I’m drunk Chuck and this post is my design for the ending. Or, I am Gabe from “Mystery Spot” and i am here to teach you a lesson.
Disclaimer: I believe with my whole heart that nothing from this post is anywhere near what we are getting. It’s me being sarcastic.It’s a joke. I think I’m being hilarious, please don’t take it away from me. None of this should be taken seriously. On the opposite, the solemn goal of this post is to show that you should put all the negativity aside and stop worrying. We are up for a happy end!
Cas is not coming back. He just isn’t. The best season arc ever written in Supernatural? Oh no, you are just seeing things again.
Has been to empty before, bounced back twice? Naaaah, this time it’s different. This time it’s for good. No further explanation, just take my word for it.
Regarding Dean. He is not feeling this way about Cas, he can’t reciprocate and he won’t, this was a strictly brotherly relationship for him all way long. The looks? The jokes? The prayer? The parallels with Cain and his wife, with Sam and Eileen, Charlie and Stevie? The despair every time he loses Cas? He’s just a flirty little drama queen, sweetie, and you are delusional.
Sure, he is brokenhearted by the loss of a friend, but never mentions to either Sam or Jack what has really happened in the bunker. Why? Castiel is gone, that’s enough. No reflection on the matter whatsoever, they won’t ever speak of him again.
Character development who? Dean is still an angry man with his rock music, his car and his daddy issues, with “DON’T DESERVE - DON’T CARE” tattooed on his knuckles.
Cas’ confession goes in vain, as well as his sacrifice. Dean doesn’t get the message.
Dean keeps the jacket on as a reminder how hard he fucked up with the whole kill Bill(y) idea. It’s the coal fueling his anger, you know, the only thing Dean Winchester knows.
There’s also guilt, caused by the idea that, at the end of the day, Dean is the reason Cas is dead. Silly angel puts another brick in the wall of his self-hatred. The wall so high he soon won’t need Falcon 9 to reach Mars.
Forgiveness? Redemption? Learning, discovering new things about himslef for at least the last five years? Uh-huh, thanks, but no thanks.
Jack who? Something definitely went wrong with Billy’s plan of taking Chuck out, but we just pretend it never happened. We need Jack to sacrifice himself somehow, for the only acceptable ending, so he simply goes supernova. Again. But this time doesn’t miss.
What about Ruby? What about “you made it loud”? What about Lucifer attempting to get out? “Last time it took all the archangels to cage me” anyone?
Just sweep it all under the rug and forget it ever happened, for god’s sake, it’s not like every second of the show has to actually mean something.
The issue of Jack dying is also never addressed ever again, it just was meant to end this way. No biggie. His troubled relationship with Dean? Their touching conversations with Cas and Sam? The character’s arc screaming “I’m perceived evil, but I don’t want to be” not finished? Come again?
The show is about family. The Winchester family. And following the logic of never ending brothers’ deathly ping pong, it all ends with one of them dying during the fight. To save the second one, of course.
Which one? Dean always throws scissor, so it’s kinda predestined.
How? Heroically, given his unhelthy and unhelpful tendency to put everyone but himslef first. He didn’t even have to die, we see it clearly later, it’s done just for the sake of the Winchesters early seasons dynamics. Dibs on dying first!
Bobby? Eileen? Charlie? Another twenty humans? Sorry, kinda forgot to write them back into the script after they’ve vanished.
Let’s say they are not dead, just away. That’s a happy thought, right?
Everyone we cared about for years is either dead or gone, monsters are still lurking under the kids’ beds, but at least God is dead. That’s a win!
Fifteen years, a few apocalypses, a handful of deathes - yet no reflection, no regret, no lessons learned. The message from the creators: no matter what’s the journey, you still end up where you begun.
The last Winchester takes Impala, salts and burns the dead, and finally drives back to Stanford, following the dream of finally doing law after the exhausting years of killing, being killed and all the side effects.
And to celebrate the beginning of his normal life, Sam hits a dog, for crying out loud.
Happy end!
I probably will lose my mind every time anyone interacts with this post, because it’s fucking what has happened in the final!
I CANT. I HATE IT.
I took all my knowledge on how the story works and did everything wrong. I ended being right.
This is the first time I’ve seen this post and yeah I just figured you were writing about the finale being sarcastic until the end… but what really GOT ME about this was:
“I took all my knowledge on how the story works and did everything wrong. I ended up being right.”
That exactly explains everything. I didn’t even consider something so below my own worst case scenario because i literally could not even entertain the thought that they would fuck up literally every narrative point the rest of the show was building towards.
Goddammit Supernatural. We say its the worst finale of all time, but even that feels like an understatement at this point.
@sinnabonka Uhm this surely needs to be added to the S16 masterlist:
A new prophet is chosen to replace Donatello. Poor sucker finds out, when they predict the absolute worst S15 ending as a joke, and… it all comes true.
