#this is completely accurate
Every James Bond movie is like
M: “We did a good job stopping the Russians from doing [thing the United States literally did in real life], but now some bad guys have got their hands on a laser beam that’ll blow your dick clean off. You gotta stop ‘em before they de-dick the entire world in like 5 minutes.”
James Bond: “Well that sounds … ridiculous.”
***
Moneypenny: “James Bond, you must have sex with me.”
James Bond: “Oh, alright.”
M: “James Bond please do not have sex with my secretary in front of my door I am begging you for this”
***
James Bond, in the center of town, through a megaphone: “HEY! IT’S ME, THE JAMESBOND SECRET AGENT MAN! I AM HERE TO DO SECRET SPY THINGS BUT I’M ASPOSED TO BE UNDERCOVER SO DON’T TELL NOBODY!”
***
Girl: “Hello, my name is Sexy Bigtits and I am definitely not evil.”
James Bond: “That is a very suggestive name. You should make sex with me.”
Girl: “No.”
James Bond: “… pwease? “
Girl: “Oh, alright.” [Time passes] “So I actually was evil but your dick turned me good. Now I will die.”
***
Mr. Bad: “Now, James Bond, I will demonstrate my laser beam that blows your dick clean off by using it to blow your dick clean off.”
James Bond: “Actually you will not because at the beginning of the movie I picked up a Chekhov’s Gizmo that is perfect for protecting my dick from this exact specific situation”
Mr. Bad: “Aw, beans.”
****
[credits]
Eunseo: H-
Bona: OH MY GOD SHUT UP JUST SHUT UP LEAVE ME ALONE WHY YOU ALWAYS TALKING AND SHIT
