okay but jaskier getting into mild forms of danger (lets himself get locked up for a day or two by an angry spouse, kidnapped by people who want money but aren’t too rough) so geralt can come rescue him and jaskier can thank him with some world shattering sex, but it keeps getting fucked up bc the WRONG FUCKING WITCHER KEEPS SAVING HIM
the witchers all know about jaskier. his songs do a lot for them, so the second they hear he’s in trouble they immediately rush off to help him
it’s flattering and jaskier is touched, but he also has a very specific vision for this roleplay he’s setting up that keeps getting RUINED
So,
Jaskier, very annoyed, blurts out the whole plan to one of the witchers so at the end they themselves secretly “kidnap” Jaskier and make the whole plan work bc their brother won’t stop talking about his bard and how much he loves him
AND THEN LACK OF COMMUNICATION STRIKES AGAIN.
jask just ends up getting kidnapped by a series of witchers who all think THEY can set this whole thing up better. and the performer part of jaskier is LOVING the drama and the mildly anxious part of jaskier is just like “well fuck they’ve all put this much work into it i can’t pull them back now”
so it becomes bard keepaway because they all want to help jaskier set up his kidnapping scenario (friends help friends get laid), but at this point geralt doesn’t even fucking know WHERE jaskier is.
It just develops in a Mario and Peach like setting. Every witcher Geralt finds just has to tell him his Bard is in another castle xD
the new greeting whenever any witcher sees geralt is just shouting at full volume regardless of audience: “HEY GERALT YOUR BARD IS WAITING TO FUCK. I THINK _____ HAD HIM LAST.”
yeah. thanks. geralt is fucking AWARE. he would just like to stop having to play sex scavenger hunt for fuck’s sake.
