#tommy shelby imagine

Synopsis: They’ve been friends ever since before the war. He’d do anything for her despite the ups and downs they’ve gone through, so when he finds her sobbing in his office he is ready to pull the world apart.

Pairing: Thomas Shelby x fem!Reader

Genre:angst/fluff

Warnings: swearing, some implied sexy times, mentions of war and death, suicide (implied, nothing explicit) but please do let me know if anything needs to be added.

Wordcount: 5373

Tommy wasn’t good with tears. He wasn’t good with the emotional pain of others; he didn’t really know how to console them or soothe the heartache in their chests. He wasn’t good with love either, at least in his own opinion. He never really knew how to express it, or show it in a way that it registered his loved ones knew he meant it. So, when he found Y/N sitting in his office on the settee absolutely bawling her eyes out, a fire blazing in the hearth, the Christmas tree decorated to the nines by the previously mentioned woman, he froze in the doorway, looking at her, the sleeve of the red and green festive dress used as a napkin to wipe away the biggest tears.

A million thoughts ran through his mind – she was hurt, someone had done something they’d lose their fingers and tongue for, especially during `the most wonderful time of the year`. Or maybe she’d accidentally hurt herself – if there was a characteristic that described his best friend since childhood, it was an absolute lack of coordination. It’s how they`d actually met.

He was about ten years old when he and his brothers had snuck out of the house to not do the chores Aunt Polly had set for them and ran off towards a field to kick around the ball, or just do nothing when he saw a small figure sitting by the dip in the ground where a lake was.

Her camel-colored coat covered shoulders were shaking while her face was hidden by her pulled up knees, and even from so far away he could see red staining what were once white knee-high socks, now covered in mud and blood, soaking ice skates right next to her while a hole had been cracked at the edge of the lake. Even so young he understood how lucky she’d been that she hadn’t ventured further in the water.

“Are you okay?” Tommy asked as he gave his brothers a look.

The question startled the girl and made her jump up, lip wobbling as she winced in pain. She was smaller than him, but around the same age, a knitted blue hat sliding down her forehead which she pushed back up in annoyance.

“`M fine.” She grumbled. “Who`re you?” A small sniffle escaped her as she wiped at her nose.

“`M Tommy.” He said and then pointed at an older boy and the younger one. “They’re my brothers Arthur and John.”

She eyed them warily, but nevertheless gave them a small wave; her mother would be appalled by her manners, but she was upset and didn’t care.

“We - we can take you home,” Tommy looked down at her knees and motioned to his brothers not really knowing what else to do in such a situation. Whenever Ada cried, he called for Aunt Polly, but there was no Aunt Polly here, yet she just shook her head, stepping forward and grabbing onto his arm.

“No. No, I can’t go home. My Mum will kill me. She told me not to come to the lake, and I’m wearing my good socks too, so if she`ll see them dirty, she`ll double kill me.”

A smile pulled on Tommy`s lips. “How can you double-kill someone?”

The girl just shrugged, pouting at his teasing. “I don`t know, but she can. She’s my Mum, she`ll find a way.”

“Okay,” he let out a small chuckle. “Well, we can take you to our Aunt maybe? She’ll help. And I promise she won’t say a word to your Mum.”

The girl squinted at him before extending her pinkie finger towards him, face now all serious as if this was an important business transaction and they were signing a contract. “You promise?”

He didn’t hesitate to link his own. “Promise. What`s your name?”

“Y/N.”

And that’s how their friendship had started. They grew up together, Y/N becoming quick friends with the Shelbys and especially Ada, seeing as Y/N was an only child, it was great to have another girl to talk to, but even so, she was always closest to Tommy. They shared secrets and dreams, and their bond grew from something fragile into the most stable thing in their lives. All that came crashing down when a single letter had been sent to Tommy`s house.

When she`d entered their house the next day and seen the white envelope, Y/N hadn’t needed to open it, to know what it said. Her father had gotten the exact same one a couple of days before.

Tommy knew she’d seen it, there was a different air about her while they talked and drank their whiskey-spiked tea, something electric and charged had formed between the two, but as she left his room with a chaste kiss to his cheek, eyes cast on the ground, he thought she understood it, understood why they had to go and fight, yet for the last two weeks before being shipped off, Y/N completely cut off all contact with him.

In his mind, he tried to justify it by saying to himself she had to spend as much time as possible with her father, it could be the last time she’d ever see him, but those days could also be the last time they would see one another, and his heart broke little by little with every moment she didn`t go see him.

When that horrible day he’d gone off to the station came, he’d expected for Y/N to come and say goodbye but as he stood on the platform, neck stretching over the sea of swirling people, only Aunt Polly and Ada were there to send him and his brothers off. He’d never cried in front of them, but as his heart shattered realizing Y/N was not going to arrive, he couldn’t contain the emotions.

“I`m sorry Tommy,” Ada pulled him in for one last hug, wiping his cheeks. “I went to her flat and begged her to come, told her you had something important to say, but no one answered.”

Tommy shook his head taking in a stuttering breath. “She – she probably already has to say goodbye to her dad, and her Mum didn’t take the news too well when the letter came in the first place. She’s probably with her.” Even with his love broken and in pieces on the ground by his feet, he still tried to give her an excuse, give a reason why she wouldn’t want to come.

Ada just gave him a sad smile, as the train let out a shrill whistle, making it known – this was the last goodbye. He stepped inside it, not looking back.

He’d never admitted it to anyone, not even his brothers knew, but when the train had started moving, Tommy had found the quietest and darkest possible place and just cried. He knew other men were crying too, heard their sniffling and whimpering as they left their lives and families behind, but he didn’t want to confide in people, didn’t want to be consoled. This was his pain, and his pain alone.

Four years. Four horrible and gruesome years passed before he was able to step on that same platform again, and much like when he`d left, the only people there to await him were his Aunt Polly and Ada, but his heart still ached for someone else.

“Is – is she still in town?” Tommy asked as they walked down the streets of Small Heath, feeling like a schoolboy with a crush as he asked that, not a man who`d returned from war having witnessed the most horrible things the world had to offer.

“She is.” Ada nodded. “Still lives in that tiny apartment. Her dad – he died during the first year of the war, and her Mum couldn’t take it. Joined him two months later.” She gave him a down-cast look.

Tommy didn’t need Ada to elaborate, understanding the underlying meaning behind her words. He`d heard about Mr Y/L/N death while in the trenches, he`d even written to Y/N, but never received any sort of a response or an acknowledgement she`d gotten his words of condolence, so as he broke off from his family and stepped up to the third floor of the dingy house where he knew the Y/L/Ns used to live, still dressed in his clothes from the ride, still with a bag of the minuscule number of things he had over his shoulder, his mind kept reeling, but it was already too late to back away as his hand had knocked against her door without his consent.

The sound of quick feet padding against the floor echoed around him, and it wasn’t too long before the door opened, it’s hinges creaking, and he finally laid his eyes on the woman who’d broken him all those years ago.

“Thomas,” Y/N whispered out, surprise lacing her features. She looked so much like the last time he’d seen her, yet she was different. A sadness swirled around her now, darkening her shadows and dulling her once bright Y/E/C eyes. He hated it. “I didn’t know you were back in Small Heath.”

“I – I was waiting for you.” He said the first thing that came to his mind, voice low, pushing away the pain that came with when Y/N called him his full name. She only did that when she was angry with him. He was always her Tommy. Yes, others called him that as well, but he was her Tommy. “I thought you`d at least come and say goodbye.” He murmured.

Y/N let out a sigh and shook her head, averting her gaze and crossing her arms. “If you`ve come here to drag up old shit, you can just leave.”

“What?” Tommy looked at her incredulously, his frame straightening up, back steeling at her hurtful words. “You think I wanted to go?”

She let out a sarcastic snort. “Well, you weren’t too eager to stay.”

“Well, you didn’t show up at all!” Tommy raised his voice, and instantly regretted it, as he saw a wall come up behind her gaze, Y/N taking a step back and bracing herself against the verbal blow.

“As I said.” Her voice was calm and emotionless. “You are more than welcome to leave if you have come here to berate me after all these years.”

“I – that’s not why I came here.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I came here to – I – Please.” He begged. She was the only person he’d ever plead for, but he didn’t know what he was begging for. For Y/N to let him in? To hug him? To give him a chance to come back in her life? “Please, I just need to know why?”

“I couldn`t,” she hissed, tears spilling past her eyes, finally showing some sort of sign his return was impacting her. “You wanted me to do what? Cheer you on as you stepped on that train? Wanted me to hug and kiss you before you went off? That would never have happened.” Those last words were spat with as much venom as possible.

“I thought we had something. I thought we meant something to one another.” Maybe he`d been wrong. Maybe the lingering gazes they`d shared meant something completely different to her, but when she said `we did` his heart broke even more. “So why didn’t you come?”

“I couldn’t stand on that platform and send you off to die!” Y/N exploded, four years of pent-up emotions rolling off her tongue in a stream. “Because know this, Tommy.” She pointed a finger at him. “I would`ve done everything to stop that train from leaving, even jumped in front of it, if I had to. I already had to watch my father leave. I wouldn’t have survived if I’d had to watch you do the same.”

He saw her shoulders drop, as if an invisible weight had finally come off of them, her chest stuttering as she took in a breath and finally looked him in the eye. “How could you have possibly expected me to go there and be alright with what was happening? To let my best friend go without lifting so much as a finger to prevent it.”

“It was the war. I couldn`t not go.”

“And had I gone there, I wouldn’t have been able to let you go.” Y/N let out an unamused laugh. “I know you`re tough, and can handle yourself, but how in the world were you expecting me to give you my blessing to go off and greet death like that? To not even die in your country but somewhere in the ditches in France? I couldn`t, so I didn`t.”

Tommy`s throat closed up, as he took a step closer. “You could`ve at least written to me, explained it, but you didn’t even do that.”

“I did write.” She whispered her defense, Y/E/C eyes shooting between his ice blue ones, a certain fear in them he couldn’t crack. “I just never sent them.”

“Why?” That was the question that`d been running through his mind for all those years, and a boulder had been lifted from his heart as he finally got the answers he so desperately had needed.

They were whispering now, as if raising their voices would somehow be inappropriate in that situation.

“Because I thought you hated me after I didn’t come to see you off. And I couldn’t bear to receive a response where you told me to stop writing, so I just kept them, thinking that maybe one day when I was old and you were old, I’d send them to you… or lay them at your grave, that way I had less of a chance of receiving a response.”

With that she ventured off into the small one-bedroom apartment, not even inviting Tommy in, already knowing he’d take the hint to enter as his boots thudded against the floor but not before closing the door to not let the cold air in. The apartment was freezing enough.

When she returned from her bedroom, in her hands was a thick wad of papers tied with a ribbon.

“Here.” She sniffled and cleaned her nose with the sleeve of her dress as she handed them to Tommy. “I don`t know if you still want them, really I don’t know why you’d want them, but uh – here.”

Carefully, as if it was the most precious diamond in the world, Tommy took them out of her hands, and as their fingers brushed against one another`s, it was like the dam that`d been raised between them shattered, and he took her by the wrist, pulling her body in his, their frames curing around one another like fire around a long.

“I could never hate you.” He pressed a kiss to the top of her head, as Y/N buried her face in his chest, her grip on his waist tightening, as if she was afraid this was the goodbye they hadn’t had before the war. “You`re my girl, how in the world could I ever hate you?”

Tommy really couldn’t hate her, despite her being the one girl who`d truly and utterly broken his heart at one point, she`d also been the one to pick it back up and piece it together, as they mended one another not even a single scar on it, so when he kept looking at her sobbing form in the present, three years down the line they’d come back to one another, she was breaking it all over again.

“Who did this to you?” His voice was a deadly whisper as he stepped in his office, kneeling before her trying to pry her hands away from her face, thoughts of bloodshed already on his mind, as he placed his hand on Y/N`s thigh. She’d hate him if he went out on Christmas Eve on a rampage, but nobody dared to make her cry and get away unscathed. “Who hurt you?”

But Y/N was inconsolable, as she shook her head and fell forward, wrapping her arms around Tommy’s shoulders to bury her face in his neck.

For just a moment, he froze, mind short-circuiting as to what to do now, before his arms raised on their own accord, sliding under Y/N`s legs so he could pick her up and place himself on the lounge chair, her body now curled up in his.

He tried to ask what had happened and who`d done it, but she couldn’t speak properly, so he just held her, pressing kisses to her forehead, and holding onto her frame, as if his touch alone could keep her from falling apart.

“She killed him.” Y/N sniffled after a good ten minutes of crying, cheek against Tommy`s chest where his heart stopped for a moment.

It wasn’t like she didn’t know what he did for a living; she was well aware of the invisible amounts of blood on his hands, but the thought of his sweet, kind-hearted girl having to see death up-close like that made him rage full.

He never talked about his business dealings, nor what was going to happen in regards to settling things between him and his associates. If a `catch-up` with another gang was planned, he’d always make sure Y/N was safe and off the streets before anything went down. He never went to her injured or with a single speck of blood on him. She worried enough, and he didn’t dare add any more stress on her, especially knowing he’d be the cause of it.

She didn’t know it, but every time he thought he’d die, whether it was in the ditches in France or during a skirmish with some gangster, he’d think of her. If he had to go, the only person he`d lay his life for would be the girl with the bloodied knees he`d met by the lake.

“Who killed who, Y/N?” His palm ever so gently lifted her face up to him. It always surprised Tommy himself how gentle he could be, but it shouldn’t, at least not when it came to her. “I need a name. Who killed who?”

“Ma-Mary.” She swallowed harshly. “She killed Jack.”

Tommy`s brow furrowed. He didn`t know a Mary or a Jack that Y/N had in her life, let alone whose death would impact her so much. He made sure to be all up in her business (without her own knowledge, of course, otherwise she`d chew him a new hole to shit out of, if she found out), but it was at the top of his list to know who hung around Y/N. He’d never forgive himself if something happened to her because he hadn’t done his research on a new person who’d entered her life.

And that’s when she pulled out a book from where it`d been pushed in the corner of the settee slapping it onto her knees.

“You – you’re – what?” For the first time in Tommy`s life he was absolutely speechless.

“She killed him off!” Y/N wailed again, throwing the book on the ground, the leather-bound pages landing with a loud thud. “She took a dagger and pushed it into his heart, which effectively pushed it into mine! I need you to find her.” A fire lit in Y/N`s eyes as she looked at Tommy, tears still slipping down her cheeks, which he brushed away with the pads of his thumbs. “I need you to find her and make her bring him back. I can’t go on like this. My heart just – it won’t hold!”

“You were crying because of a book?” Tommy finally managed to get out before running a hand through the hair at the top of his head. “Jesus fucking Christ Y/N, I thought something horrible had happened to you!”

“Something terrible has happened!” She countered, standing up from his lap. “That – that – bitch killed off my favorite character! And she had the nerve to kill the dog off too right on the next page! I need you to do something about it, Tommy.”

“I – I will,” Tommy said, biting down on his fist as he suppressed the laughter rising in his chest, as he watched her throw back her head in a groan. “Of course, I will. Anything my girl wants. I`ll have Arthur start tracking her down right now.”

Y/N nodded, having started to pace. “Good, good. But he needs to stay there and make sure she writes Jack back to life. I don’t trust her on her own. Look what happened last time!”

A smile had stretched across his lips now, and Tommy wasn’t even hiding it anymore as he rested his cheek on his fist, winter blue eye watching as she bit on her thumb.

“Sweetheart…” The word was laced with amusement, but she was quick to interrupt him.

“Don`t tell me I`m overreacting. I`ve lived with those characters for six years. Six books! I`ve dedicated hours to them, and then she just has the audacity to do something like that!”

Tommy`s heart swelled in his chest at that. She’d gone through so much heartbreak, even more than he had, he thought at times, yet Y/N so willingly and openly allowed herself to love and fall in love – fictional people or not, she gave them her all.

“I won`t.” Tommy shook his head, reaching out for her hand, which she easily slipped hers into. “It’s okay to feel betrayed after, as you said, six years of dedicating yourself to them. But maybe that’s what had to happen. Jack had served his purpose to the story, and he had to go.”

Y/N let out an offended gasp, pulling her hand away from his and pressing it to her chest, as if Tommy had been the one to stab it just like the author had done to Jack. “No he did not!” She stomped her foot. “How is Rose supposed to get her happily ever after now?”

He just tilted his head and looked at her, as a comfortable silence settled between the two while Y/N went over to pick up the offensive book from the ground before going back to Tommy.

“Adam said it`s stupid.” She huffed as she plopped next to him, fingers scratching at the leathery spine of it. “Said it`s absolutely idiotic I get attached to characters like that.”

Adam had been courting Y/N for a while, and it grated on Tommy`s nerves to no end. He understood that at one point she’d probably find someone, get married and start a life with them, hell, after he’d come back from the war, he was half-expecting she’d already have a bunch of kids and lived somewhere far away where he’d never be able to reach her, but when that hadn’t happened, he’d hoped that something would blossom between the two. His feelings definitely had, they`d already been there before he got shipped off, he just couldn’t get a proper read on Y/N and what went on in her head. Despite them reconnecting and their friendship being stronger than ever, she no longer told him about her crushes or what she hoped for the future, and it killed Tommy because he hated not knowing things especially when it came to the people most important to him in his life.

“Well, Adam is wrong.” Tommy cleared his throat, as he slung his arm over her shoulders and pulled her into the warmth of his body. “I think it’s endearing because if you can love someone who doesn’t exist that much, the real people in your life who you care for should feel absolutely blessed.”

A gentle smile appeared on Y/N`s face as she pushed a strand of hair away from his forehead. “And people say you don’t have a heart.”

Tommy chuckled, shaking his head. “I don`t. And given how it’s been yours since that day by the lake, I really hope to never get it back. Don’t know a safer place where it could be kept.”

Y/N let out a snort cupping his cheek. “And what happens when some girl will want to have it? How`ll you marry her if it`s with me?

“What? You’re saying you won’t marry me?” he said it in a joking tone, but underneath it hid actual fear and concern. Everything he did, he did for her, to make her life easier, better, with less worries or concerns. He tried to keep her as safe as possible, and despite her having a blazing target on her back because of her association with the Shelbys, nobody had yet dared to even harm a hair on her head, because everyone knew – she was Tommy`s girl, and there`d be hell to pay if something happened to her.

Y/N scoffed at him. “If that’s your version of a proposal, it’s a definite no. I hope when you do it for real it`ll be a lot more heartfelt. At least get on one knee before the girl.”

Tommy seemed to mull over her words before giving her a small nod. And then Y/N`s eyes widened while he slipped down onto the floor, kneeling on both knees before her, holding onto her hands as if his life depended on it.

“Like I said.” His heart was a freight train in his chest as he pressed a kiss to her palm. “My heart is yours. Always has been. And I want it to stay that way for as long as we’re both alive.”

“Tommy,” she breathed out, but he shook his head.

“Please let me say this. I`ve been carrying it around for so long, now that I`ve started, I can’t leave it unsaid.”

Y/N nodded mutely, as he took in a breath and continued. “It`s not stupid the way you fall for characters. You feel more for them than some people feel for their fellow peers. It`s admirable. It`s brave to love something like that so much. And you’ve taught me how to be brave as well. How to not shut everyone out. It’d be so easy to stay on my own, to not have to worry, but you`ve shown that the easy way out isn’t the best one. And I don’t want anything easy when it comes to you. I want all of it. Everything. The good, the bad, the ugly and beautiful, all of the tears,” he whispered and wiped away the new trails on her cheeks. “I want you.”

And then he pulled out a ring from his pocket, to add the cherry on top of it all.

A brutal sob ripped through Y/N`s chest as she pressed a palm to her mouth. “How long have you been carrying that around?”

“Since before the war,” his tone matched the shaky one of Y/N`s. “Took it with me to the station, was gonna ask you then, beg you to wear it and wait for me to come home. To become my home to come back to.”

“I`m sorry,” she whimpered through a choke and Tommy swore he couldn’t breathe, all the air punched out of his chest, as Y/N shook her head. “I`m so sorry I didn`t come that day. I should`ve.”

Relief flooded his veins in an instant as he took hold of Y/N`s wrist and pulled himself up, wrapping her in his arms, his mind having gone to the immediate worst option of her rejecting him instead of her regretting not seeing him that day. “Don`t be. Had I done it, it wouldn’t have been fair for you to wait for something that possibly wouldn’t have happened. But it can now… if you say yes.”

He wondered if it was possible to become more alive than he already was as Y/N whispered an “oh, Tommy” and then kissed him with everything she had in her, matching the power of his own reciprocated action.

This time he wasn’t gentle with her, his arms going around her waist, fingers digging in her hips for sure to leave blooming marks the next day, but neither of them cared, as Y/N tugged on his hair and raked her nails down his back. They`d waited for that moment for so long, they wanted to leave some sort of evidence behind on the other; it had actually happened and hadn’t been one of their dreams.

“We`ve kind of done it backwards though,” she breathed against his lips finally pulling back for some air after a good fifteen-minute make-out, her dress hiked around her waist, one of the garters snapped open with his strong grip kneading the inside of her thighs, while Tommy`s shirt was completely unbuttoned, the single one of his trousers undone as well, his leather shoes somewhere on the floor, chest to heaving chest, hips grinding against one another. “You`re supposed to ask me on a date, romance me and sweep me off my feet before proposing.”

“I don’t need to date you, to know you`re the one,” he mumbled before pecking her mouth, the other hand rubbing her waist as he sneakily untied the string that`d cinched it together. “Knew it when I found you crying by that lake, knew it when you kicked Polly in the shin as she cleaned the scrapes on your knees, knew it when you punched Lisa Jenkins from down the street when she was making fun of me after Ada gave me that horrible haircut when we were fifteen. I`ve always known it.”

“And what about me?” Y/N asked, toying with the lapels of his shirt, eyes tracing the tattoo on his chest before leaning forward to kiss it. “Maybe I need to date for a bit before marrying someone?”

That Tommy hadn’t thought of as he shrugged. “Then we can date for however long you want – a day, week, year, ten years if you need to. But you know where I stand. That whenever you’re ready I’m willing to drop before you any time of day.”

“Now that you’ve said that out loud, I don’t need any of that. Too long. Let’s get married.” Y/N nodded cupping his cheeks before pulling Tommy in a bruising kiss that left both of them gasping. “Right now. I think the courthouse is open until nine so we still have half an hour. I don’t want to wait any longer. We`ve done too much of that already.”

“Woah, no.” Tommy pulled back and shook his head. “First of all, Polly will have our heads if we do that, and Ada will help her.” Y/N huffed and rolled her eyes at that. “And despite the fact I`d be more than willing to marry you with paper rings, I wanna do it properly. Have you have your dream wedding.”

“My dream wedding would be with you by my side. `S all I need or want. Nothing else matters.”

Tommy pressed his forehead against hers and just reveled in the moment if only for a second. He got the girl. That’s all he`d ever wanted. For a long while he’d thought the last time, they’d seen one another, she`d left him on his own for good, never to return. But instead, she`d carried him in her heart all those years with the fear he would never come back to her.

“Tommy?” Her quiet voice brought him out from his thoughts, Y/E/C eyes staring up at him. “Take me to our bed?”

And how in the world was he supposed to refuse such a sweet request coming straight from the mouth of his would-be wife?

“You’re not.” A devilish smirk appeared on Y/N`s lips, as Tommy realized he’d said it out loud. “And you should do well to do as I say. Will make your life as a husband easier.”

Rough hands grabbed her now bared thighs her stockings rolled past her knees as he hoisted her up, her arms around his shoulders, fingers twining in his hair. There were small scars left on them from when she’d fallen on the ice. He loved those scars more than anything.

“Whatever you say, wife.”

Even while he took her upstairs, throughout the night and into the late morning he didn’t stop whispering `I love you` into her ears, skin, and against her mouth as they lost themselves in one another. How could he, when she so sweetly called him hers?

Tags (crossed out wouldn’t take):

Everything tags: @palaiasaurus64 @supernaturalbaesduh@breezy1415 @thatawkwardlittlefangirl@sea040561@staryeyedgirl@deathbyarabbit @m-a-t-91 @maladaptive-ninja-returns@averyrogers83@in-the-end-im-still-trash@gallifreyansass@dewy-biitch@avxgers@unlikelygalaxygiver@magicwithaknife@ollyoxenfrees@bnhvrdy@tvwhoresblog@thatkindofgurl@sj-thefan @lestersglitterglue@im-squished@strangersstranger

Thomas Shelby tags: @datewithgianni​@captivatedbycillianmurphy​@screemqueen​

A/N: I have now seen Spiderman twice… Boy oh boy do I have ideas for fics, but in the meantime, Thomas Shelby has overtaken my life. No thoughts, head empty except for that fine ass man (I think I’ll start watching the show tomorrow) 

Happy Holidays everyone :)

Synopsis: They say Thomas Shelby has become soft because of her. And maybe he has, he just has no idea yet why. (Sort of an AU)

*Part 2(ish) - both can be read as stand-alones though Wrath (one-shot)

Pairing: Thomas Shelby x fem!Reader

Genre: fluff/ a bit of angst

Warnings:Swearing, spicy convos, but nothing explicit, blood, guns

Word count:4189

She heard it constantly around them. 

“That girl has turned Thomas Shelby soft,” the voices whispered behind their backs whether at a charity event or simply strolling down the street. They never dared to do it while he was in earshot of them, but it didn’t make it any better, as rumours still liked to fly.  

In Y/N’s mind, it was actually quite the opposite. Yes, Tommy was soft with her, but he’d also become more ruthless than ever. No one would ever dare even breathe the wrong way at Y/N, because if Tommy even had a whiff of something like that, their only company for the rest of their lives would be the fishes living at the bottom of a river.  

Yet it hadn’t always been like that. 

In the beginning, Y/N had simply been a woman coming up in society and in the need of someone with money, while Tommy had still been wallowing in self-pity after it had turned out Grace had been lying and betraying him the whole time while he shared a bed with her. So when Y/N had come to him with a proposition, he jumped on it, in need of showing that no one could ever wound Tommy Shelby so bad he couldn’t recover.  

It was a marriage of mutual benefit – Y/N wanted to be a writer, but no publisher would accept her manuscript under a female name, and she adamantly refused to use a male pen-name, so while negotiating, Tommy agreed to sponsor her endeavours as a writer, agreed to help her publish her stories, if she after becoming Mrs Shelby would be the ever-great actress and help him rebuild his reputation. And it also didn’t hurt that despite her constant rejections of publishers, she still had connections in high places where she could easily slip him needed information so all his operations ran smoothly.  

The wedding had been a grand affair, and very much so for the show of others than the emotional bond of the bride and groom. Had it been up to Tommy and Y/N, it would’ve been a quiet union just between the two of them, but they had to show they were powerful together and would remain so in everyone’s eyes.  

Tommy’s family had been very wary about Y/N with good reason, but as they got to know her, and realized their relative was in it for just as selfish reasons as she was, yet Y/N had no problems with helping them out by passing on information from the coppers and such, they warmed up to her. Didn’t open up, but didn’t ice her out either.  

The wedding passed by relatively fine and without a hitch, and as Tommy’s brothers whistled while they stepped in the car to go on their ‘honeymoon’, Y/N couldn’t help but smile at their antics.  

But that night they hadn’t laid together. Tommy hadn’t pushed himself on her, rather poured both of them glasses – whiskey for him and gin and tonic with a slice of lime for her – and then they talked the whole night away. Meaningless turned into deep and thoughtful topics, through which Y/N realized Tommy was a lot more of a complex person than he let on, while he saw a spark of something wild hiding underneath the usually calm and collected surface. They spoke until the sun rose, and understood that they might not love one another, but when they’d entered their agreement, now sealed with the union, it had been done based on mutual respect. 

Tommy did soon find out that that spark was something more, and wanted to book an appointment with a dentist as quickly as possible because good god if he wouldn’t stop grinding his teeth whenever Y/N did or said something in public as someone berated her or tried to ‘put her in her place’, he’d soon be eating nothing but porridge.  

She didn’t know how to hold her words behind her teeth, she didn’t know how to back down from an argument or a fight, and always put her nose in “men’s business”, which surprisingly didn’t grate on Tommy as much as he thought it would, rather what came after – his “associates” always told him she had him by the balls, to control his wife and teach her how to respect men. It was eating away at him not only because his reputation was starting to hurt, and he’d married her for the opposite reason, but also because Y/N’s ideas often were sounder and would bring larger profit than that of the men who spoke. 

And he shouldn’t have been that surprised that it would end up being her inability to shut up and the stubbornness that coursed through her veins, that’d get herself in the situation she was in at that moment.  

Y/N would admit that, Tommy knew, but she would do it with a roll of her eyes and an annoyed huff, but he also knew some fault was on him. They’d been at a charity event, her body covered in a deep ruby red dress, matching the handkerchief in his suit’s pocket when one of Changretta’s men had approached him and started to deal passive-aggressive blows. 

Throughout the ‘polite’ conversation, the grip on his wife’s waist started to tighten and tighten, and it wasn’t long before he snapped, dealing a verbal blow to the man, soon followed by Y/N’s venomous hiss, and that’s when the look in Changretta’s eyes shifted, a sickening feeling dropping in Tommy’s stomach as all the rage and anger went towards his wife. 

It all happened too quickly, and Tommy hated for being so caught off guard, but in a matter of seconds, the Changretta’s man’s sleazy hands were in her hair and a gun was pressed to her side.  

“You should teach your bitch how to stay in her place, but maybe she’ll let her loose tongue be put to good use and give me what I want, huh, sweetheart?” he sneered, and it made Y/N wince as his grip in her hair tightened, pulling at what once was a meticulously pinned up-do, the rancid breath of alcohol mixed with shrimp wafting over her nose. She hadn’t been too fond of Tommy’s lingering aroma of cigarettes and whiskey in the beginning, but now she associated the scent with comfort. With safety. With respect and someone who’d come to her aid as he had at that moment, his gun and his brothers’ trained towards the idiot who’d decided to use Y/N as bait for information of some hidden guns.  

But as Y/N held her mouth shut for once in her life, much to Tommy’s dismay, he saw something shift in her Y/E/C eyes as they finally settled on him rather than looking at the ceiling with the most done expression ever. 

He’d gotten used to those Y/E/C eyes. He’d gotten used to seeing them leaning over him while he had one of his nightmares, he’d gotten used to the anger that flashed whenever someone tried to diminish her whether because of her age, seeing as she was more than a decade younger than him, and people considered her naïve and foolish, or because of her gender as she broke every barrier that’d been set by the society. Those Y/E/C eyes had become a staple in his life, and much to his own shock, he yearned to see them every day. 

“Fine,” the Changretta guy sneered, bringing Tommy out from his daze, and into the horrible reality of watching how he tightened the grip he had on his wife as he leaned closer to her ear. When she visibly shuddered in disgust, Tommy wanted to press the trigger and put a bullet in the man’s head but his wife’s head was way too close to risk it. “Any last words, princess?” 

“Tommy.” Her voice was thick as she swallowed looking into his own ice blue eyes. “I know that sometimes what I do and say, especially without thinking grates on you, so I sincerely hope you don’t hate me after this because I’ve thought this through as much as possible.” 

He didn’t even get a chance to ask what the fuck she was talking about when her heel covered foot came smashing down on the man’s, making him loosen his grip, as she swung her head back against his nose, the sickening sound of bone crunching behind her.

The grip on her hair was no longer there, and it allowed Y/N to twist underneath him before dealing a swift blow to his throat, and although Tommy was in awe of her, and in different circumstances, it would’ve been an admirable action as a punch like that would level any man, in this case, the Changretta’s man’s body seized up as he stumbled back, and his finger pulled the trigger.  

***
When the gun went off, Tommy saw a flash of white, his breath got stuck in his throat and it took him a second to gather his bearings, when he saw Y/N flinch, and he swore his whole life flashed before his eyes. 

When her scream of shock and pain echoed around him as her body hit the ground more from the force of the shot than anything, Tommy was ready to burn the world down starting with Changretta and everyone he loved.  

His world broke as he rushed towards her, all the meticulously put together pieces of the puzzle shattered, as reality crashed in; his wife on the floor groaning and clutching her shoulder where blood had started to stain the floor and pool around her, the colour so close to that of her dress it almost seemed like an odd train she was laying on.  

From the peripheral, he could see his brothers dragging the man away, and one look at John told him to leave him alive. He wanted to deal his own judgement.  
Y/N’s whimper snapped him back into the moment, and Tommy choked on his breath. 

He’d seen blood, he’d been covered in it, practically bathed in invisible amounts of it every day, but this time it was different. 

“You,-” His breath got stuck in his throat as he dropped to his knees, hands trembling as they hovered over her. His hands never trembled. “You’re okay,” he said, more so to himself not Y/N, but she just groaned.  

“Of course, I’m not okay!” she hissed and stomped her foot on the ground as Tommy applied pressure to the wound, scarlet spilling between his fingers. “I just got fucking shot! How the fuck am I okay?!” 

But he wasn’t listening, just kept muttering, “you’re okay, you’re okay, you’re okay,” as he shrugged off his jacket and tied the two sleeves around Y/N’s shoulder in a tight knot. She gasped at the pain as he lifted her up in his arms and levelled her forehead against his chest. 

The whole way as he rushed to the parked Bentley he never took his eyes from her body to make sure she was alive, but Y/N made it very clear she was very much awake as explicit words flew from her mouth with every step he took.  

Usually, he preferred not to go to the hospitals, too many people around to witness things and spread information, but he wasn’t going to risk it with Y/N, as Arthur barreled down the streets before pulling up right in front of the doors.  

An angry nurse rushed out ready to chew their heads off seeing as only ambulances were allowed to stand there, but when Tommy exited with a blood-covered Y/N, the tone changed in the snap of a finger as they rushed her inside and immediately wheeled her away for surgery. 

To Tommy’s chagrin, no amount of threatening would make the nurse budge and let him be in the operating room. 

“I could have your whole family killed,” he sneered, running a hand through his hair. “You will let me inside there.” 

But she just squinted at him. “The only thing I will let you is shut up and sit down in the waiting room. If you don’t stop your tantrum, you’re more than welcome to wait outside.” 

And that was it. He couldn’t do anything but comply as she went away to check on other patients, Tommy was left alone to slide down the wall, head against his knees as he waited and waited and waited for any news on Y/N. 

By the time she was stitched up, he’d dozed off and found himself being shaken awake by Polly, a blanket draped over his shoulders. 

“Where is she?” he slurred, staggering up against the wall and grabbing his aunt by her biceps. “Is she alright?” 

“She’s fine.” Polly placed a hand on his cheek before giving him a bundle of clothes. “You’ll go change, and then I’ll take you to her room.” 

“I don’t have time to change, I need to see my wife.” 

Polly’s eye-roll was as royal as Y/N’s usually were. He wondered if when they’d share tea on Friday evenings, they compared the better techniques of how to accomplish a better one. “You will get changed because you’re covered in blood. Y/N doesn’t need to see you like that, so go. I’ll be here, and she isn’t going anywhere.” 

For a moment they held one another’s gazes like a bull and its matador before Tommy gave in and rushed to the men’s bathroom to quickly wipe himself down with some moist toilet paper and shrugged on the clean clothes. When he looked in the mirror, he wondered if Polly had really done it for Y/N’s sake or his, as the thought of her blood on his hands made bile rise in his throat. 

Once he was finished, Polly was there as promised and quickly lead him to a secluded room where he found Y/N’s sleeping body.  

They’d washed her face and taken her hair out from the up-do, now put in a simple braid, while her body was covered in a white hospital gown, the layers of gauze where she’d been pierced by the bullet visible as her left arm had been wrapped to her stomach to limit movement.  

The shot hadn’t been fatal, the doctor informed him. A through and through of the left shoulder, and all of that would’ve been well, had it not been during the second night of their stay when Tommy snapped awake to Y/N’s moans, her face covered in sweat and body shuddering. 

Instantly he rushed out to find a nurse who quickly took her temperature. 

An infection had spread, and when he was pushed out of the room by another nurse as a doctor rushed in, vials and syringes in hand, something crystalized in Tommy’s mind. That incredible fear he’d felt when he’d seen Y/N bleeding under him, while she’d looked at him with annoyance and frustration was something he thought he’d never feel again after Grace; he thought the snitch had taken all of it with her when the truth had come out. 

Love. He was in love. What had started as a business transaction of mutual benefit, had somehow morphed into mind-numbing love that now coursed through Tommy’s veins. All the things he’d wanted with Grace before – a family, a house somewhere far away from everything, with nights spent curled up with one another while a fire crackled in the hearth – he’d never wanted with Y/N, not until the moment that option had been seemingly ripped away.  

Now all he could see, as he sat vigil by her bed day and night, were the ghostly apparitions of their would-be future had he not been what he was – a little girl swinging her legs on the edge of Y/N’s bed, his piercing blue eyes combined with soft Y/H/C hair, the lovely slope of her wife’s nose and his high cheekbones making up her face. A perfect little copy of the two, as if one night they’d stood in front of a mirror and their reflections had melted together. And then the apparition looked at him, accusation in her eyes – what gives you the right to be sitting there with barely scraped knuckled, while she is on that bed? She wouldn’t be there if not for you and your ways. 

Tommy shook his head, averting his gaze as if trying to shake the ghost away, leaning his head against her free hand he’d kept clutched in his for days on end as doctors and nursed cleaned and rewrapped her wound, put antibiotics in her drip and monitored her breathing and heartbeat.  

“You can’t leave me,” he mumbled under his breath, tone as if he was experiencing a feverish hallucination or more a sleep-deprived one. “You can’t leave me. I forbid it, ya hear me? Forbid it. You’re ma wife, and I refuse to let you die; you have no rights to die, and if you do, I’ll follow you and drag you back here, ya listening? I mean every word – you are not allowed to die!” 

He was ranting like a madman and had it not been for a huff filled with exasperation escaping Y/N’s lips he would’ve continued, but then she mumbled “Bold of you to assume I’ll listen to any shit you tell me to do,” and Tommy swore he passed out. 

The relief which flushed through his body made him lightheaded, and normally when Y/N would say something like that, Tommy would just clench his teeth and sigh, but just at the sound of her voice – trembling, gravelly, exhausted voice – he was laughing, taking in deep breaths to have his brain come back to normal. She was awake, and despite her words, she’d done what he said for the first time in her life. She hadn’t left. 

It didn’t come easy for him to say the words, but they were true, and if he held onto any sort of principle, it was never to lie to Y/N. Withhold information maybe, but never lie.

“I was so scared you were gonna die.” The words were quiet, barely a whisper as Tommy kept his eyes on her.  

Y/N snorted and shook her head. “I’d burn hell down if I let a stupid infection be the thing that took me out. I’m a Shelby. If I’m gonna die, it’s gonna be with guns blazing not because of a dirty scalpel or unwashed hands. Besides I need to have a word with the asshole that started the whole thing, so can’t die before I’ve given him a piece of my mind. Unless…” 

But Tommy shook his head at her inquiring gaze. “We’re keeping him in a warehouse. Told John to make sure the bastard is alive when I come for him, but seeing as I haven’t left the place, haven’t had the chance to.” 

Y/N’s brows furrowed as she looked Tommy up and down. “How long haven’t you slept?” 

“Fuck if I know.” He shrugged. “Close to six days?” 

“Fucking shit, Tommy!” Y/N scolded him and threw her head back into the pillow. She missed the plush one she had at Arrow House. “I need to focus on healing, not making sure your idiotic ass doesn’t drop dead from sleep deprivation.” 

“I couldn’t,” he stressed, squeezing her palm, a new note in his voice, one neither had heard before coming from him. “I couldn’t leave. I had to make sure you were breathing. What if I fell asleep and you stopped, and I didn’t notice? Didn’t get a doc or a nurse here in time? What then?” 

Y/N was stunned at his words, at the raw emotion in them as if he had been absolutely petrified at the thought of her dying. “What happened to this being a marriage only in name?” She whispered as it was true – they’d never even had sex and the only time they’d kissed was at the wedding. From her point of view, they were more coworkers than anything.  

“What happened is you weaselled your way into my heart.” He gave her a pained smile. “You dug those manicured nails into the walls I’d built, and then you simply destroyed them. And now, because of what you’ve done, the only thing that would destroy me is losing you. And I can’t… I can’t have that.” 

Y/N’s eyes softened as her lips curled into a gentle smile, her hand cupping Tommy’s cheek, and he practically melted, placing his own palm over hers so she couldn’t take it away. “Well, I guess it’s good to know it only takes me almost dying for you to admit it.” 

Tommy chuckled as a new wave of relief flooded his veins as she hadn’t rejected him. “I know you’re just itching to call me an idiot, so go for it.” 

“Oh, you’re more than just an idiot.” Y/N snorted. “But I’ll refrain myself from that pleasure. You look bad enough, and I don’t need to hurt your ego more. Lord knows the one’s with the biggest ones, have them the most fragile.” 

A cheeky smirk appeared on his face, something Y/N had grown to love in secret and revelled in the fact she no longer had to keep it that way. “Mine might be massive, but it’s hard as a rock.” 

And there it was – that eye-roll he’d been missing and feared would never see again before she took her hand away from his face and started to shimmy to the side.  

“What the fuck are you doing?!” he scolded her watching as she winced in pain, but not letting the opportunity to roll her eyes once again at him pass her by.  
“You need sleep,” she huffed, finally on the edge of the already small bed. “And I need to know you’ll actually sleep not pretend to do so. So, you’re going to get in this bed, and do as I say.” 

Tommy chuckled, raising his hands in defeat before he toed off his shoes and slid next to her. “Doctor’s orders?” 

“My orders.” 

“Then I can’t disobey, can I?” 

“Not unless you want me to cut off that ego, no you can’t,” Y/N grumbled as Tommy laid down, one hand going under her pillow to pull her closer, motions done with the utmost care to not hurt her even more.  

“Y/N, I-,” He swallowed before closing his eyes for a moment and then opened them. “I love you. And I will never be able to say how sorry I am for all of this. I just – I just need you to know. To have you hear it from my own mouth.” 

The silence that settled at that moment was absolutely terrifying. She hadn’t rejected him when he’d revealed his true feelings, but now he’d said the actual words, had said the three words which meant the world to him, and that scared him shitless, but he shouldn’t have been as the smile that erupted on her face made him choke on a breath and he didn’t even protest when she practically launched herself at him to press her mouth against his in a feverish kiss.  

It was the first true kiss they’d shared, in Tommy’s mind, not just as a husband and wife, but as a whole, as two people who had vowed to devote themselves to one another, and he never wanted it to end. 

Y/N’s pressing need for air made her pull back, but he didn’t let her get too far away forehead pressed together as they enjoyed their newfound relationship, but Tommy just couldn’t leave it like that. “I heard you one night,” he murmured, his lips skimming hers. “Heard you playing with yourself and moaning my na-,” 

“Jesus fucking Christ, Tommy,” she shoved at him, almost pushing him out of the bed, but still too weak to do any damage. He almost wished she could as it’d mean her strength was coming back, but he eased himself from the thought. Little by little; she’d get there. “Way to ruin a fucking moment.” 

Tommy just chuckled, nuzzling his face against her neck. “Wanna know a secret?” 

“No.” She looked at him with a pout on her lips which he affectionately pecked. “Definitely not.” 

Tommy shrugged. “I’ll tell you anyway – that night, I touched myself as well. And all I had on my mind was how you’d look underneath me.” 

For a second, Y/N held his eyes and then a wicked smile emerged on her lips. “Funny. That night I was thinking of how you would look underneath me.” 

Tommy hummed before kissing her again. He couldn’t get enough. “You. Just you, I’d let be on top.” 

Y/N’s tongue snaked into his mouth, and if she wasn’t still injured and in a hospital bed Tommy would’ve ripped her clothes off in a second. “I think I’ll let you live with the illusion you’d have a choice in that for just a little while longer.” 

Yeah, Tommy might be soft with her, but if anyone tried to mess with Y/N, he’d show just what kind of justice he can serve. The Changretta’s man would attest to that. That was if he could speak after the Shelby couple was done with him.

Tags (crossed out wouldn’t take):

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A/N: I saw Cillian Murphy in a dream once this week, and now I’m an absolute simp. Please also note, I haven’t actually seen Peaky Blinders, so most of this is going by what I’ve read. But my god, do I HAVE to watch the show now.

Sorry for the wait. Sorry this is reeeaaally short. Mostly consist of Ada. Part 4 will come later tonight! | Part 1  |  Part 2

With an aura of mystery surrounding your death, you had become a myth of some sort in the whole of Birmingham and beyond. Every wife of every gangster and politician uttered condolences with a hint of fear in wake of the news. Wives- mothers- were untouchable in the business of ilegal biddings and violent men; yet, you had perished, leaving a body that was rumored to not be yours and a trace of letters that had no address or clues of your whereabouts. 

Ada Shelby, your sister in law and friend, had taken it upon herself to gather every book on cryptic messages used by spies and forensic detectives to decode any clues hidden amongst your passive letters. She studied every letter, every number, every single curvature that your shaky handwriting provided in hopes of interpreting your cries for help. You were smart- smarter than most, and Ada knew that. Even in death you would negotiate a better deal for yourself.

It was half past midnight when Ada slipped a bit of rum to her third cuppa that she noticed subtle clues in the second letter. For a woman that avoided Church as much as the devil itself, you made far too many biblical allusions. “To indulge in the garden of all things forbidden provided by our Lord. Oh Arthur!”

Her brows furrowed and mouth parted in a silent squeal. Ada tripped over her own feet, spilled the rum and tea that had already gotten cold, and raced to the telephone in sweaty haste.

One ring

Two rings

“This better be good Ada, do y-”

“She’s in London. The Eden Club.”