#this makes me laugh

marisatomay:

marisatomay:

the mcu is the “the curtains are just blue” of cinematic experiences

my apologies you’re absolutely correct

vykodlak:

the bad news is that my mom was sad that her eggplants haven’t been growing; however, it turns out that the reason her eggplants haven’t been growing is because her eggplants were actually spinach. The good news is that her spinach is growing very well. She was also sad that her peppers haven’t been growing either, but it turns out that the peppers were actually eggplant. And I’m happy to report that the eggplant is also growing very well.

beast-glatisant:

beast-glatisant:

loserforever:

beast-glatisant:

v-lagopus:

beast-glatisant:

alatar-and-pallando:

beast-glatisant:

guys I am trying this new thing called drinking water throughout the day and it’s amazing?

you rn

my body is naught but a waystation for water

“Human beings were invented by water as a device for transporting itself from one place to another.”

–Tom Robbins, Another Roadside Attraction

incorporating that into my belief system

I’m sorry officer, the water told me it wanted to be transported to Ronald Reagan’s grave

and who am I to deny water its holy pilgrimage

almost 20,000 notes… thanks a lot guys

doublism:

doublism:

when you turn on the dishwasher the dishes have sex in there

sorry for the lack of asexual representation on my post about dishes. listening and learning.

thetimemoves:

skulls-and-tea:

skulls-and-tea:

skulls-and-tea:

andreacas68:

skulls-and-tea:

thursjournal:

skulls-and-tea:

does this mean that the fandom can stop chewing its own legs off in an ouroboros of fuckery for like, ten minutes tho

#i have been laughing at ‘ouroboros of fuckery’ for 10 minutes

i know it’s only been six minutes but your penguin gif offends me

Forget the penguins, ouroboros of fuckery has to be a thing.
Please?

the ouroboros of fuckery is a thing, was a thing, and always will be a thing.

look, i found the first text post:

in the midst of a weekend full of new comiccon photos and production news and some incredible interviews which might have been enjoyed wank-free

summoned by the distant thunder of textposts

itreturns

(221beemine, your wish is my command.)

it’s about that time again

This makes me cackle because my husband has the ouroboros of fuckery tattoo and every time I see it, I think WANK.

gallusrostromegalus:

gallusrostromegalus:

So, since Y’all liked the last bit of family holiday insanity, I think you’ll enjoy a story from dad’s side of the family.  Also, it’s vaguely timely in that this is the time of year people start to do dumb shit with Christmas trees in order to avoid dump fees.

The year is still 1956, because Grandpa is a stickler for taking the tree down before New Year’s Eve, mostly because Grandpa is also the Monterey County Commissioner, and responsible for holding the New Year’s Office Party at his place.  You know, a responsible adult who has to make nuanced, careful policy decisions, the kind of guy that turns his taxes in before February.  

The kind of guy who decides he can burn his Christmas tree in the fireplace instead of taking it to the dump.

There is no good reason for grandpa to NOT take the tree there- Monterey is on the California Coast and has an average temperature of 50 degrees in December.  It will snow in hell before it snows in Monterey.  And this was the 50′s!  Dump fees didn’t exist yet!  It’s easy, free, and very unlikely to set your house on fire!

But no, Grandpa, an other wise sober and sensible man, decided instead to take this highly desiccated and moderately explosive tree and actually shove it up the chimney, before setting it alight.

Dad distinctly recalls his ears popping as the barometric pressure in the room dropped, as the conflagration drew air up into the chimney with enough force to take one of the curtains with it.  Grandpa is standing there in front of the fireplace like an idiot, presumably slightly deafened by the jet-engine-like ROAR coming from the fireplace.

Dad, having at least two working survival instincts, ran outside to see if spark were landing on the roof and if he needed to call 911. There were not sparks landing on the roof, becuase whatever flaming bits of tree were left were being blown into the stratosphere by the jet of flame erupting out of the chimney like the worlds biggest butane torch.  The ground shook, from the force of the tree combusting in such a confined fashion.  The earth was probably moved slightly out of orbit.

Fortunately, once the tree died down, it did not take the house with it, and they were all left with shattered nerves and a structurally unsound chimney.

“Well that was a hell of a thing.” Said grandpa, still standing in front of the fireplace.  He turned, slowly, looking moderately shell-shocked towards his sobbing daughters and Dad, who was too awed for any reasonable sense of panic.

“Don’t tell your mother, and we can all have ice cream.”

Quick reboggle for tagging purposes, also y’all will enjoy this one

twelvemonkeyswere:

terezbian:

i think it’s important to get deeply emotionally unironically involved in a bad piece of media whilst fully aware that it objectively sucks ass. like for your health or whatever