#adventures in text posts

the cold I have is subsiding a little which is only reminding me how much every single phase of a cold sucks, even the recovery period. like at least when your whole brain and body are goo you just sleep a lot. now my brain works but nothing else does everything is terrible.

put my AC in today (with no drama, sorry to everyone who’s witnessed past liveblogs) (yes, this blog is a place where I sometimes liveblog books, movies, TV, and home improvement) and this is my yearly time to wonder at the fact that I used to intentionally wait it out until Memorial Day. I really spent my late teens & early 20s sucking it up in one un-air-conditioned room after another until suddenly snapping and putting the damn thing in after the first sign of humidity. something something worrying about money all the time wears you OUT thesis on poverty goes here. (not that I qualify but man the cost of living do be going up while my salary does not, or at least not at the same rate.) was sick of not sleeping at night in a hot room until I could justify the cost. we pretend like it makes you tougher but ultimately I think it just destroys you.

me:*hissing like a feral cat*
les mis fans: :) welcome! :) :)

y’all. what the fuck.

anyway. some plot thoughts:

• I don’t think I’ve hated a character on sight as much as Tholomyès since Anatole in War and Peace, and it turned out to be just as justified for exactly the same reason. what. a. dick. already an absolute rancid mansplainer and then a garbage human being to boot? if this was my book he would have fallen off a cliff and survived only to be eaten alive by wolves. Victor call me I have notes.
• I continue to be fascinated by men writing scathing criticism of the patriarchy based on how it destroys women–I wonder if ol’ Vicky will pull a last minute “feminism is actually the problem here” like Tolstoy did or if he’s actually self-aware. (don’t answer that. I’m here to viciously critique find out for myself.)
• I couldn’t remember the dickbag’s name–I’m only saying it once he doesn’t deserve to have his name remembered–which resulted in this google search. you’re welcome.

• mysterious man: *rolls into town mysteriously and doesn’t have to show his passport in a mysterious and heroic fashion*
  me:excuse me but is he jacked?
  victor:sure is
  me:awww yeeeeeah
  victor: he also has these dope silver candlesticks and–
  me:no need my dude you’ve told me everything I need to know
  
• not to compare this whole book to Tale of Two Cities the whole time (that’s 100% a lie) but I am noticing a Dickens-like trend of Two Types of Women: angels and assholes, and Three Types of Men: internally tortured, saints, and assholes. since they were writing in around the same time period, it’s interesting to me how these character types persist and I could probably write a paper about this if I was still in school but I’m not and I won’t. don’t direct me to the paper that already exists.
• am also noticing victor hugo out here all constantly like “no one in this world can comprehend someone doing good things for the sake of doing good things. literally they would rather make up wild shit and ulterior motives than accept that people just do good things and are good people. and god forbid they leave people well enough alone. it’s fucking whack, right?” I agree, dude. I agree.

I’m going to start posting another song tomorrow but I need you to understand, like I need you to listen to this fucking song. It’s “King” by The Amazing Devil and I have never used the world “feral” to describe the way a song makes me feel but this song is feral in all the best ways. this band is incredible, this band owns me, but this song, this song.

it’s like. the only way I can explain it is imagine you’re standing on a cliff and there’s a huge drop below you to the ocean where a huge storm is blowing up enormous waves and there’s wind and waves all around you and behind you there’s a deep, equally enormous forest, and you know you’re right on the border between our world and another world, and in the distance something is howling, and you don’t know which world is which, but you better move fast, and also, you’re chewing glass.

that’s the way this fucking song makes you feel. and if that’s not an endorsement you can get behind we will never understand each other. I want to rip out all my hair and run into the woods to fight a god with antlers with fire and my own fucking teeth and nails and blood. listen to this FUCKING SONG. also this band.

anyway I linked the lyrics video b/c that’s what I prefer but the music video is appropriate to my description so here’s that link if you prefer that.

pilferingapples:

faeriesofarcadia:

windandwater:

so. some notes.

• all of tumblr is reading dracula, but I am not doing that, because I am reading les mis
• I started doing that in 2020 but abruptly had to stop because, uh…you know.
• my ability to read anything got rather catastrophically shut down, plus, in case you weren’t aware, les mis is astonishingly relevant to things going on right now and it was way too much
• I can read again! I am back in full monstrous force! I read way too fast actually! I just read 4 books in 4 days (again) and the only thing that can save me from myself is classics!
• I have not seen this musical don’t come for me
• so, back to this…this book.

and you know I like to liveblog The Experience and in case y’all didn’t know, “rambling about the Parisian sewers for no reason” is exactly the kind of wacky nonsense I very much enjoy in classic literature, so, here we go.

things victor hugo has taken time out of his narrative to make sure I know:

1. jean valjean is jacked
2. literally everything possible there is to say about this one really dope bishop
3. everything victor hugo remembers about the year 1817, which somehow no one on the internet has annotated in detail (footnotes are your friend but wow did I stop caring after a minute)
4. that one guy who wrote a report about Parisians being lazy/harmless is a dumbass and here’s why. they’ll kick your ass. now back to the story.
5. seriously this quote (after a very long digression from the plot) made me laugh so hard (may vary in other translations): “Having scribbled this note in the margins of the Anglés report, we can now get back to our four couples.” you cannot tell me this man didn’t know what he was doing.
6. fuck the police

Why on earth are there no notes on what happened in 1817? Are cliff noyes still around? The last time I saw them was back in the 80s? 90s? In b daltons

There are footnotes in both the Donougher and the Rose translations!  Including for The Year 1817!  Both are complete translations and honestly worth getting for the footnotes alone, even if you already have a copy of the book. 

so a slight clarification just to understand how off the deep end I originally went back in 2020 when I wrote the first draft of this post: back then I obtained three separate translations of this book (all ebooks) because I wanted the Rose translation and originally couldn’t get it but then did but by then I was already reading the Signet version b/c I heard it wasn’t too bad and then at one point I was comparing the versions trying to decide which one to stick with?

I didn’t get into all this for the sake of comedy but then yanno y'all found my post that I expected 5 people to read. Long story short I dropped all that this year, am sticking to the Rose version and now have footnotes, but I’m still confused, Victor!!!! your “we didn’t start the fire” chapter is still off the rails my dude!! let’s go back to the ACAB shit I like that!!!

for some reason I become outgoing when I travel idk. my dad’s the same way. I think it’s just nice to meet people you’re never going to see again. hear new stories. part ways. less pressure.

some interactions

• American couple next to me in a cafe trying to figure out how to tip–you literally can’t in some restaurants here and I said something like “yep, being from the US makes you allergic to not tipping” and we chatted. it’s just. true though? you can know all day that they make a living wage, they can make it impossible to tip in their system and you’re like “but…I have to.”
• we said something like this to the servers in Greece and explained why and they were so astonished by how fucked up America is. we’re like “WE KNOW. WE KNOW.”
• kid in the restaurant had a “lockdown leavers 2021″ hoodie and I was at first like “uhhhh” so I googled it and it (I didn’t want to judge if it was something nice) and turns out it means he graduated in 2021! so I congratulated him and got the biggest smile. I’ve never congratulated someone for graduating and I always thought it must be weird to be told that but I feel like it’s justified in right now.
• ate in the park and when I was done I sucked just a little bit on the lime that came with my fruit to get some of the bread taste out of my mouth (ineffective) (sour things are nothing to me, though I prefer lemon) and I looked up and a dude definitely watched me do it. I hope I was his unhinged person of the day. because that whole day was a series of absolutely bonkers humans for me.
• in the aquarium I once again had the answers for everyone wondering what that fish was. I got really excited upon seeing a boxfish and thank GOD I had a joke ready for “it gets stressed and blows up like a pufferfish and releases poison” because it is apparently wild when you tell people they’re one of your favs and follow it up with that. (note: “if I got stressed and did that…” lands here.)
• aquarium is near Big Ben/parliament which means I got to see it which means I crossed Tourist Bridge (real name? no) and there were people doing that cup & ball game where there are 3 cups and you have to find the ball??? I couldn’t believe that still happens and one guy walking past goes “they still do that in 2022??? what is this 1900??” me: RIGHT??? because. what.
• guy near houses of parliament had a little stand proclaiming that you should resist wearing a face covering on public transit. I have only been wearing my mask indoors (I am one of 3 people in the city doing this) but I saw this and immediately put on my mask. he did not try to give me a leaflet.

some more observations

• update on the walking situation: confirmed that there is no god here. I’ve also now seen the rules change (signs saying “keep left” or “keep right” in various walkway hallways) within stations. I’m trying not to let it make me crazy. it’s almost working.
• (GUYS PICK A SIDE IT MAKES THINGS EASIER JESUS CHRIST) (I’m a New Yorker I know about foot traffic!!! please!!)
• it’s one thing to know logically that British authors based their stories off of things in their real lives and the fact that the whole country sounds and looks like a storybook is a function of that, not the fact that it’s a fake place with fake place names. it’s quite another to be casually minding your business and see a kid on his way to fucking Hogwarts.
• (look, I know. I know. but bad people can write books that have a impact greater than themselves and no I’m not giving her any more money but it doesn’t change the fact that her book taught me that love is the greatest force in the world and also to eat the rich and I won’t apologize for that or pretend that otherwise just because she didn’t understand her own fucking work or because the internet is incapable of anything but black and white thinking)
• this is the only city I’ve ever been to that has a sense of humor about itself. some of the phrasing on signs is just…funny. American signs are never funny. once during the pandemic the park near my apartment did a series of joke signs all over it and we could not figure out whether it was a prank or real (it was real, I’m still shook about it)
• several official examples but my favorite that made me stop dead in the zoo of protestors/tourists/cops was the big banner from the people protesting the Tory government that included the line “Metropolitan please STOP STEALING OUR BANNERS”
• also hilarious: big group of protestors holding signs protesting Boris Johnson, I guess they’d been there a long time b/c they were kind of just casually chatting. British girl behind me says to her friend “imagine having time to stand around holding placards” … the US would never
• we take ourselves so god damn seriously and they just don’t. not even the people with the “SELF-SERVING LIARS ARE DESTROYING OUR NATION (PLEASE STOP STEALING OUR BANNERS)” banners. not the people walking past them. not fucking anyone.
• when there were regular ISIS protests going on outside the jails in NY I was like “right on, comrade” I would’ve glared daggers at and anyone deriding them. they weren’t chatting casually and no one walking past was roasting them. and the Johnson shit is just as serious!! this country is out of its mind!!! or maybe we are!!
• I know the issues with the cops here but. I got stuck behind a couple and you know every time that happens in the US I automatically look for their guns? and my whole body is tense the entire time they’re in my vicinity. it is. a feeling to do that and see only handcuffs and a baton. and I know, I truly know, the damage they’ve still done, and my skin was crawling when a lady asked them for a picture, but my god.
• public gardens originally for royalty now open to the public are always going to set my teeth on edge. they’re beautiful. the ones that used to be people’s private grounds for their own private bullshit are. listen. eat the fuckingrich.
• in Central London the trains come every 2 minutes?!??!?!?!
• if you run to catch the train in NY I am right behind you limping like a motherfucker on my swollen ass ankle. I’m never running to catch shit here.

London observations:

• got here in time for Boris Johnson to face and survive a no-confidence vote. boo. sorry to the country if my arrival jinxed it but if anything I was sending a wave of bile & hatred his way so mostly I’m sorry it wasn’t enough.
• everything about the British press is true I already saw a newspaper saying this is somehow a crushing defeat for him. ???? okay, England
  
• also arrived the day of a transit strike and listened to two old men bitching very Britishly about it. “terrible service. I don’t go anywhere nowadays. how about you.” … guys. what the shit. they’re striking it’s not for fucking fun.
  
• “world food” aisle in Sainsbury’s where US stores would put like. chile sauce, curry sauce, it’s a little bit insulting that they try to cram every country in the world into one food aisle but at least there’s more than one? just US food. pop tarts, reese’s puffs cereal. twinkies. jolly ranchers. I’m not sure what emotion I had upon seeing that but I certainly had one.
• “world”
  
• US brands all over the place for many basic goods (Heinz ketchup, Quaker oats, etc) and normally I’d be rolling my eyes at our gross imperialism but honestly? Britain deserves this. only country in the world where I’m like “fuck yes your whole drinks fridge is Coca Cola, you limey bastards. MURICA.”
  
• police came in while I was at the store and it was extremely disarming–they were WAY more chill than US police, but still asking the same kind of pointed questions? also someone reported an ATM as being “dodgy” and hearing that out of a police officer’s mouth gave me my third out-of-body experience of the day
• I’m aware I’m the one out of place with the accent here but there is something kind of hilarious about 1) “oh you’re from the US? your accent” and 2) Londoners being loud and obnoxious and self-assured compared to the Americans I’ve seen so far being kind of quiet and nervous.
• the real difference is we (who aren’t from cities) tend to take up a lot of space. just. zero spacial awareness. take up an entire room when there’d be plenty of space if you’d just scoot the fuck over. it drives me batshit when they come to NY and I hate my fellow citizens abroad when they do it there.
• I’ve tried to be nice about this but I give up. cities that walk on the left are UNHINGED. they keep changing their minds about when you’re supposed to stay to the right or left. listen. if you’re from one of these places I need you to know that in the US and especially in New York you are *always* correct if you stay to the right. I thought this was in my head or that I was misunderstanding something until I literally saw a sign on the stairs of the tube that said “keep left” but on the escalators it said “stand right.” WHAT? pick one, you fucking mess of a city
• don’t take any of this personally my love language towards cities is insulting them violently
  

there is nothing like watching movies on a plane to induce “not like other girls” syndrome for me. you’re watching a tom cruise movie, a brad pitt movie, another fucking marvel movie, the princess diaries, the office. I’m watching Blue Panet and crying about baby sea turtles (again). we are not the same.

anyway here are some times I gasped aloud watching Blue Planet on the plane and getting way too invested:

• lady who goes down to the bottom of the ocean wearing chainmail to hang out with sharks they lie on her lap and she pets them and takes hooks out of their mouths that was the first time I started crying
• there’s a PLASTIC BAG at the bottom of the Mariana Trench. a plastic bag!!! it will never decompose! there’s so little oxygen down there! I hate us! also I wonder whose plastic bag that is. imagine being the person whose plastic bag made it to the bottom of the Mariana Trench. I would throw myself into it out of guilt. become marine snow and let the creatures there feed on me.
  
• African Penguin colony in South Africa is losing numbers because the fish near their breeding ground moved further north due to climate change etc etc so…they are trying to convince the penguins to also move, to where the fish are…by building decoy penguins. that look nice and fat and happy. I. had the hardest time not losing it laughing at the penguins inspecting the decoys and then. imitating them. I hate us but I also love us.
• Another “I love us” moment was we are trying to regrow the Great Barrier Reef by releasing sperm & eggs from coral that survived the bleaching events elsewhere on the reef–the catch is that the coral only releases it for a few nights a year and the night they were doing so was a massive thunderstorm so these scientists were out on tiny boats (extremely dangerous!) in the ocean in a thunderstorm collecting coral reproductive matter and I just. humans! we fuck up so much but we also try so hard!
• whale snot helicopter in action. if you didn’t know whale snot helicopters were a thing, you should. also a guy got caught in the middle of a whale discharging its blowhole and was very happy about it (he said it tasted like “mild cabbage soup”) … my dude. my dude.
• they are doing shark tourism in the Bahamas to help people be less afraid of them! as well as whale tourism & science in other places that interferes with the whales less and it means they come to the surface more and are less nervous around people! they are also coming up with fishing traps that use less lines–computerized signals to bring them up, etc.–so that whales & other animals don’t get caught in them as much.
• I don’t really get all “ethical food” on people because industrialized food/corporations is a really tricky subject to navigate but because certain species in the ocean are limited, fishing practices affect endangered animals, and the specific resource of seafoodwatch.org exists, I highly recommend looking up the seafood you like before you eat it to make sure you’re getting it from good sources.
  
• I really thought I’d seen enough baby sea turtles hatching to not cry at the sight of how cute they are and how brave they are clambering to get to the ocean. …. I had not. it will make me cry every time I guess.

anyway I didn’t get to liveblog so there’s a mini one of what I remember. and what I remember is being extremely emotional at 4 in the morning about human beings trying so hard to save the planet from themselves. also whale snot. I can’t identify with being excited to be covered in whale snot but I do absolutely want to watch someone operate a whale snot drone in person. a++++

windandwater:

the pandemic absolutely was not and is not funny and will never be, except for one thing, and it’s that I’ve lived in New York City for eleven FUCKING years and then sat inside for one and completely forgot how the damn place works

good news is I have regained the speed to walk like a New Yorker. I have also witnessed a girl complimenting her friends on their shoes. they were all three wearing identical white sneakers.

also someone screamed like “ARRRGHHHHH” right before I got off the train which like, same, but sometimes I really wonder why I cry emotional tears every time I land in New York

I’m absolutely gonna do it when I return home this time. I just don’t know WHY

the pandemic absolutely was not and is not funny and will never be, except for one thing, and it’s that I’ve lived in New York City for eleven FUCKING years and then sat inside for one and completely forgot how the damn place works

sometimes ADHD means going on medication to control your focus and executive dysfunction so that you can get some control over your life and maintain some level of organization and functionality so you don’t absolutely succumb to complete and utter chaos. sometimes this includes over-compensating on your “I feel like organizing” days and making everything excessively neat so that on the bad days you can fucking find everything and all you have to do is put it back.

other times it means realizing you need safety pins, walking to your front door where they fell out of your bag months ago and you just never picked them up and put them away, and calmly putting them back where they belong as if this is a normal thing to do

winterknightdragon:

Keep thinking about the person I saw who said they wondered if the recent Nordic hate is part of the misinformation/defacing campaign that was promised if Sweden and Finland joined NATO. Not everything is conspiracy or whatnot but they did have a point that the timing of this debate is kinda suspicious.

#people a month ago: sharing a post saying to be careful what you believe and share about Sweden and Finland the coming months#people now: nvm I don’t care

I also don’t think this is some kind of grand propaganda conspiracy (yet), but it is bonkers. I never think it’s funny when people go on the internet to blatantly lie about cultures they don’t understand, and it isn’t the low-stakes fun you think it is to make Scandinavia out to be cold-hearted and uncaring.

And have you noticed how it fits into the bullshit tumblr narrative of the world consisting of white people vs. nonwhite people? No thought in people’s heads towards the fact that Norway/Finland/Sweden have their own indigenous marginalized groups or the fact that these countries have progressive governments with comprehensive welfare programs, as well as higher quality of living and better protections for workers than the US. These countries have also historically been threatened by a certain (ahem) larger country, and don’t have large armies of their own, because unlike another certain larger country I could mention, they invest in things other than bullshit “defense” spending.

But instead of thinking about how that might be under attack right now, how that lifestyle and these people might be in danger, it’s ha ha white people are so mean.

I don’t know why I’m disappointed (I shouldn’t be surprised anymore) but I am. Regardless of the motivations of this, we need to be mindful of what we engage with, what we believe about the world, and the way we understand and engage with cultures other than our own.

In other words: get a fuckinggrip.

you ever sit at a bus stop in the heat and hear a sound and look around to see a teen with a shark backpack dragging a baseball bat on the sidewalk walking past you while on the phone and realize a whole ass YA novel is taking place in the middle of your really annoying adult errands