#throwing myself at his feet

Right now I’d like to be at someone’s feet, crying and begging.

I want to be beaten and hurt and told what an awful person I am, how terrible I’ve been, how much I deserve what I’m getting. I’ll ask what they’re talking about. I’ll try to say I don’t know what they mean, that I haven’t done anything. I’ll express confusion, exasperation, anger. I’ll tell them I wasn’t expecting this scene and I don’t know what they want me to do, that I’m no good at roleplay, especially unexpected roleplay. All to no avail. The kicking, punching, kneeing, elbowing, smacking continue.

Finally, I’ll throw myself at their feet and beg. Beg for it to stop. Beg to be forgiven, apologizing over and over again despite having no idea what I’m even apologizing for. I want to wrap myself around their feet, curling around them as they continue to hurt me, kissing their boots, hugging their legs, and sobbing. I want to work myself into a frenzy of tears and shaking and “I’m sorry, please stop, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, please, I’ll never do it again, I’m sorry” until I’ve reached an almost meditative state of hysterical groveling.