#the goblin emperor
“He did not entirely believe himself, but he knew he had best pretend he did.”— Katherine Addison, The Goblin Emperor
Re-reading The Goblin Emperor and I just. The way Maia’s abuse colors every interaction he has? The persistent guilt and fear and the assumption that everyone is mad at him all the time (which to be fair is not a far off assumption to make in his position) is really hitting hard this time around. Like when Csevet is like “hey where did you get these really specific diagrams of that one bridge” and Maia is just overwhelmed with guilt and has to tell himself over and over again that he didn’t do anything wrong. Or when Beshelar is like “hey that one dude who keeps sending you party invitations while you’re holding court isn’t actually your friend” but Maia is convinced that Beshelar doesn’t like him so instead of taking it as the concerned caution it is he snaps back and basically tells him to leave him the fuck alone.
It’s a really well done exploration of the way emotional abuse messes you up psychologically but it also makes Maia’s courage stand out so much more. He knows (thinks) he is hated. He knows (thinks) none of his decisions will make anyone happy. But he stays on the throne. He makes the decisions he feels are right. And he’s miserable, but he’s also not catering to the approval of others because he knows (thinks) he doesn’t have it and will never have it and that frees him in some ways while also being horribly tragic because people do like him!!! He does have some support!!! But he can’t see that. And so he never falls into the trap of trying to cater to it.
Like that one scene where he is mediating a land dispute or something and he knows he can’t pick a side so he’s like “fuck this, I can’t make everyone happy so I’m going to make sure no one is happy” and basically throws out all the proposals for splitting up the land that were all super biased in one group’s direction and splits the land up fairly so that everyone gets some but not all of what they wanted.
He knows he can’t make decisions that will make people happy. Not because he doesn’t want to, but because it is beyond his power and ability and popularity. So he makes the decisions that are fair, and just, and that he can live with.
IT’S THE WHOLE DEAL WITH THE BRIDGE!!!!!!!
He KNOWS it’s not a popular proposal with the eastern nobility. He KNOWS he’s going to be laughed at if he champions it. But what does he say??? “Of all our subjects, they are not the ones who need our help.”
And Csevet is all like, “It is not a sentiment we expected from an emperor.”
“We cannot help that,” Maia said, wearily.
“Serenity, we did not mean–”
“No, but others are bound to make the same observation, and they will say what you do not. They will say it is our mother’s Barizheise influence and deplore it. But it does not change that we must do what we think right.”
It does not change that we must do what we think right.
Maia can’t please his nobility, so he doesn’t try. They don’t like him, and a lot of them will never like him, simply for the fact that he looks like his mother. But just as he can’t change his heritage, he can’t help who he is, and he can’t not make the decisions he thinks are right.
I think an important aspect of the books is that Maia is not necessarily a reliable narrator. He doesn’t really know how to read people who aren’t Setheris. Like. The degree to which Beshelar dislikes him I think is very much filtered through Maia’s embarrassment and Beshelar’s own awkwardness at their first meeting. And I think that comes into play a lot when he makes decisions, because yes, he wants people’s perception of him to be good, but he also knows (thinks) that he’s fighting an uphill battle on that front and some days he just runs out of fucks to give about other people’s already negative opinion and does whatever. And I think that’s a good thing. Proves there’s still a grumpy teenager somewhere under white robes and crown.
“is he COURTING me?” thinks thara celehar in astonishment about the guy who brought him on a date to the family teashop in order to introduce him to his mother
