Caretaker & Protector Dynamics In Our System

This was written last night when I was age slid way down (15, which is a lower than I usually go without instantly becoming a small kid), and also was hella sleepy, but I figured some people might still find it interesting/educational if it prompts them to see the interconnectedness in their own systems.

I think it’s really interesting the way our caretaker/protector dynamic thing goes now cuz we have like literally more of those than we do of trauma holders (don’t get me wrong the rest of us each have our stuff to heal, to varying degrees, but not as a primary function of our roles in the system) but it’s because we’re not all responsible for taking care of or protecting the same people.

James is like the protector of last resort. In the sense that if somehow you manage to get him to front in protector mode, either you have like literally endangered our life (or the life of a person we consider friend or family), or you have fucked up monumentally in some other way. So he rarely ever does that. But when he does it is EFFECTIVE. As a caretaker he does almost the complete opposite. Aside from give advice if we ask him he basically just age slides and in the headspace transforms into an adorable baby panther cub and is like “hello, cute kitty here to give you love and make you smile!! ❤️❤️” (Tbh, that’s pretty darn effective too .) So he’s like the opposite extreme of each of those axes.

Then there are the gatekeepers of each subsystem, who also have both protector and caretaker roles. And also do it in different ways. They are the ones who are most versatile I think, with these. Cuz they are in charge of doing it each for their own subsystem but also now that I think of it kind for everyone. John does the mental/emotional caretaking for everyone. Jessica does it physically -makes sure we go to appointments, take meds, have clean clothes consistently, tells us to go the F to sleep [usually in the internal form of a small, extremely cute fox so we can’t easily say no - which I think is blackmail ] when it’s late etc. Then in terms of being protectors (and this is really weird to think about) she is sort of a physical protector?? In the sense she is like “yeah I will just straight up leave this dangerous scenario, peace ✌” and GO whereas some others might feel they could not leave. Whereas John is like that about emotional situations. Like “uh, sorry, no, you’re being an asshole. I don’t have to tolerate that. Get a therapist and get a clue.” Except you know they’re both way more eloquent than that and don’t always or even usually try to say anything beyond the minimum to be able to extricate us from whatever the dangerous situation is.

Finally you have me as just a protector and Remi as just a caretaker, and I think these are just for James. Obviously we are not the big guns. But because he IS it’s not like that’s what he needs. If he needs back up or someone to relieve him of duty, John and Jessica have him covered, but when it comes to like…. there being people who don’t have responsibilities to look after or look out for anyone else in the system in particular except him, that’s Remi and me.

So maybe John and Jessica protect and take care of the subsystems, James protects and takes care of them, and Remi and I protect and take care of him. And everybody has somebody. I like that…. Yeah

[/end of rambling observations]

If people find this sort of thing interesting/helpful to their own contemplations, I might end up writing more of them (on different patterns that relate to system mechanics).

-Jenn (29)