bed and talk for hours, maybe throw on that Maxwell record and see what happens. Wait…what the fuck are you thinking? You can’t help but burst out laughing, stopping when you realized that you probably sound absolutely insane and rude. Insanely rude. “Wait, no I wasn’t laughing that you want to see me, it’s just…I don’t know why but that stupid Maxwell album popped into my head.” You pause, terrified that he’ll be angry or upset or realize that you’re a bumbling idiot but instead, he gives a sing-song laugh. God, you want to see his face too.
"Okay, real talk though, why did you buy old man porn music?“
"I felt like I had to, I don’t know, buy it to repent for my sins?” He’s wheezing now, his laughter becoming infectious until you find yourself cracking up with him. Why is it so easy to talk to him?
"What in the fuck does that even mean?“
"I feel like at this point, it’s better without explaining. But I will anyway. When I was in high school I was dating this dude who broke up with me because I made fun of him for putting on a Maxwell tape when we made out in his car. I told him it was old man sex music, and when you said it when I was checking out it confirmed that while I was right, I owed poor Maxwell my money I guess. I don’t know. I’m not making any sense am I?”
"Kind of? Not really? I get the feeling that I’ll always still be wondering a bit with you though. Not that that’s a bad thing. You’re weird (Y/N), but good weird. I certainly didn’t expect this from a corporate hotshot.“
"Why do you keep calling me that?”
"Well, you look like you work in an office. You don’t?“
"Nope. I own my own business, I’m a graphic designer. But I was on a date the first time I popped in, oh and the second time I popped in I had just finalized some things with a client in person.”
"You…you wore a business suit on a…date? I don’t mean to be rude but um…how old exactly are you (Y/N)? Like what era did you come from?“
"Ah, Monsuire Jerkwad appears again. I’m 30 for your information. Which is an old biddy in my mother’s eyes.”
"Whaaaat? I mean I figured from your music choices you were about my age, but wow. Look at that, I’m just one year older than you. I guess that makes me whatever the fuck the male version of an old biddy is. Say though, (Y/N), why for fuck’s sake would you wear a business suit on a date? You didn’t answer that earlier.“ Huh. So he’s just a year older than you. You thought that he was younger actually. Man, asian really don’t raisin. You briefly wonder what his skincare routine is. Or maybe he’s one of those bastards that just uses Irish spring soap for everything and still magically looks great with no idea that there’s a difference between moisturizer and lotion.
"Ah…well, I went on the date after meeting with a client. But I mean, it was like a hot librarian suit right?” You can tell by the laughter that you were way off the mark. “Yeah…okay so it was just a normal suit. But whatever, I didn’t feel a need to get dressed up for him.”
"What, is the guy a slob or something?“
"Nah, in fact, it couldn’t be further from that. But I dunno I just didn’t really jive with him.”
"But you went on a date with him anyway?“
"I told you Yoongi, I’m an old biddy. I’m drying up over here. Eggs ticking or whatever. At least according to every single family member, even the extended ones I rarely talk to.”
"Being a chick must be rough, I feel like they nag you guys extra hard. But I get it, my folks are always pestering me to get married. Settle down, find a career, have kids. Shit, at this point they don’t even care what order it happens. If I came home with some random baby I think they wouldn’t even be angry they’d just be like 'finally, little Mins.’ It doesn’t help that my brother and his wife don’t want to try for kids for another couple of years so suddenly all the pressure’s on me.“
"God, I felt that in my soul. Why can’t they just let us breathe? It’s like my life revolves around finding someone to make my parents happy all of a sudden. I don’t even know when that happened. Or how, or why. But it’s like, I’ve gotta keep up with everyone else you know? I feel like somewhere along the line I got left behind.”
"Did you though?“ He takes a long drag, and you swear you can practically smell the cigarette through the phone. You bet he’s a clove kind of guy, he’s too weird to go for menthols. "I mean, did you really get left behind? Life happens for everyone at different times. What’s so wrong about that? Trust me, I get the pressure and the nagging and the bullshit. But at the end of the day, this is your life. Live it without regrets. Why settle just because other people tell you that you should? That seems boring as fucking hell.”
Life really is strange. Who would have guessed that some random dick in a random record store you’d never been to before a shitty date would suddenly be the one lifting the burden off your shoulder as if it had never been there? Everyone else was always telling you that it would happen, that the right guy would come along and soon enough you’d be married and having kids and all would be grand. But the honest truth is…that’s not what you want. You don’t even know if you want kids. And marriage? Man, that just seems like something you don’t need in your life right now. When did you get so wrapped up in feeling like you’d been left in the dust that you felt you had to do the exact same things to keep up?
Somewhere, in the core of your very being, you probably knew right then and there that you were getting into way too deep of territory for someone you had just met. But you had dropped your guard, refused to acknowledge any warning signs. How could you when someone finally was telling you that it was okay to just live? He told you the words that you needed the most without even knowing it. You can feel tears threating to rise but you gulp everything down and instead just give a quiet thanks. You just hear the drag of his cigarette again before he responds with an equally quiet no problem. It feels like the world could stop, right there and then. As if it was just the two of you, frozen in your own separate corners of earth while quietly listening to the static from the phone and all would be well. It felt safe. Dangerously safe.
"Fuck, I need to charge my phone it’s about to-“ With that, the call drops and you stare at your phone for a moment. Maybe it was for the best that his phone died, who knows what you would have said to him if you stayed on the phone any longer. You just practically spilled your guts to a virtual stranger from your kitchen floor at one in the morning. And yet, for the first time in a long time, all you can do is stare happily at your phone before finally forcing yourself into bed.
The next morning you may or may not have squealed like a complete buffoon upon reading the text you missed from him after falling asleep. "Sorry bout that. Next time tho, I wanna see you in person. That way there’s no worries about my phone dying.” Shit. It’s too early for this kind of attack. You’ll blame being half-awake for why you responded with just a simple “K.” You only have your own neuroticism to blame for your internal freakouts that constantly reoccur over the next few days when you don’t hear anything back. Maybe you were a bit too dry. Okay…you most certainly were too dry. Christ, if there’s ever been a dead fish version of a text, that would be it. Maybe you should have expected to fumble this badly. Maybe it’s a good thing. He didn’t seem like the type to really be interested in anything other than playing around. Not that you were expecting anything. Right? Okay…well maybe you did kind of really want to make out with him. Which is strange, because honestly, you can’t remember the last time you even thought of wanting to make out with someone. University years maybe? But now’s not the time to be thinking about that! Nows the perfect time to throw yourself into work, it’s the best scapegoat for avoiding emotions you’d rather not explore.
—————-
"Wow, your boredom intervals are quickly decreasing. Do you not have a lot of work right now or?“ Jesus what in the fuck are you even thinking, dragging your ass in this stupid fucking store in the middle of the night for a third time. And you still don’t have a goddamn record player. God, you pray he never finds that out. He’d probably never stop making fun of you.
You can’t help but shoot a glare in his direction, but your nerves falter the moment you see the shit-eating grin on his face. You swear you can feel your breath hitch in the back of your throat and trap itself. It’s suffocating. Blinding. It’s not fair. He’s so handsome. Dark disheveled hair partially obscuring his coffee-colored eyes, gummy grin, obnoxiously white teeth for a smoker, milky pale skin that’s always at stark odds with his typical black t-shirt, veiny hands. This isn’t good. This isn’t fair. You really want to kiss him.
"What, cat got your tongue or something Ms. Corporate?” He’s leaning across the counter, head cocked as he openly ogles you. It’s not fair. You’ve been a wreck for the last few days, waiting around for some sort of a response and this fucking shrimp is acting like you never spoke. Like nothing changed. Like he didn’t tell you he wanted to see you in person. It’s probably just your own stupidity or neuroticism peaking through, but when he called you Ms. Corporate it felt like that perfect paradise on the phone was all a mirage. As if it never happened. It’s infuriating how he can act so calm. Before you can continue overthinking and turning around in circles you march up to the counter and grip his shirt in your hand, pulling him in for a kiss that he reciprocates unusually quickly. You can feel his tongue slide across your lower lip, asking for entrance when the sound of the door chimes pull you quickly away. Damn these stupid kids buying records in the middle of the night. Don’t they have a curfew?? Fucking rich kids trying to be edgy when they should be at home, in bed, not fucking interrupting this not so Hallmark moment.
"Stop fucking calling me Ms. Corporate, you colossal idiot.“ You can distantly hear him sending you off with a hoarse 'goodnight.’ Everything in you wants to turn around and see what kind of a face he’s making. Is he just making fun of you? Is he as hot and bothered as you from a kiss? It felt like electricity ran up your spine like everything was floating for a moment, the world just goes away when you’re with him and all that’s there is the two of you. Fuck. You like Sargeant fuckface from the record store. And even though you have a feeling that all of this is a terrible idea you can’t help but grin to yourself the entire way home. Hey, at least this time you didn’t waste more money on records you can’t play.
You aren’t sure if it’s the place, or Yoongi, or your increasing age that your mother likes to remind you of constantly (not that you’d ever admit that) that makes you feel so nostalgic, so sentimental. But whenever you’re around him it hits you hard. When did love lose innocence, when did it stop simply being about selfishly, greedily wanting to learn everything about the other person and staying by their side? When did it grow to be a chore, a thing that you did because it was another step on the ladder of life? And why is it that when you’re around him all you can feel is those same simple straightforward feelings? Fuck, you want to kiss him again. His lips were so soft, and you were right, he tasted like Djarum Blacks. You wonder how he got them, you’re pretty sure that there’s a ban on them now. Ashy, a bit of clove lingering on his lips. Lingering on yours. God, it’s almost infuriating how happy that makes you. Almost. But right now, you’re too wrapped up in glee to be annoyed. You hope that somehow, someday, you’ll manage to wrap him around your finger the way he has you so effortlessly wrapped over his. Not that you’re complaining. If you’re going to be wrapped around anyone’s fingers, you’re okay with it being his. Not that you’ve been staring at them whenever he handed you your bags or anything. Nope. That definitely wasn’t the case. Maybe.
When you get back home you try your hardest to stay busy, but your thoughts keep wandering back. Jesus, you think it would be easier to control your brain. It isn’t until your phone clatters off the counter that you realize Yoongi’s calling you, and for a moment you squint at the phone before hastily picking it up and answering. Shit wait, act cool. ”'Sup Colonel nitwit?“ Fuck, wait that wasn’t cool. Christ, why are you like this? What are you, a twelve-year-old boy? You should probably seek counseling for your stupidity. Or maybe not, because when you hear that sing-song laughter reverberating through your ears it suddenly makes everything feel okay again.
"You’re something (y/n). A real piece of work. I mean you called me an idiot earlier, no wait, a colossal idiot and now I’m Colonel nitwit?” He laughs again, and once again you find yourself sliding down the fridge onto the floor, blushing as you blink up at the ceiling. Dejavu. “Ah, this is bad. I should have texted you. Hearing your voice makes me want to see you in person.”
"Foul. Out of bounds. That’s not fair play. You aren’t allowed to say things that cute.“
"You fouled first, who just marches up to someone and kisses them at their place of work?”
"It’s not like anyone else was there.“ You’re glad he isn’t here to see your face, you’re already grinning like a fool and you have a feeling that he’d tease you mercilessly if he could see you right now.
"Until those damn brats showed up.” Ah, it makes you painfully happy that he was just as annoyed as you were. “I don’t know what it is about you, but you just run around my thoughts all damn day.”
"So why didn’t you ever text me back?“
"AH! About that, I realized after I hung up that you said you were out on a date that first time and I suddenly started feeling like a homewrecker. I mean, I know you said that you didn’t seem interested in him or maybe that was me just hoping I heard that I dunno everything feels kind of fuzzy now. My memories are hazy I just-”
"It was just a date, not a boyfriend. I’m not the type to talk to others when I’m sincerely dating. Although I’m also not the type to call up guys who leave me their numbers on receipts. I guess the world is full of surprises.“
"God, this is really bad, I really wanna see your face. And you can’t tell me that this isn’t fair play when you basically just called me special.”
"I’m sorry, but what language were you thinking I was speaking that that’s what you came up with? Because I’m pretty sure I didn’t come close to saying that.“
"No no, it was totally there. In the subtext. It’s all about the subtext you know. I mean you said that you aren’t the type to call guys who give you their number on a receipt and yet you still called me. That makes me special.”
"Bwa-what’s with that. You dork. Shit, now I wanna see your face.“
"Where are you? I’ll come over to you.”
"I’m at my home. Scary. Maybe you are a serial killer and that’s really your goal. You know, to chop me up in little pieces or some weird shit.“
"Wanna take the risk?”
"Kind of.“
"Only kind of??? What’s with that lukewarm response? I’m clearly not a serial killer. But I won’t act like I don’t have nefarious intentions.” You can hear the clicking of the lighter, and you can’t help but take a deep inhale at the same time as him. God, you bet he looks hot smoking. Wait no, smoking is bad. Very very bad. “Where’d your thoughts go right now, (y/n)?” It’s not fair. He has you wrapped around his finger. You want to see him, you want to inhale his scent, run your fingers through his hair, taste him, touch him, fuck him. Fuck. When’s the last time a guy got you this hot and bothered from merely existing? Has this ever actually happened? You aren’t sure.
"I’m curious, describe these nefarious intentions please.“
There’s a pause, another drag of his cigarette. "Alright, I’ll start with the less deviant things. I can’t get the feeling of your lips outta my head. I want to kiss you, hold you, touch you. It’s weird, I’m not normally the type for soft fluffy things. But the world is strange, as you said. You do weird things to my brain (y/n). You run around my thoughts night and day. When the door chimes at work I turn into Pavlov’s dog and hope it’s you.” There’s another long pause, for a moment all you hear is the thudding of your heart rushing into your eardrums and the soft staccato of static coming from your phone.
"Those don’t seem very nefarious to me.“
"Interesting, so you DO want to hear my deviant thoughts.”
"Well, calling your intentions nefarious is a rather interesting way of putting it. It makes it sound more sinister and less…I dunno…sexual? And then when you explained it all seemed rather, I don’t know…innocent I guess.“
"That’s because I don’t wanna scare you off, Ms. Corporate.”
"Again with that stupid name?“
"I wanna fuck you.” Shit, you weren’t expecting him to be that straightforward, especially after he seemed to be beating around the bush earlier. And why are you now a mix of happy and horny? That’s a new mix for you. “I want to see what kind of faces you make when you cum. I want to taste you. I want to see you under me, on top of me, I want to hear you beg, I want to hear you scream my name. I want to ruin you until all you can think of is me. Until all that satisfies you is me, because right now all I can think of is you. All I want is you. And it doesn’t feel fair to not see you in that same boat. So what do you say, (y/n)? Do you still want to see me tonight?”
You want to tell him that you’re also in the same boat, that really the two of you have been going in circles with the same thoughts for probably just as long. Both of you are so greedy, wanting and thinking of nothing but ruining the other. But ruin seems an unfair word, it seems to scratch only the surface. The honest truth is that you just wholeheartedly want the other person, you want them under your thumb to declare them yours. Maybe. It’s strange. You were always the kind of girl to take things slow. You never did one night stands, you never had fuck buddies or booty calls or anything even close to resembling that. Sex was always something that came far later in a relationship. But this? You aren’t even sure what it is. You can’t exactly say he’s a friend, you don’t really know him. You can’t say that you aren’t on the way to becoming lovers, but then again he might be thinking of things from a strictly physical standpoint. You aren’t sure. Maybe you should ask. Someday perhaps. If you were frank though all of this excites you. Fascinates you. Terrifies you ever so slightly. But all you can think of at this moment is that it elates you to no end that he wants you just as much as you want him. How absolutely greedy. “I do. I probably shouldn’t, but I do.”
"Yeah,“ the dark chuckle on the other line brings heat up to your face, your breath catching in your throat. He suffocates you even with the simplest of things, even with a laugh. "Yeah, you probably shouldn’t. You strike me as a good girl. The type to always please others before pleasing herself. The type to not rebel. I don’t know why, but I feel I should at least tell you this. I’m not a good guy, I’m not the guy you take home to your parents or the kind of dude you can gush about to all of your friends. But I am at least confident that I can give you a reprieve. It’s gotta be stressful, being good all the time constantly working for others, constantly pleasing others. But who tries to please you, understand you, allows you to just be selfish every once in a while? I can be that for you. I want to be that for you. Which is really weird because I usually hate when chicks want that from me. And here I am offering myself up on a silver platter to you. Man, the guys would think I’ve gone crazy if I told them this. I don’t even get it, but there’s just something about you that makes me feel…I dunno something.”
It’s strange, how little he knows you and yet he says the things you need to hear the most. When is the last time you did something simply because you wanted to before he stumbled into your life? Did you ever? Here you were hot and bothered before and now you want to cry big fat ugly happy tears. Yoongi gives you emotional whiplash with just a few words. It’s not fair. “I want to see you. Tonight.”
"Okay.“ Another drag, another chuckle. "Okay, then send me your address.”
You fumble with the phone, texting the address over to him quickly, your heart jumping out of your throat the entire time. The anticipation has your heart soaring and nerves dropping deep into your belly, you’re a mess of a multitude of emotions all at the same time.
"Wow, would you look at that. You’re only about ten minutes away from me. I’ll be over soon.“ Before you can respond he hangs up, and you’re left staring at the ceiling wondering momentarily what you’ve just gotten yourself into before you’re scrambling off the kitchen floor and into your bedroom. Shit, shit. You don’t have much time. The house is presentable, barely. Whatever. It’ll have to do. You brush your teeth, comb out your hair quickly, and do a quick once over. He’ll have to just deal with your bare face, but hey at least you shaved in the bath earlier. The doorbell chimes right as you throw an oversized sweater over one of your nicer lace bras you quickly changed into. You nearly knock into every door and corner on your way to the front door, slipping slightly at the entrance before taking a deep breath and opening it.
He’s painfully good looking, but his trademark blase pokerface has you ever so slightly annoyed. Here you were rushing about, a bundle of nerves and energy, and he looks remarkably indifferent to everything. As if he didn’t just tell you that he has, and you quote, nefarious intentions. But that thought runs right out the door the moment he narrows his eyes on you and gives you one of his award-winning gummy grins. You’re so fucked. You’re such a sucker for him already. "You okay?”
"What, yeah, why wouldn’t I be?“ You open the door wider, motioning him to come in before shutting the door gently behind him.
"Because you look nervous. Relax, I’m not here to eat you. Eat you out, maybe. If that’s what you want. I’m only here to give you whatever you want.” He narrows his eyes on you again, his gaze sweeping over you before looking directly at you. It feels like he can see right through you, right down to your very soul. It’s comforting, terrifying, it’s like everything that comes with him is a euphoric blend of polar opposites leaving you to drown somewhere in the in-between. He makes you feel like you’re in the eye of the storm but precariously close to being tossed into the chaos raging all around you.
"I hate to say this, but that sounds almost too good to be true. What’s in it for you?“ You tilt your head, analyzing him as you lean back against the door while trying to feign nonchalance.
"You. And oddly enough, for once that’s enough for me.” He shrugs at this comment, although his eyes narrow a bit as if even he can’t even believe that he just admitted this.
"What if I said I didn’t want more? Or what if I said that I wanted no strings attached if there is more? Or if I said-“
”-I want strings attached. No, I need strings attached.“ You can’t help but blink owlishly back at him as you try to digest this information. You pegged him for a wham-bam-thank you ma'am but I’m never calling you again type of man. "Call me crazy, I mean this is totally out of my typical wheelhouse but I realized that I was jealous when you said you were on a date right before you first came into the shop. If we’re going to do this I want strings attached. Call it whatever you want, but whatever this is it’s just me and you babe. No one else.”
"No one else on either side?“ Greedy, selfish, but fair. You’re over the moon that for whatever reason he’s just the same as you. At least, when it comes to this situation. God, you want him. All of him. You want to sink deeper into this, drown yourself in him, lose yourself in all that he has to offer you. That’s dangerous. But you don’t care, you’re already too far gone. You can feel your stomach tighten, mind halting as he stalks closer to you, his breath hot on your ear as one hand tightens around your waist and pulls you closer to him.
"No one else on either side.” His eyes travel down from your eyes to your lips before slowly wandering back up. God, you just want him to kiss you already.
"Deal.“ Why do you feel like you might have just made a pact with the devil? And why is it that you still really don’t care, as long as it means you get to finally taste him again. Fucking hell, you’re pretty sure all of your sanity flies right out the window when he’s involved. You can feel the warmth of his breath on your lips, just a few centimeters away from your own. So close, so close. It’s like time has stilled. As if the world has fallen away and yet again all that’s left is the two of you. Falling, falling. Sinking. Deeper. Deeper. Deeper. Into a chasm of euphoric insanity of pleasure.
Slowly, painfully slowly, you move your hand to his cheek the other hand winding up the firm planes of his chest. That surprises you, you thought he’d be more delicate. He certainly seems delicately built at first glance, but looks can be deceiving. His eyes never leave your own, his sights set squarely on you. Refusing to look away. Refusing to run. A deal has been made with the devil, and the devil is letting you know you aren’t about to leave his crosshairs. "Kiss me, Yoongi.” That signature lazy half-smile of his appears for just a fraction before his lips are on yours. He’s spicy, ashy. That damn clove has your toes curling, sighing, melting into his touch. Fucking hell. You’re already wet, thighs trembling, hands curling his shirt into a ball, as he licks into your mouth.
The beat of your heart sounds painfully loud in your eardrums. Every sound is fuzzy, staticky as if you’re still on the phone. Your own groans almost sound distant, his sighs sound so soft. So content. It feels like the two of you have been dunked in molasses. Time has slowed down for both of you. Moving so slowly, tenderly. Almost as if you’re starstruck lovers who have just one night to cherish each other. As if you’ve known each other’s bodies forever but have never been allowed to explore them. It feels like a fragile spell, moving too quickly might break the magic and the devil will run home with his nefarious intentions long forgotten. His hand grips tighter for a moment before wandering down, palming and massaging your ass before picking up your legs and wrapping them around his waist. He takes the small change in stature to detach from your lips, both of you watching with glossy eyes as a thing string of saliva breaks. “You’re beautiful (y/n).” A hoarse whisper, kind words from a man with a crass mouth. It makes you want to be feral, it makes you want to slow down. It makes you want everything. Nothing but him. He drives you to the brink of insanity with all these diametrically opposing wants and needs.
A long low moan tumbles out of your lips at the feeling of his tongue gliding across the prominent vein of your neck before sinking his lips down. Soft petals of pinks and red appear in his wake, a trail of cherry blossoms in spring-time painted on your skin leading up to your ear before his teeth gently press down on your lobe. Shit. That feels way too good. Toes curling, fingers wrapping into his hair and his tongue tangles skillfully around your ear until suddenly he’s off, his eyes boring back into your own as your breathing tries to slow back down. “Tell me what you want, (y/n). What do you want from me?”
If any other man would have asked you that, with such a knife-sharp gaze, you surely would have clammed up. You’ve never been the vocal type. But you’re too far lost in his eyes to care. There’s a part of you that desperately hopes your own wants will please him, that he’ll sink deeper with you into this chasm of pleasure with you. “I want to suck you off.”
The admission seems to catch him off guard for a moment, there’s almost an innocence to the way he blinks back at you but that’s gone quickly enough that you almost imagine if you really saw it or not. Replaced by a wolfish grin, desire bubbling across his features, infecting your skin, your core. As if the madness is catching. “Well well well. Who knew little Ms. Corporate had that in her? I can’t say the idea of you on your knees hasn’t been in my mind before. I also can’t lie and say that it isn’t one of the most exquisite things I’ve ever thought of. But I thought I told you that this was about you? About your pleasure? Are you sure that’s what you want?” Your brain processes his words slowly, you’re far too focused on his growing erection pressing against your inner thigh to think clearly and quickly.
"I told you, Yoongi. I want you. I want you to lose yourself just as much as me.“ That’s right, you want to watch him fall into pleasure just as you have. You want this madness, this desire, this sin to grip him tightly just as it has gripped you. You’re greedy that way. And right now the greatest satisfaction you could receive is seeing him out of control, and you in it. You might be on your knees for him, but he’ll be under your spell.
You unlatch your legs slowly, trembling slightly as you lace your fingers through his and pull him along to your bedroom silently. All you can hear is the hum of the A/C and the sound of your shallow breathing when you push through the bedroom door and lead him to the edge of the bed. Before you can move, his hands are quickly pulling off your sweater and tugging down your leggings until you’re left in just your underwear. "I’m not about to have you finally blow me and you’re still dressed.” His fingers gracefully move around your back, unlatching your bra and tossing it behind you. It’s feverish, the look he sends you. All you can think of is that you want more. You want to see him look at you like that all day. As if you’re the only woman he wants. As if he needs you. You can’t even respond, too lost in the way he looks at you like he wants to devour you whole. So instead you move forward a step, tugging his t-shirt over his head and staring for a second at his bare skin.
He has those skinny boy abs, the kind that you always felt weren’t fair because it comes naturally from stupid fast metabolisms and not hard work. But you aren’t going to complain right now, not when he looks so good and he’s yours. All yours. Whatever this is, he made a deal, no one else. You can be as greedy as you want because he’s just the same. You sink down onto your knees, your eyes locking onto his as you unbuckle his belt and toss it off to the side. You aren’t sure if it’s just your hopeful imagination or if you really do hear his breath catch in his throat as you slowly unzip his jeans before letting them fall to the floor. He’s a briefs kind of guy, thank god. You’ve always hated how boxers look on men. He takes a moment to shuffle out of his pants completely before prying off his tight black briefs, and your mouth instinctively waters at the sight.
He’s thick, veiny, and you’re happy to report that he keeps everything well-groomed. Thank god, no pubes will be stuck in your teeth tonight. Heat rises up to your cheeks at the way he looks at you with carnal anticipation. Suddenly you aren’t so sure about all your earlier internal bravado about being the one to make him sink deeper into pleasure with you. He’s looking at you like a predator stalking his prey. As if a meal has just presented itself to him on a silver platter. But you’ll change that, you want nothing more than to watch that mask fall off. You want him to break. To fall. To tremble underneath your touch the way you shake with anticipation and euphoria under his watchful gaze.
It’s with an unwavering determination that you finally grasp his dick in your hand, staring up at him as you pepper soft kisses around his tip. He’s salty, tangy, drooling with precum. Delicious. Sinful. Perfect. You refuse to move your gaze off of his eyes, you want to watch him. You want to see how he falls apart. It only takes one long lick from the base to the tip to start seeing the si
