#thank you for answering
ARDEL: “I don’t get offered a lot to be willingly talked to about sad shit like this so. Trust me I don’t take this for granted and I want to talk about it it’s just.”
ARDEL: “I just can’t get it out. Every muscle in my body fights against me. My lungs feel like they’re full of water and blood, my fur feels like it’s being assaulted by ticks and leeches, my mouth becomes drier than the desert and I just completely shutdown. And it fucking SUCKS because I want to tell someone why I act the way I do and what’s hurting but I cant because. There’s just. SOMETHING. A thing that stops me as if even it doesn’t want me to get better.”
Ardel’s tail begins to lift itself up and bang angrily against the grass as he sips on his drink bottle again. He doesn’t even seem to be aware that it’s happening, he also isn’t aware of his claws unsheathing and sheathing themself as he talks.
ARDEL: “And because of that I just default to the next fucking thing I can do that won’t turn me into this frozen statue open to be fucking murdered, and that thing is just rage. It’s me being angry because I can’t do anything and I… I used to think it was a part of me and that I’m just mad at everything else that isn’t me. But. I think I’m just mad at myself because I can’t get better despite wanting and trying to!”
ARDEL: “It feels like a pointless cycle at this point! I wake up, try to get better and I never fucking get better!”
His eyes start to tear up as his grip on his drink bottle becomes even tighter.
ARDEL: “Because the only time I remember being truly happy was when he was here. Now I feel like I just smile to fake it and make everyone around me not ask what’s wrong because I can’t say what’s wrong.”