#there have been bright spots this year

I’m struggling. There is so much going on in the world, in my family, in my head… and I feel so alone.

Long distance is never easy, but long distance during a pandemic while trying to be responsible citizens of the world? I do NOT reccommend.

I’d give just about anything to be held, but I don’t think it’s going to happen any time soon. Not seeing L this year – not kissing him, not feeling his arms around me, not having him next to me in bed –is an incredibly hard pill to swallow. There’s a lump in my throat every time I think of him.

It can be difficult to fight off the feeling of hopelessness.

I don’t ever feel pressured to explain myself on my blog, but this is why I’ve been pretty quiet for a while. The submissive and sexual state of mind is elusive when there’s so much energy and focus directed towards simply surviving the year.