Jim introduces Y/n to an old friend. Insecurities and a repeated mistake may lead to the end of Jim and Y/n’s relationship
Early November The diner Jim had taken her to while they were grading papers a year earlier had unofficially become ‘theirplace’ and every time they ate there, they’d split a Knickerbocker for dessert. They were probably on track to becoming the establishment’s best customers, not that either of them minded. She and Jim had gone that day primarily to get away from the hustle of the pre-exam season, his students had been requesting private meetings left and right, most of them eagerly asking for extensions or extra credit assignments and while Jim was usually as accommodating as possible, that day, he’d disclosed that he really just wanted to have one lunch without a nervous freshman knocking on his door and asking if he had ‘five minutes to spare’. Likewise, Y/n was growing tired of devoting her scraps of free time, left over from making final corrections to her thesis, helping Jim grade midterms and assisting with compiling the exam papers, to students that had opted to skip classes over the past few months, only to gather some concern for their GPA at the end of the semester.
“Feels like we’re running away,” Y/n laughed softly, bringing her tea to her lips.
“We are running away,” Jim chuckled, licking his lower lips before taking a sip of his coffee, “But it’s for good reason because those first years are relentless,” he huffed, leaning further against the cushioned back of his seat.
Y/n was about to respond when the bell over the diner’s front door jingled and two women walked in, one significantly younger than the other, though both were tall brunettes. Most of the patrons were usually regulars and every time she and Jim went there, she could recognize almost everyone in the establishment as someone she’d seen before, but the pair that had just entered, she’d never seen them before. After a moment though, as they got seated at a table near her and Jim’s preferred booth, Y/n stopped paying any mind to them.
“I’m just gonna run to the bathroom,” Y/n said quietly as she stood abruptly, “Be right back.”
“Are you okay?” Jim knitted his brows, making her pause reluctantly.
“Yeah, I’m fine, why?’ Y/n frowned, a little annoyed that he was holding her back when she really had to use the bathroom. “It’s just the tea,” she waved off his concern and before he could say anything else, she hurried off towards the back, where the ladies room was.
She didn’t take any longer than ten minutes in the restroom, making a mental note to slow down on the fluids for the rest of the evening. Even if she had brushed of Jim’s innocent concern, Y/n had to admit, running to the bathroom that often was becoming annoying; immediately after she’d arrived on campus that morning, twice during a review session she’d held for a few students, when she and Jim had gotten to the diner and then just now- she didn’t even think she’d drank that much of anything! The worst part was that it had been going on for weeks, since they’d gotten back from Derry, according to her calculation.
But she felt completely fine otherwise, so there couldn’t have been anything to worry about.
Of course there’d been headaches and back pain sometimes, but that was just stress.
Shaking off the thoughts, Y/n finished drying her hands and then checked her hair in the mirror before heading out in the direction of their usual booth. She was almost half way there when she caught a glimpse of the brunette woman from earlier, standing at their table, talking to Jim. He was standing too, and they looked like they knew each other well. For a minute, she paused, trying to figure out if returning to the table would be an intrusion. Though, she wasn’t given much time to think it through though, because when Jim turned his head, he glimpsed Y/n and then gestured for her to come over.
Smiling, Y/n approached them, her nerves settling a little when Jim’s arm snake around her waist, “Yvonne,” he diverted from whatever their original conversation was about, and Y/n’s breath upon hearing the woman’s name. Yvonne, he’d mentioned her name a couple times; his wife’s best friend, the woman he had an affair with. “This is my girlfriend, Y/n.”
“Oh,” Yvonne smiled kindly, albeit a little stiffly, extending her hand and after a few seconds of hesitation, Y/n took it so they could shake warmly. In that moment, Y/n realized that the woman she’d been expecting after hearing Jim’s story was completely different to the one whose hand she’d just shaken, and it was no fault of his. She was the one that had conjured up some cruel, selfish vixen, but Yvonne seemed nice, quiet and shy, and from just their first interaction, Y/n could tell that she might be a little like Jim. Maybe, besides the boredom and turmoil in their respective marriages, that was what had connected them. “This is the woman you told me you were seeing, when we met for dinner?” She asked innocently, glancing at Jim.
Y/n’s eyes went wide and she too regarded Jim. “Er, no,” he chuckled nervously, “That was Orla,” he smiled tightly, “We broke up a couple months after that,” he informed softly, “That was last year,” he smiled to Y/n, “About eight months before we met.”
“Oh, my mistake!” The woman one had to her chest and Y/n exhaled audibly upon realizing that she’d been the confused one- for a minute, she thought he’d been meeting with Yvonne while they were together. “Well it’s so nice to meet you Y/n, you’ve got a good one,” she teased lightly.
“I know,” Y/n laughed too, still a little tense about the whole thing but quickly deciding that she had nothing to worry about, she trusted Jim.
Next to her, Jim chuckled too, the sound was soft and bashful, “Uh, Yvonne was just telling me that her daughter is interested in Trinity’s Chemical Science’s program, so they did a tour of the campus today.”
“That’s amazing!” Y/n quipped brightly, “Trinity has been great for me, I’m sure she’ll love it here,” she added without thinking.
Yvonne knitted her brows and tilted her head slightly, “You’re a student?” She probed curiously.
Realizing what she’d said, Y/n attempted to hide her surprise and stuttered, only for Jim to swoop in and attempt to save face, “We work together,” he interjected, squeezing her hip reassuringly. It wasn’t a complete lie just….a safer version of the truth.
“Oh, right,” Yvonne waved her hand casually, “You just look so young,” she added and they all chortled softly, though, for Jim and Y/n it was a bit awkward and forced. As their laughter quieted down, Jim and Yvonne fell into easy conversation once more. With her lips caught between her teeth, Y/n lingered there as they caught up, trading anecdotes about their children, sharing little bits of information about mutual friends and updates on their lives. They went on for a while, seemingly oblivious to her presence and as they carried on and at some point, Jim’s hand fell from her waist, slipping into the pockets of his jeans. Even having not seen each in over a year, Yvonne and Jim were perfectly familiar, if she were on the outside of the situation and hadn’t known them, she might have suspected that Yvonne and Jim were the couple and she was the third wheel. And with that thought, Y/n let her mind wander to another;
Was she the right person for him?
Mid November One would have suspected that Jim would have learned the first time around, but he hadn’t, not really. Maybe he was just an idiot. He couldn’t believe he’d let something like that happen, he should have pulled away, he should have suggested that they not have anymore wine, he shouldn’t have gone to dinner with Yvonne in the first place. Not after Y/n had told him she didn’t feel like going because she had another headache. He should have stayed with her, like a good boyfriend. But he’d gone to dinner with Yvonne, as they’d planned a week earlier. It was really supposed to be the three of them, but when Y/n had said she wasn’t feeling up to it, she’d told him to go ahead without her, that she’d be fine on her own and was planning to sleep it off anyway. And so, he’d gone alone, well, alone with Yvonne.
Everything had been going well for the most part, but by the end of the night, Yvonne had started talking about how her youngest was about to start university and she was dreading being home alone, without her kids. She’d also said that even though she’d been dating around since her husband had passed, no one had made her feel the way Jim had when they’d been sneaking around. By the end of the night, she’d had way more wine than he had and Jim didn’t think it would have been very responsible of him to let her take a cab or the bus, so he’d offered to drive her home. The ride back to her place had been pleasurably uneventful when they’d stopped in front of her place though, she’d leaned over the console and Jim had been convinced that she’d been going in for a hug.
She’d kissed him instead.
“She’s too young for you, don’t you think?”
“No,” he’d chuckled nervously, “She’s-” and just like that, her lips, soft and stained with wine, were on his.
“Well,” Y/n folded her arms, standing past the kitchen counter, the granite acting as the only physical barrier between them. “Did you kiss her back?”
“It doesn’t matter,” Jim reasoned, walking around the counter, only for Y/n to hastily move away, evading his touch.
“What the hell do you mean "it doesn’t matter”?“ She retorted incredulously, "And frankly you saying that is answer enough,” Y/n’s voice broke and Jim felt his heart chip; he’d never seen her cry, emotional sure, but never in tears and he hated that he was the reason for them.
“It didn’t even last-”
“So you did!” Y/n turned her face away as she put her hands to her lip, “Oh my God,” even if Jim couldn’t see her, he could hear Y/n’s soft sobs and they only served to shatter his already broken heart; he couldn’t believe he’d done that to her. The kiss hadn’t even lasted very long, Jim had pushed Yvonne away from the minute he’d realized himself, and despite her less than credible state, Yvonne had taken the visible disappointment in stride; walking up to the front door, only offering one halfhearted wave before heading inside.
But he’d still done it. Even if kissing another woman had proven what Jim knew to be true- that he didn’t ever want to kiss another pair of lips but Y/n’s- it couldn’t be justified. He’d hurt another woman he loved.
“Y/n,’ Jim reasoned desperately, “I swear to you, it doesn’t mean anything.-”
“Yes it does!” She yelled, pitifully hoarse, “Do you wanna be with her? Is that it?” She heaved mournfully.
“No, no, definitely not,” he returned hurriedly, hoping Y/n would find truth in his urgency, “I want you, just you.”
“Then why did you kiss her back?” When Y/n looked at him, her lashes were wet with tears, her eyes were red and her face was blotchy. Closing his fists at his sides, the gesture a firm reminder to himself to not reach out and touch her until she was ready, Jim stood a couple feet away, stunned and speechless. He didn’t have an answer, not really, not above ‘musclememory.’ Because that was what it had been to him, muscle memory.
When he didn’t respond, Y/n scoffed mournfully, “God,” she sniffed, starting to cry again, “I can’t even look at you right now.” Hastily, she collected her handbag and coat, hurrying towards the door, and like a puppy scared to see its favorite person leave, he followed her.
“Y/n, please don’t go. It’s late,” he began, anxiously reaching for anything that would make her stay, “Please sweetheart, lets talk about this.”
“No!” She yelled, just as she wretched the door open, “I don’t wanna talk to you, I don’t even want to see you right now. So just,” she shook her shoulder dramatically as salty tears raced down her cheeks, “Leave me alone.”
And with that, she turned on her heel and left, leaving Jim defeated and wishing that he could hit reset on the past week or so.
Jim gives Y/n some exciting news. Then,on Halloween weekend, Jim, Y/n and his kids venture to a festival where some revelations about what he wants- or doesn’t want- for his future stands to threaten their relationship.
Early October “I think you could be on track for Spring commencement,” Jim grinned, leaning forward to rest her laptop on the coffee table central to his living room.
Moving the wine glass away from her lips, Y/n’s eyes brightened and she had to stop herself from squealing, “Really? Are you sure?” She set the glass down next to the half finished bottle of red wine.
“Yeah,” Jim nodded as she shifted, bringing one leg up on the sofa, barely paying any mind to how her bare knee had grazed his thigh, “Everything’s in order, obviously Nadia will be reviewing it, but I think she’s gonna be really impressed.”
“So that’s it, its presentation ready?” She asked hopefully, still not believing that her thesis was as good as done. It felt like she’d only started her degree a couple of months ago, but really, it had been one full academic year and now all her late nights spent writing and researching, and all that time she’d spent working on it during the summer break was paying off, by April, she could be holding her signed degree.
And then she’d have to figure out what to do with the rest of her life.
“It is, yeah,” Jim chuckled at her disbelief, “It’s ready, you’reready,” he reassured.
“And you’re not just saying that because you’re looking to get laid tonight?” Y/n teased giggling when he went a little red in the cheeks.
With a surprised sigh, Jim removed his glasses, setting them down on her laptop. “I’m not,” he laughed, “But I can still get laid tonight, right?” He asked quickly after, the words tumbling out as if he wasn’t even sure that he should ask. They’d been together for just over six months and anyone could see that he still sometimes fumbled with his words around her, getting flustered when she put him on the spot or when he asked or said something that he thought might have been inappropriate.
Bursting into a fit of giggles, Y/n leaned forward, getting so close that when he shifted his head, he could easily glance down and admire how her cleavage filled out her pale blue mini dress. She rose her hand to his neck, allowing her thumb to caress in jaw in slow motions, “I don’t know,” she smirked wickedly before pressing a chaste near his ear, “Would you like to get laid, Mr. Gallagher?” She loved calling him that, and the way his ears would sometimes go bright and his breath would hitch made it all the more worth it.
“It’s so fucking hot when you call me that,” Jim said suddenly and the mood changed, from relaxed to charged with sexual tension, as the he turned slightly and grabbed her by the waist. Without much effort, he pulled her into his lap, and Y/n let her legs slip to either side of his thighs, the fabric of his jeans rough against her skin, “Say it again,” he breathed his words hotly into her mouth, just as he tugged on the string behind her neck that served hold her dress up, undoing it with haste to render her chest bare.
“Mr. Gallagher,” Y/n taunted between hot, heavy kisses, “I need you to fuck me, please,” she heaved as his rough hands roamed her satiny skin.
Jim hummed into her mouth while putting his hands on her breasts, enthusiastically massaging them, “Oh sweetheart,” his words were hampered by a sharp hiss when she ground in his crotch, and she felt sparks ignite in her center, “You don’t have to ask me twice.”
Late October With her thesis in Nadia’s hands for review and his students occupied with midterm projects, she and Jim had found that they had a little extra time on their hands. Their stint of free time had coincided with the last weekend before Halloween, and knowing that she hadn’t seen anything outside of Dublin since she’d been in Ireland, Jim had suggested that they, along with his kids, spend the weekend in Derry and check out the annual Halloween festival.
Of course, taking Alannah and Ben for the weekend meant meeting their mother, Danielle, for the first time, an introduction which had gone just the way one would expect it to when meeting one’s former spouse. She’d been a little cold, intimidatingly harsh and very skeptical, even bringing up that perhaps Jim should be dating someone closer to his own age. But Y/n had tried to not let it get to her and had promised Jim that it was completely fine; any logical parent would be a little unnerved by the new person in their child’s life, it was only natural.
The car ride, which had been three hours long on a warm Saturday morning, had been far more pleasant that Y/n had expected it to be. Ben had been as friendly as usual, eager to tell her about how he was the star of his school’s soccer team and Alannah had finally started warming up. Like,reallywarmingup. She’d shown her pictures of dresses that she liked for the coming winter dance and when they’d made a pit stop for gas- and Jim was safely out of earshot- she’d told her about the guy she was hoping would ask her out.
They’d gotten to Derry late Saturday afternoon, and much too worn from the drive, and having acquired a headache, probably from the heat and being cooped up in the car, Y/n had suggested that they just have a quiet evening; an early dinner at the bed and breakfast they were staying at and then a movie in her and Jim’s room before bed.
On Sunday though, they’d had breakfast, gone shopping in the small town and then, when the humidity of Ireland’s autumn had started waning, they’d gone back to the bed and breakfast, freshened up and gotten into warmer clothes before heading to the festival, which really came alive after sundown. There, they’d gone their separate ways; Ben and Alannah heading over to the haunted house while she and Jim had been more inclined to browsing the carnival booths. They’d been walking in silence for a while, with Jim’s arm slung around her shoulders, keeping her close, while Y/n was loosely hugging his mid, the combination of his natural warmth and the soft fabric of his gray sweater making her feel comfortable and cozy.
“Next year, we should stay for the parade,” Jim noted casually, “I’ve heard its amazing.”
“Yeah?” Y/n glanced up at him, fighting a grin. She’d started becoming more acquainted with the idea of planning a future together, she still hadn’t figured out where she’d be in a year, but she did know that wherever she was, she and Jim would still be together- romanticallyspeaking. “Alannah’s probably gonna be away for college and Ben’s still gonna be in school,” she teased.
“Yeah,” Jim shrugged as they passed a confectionery vendor, the aroma of fried, sugary treats catching her off guard and just for a moment, overwhelming Y/n’s senses. “We could always come alone, just the two of us,” he suggested, leaning down to grab her lips in a quick, ardent peck.
“Oh,” Y/n teased, bright glimmer in her eyes, “You want me alone, Mr. Gallagher?”
Laughing softly, he pressed his lips to hers once more, “Always, Ms. Y/l/n,” they stopped for a moment, engaging in a longer, more impassioned lip-lock, Jim’s hand slid to the center of Y/n’s back, the heat radiating off his large palm permeating her black cardigan while the other found her hip, “Couldn’t think of a better person to be alone with,” he quipped against her lips.
She smiled against his mouth, “Neither could I.”
When someone bumped into them, they reluctantly pulled apart, starting to stroll again, passing a couple street performers dressed up like characters from Irish folklore, as well as other mainstream Halloween personalities. They were just passing another food booth, that one serving caramel popcorn, and after Y/n had mentioned that they should get some to share, Jim went over the the vendor, leaving her at a nearby stall that sold handmade costume masks.
She was just about to ask the attendant about an intricately designed one with black and gold against a white back when off to her left, she caught wind of children giggling loudly. Upon turning to regard them, Y/n smiled; there were two of them, both toddlers, one dressed up like a honey bee and the other like a sunflower and they were running around each other in clumsy circles. They’re cute, was her first thought, and mesmerized by their glee, she stood there smiling.
“Hey,” Jim touched her back, falling into step with her, now holding a cylindrical, cardboard cup filled to the brim with freshly made caramel popcorn.
“Hi,” Y/n sighed with a smile, “Aren’t they adorable?” She nodded towards the children,
“Er, yeah, yeah. They are,” he agreed, “I remember when Ben and Alannah were their age,” he grinned warmly, “They were so small, but so fast,” he chuckled.
“Oh,” Y/n cooed, eyes going googly, “I’m sure they were adorable,” she added as they slowly started walking again, and as they passed the children, their parents tried to wrangle them out of the walkway. “You think you’d ever do it again?” She probed casually, offering the kids one last glance as she and Jim continued forward.
“Run after toddlers?” He jerked his head back a bit, tossing a grain of popcorn into his mouth, “God no, at least, not my own toddler” he scoffed, still grinning faintly, “I’m forty five, definitely too old to be raising babies,” as he spoke, he brought piece of their snack to her mouth, and she took it from his fingers without hesitation, “They’re cute but I’m done with all that.”
She didn’t know why, Y/n had never been too adamant on having children herself, she used to think she’d be fine either way, but something about hearing Jim say that he was done with having children was unsettling. It kind of felt like he was taking the decision away from her; if they stayed together, it wouldn’t be ‘maybe’ it would be ‘definitely not’ and she suddenly wasn’t sure if she was okay with that. Something in her chest dropped and her stomach turned at such a definite declaration, but she didn’t want to ruin their night by pressing the matter, “Right,” she said softly, quiet discomfort etched in her tone as she tried to shake off his remarks.
Jim didn’t seem to notice her unease though and when a carnival came into view, his face lit up, “Come on,” his hand gliding off the center of her back and as he locked her fingers with his, he led her towards the game, where the aim was apparently to hit the target three times with a water gun, “I’m gonna win you something.”
Laughing stiffly, still trying to discard his earlier comments, Y/n followed Jim towards the thoughts, but she couldn’t help but let her mind wander; could she really do it, live without ever having children? Would she regret it one day?
Torn, she stood at his side, holding onto the popcorn, eating it slowly as she watched Jim make a perfect score. When the attendant handed him a huge stuffed unicorn, Jim grinned proudly, “For you, mi lady,” he teased, showing it off, and Y/n dusted one of her hands off so she could touch the soft fluff of the toy’s colorful mane.
“Thank you,” she giggled genuinely despite herself, feeling the weight of his words finally start sliding off her shoulders- it wasn’t something that she was immediately concerned with anyway. “I think he gets to sleep on the bed tonight, he’s very cuddly.”
Jim knitted his brows, propping the giant unicorn on his shoulder as they started walking again, “And where do I sleep?”
“I don’t know,” she shrugged, feigning indifference, “The couch seems pretty comfortable.”
Suppressing his amusement, Jim shook his head, “I hate this thing already,” he grumbled.
“But you love me,” she stood on her toes, pecking his cheek.
“But I love you,” he admitted.
“Great, so he sleeps on the bed,” Y/n determined firmly.
“Oh, definitely not,” Jim returned, pressing his face against her cheek, earning himself an episode of loud laughter as he pressed quick kisses there, and just like that, it wasn’t like she’d never even been upset.
Its summer break and Y/n is headed back to the States though after time spent with her parents and her best friend, and a run in with someone she wasn’t expecting to see, she wonders if home really is where she thought.
Early June Selfishly, Jim wished she’d be spending summer in Dublin and not back in the U.S. Even if he knew he’d had her for most of the year and that she’d only be gone for twelve weeks, he still wanted to have that time with her. No sneaking around, no having to hide his attraction when they were in the presence of students or staff and loads of late nights and even later mornings spent tangled up with her. Instead of that though, he’d have to settle for three months worth of phone and video calls and texting. Needless to say, he was a little jealous of everyone that would be getting to spend time with her.
Though, that didn’t mean he’d ever try to take it away from her. On the contrary, Jim thought that her going home was a good thing, which made for quite the contradiction in his mind; as much as he’d liked to think that he’d been the best partner he could be, he also knew that he couldn’t give her everything. There were things that he could probably never fulfill; he couldn’t offer her what Elaine or her parents could, they had their own roles in her life and he could tell that Y/n missed them.
“I’m gonna miss you,” Y/n breathed into his neck as they hugged tightly in the midst of Dublin Airport’s hustle and bustle.
“I’m gonna miss you too, love,” Jim reared back slightly, still holding her in his arms, “But I don’t want you to miss your flight.”
When Y/n melted against him again, his chest rumbled with a low chuckle, “Just a few more minutes,” she murmured, burying her face in his shoulder and inhaling deeply, presumably to breathe in the aroma of his cologne, “I think I’m gonna miss this the most.”
Chortling softly and leaning his cheek against the top of her head, Jim probed, “The way I smell?” He scrunched his nose.
“The way you feel,” she corrected promptly, “You give the best hugs, you know that?” Her hand rubbed up and down his back, and he nuzzled her hair, savoring the scent of her coconut shampoo. In the scheme of things, Jim knew that three months wasn’t very much, he supposed she knew that too- compared to how long some couple and families had to stay apart, that summer would be almost laughable. But that didn’t minimize it for them, for him and Y/n, it was still the longest they’d go without touching each other since they’d gotten together in February. Hell, that was the longest they’d go without seeing each other in person since she’d left for the three week Christmas break a year ago.
“I call you when I land,” she said when they finally untangled, only to cup his face with her small, ring adorned hands, “I love you.”
Jim’s hands fell to her hips and he stepped closer so they’d be chest to chest, “I love you too,” leaned down, capturing her lips in a long, languid kiss, trying his hardest to pour all that he could into her, so the risk of either of them forgetting it would be vanquished. When another call for her flight wafted through the airport’s speakers though, they parted, for good that time. “Have a safe flight, yeah?” He helped her gather her bags, “And call me when you land?” He pleaded when she started walking off, offering him frequent backwards glances,
“I said I would,” Y/n reminded with a giggle, “Have a great summer!” She waved, walking backwards for a brief stint.
“You too!” Jim returned, feeling his heart pull a little as he watched her go, “Have fun!” He added, but by then, she was already pretty far away and had turned to face forward again, so he wasn’t sure she’d heard him. He stood there until she disappeared through a doorway, and even then, he didn’t leave, instead staying so he could watch her plane take off.
When it was gone, Jim sighed heavily, already missing her. Things would feel a little hollow without her, he knew that much, but as he left the airport, he squared his shoulders as he headed to his car; he was still looking forward to all the plans he’d made with his kids, and at the very least, them being apart for the summer would only inevitably bring them closer by giving them load of stories to share come next semester..
MidJuly After spending a month and a half with her parents back in Nevada, and narrowly escaping each one of her mother’s interrogations on her love life unscathed, Y/n had returned to San Francisco to spend the rest of her summer vacation with Elaine. It seemed fair enough, to spilt her time equally between the two places that she used to call home.
Used to.
If being back had done anything for her, it was help her get a little more clarity on what she wanted after graduating in the next year- and where she’d started calling home. The realization had been slow to come, and she still hadn’t completely worked it out in her mind yet, but more and more, Y/n had found herself referring to Dublin, at least in her mind, as home. It was where she went to school, where she worked and where the man she loved was; that was what home was, right? It was the place where the best parts of your life was, and even if she had her parents back in Nevada and Elaine in California, Jim was there.
Maybe she was just being too rash.
What if she was entrusting her entire future with a man she’d known for one year, one who she shouldn’t have even been dating anyway,only for it to go all wrong?. There’d be so many repercussions if anyone ever found out about them, she’d probably be expelled and he’d never teach again. The whole thing made a part of her ask, was a ‘what if’ really worth it?
Weren’t they past ‘what if’? Begged another, quieter part.
“Hey hey,” a soft voice erupted from the threshold that connected the living room to the balcony. Handing over a glass of chilled pinot grigio, Elaine sank down in the spot next to Y/n on the bench swing they’d bought together during their second year of living together, “You look like you’ve got a lot on your mind,” she noted, though, it was really her way of asking if she wanted to talk about it.
Y/n shrugged, bringing the wine to her lips and humming at the silky liquid on her tongue, allowing the glass to linger there so she could breathe the citrus-y aroma for a couple seconds longer. “I….” She sighed heavily, “I’ve just been thinking….” Y/n hesitated, not sure if she wanted to say it out loud yet, it wasn’t something she thought she could keep from Elaine though. They’d been friends since the first day of freshman year of college, they shared everything. “I’ve been thinking about completely moving to Dublin,” she relented to blurting out the words in one long breath.
Stunned, Elaine glanced at her with wide surprised eyes. “Is it….is it because of him?”
“If by him you mean Jim then yeah,” Y/n took another, longer sip of her wine, “When we’re together, it feels like it, you know? Like he’s the person I’m supposed to be with for the rest of my life……and now that I’m saying it out loud, it sounds so stupid.”
“Its not stupid,” Elaine shifted, freeing one of her hands so she could reach out and clasp Y/n’s knee, “I would never tell you that what you’re feeling is stupid, you know that,” they shared a sad, faint smile and Elaine continued, “But I would tell you that maybe you should take some more time to think it over, just so you’re sure that you really know him.”
“I know him,” Y/n protested, trying to ignore how juvenile she must have sounded.
“You say that but some people are good at dressing up their personalities-”
“He’s not like Kyle,” she cut off Elaine hastily, suddenly defensive. With Kyle, they’d been signs, all of which she’d ignored, from the very beginning. But Jim was different, she was absolutely sure of it.
“I never said he was.” When Y/n sighed heavily, glancing away, she felt her friend squeeze her knee, “You know I only brought it up cause I care, I couldn’t stand to see you get hurt again. I’d have to run him over, which is unfortunate cause he seems nice to look at,” Elaine teased gently, nudging Y/n’s shoulder and earning herself a laugh, proof that there’d been no hard feelings.
“Oh, he’s so nice to look at,” Y/n chuckled, “And I know you care,” her laughter settled into a smile, “Besides, nothing’s set in stone yet. You know, that was just….a thought. A maybe,” she shook her shoulders.
“Well,” Elaine removed her hand from Y/n’s knee before using her foot to get the swing going in a gentle sway, “There’s still time to find out if he’s a definitely.” Y/n didn’t respond, instead nodding as she drew in another drink of the wine, eyes trained on the gorgeous skyline, illuminated by yellow lights dotted in the windows of soaring skyscrapers, street lamps and cars with their headlights on. She knew Elaine was right, there was too much she didn’t know about him, so much that they hadn’t discussed and Y/n didn’t think she could just dive right into another commitment, at least not yet.
There was a lot to be missed about San Francisco, her friends, some of the restaurants, her apartment sometimes and her favorite indie coffee shop. It was a little place on the corner of a busy side street, next to a used book store and across from an antique shop. She used visit the place almost every day with Elaine and Kyle, and at some point, before they graduated, going there every afternoon when they were between classes or after their last ones for the day, had become a tradition. That evening though, Y/n had gone alone.
Elaine had been working a double and confining herself to the sofa to watch television had seemed like a complete waste. Why do that when she could take a walk around the city for nostalgia’s sake….and become reacquainted with Gino’s caramel chai latte?
Y/n was merely two persons away from the cashier when a hand on her shoulder and a familiar baritone had her almost jumping out of her bones, “Y/n?”
As she’d turned, she’d barely suppressed her surprised gasp and her eyes went wide at the sight of him; she should have known not to go there, it was one of his favorite places too! “Kyle,” she breathed his name with shudder, “Wow,” she chuckled dryly, “This is a surprise.”
He cocked an arrogant grin, and for a moment, she recalled why she’d fallen for him way back when; he was the kind of guy you liked seeing on T.V. Dark brown curls, bright green eyes, bone structure that could cut paper and unbelievably confident. “A pleasant one, I hope,” as if he didn’t remember how badly things had ended between them.
The explosive fight, the tears, his “You’ll never find someone that loves you the way I do,” and her, “God, I hope so.”
In lieu of a response, she shrugged, fumbling as she tried to stay cordial, “How are you?”
“Good, good,” he nodded, slipping one hand into the pocket of his slacks while gripping the strap of his messenger bag with the other, “I’m doing an internship at this firm a couple blocks from here.”
“Right, right,” Y/n smiled tightly, “Cause you’re…..law school,” she eventually managed, recalling that Elaine had told her about how she’d heard that Kyle had stayed decided to stay at the University of San Francisco, instead of going to New Hampshire, like he’d originally planned.
“Yeah,” they stepped up in the line and Y/n wished she could just be done with the conversation and shake him, but she couldn’t readily find a way out, “I heard you moved, didn’t catch where though,” he chortled and she knew that his question was nothing but a cheap bid to find out where she’d been, that was another thing Elaine had heard; he’d been asking about her.
“I did,” Y/n hummed, “I’m doing my MBA. It’s been really great. Don’t regret it at all.”
“Yet,” he teased, “You know, with your brain, you’d be good at finance law. I don’t think you have the mouth for it though,” he laughed softly and Y/n glanced away, “You’ve always been so quiet, like-”
“Wallpaper,” she completed for him, trying to shake his subtle insults as they came, “Look, uh, I’m-” Y/n was about to rattle off a shoddy excuse about meeting Elaine somewhere when her phone rang, the shrill interrupting their conversation and saving Y/n from a lie. “I should take this, but you go ahead,” she stepped out of the line, just getting her phone out of her bag.
“Hey you,” she breathed into the line, relieved to have a conversation with someone who didn’t make her blood boil.
“Hey,” Jim chuckled over the line and Y/n sighed contently at the sound as she stepped out of the coffee shop, “You’ve been hard to reach,” he teased lightly and Y/n tried to ignore the truth to his words; she’d been thinking about what Elaine had told her, and in her contemplations about their future, yet again, she’d unwittingly pulled away.
Or maybe she’d done it on purpose. Maybe she was starting to get scared that he’d be just like Kyle and she’d started missing his calls and putting some minutes between their text messages.
She didn’t want to make the same mistake twice; Kyle used to seem great when they’d gotten together, up until the minute he became a nightmare.
“Yeah, sorry,” she huffed, still unnerved from her interaction at the coffee shop, “Its just uh…the time difference, its so weird. And being back…..”
“Are you okay?” Jim probed when Y/n trailed off, “Did something happen?”
“No, no, its nothing,” she dismissed briskly, “I just um, ran into an old,” flame, “Friend, it was weird seeing them.”
Jim didn’t respond immediately, and Y/n assumed that he was assessing the truth in her words. As Y/n stepped onto the sidewalk after crossing the street, she glanced backwards, just to make sure Kyle hadn’t followed her, he wasn’t dangerous, at least not physically, but he was persistent. “You’d tell me if something was wrong, right?” He eventually asked, just when the apartment building had come into view, just down the street.
Hesitating, Y/n swallowed thickly; she hated lying to him, he didn’t deserve that- which is why she’d been avoiding him- but she needed to work through her thoughts. She thought she’d had it all figured out a few nights ago; Ireland had started feeling like home and she was allowing herself to become acquainted with the hope that Jim would be her future, but Elaine was right, it was too soon to tell. There was so much she hadn’t considered, so much they hadn’t talked about. Marriage, kids, careers.
“Yeah, of course,” Y/n wasn’t really sure if that was a lie or not, but it sure did feel like one. But the thoughts she’d been having weren’t necessarily ones she wanted to discuss over the phone while she was on the sidewalk and oceans away from him.
“Alright,” Jim returned softly, “Well, er, you know, I just wanted to catch up. Let you know that I miss you,” he chuckled, “Ben said to tell you he said hi.”
In response, Y/n chuckled; Alannah had been slow to warm to her and Jim’s relationship, but Ben had taken quite the shine to her. Jim had expressed that it might have been that his fifteen year old had been harboring a little crush on her, but Y/n hadn’t thought much about it, she was just happy that at least one of them seemed to like her enough to give her a chance. “Tell him I said hi back,” she grinned, stepping to the building, politely waving to the security guard before heading to the elevators. “And I miss you too,” she hit the button for the eighth floor.
“I’m sorry I’ve been so distant,” she began suddenly, when the guilt started weighing her down.
“It’s fine, time zones are complicated,” he reassured, “I shouldn’t have made you feel bad about it-”
“You didn’t,” Y/n promised hastily, “I love you, you know that right? Even if I’m still figuring my life out, I love you.”
“I know,” Jim confirmed softly, “And I love you too, no matter what you decide. You sure nothing’s wrong?” He added after a minute, sounding a bit more concerned than he had before.
On her end, as the elevator doors hummed open, Y/n let herself smile faintly, “Nothing’s wrong, it’s just…..I can’t wait to get home,” the word had slipped out so easily that Y/n hadn’t even realized she’d said it.
Home.
Even if she’d been trying to take Elaine’s advice and slow things down, and even if she and Jim hadn’t talked about all the things that would determine their fate as a couple, Dublin had become her home, solely because she recognized it as his.
