#this place is out of its mind

London observations:

• got here in time for Boris Johnson to face and survive a no-confidence vote. boo. sorry to the country if my arrival jinxed it but if anything I was sending a wave of bile & hatred his way so mostly I’m sorry it wasn’t enough.
• everything about the British press is true I already saw a newspaper saying this is somehow a crushing defeat for him. ???? okay, England
  
• also arrived the day of a transit strike and listened to two old men bitching very Britishly about it. “terrible service. I don’t go anywhere nowadays. how about you.” … guys. what the shit. they’re striking it’s not for fucking fun.
  
• “world food” aisle in Sainsbury’s where US stores would put like. chile sauce, curry sauce, it’s a little bit insulting that they try to cram every country in the world into one food aisle but at least there’s more than one? just US food. pop tarts, reese’s puffs cereal. twinkies. jolly ranchers. I’m not sure what emotion I had upon seeing that but I certainly had one.
• “world”
  
• US brands all over the place for many basic goods (Heinz ketchup, Quaker oats, etc) and normally I’d be rolling my eyes at our gross imperialism but honestly? Britain deserves this. only country in the world where I’m like “fuck yes your whole drinks fridge is Coca Cola, you limey bastards. MURICA.”
  
• police came in while I was at the store and it was extremely disarming–they were WAY more chill than US police, but still asking the same kind of pointed questions? also someone reported an ATM as being “dodgy” and hearing that out of a police officer’s mouth gave me my third out-of-body experience of the day
• I’m aware I’m the one out of place with the accent here but there is something kind of hilarious about 1) “oh you’re from the US? your accent” and 2) Londoners being loud and obnoxious and self-assured compared to the Americans I’ve seen so far being kind of quiet and nervous.
• the real difference is we (who aren’t from cities) tend to take up a lot of space. just. zero spacial awareness. take up an entire room when there’d be plenty of space if you’d just scoot the fuck over. it drives me batshit when they come to NY and I hate my fellow citizens abroad when they do it there.
• I’ve tried to be nice about this but I give up. cities that walk on the left are UNHINGED. they keep changing their minds about when you’re supposed to stay to the right or left. listen. if you’re from one of these places I need you to know that in the US and especially in New York you are *always* correct if you stay to the right. I thought this was in my head or that I was misunderstanding something until I literally saw a sign on the stairs of the tube that said “keep left” but on the escalators it said “stand right.” WHAT? pick one, you fucking mess of a city
• don’t take any of this personally my love language towards cities is insulting them violently