instructor144:

babygirl-1972:

doctordaddysir:

instructor144:

So you’ve all heard that “Tumblr goes PG-13″ on Dec 17. Here is a thumbnail summary of what will happen and what I’ll be doing …..

1. On December 17, all images that Tumblr’s cunning algorithms decide are “NSFW” will be flipped to “Private.” No one but you will be able to see NSFW images on your blog, and you will be unable to see any NSFW images on anyone else’s blog. That’s it. THEY ARE NOT DELETING NSFW BLOGS. Just flipping adult images to Private. Calm your tits, people!

2. Text, however, is not affected by this new “PG-13″ policy.

3. My blog has evolved to pretty much 90% text and SFW images anyway, so based on their blurb, I’m thinking my blog might be unscathed. I’ll just have to refrain from posting the odd kinky-fuckery GIF now and then.

4. So on December 18, I plan to be right where I am, right here, dispensing my usual stellar combination of Yoda-esque wisdom and curmudgeonly tough-love.

5. Depending on how barren and arid things get here, I may start putting more energy into my kinkspace.net account, instructor144.

6. But until it becomes untenable here on Tumblr, this blog will be my “hill do die on.”

So, we’ll see how things go. Don’t shit the bed just yet, people. This is a community, and communities like ours are damned hard to kill.

I’m right there with @instructor144 stick around. We aren’t going anywhere. We write advice, we write opinions, we write stories. I am not moving. I will wait it out and see what becomes of it. I’ll still be here December 18 and I hope most of you will be too.

the only problem that I see is that even if 90% of your blog is not explicit adult content some of it has been in the past and if Tumblr is just going to flag your blog and turn it private because of that then we still won’t be able to see you. It sounds like that the whole blog will be private not just posts and you won’t be able to share. @instructor144 , is this how you interpret it?

That’s not how I read it. They’re flagging content, not an entire blog.

Devotional Training: Blog will stay. Won’t have much content beyond text-only entries. Although I predict when all that is said and done, tumblr will do a second pass on text also. Got to appease all those SJWs and stay politically correct.

mollypops23:

thewhoretrainer:

You’ll brand your mark on her brain molding her to give herself now and later. You’ve made her malleable yet disciplined, and engulfed her in your reality. When just your words can bend her and shape her, when you see the effect manifested in your property – both body and behavior – summoned by your imagination, you’ve made her Yours mentally.

It’s difficult to truly own her mind, but you will own her totally.

This is so so so right!

Devotional Training: Own the mind; own the girl.

dinodaddy:

Making decisions can be hard, particularly so if you’re not used to making them or if you don’t really have a preference in the things you are being asked to decide.  Decide anyways.  Think about what is actually happening beneath the question you’re being asked by your sub and make a decision.  Formulate reasons for your decision and explain them.  In the end, whichever thing you chose may not make any real difference, but the level of thought and consideration you put into the choice, and the time and attention you devoted to making this decision, will absolutely make all the difference in the world.

@misty-girl loves to feel the tug of the leash.  She wants to know that she has my attention.  She likes to think about the choices that I make and draw lessons from them about the kind of person that I am and about the way I think.  When I make choices for her, I’m doing more than deciding what she’s going to wear or what she’s going to have for lunch, I’m telling her about her place in my life and about my personal preferences.  In addition, she wants to be freed from the burden of choice and given direction as to how I would like her to serve.  To her, there is no such thing as a small decision.

As a Dom, when you’re asked to make a decision, the first thing to realize is that being asked to choose is a demonstration of trust.  You’re being entrusted with someone’s power to choose - they are handing it to you because they trust that you’re going to use it wisely.  Do not disappoint them, and do not take this act lightly.

The second thing to realize is that this is an act of respect.  They are demonstrating that they acknowledge your place in their life and they deem you worthy of this position.  Being thoughtful, judicious, and considerate reaffirms this faith that they’ve placed in you and strengthens the bond between you and your sub.

The third thing to realize is that they are craving your leadership and your presence.  They want to feel connected to you, and allowing you to make these decisions allows them to feel your guiding hand in even the most mundane corners of their existence.  True dominance neither begins nor ends in the bedroom.  

Fourth, your submissive wants to feel owned.  They want to feel that they are your prized possession and that you care about every part of their life.  They want to know that what happens to them matters to you, and what better way to demonstrate this than by making informed decisions on even the most inane aspects of their existence?  

Fifth, your submissive is watching you and listening to you in all things.  They want to know you inside and out.  They want to know what you like, what you dislike, how you go about making your decisions, and what things you consider important.  All of these things help them to find ways to serve you and gives them a greater idea of the vision you have for them and for your relationship.

Do not ever treat any decision as a small decision, and don’t overlook the value and importance of the day-to-day choices you’re allowed to make.  There is so much going on beneath the surface, and keeping your focus on the little things ensures that you don’t miss the big ones.  After all, how could be entrusted with the really important choices when you can’t be bothered with the seemingly unimportant ones?  When they hand you the leash, use it.  The worst thing you could ever do is to set it down.

Devotional Training: Truisms.

degradeacunt:

humiliatorofsubs:

“Worthless”

I do not like the concept of someone being “worthless” in the context of BDSM, it’s not something I have ever said to a sub and it’s not something I enjoy seeing. I’ll preface all of this by saying that I can understand hypothetically why that term could be appealing to people in a humiliation context, but it’s just not for me.

If you have ever so much as glanced at my blog, or even read the title, it shouldn’t be hard to see that I am very interested in humiliation. Some of my absolute favorite things to do in a D/s context are to piss on a sub and make her make out with my ass. In that context I may call a sub my urinal or ass licker, and it might be all I call her that whole day.

So you might ask if you are willing to piss on someone and call her a urinal, then why not worthless? Two reasons:

1) Whether you are dripping in piss or you have your head shoved up my ass, that doesn’t make you less of a person. I may make her do degrading things, but I never think less of her as a person because she is doing something I want her to do, if anything those are moments where I praise her, for doing things that are difficult to endure, because they please me. That’s absolutely worthwhile.

2) I think that any good humiliation has to be rooted in some level of truth. If I call someone a urinal for example, there’s truth to that title. It might be degrading to hear for her, but that’s because she knows there is truth to that and so do I when I say it. If I were to say someone was worthless, I wouldn’t believe that and wouldn’t want her to believe it either, which is not effective in creating the mindset I want.

I get on average 4-5 messages a month from random people on here where in their first message they describe themselves as worthless. I understand that they usually think they are demonstrating that they are interested in humiliation, but it’s not appealing to me. Quite the opposite, when I first get to know you I want to know all of the things that make you worthwhile, your skills, your talents, along with your faults and flaws, but when the first thing you tell me is that you are worthless, it makes me wonder than why I should take my time to respond to you. When I look for someone, I want someone who is going to add to my life, enrich it in various ways that I might choose and that I can do the same for her.

So while I fully support others using those types of phrases in their humiliation play and can understand the appeal, it’s not something for me. I don’t think people are worthless, I certainly don’t think being a submissive negatively affects your worth as a person and if I did think you were worthless I certainly wouldn’t have interest in speaking to that person let alone considering them as a partner and/or submissive.

I’ve been wanting to write something like this myself. Too many times I’m scrolling around to find posts written as so. The entire “You’re only good for…” bullshit. My blog is also very rich in humiliation. But I believe there are a growing number of people who are living in a fantasy world here on tumblr. They’d never be able to actually treat their subs as shitty as they claim in these fantasies.

Truth is, the actual beauty of a humiliation is the beauty of a female lowering herself and ALLOWING you to degrade and humiliate her. The biggest turn on for, for me anyway, is the sacrifice she gives for my pleasure. Licking my ass, choking on cock, kissing and licking feet, getting pissed on, being called names, etc… are all a major turn on. Why? Because first, she doesnt have to do it. Second, here’s a beautiful woman willing to look foolish for my pleasure. And finally, shes doing things I’m not willing to do myself.

Worthless? Bullshit! Women like this are beyond priceless! Rare and truly worthy. Appreciate the strength it takes to surrender and trust you.

Devotional Training: Allowing itself to be degraded for His pleasure is The essence of it.

goodgirlsdoresearch:

Exploration is Personal

“I for one don’t believe in having my Bell kneel for me. After 18 years together I know her devotion to me is absolute. When  see these posts, it makes me want to say “your submission is your choice. Your gift to the one that has earned it. It can cant be demanded. Only earned. Kneeling is not a requirement for being submissive. Your body. Your life. Your choice. Make it be earned.“

Beast from @bellandherbeast said this in the comments of this post.With his permission to share, I wanted to respond publicly because I agree with the sentiment of what he’s saying and want to clarify a few things:

Exploration is personal. I am not offering advice in any of my posts. I am exploring my options.  I am literally 3 months into claiming my submissive. I am the definition of a newbie. I love that people connect with me, I love that I get to interact, and I love exchanging growth, but my blog isn’t a prescription or a “how to” guide for submission. I am nota mentor.  I’m just researching the options, discovering the data, making meaning of myself, and documenting it here.

The blogs that I gather data from are the ones that present their opinion and provide options without prescription. @fantasies-of-a-dominant framed the link above (or click here) “for anyone wanting to learn.” @instructor144 has stated many times that all of his advice is his opinion and it’s for us to make sense of that opinion for ourselves. @submissive-seeking has provided information from her expertise as recommendation, not requirement. I am so thankful to them and others in this community for providing me the data for my exploration, and know that it is my (and Sir’s) responsibility to make meaning out of that data, and how it applies to who my submissive is.

And I have learned that my submissive is represented by kneeling.

I kneel because it feels right. It helps me shift into a submissive mindset. It helps me embrace my body. It brings me peace and stillness that I usually only get out in the secluded wilderness. It makes me feel like a me I never knew I always was.

Some poses I can’t do, or can’t hold for long because I have bad knees. Embracing the ones I can, makes me feel like everything is going to be alright.

I choose to send Sir surprise kneeling photos because it is a calming AND connective way to start the day. He knows I have absolute devotion, because that part was already there, but now I’m also leaning into absolute submission. 

I am embracing anything that puts us into a D/s space, and then discerning whether it’s something I want to continue or not. I am trying to follow commands that I may not like, to challenge myself to accept his dominance. I am trying to help him lean into being Sir, because he is also new at making his natural dominance into a formal role. 

I speak up against unsafe and unclear limits, but I also lean into uncomfortability. This is who I am, and what I want, and in some ways I am unlearning my resistance and stubbornness. And I see that as as a good thing, because there are a lot of it is borne from my walls, my fight, my experiences in society. Wrestling with the tension within myself is how I grow. I’m unlearning some of my damage through kneeling, through my submission, through exploring what full spectrum means to me, and to us.

Beast is right, “your submission is your choice.” My submission is my choice, and I choose to kneel. You may not.  Always remember that there is no such thing as one type of submissive. I am not more or less devoted than you because I choose to kneel and you do not. 

A piece of data for you to consider: Don’t try to be a submissive, be yoursubmissive. Take your time, explore your options, lean into uncomfortability, wrestle with the tension, grow into your submissive, and keep yourself safe, sane and consensual, always. 

Oh, and please, try to enjoy the ride, because amidst the pain of transition and the hurt of becoming, it’s good to remember that submission is magic!

Devotional Training: Truism.

sapiens-dominus:

goodgirlsdoresearch:

Balance

I’ve said before that the discovery of BDSM has made things that were implicit, explicit. It revealed things that were already there. It illuminated the D/s tendencies that had always been within my relationship (which I’ve written about under #sccwriting). 

It gave me words. Words for my struggles (overthinking brain, too much, sub-frenzy). Words for my needs (little space, subspace, structure, rules, accountability, pain, release, relief). Words for my husband (Dominant, Daddy, Sir, Sadist). Words for me (submissive, good girl, masochist, little, princess, Red, GG).

It’s also made some cracks and wounds that were festering below the surface rise to the forefront, making implicit neglect and reliance, explicit taking for granted and overwhelm.

For the last year and a half, my husband has been taking care of me without much of my care in return. We’ve been operating off a really unbalanced hierarchy for even longer than that: My needs. My wants. His needs. His wants. He’s been so focused on me, that it snuck up on him how exhausted he was.

It’s like when you’ve been running on empty for so long, you forget that you haven’t filled the tank and the car just gives out.

Dominants are not invincible. They are human. My husband is human, and he has been supporting, and giving, and sacrificing and pushing himself out of his comfort zone. He has wholeheartedly gone on this journey with me that he never asked for, because parts of it feel right to him too, and because he loves me more than anything and wants to make me happy.

I have taken him for granted.

I have an extremely high touch, helping, exhausting job, and I use ALL of my gas on it. I feel like a powderkeg most of the time, all of the everything inside of me just waiting to explode. I alternate between overthinking and escaping. And I rely on Daddy to take care of me. Sometimes I rely on ONLY Daddy to take care of me. And it isn’t fair.

It is unbalanced.

I am responsible for me. And I am responsible for this human that I choose and love, and belong to. Sometimes I think I’m STILL in sub-frenzy and I need to remember that my OCD makes losing myself really easy. I am responsible for checking myself when I get lost in all of this.

Like@thetriskeliondiaries said in this post- Sir CANNOT be expected to be my therapist. He can’t be the only person taking care of me. I need to take care of me. I’ve relied on him for so much for so long, I’m not even sure he CAN be my caregiver right now.

Daddy doesn’t need a little right now. He needs someone who can carry HIM for a while. He needs a warrior. But that doesn’t change that I need to be a little sometimes, or that sometimes I feel like I have no fight left.

So how do I help us fix our hierarchy? How do I shift the things in my life around to give Daddy the attention he deserves. The reciprocation he should have been getting all along.

I’ll tell you what I did that was not helpful- overcorrecting. Wallowing in the shame of not being a good wife, of being too demanding, of still wanting things that hurt him. Guilt for flirting and playing and feeling, for not noticing that permission granted wasn’t real, for hurting everyone involved by my inattention and naivete. 

I tried to give up ALL of my needs so that I could meet his. Then I shamed myself for failing. I tried to force myself to forget the connections I made, the things I craved and received, to pretend like it didn’t happen. Then I shamed myself for failing. I tried to turn my back on D/s and live without acknowledging my submissiveness. Then I shamed myself for failing.

I internalized all of the negative qualities mentioned above as WHO I AM rather than opportunities to learn and be better. I didn’t pay attention, and that was bad, but I AM NOT BAD. I am still intrinsically a good girl, and swinging the pendulum all the way to the other side is no less selfish than what happened in the first place, because I’m still making it ALL ABOUT ME. 

It was still unbalanced.

So Sir told me to shut up, and to stop. He smacked my face, kissed me, and we talked.  He got me out of my negative head space and we came to some conclusions: 

Two things he will do: 

1.) Tuck me in every night and give me something for release and support. That could be a spanking, a fucking, listening to music while cuddling, words of praise and reassurance, etc… (credit to @comicbookj82and@i-am-dubs, and their rolemodeling of their dynamic and this idea).

2.) Get the girl out of her head. When I start follow the rabbit down the hole, he’ll tell me to shut up, and do something to make me, and keep me from unproductive, spiral talking (credit to @reflectedtruthsblogforthese words.) 

Three things I will do: 

1.) I will use free time to find a new, less stressful job, back in our home state, so that we can go back to our support system, and back to easier access to nature, less noise and less people. 

2.) I will re-engage all of the practices I have to take care of myself that I’ve dropped in the last couple of months.

3.) I will focus on patience and centering myself in us, in reality, rather than Tumblr and utopian D/s. 

We’ve recommitted to each other, to reciprocity, to learning more and growing more, to finding balance in what works for us.

Change is how you make progress and I have faith that our love, commitment, honesty and devotion will always get us there.

A wonderfully intimate view, thank you.

Devotional Training: Truisms.

thetriskeliondiaries:

Recently I’ve had conversations with three separate submissives, all in the same vein of conversation: the desire to talk to their Dominant/Daddy/Sir/Master about things that aren’t working in their relationship or dynamic, and their fear that it won’t be received well. 

In fact, all three of them have expressed a legitimate concern that they would actually lose their dynamic if they voiced their concerns to their Dominant partner. 

This, to me, is a red flag. 

Dominance and submission is, as I have said before, a dance. It is a power exchange. Note the use of that word: exchange. Give and take. Push and pull. Left and right. Lead and follow. 

Something has to be given to be taken, and when a facet is missing, the dance is a stumble, a drag, a collapse. And someone ends up being dragged across the floor on their face, bleeding and frightened. 

{This can apply to any part of the power exchange, of course, but as a submissive myself, I’m addressing specifically when it happens to us.}

I have heard “dominants” express the following: “asking me to make changes or telling me you don’t like how I’m handling things is topping from the bottom and it’s a sign of a poor submissive.”

No. Wrong. Try again. 

Topping from the bottom is when a submissive uses manipulation to get what they want from their Dominant. It is a method of dishonesty and one I find appalling. 

But attempting to sit down with their Dominant and lay out needs, desires, fears, and concerns about the dynamic and what needs to change for their own mental/physical/emotional health as a person and as a submissive? That is not “topping from the bottom.” That is called being in a relationship. That is called being a human being who is exchanging their power and who deserves a great deal of care and keeping to make sure that this exchange does not turn into abuse. 

I am one to believe that emotional abuse happens in D/s relationships almost more than physical abuse. There doesn’t tend to be a safe word when emotional lines are crossed, when submissives are left feeling alone or silenced because “that’s how it works.” And maybe there should be. 

This is why I am a huge supporter of meta talks, of Dominants and submissives sitting down (as Sir and R, not just as T— and R—-) and working out questions, thoughts, and concerns in a non-scene but still D/s mentality. 

• Dominants: your submissive is giving a massive part of themselves to you. You are opening doors that very few people, if any, ever get to open. You are witness to emotions, desires, feelings, and fears that may never have seen the light of day before you entered their lives. 
  

You cannot silence them because you are the boss. That turns you into an abuser, not a Dominant. That strips your authority and your footing away and shows you as an insecure manipulator using the power you have over this person to get your way despite what emotion wreckage is lingering under the surface. 

• Submissives: your Dominant has to hear from you. They are not mind-readers. They are not psychic. You have to share your heart when they ask to hear it. If you are in a situation where you are terrified that you will lose the relationship or that they will react in physical or emotional anger or intimidation over your need to be heard? That is a red flag that cannot must not must never be ignored. 
  

Power exchanges require word exchanges. 

Power exchanges require emotional work. 

Power exchanges require talking, listening, communication, sharing, openness, and trust. 

Without those things? 

You’re just a big man with a stick standing over a frightened little girl. 

Devotional Training: Truism.

chaos-doll:

… almost never reference the word BIMBO.

The cold hard truth is that being of below average intelligence, having cosmetically enhanced features and living a sexually objectified lifestyle are not the traits of a niche kink. They are ubiquitous aspects of popular culture.

Just take a moment to look at reality television, look at the people that make the biggest headlines, have the most social media followers, etc. They are bitchy, vapid, self serving and entirely uninterested in anything that doesn’t gratify them… and the world loves them for that.

The masses adore gossip, hedonism and depravity… for every person watching a show like the Kardashians or Real Housewives ironically, there are dozens more watching in the hope that they too will someday be just like the people on the screen. Shallow but adored, famous for being famous.

You can see similar effects in the music industry, pop music is the obvious example but it’s even evident in musical styles like hip-hop. A genre that was built on counter-cultural and anti-establishment messages that is now a virtual smorgasbord of glorified greed and overt sexualization.

Being the gothy girl I am, I used to be the sort to rage against this sort of stuff, I used to hate the mainstream and it’s need to dumb down and sexualize everything..

But I get it now..

It took discovering bimbofication and hypnosis to understand the appeal of it all. It took a moment of turning my mind off to realize just how mindless our society is, it took being blissfully ignorant to understand why the masses idolize ignorant and glamorous people.

In my day-to-day existence I pay too much attention to the world. The news and classes wear me down emotionally, slowly eroding my optimism. I am far too geopolitically aware for my own good. I spend most of my day stressed out, over-thinking, worried about a million things. It’s soul crushing…

Awhile back I did an experiment where I watched nothing but a certain reality show for a week straight.. and by the end I was invested in the characters, I cared about the girls and I was totally emotionally attached to them. After my initial repulsion to the genre, following their individual stories gave me this bliss, this serene feeling of ignorance to anything outside the bubble of that show..

Now, months later, I don’t remember a single damn name from the show, but in that moment when I was binge watching seasons, I was was completely enthralled.

And so I understand now why people live in the moment, it might be fleeting but sometimes its the only way people can escape the negativity of the world. I realize now that it’s okay to say fuck the consequences, fuck the haters. It’s okay to just enjoy being yourself and enjoy making people love you.

It’s okay to turn your mind off.

So when you are looking for ways to be a better bimbo, remember you aren’t limited to tumblr, IRC or hypnosis files. There is a whole world of really really dumbed down media out there for you to absorb. It might not have Bimbofication written on the label, but that’s exactly what it is.

Devotional Training: Food for thought.

thetriskeliondiaries:

Recently I’ve had conversations with three separate submissives, all in the same vein of conversation: the desire to talk to their Dominant/Daddy/Sir/Master about things that aren’t working in their relationship or dynamic, and their fear that it won’t be received well. 

In fact, all three of them have expressed a legitimate concern that they would actually lose their dynamic if they voiced their concerns to their Dominant partner. 

This, to me, is a red flag. 

Dominance and submission is, as I have said before, a dance. It is a power exchange. Note the use of that word: exchange. Give and take. Push and pull. Left and right. Lead and follow. 

Something has to be given to be taken, and when a facet is missing, the dance is a stumble, a drag, a collapse. And someone ends up being dragged across the floor on their face, bleeding and frightened. 

{This can apply to any part of the power exchange, of course, but as a submissive myself, I’m addressing specifically when it happens to us.}

I have heard “dominants” express the following: “asking me to make changes or telling me you don’t like how I’m handling things is topping from the bottom and it’s a sign of a poor submissive.”

No. Wrong. Try again. 

Topping from the bottom is when a submissive uses manipulation to get what they want from their Dominant. It is a method of dishonesty and one I find appalling. 

But attempting to sit down with their Dominant and lay out needs, desires, fears, and concerns about the dynamic and what needs to change for their own mental/physical/emotional health as a person and as a submissive? That is not “topping from the bottom.” That is called being in a relationship. That is called being a human being who is exchanging their power and who deserves a great deal of care and keeping to make sure that this exchange does not turn into abuse. 

I am one to believe that emotional abuse happens in D/s relationships almost more than physical abuse. There doesn’t tend to be a safe word when emotional lines are crossed, when submissives are left feeling alone or silenced because “that’s how it works.” And maybe there should be. 

This is why I am a huge supporter of meta talks, of Dominants and submissives sitting down (as Sir and R, not just as T— and R—-) and working out questions, thoughts, and concerns in a non-scene but still D/s mentality. 

• Dominants: your submissive is giving a massive part of themselves to you. You are opening doors that very few people, if any, ever get to open. You are witness to emotions, desires, feelings, and fears that may never have seen the light of day before you entered their lives. 
  

You cannot silence them because you are the boss. That turns you into an abuser, not a Dominant. That strips your authority and your footing away and shows you as an insecure manipulator using the power you have over this person to get your way despite what emotion wreckage is lingering under the surface. 

• Submissives: your Dominant has to hear from you. They are not mind-readers. They are not psychic. You have to share your heart when they ask to hear it. If you are in a situation where you are terrified that you will lose the relationship or that they will react in physical or emotional anger or intimidation over your need to be heard? That is a red flag that cannot must not must never be ignored. 
  

Power exchanges require word exchanges. 

Power exchanges require emotional work. 

Power exchanges require talking, listening, communication, sharing, openness, and trust. 

Without those things? 

You’re just a big man with a stick standing over a frightened little girl. 

Devotional Training: Good Communication.

pleasurewhore:

We hear a lot about what the ideal Dom should look like. I probably see at least one post a day on my feed about what to expect of a prospective Dom. I don’t wish to discount that advice, but I’d like to talk about the flip side of that equation.

Perhaps you have a vision of the perfect Dominant. He’s professional, successful, intelligent, self controlled. He respects you, he puts your needs above his desires, etc. The inevitable next question for the thoughtful sub naturally becomes this: Do you deserve him?

Below are a few of the qualities that I believe make a submissive worthy of the sort of man that Tumblr encourages us to seek. I will be talking about a male Dom/ female sub dynamic, because that is the dynamic I know, and the sort of relationship I am in.

Please make no mistake, I am by no means a perfect sub. In fact, I have a slew of past punishments as evidence to the contrary. I struggle with some of the points below. Being a sub worth owning doesn’t stop because I am owned. I work every day to be deserving of ownership. Some days I fail, and some I succeed. Sometimes I look at the things below and I worry that I’ll never truly be worthy of him. However, as I like to say, your best is always enough. Perfection isn’t the goal, but effort is.

I hope that this list can offer others some perspective. I was lucky enough to have a very experienced, and very generous, Dom take time to help me evaluate these things about myself, and for those who lack that resource I hope that this can help.

1. She does not NEED a Dom, she WANTS a Dom. She is not waiting for a knight in shining armor. She has her shit together. No, this doesn’t mean she’s perfect but she isn’t a complete mess. Things might not look as orderly as they would with his direction, but you shouldn’t have the feeling that everything is always falling apart.

2. She knows what she’s looking for. Know what your ideal Dom looks like. Is he an outdoorsman? Does he share your love of reading? Does he love to travel as much as you? Yes, kink-match is a thing too. If you’re poly, then finding someone who can appreciate that about you is important. If you’re a masochist, you’re likely going to be looking for a sadist. But if your primary criteria read like a laundry list of sex acts then you may want to reevaluate what’s really important to you in the long run.

3. She is constantly learning/bettering herself. Learning is a life long endeavor. Maybe she’s in school, or perhaps she’s an avid reader. Maybe she is a fledgling submissive soaking up as much as she can about the lifestyle, or perhaps she’s training for a marathon. Show your future Dominant that you can put forth an effort, that you can learn, and that you can stick to something.

4. She knows her worth and values herself. You probably heard at least once growing up about what a gift your virginity was, and how important it was to save that for a person deserving of that gift. Your submission is an even greater gift. You are giving the whole of yourself to another person. Know what that’s worth. Remind yourself of all your wonderful traits. List the things you can bring to a relationship. If you’re struggling, try asking some good friends what your strongest quality is. You may be surprised to find out how others see you, and chances are that they see you as more beautiful and valuable than you’re able to see yourself. Try to step into their shoes and remember that you have something to offer, and that you are indeed deserving of affection, respect, and attention.

5. She is self aware. Being perfect is an unobtainable goal, but being conscious of your flaws and working to resolve them is a mark of emotional maturity. Strive to be the best version of yourself. Let yourself off the hook when you fail, because we all do. But if you can’t think of a single flaw that you are currently working on, then it may be time to take a good hard look in the proverbial mirror.

6. She isn’t afraid to ask for what she deserves. You’ve spent time and effort becoming a person worth owning, don’t settle for someone who doesn’t deserve you. Evaluating a new Dom is a daunting task. Holding the reigns in that initial stage is an awkward thing for submissive, but the reward is so very worth the effort. Be honest with yourself about your prospective partner. You should be able to list a few of his flaws. If you think he doesn’t have any, then you’re not looking hard enough. It’s healthy to accept someone’s flaws, or even to find them endearing, but pretending they don’t exist is doing yourself a disservice.

Devotional Training: Truisms.

a-daddys-search:

Too many times I have witnessed this first hand, an inexperienced sub and an experienced Dom interacting… As she is not his, he shows respect.  Since he also shows concern for her safety, she assumes he is not a “real Dom” and bolts until she finds a “Twue Dom” (predator) that barks orders non-stop and has not a lick of care for her safety or well being.

If you are a sub, new to the lifestyle, regardless how much you want to jump right in (sub frenzy is a real thing, know it and learn it) do NOT throw away the gift of a Dom that is watching out for you by taking it slow. Educating you. Teaching you how to protect yourself.

If you are new, and he knows it, how he responds to your questions is EVERYTHING. If he takes the time to help you understand… Yayy for YOU! If he brushes the questions aside and shifts to anything (and everything) about HIM… run.

His showing you respect, before you submit to him, is the critical tell as to if he respects you as a human being. This is a great litmus test to where he sits on the Dom/Predator scale.

Devotional Training.

1-sadistic-lover:

I am constantly amazed and dismayed at how often the concept of submission is equated to weakness. So many so called “Dominants” truly believe that a submissive is somehow “less than” because they choose to submit. It is one of the primary misconceptions surrounding BD/sM and I am deeply ashamed of the reputation these self-absorbed  ass-hat wanna-be Doms have given legitimate D/s relationships.

A sub IS NOT INFERIOR. My sub is fond of stroking my ego (its huge and needs lots of attention). When she does this for me, however, I make a point to remind her that much of the perceived greatness she alludes to is supported if not outright created by her, my sub.

I explained it to her like this, and I thought it might be useful to share:

As you are walking through forest, you encounter mighty Oak tree. It stands tall and strong and is very impressive to look at. Its branches reach to the sky and its leaves soak up the sun. EVERYONE can see how majestic the Oak tree is. This is the DOM.

Beneath that mighty Oak, there lies a powerful system of roots, every bit as large and impressive as the oak’s canopy. In fact while the mighty Oak is soaking up the sun, it is the roots that are holding everything together and keeping the Oak standing. They are the unseen strength of the Oak and while they sit beneath the Oak, unseen, the oak would be nothing without them.  This is the submissive.

It is a small but vital shift in the way one views D/s. Please take this to heart if you are considering entering a D/s relationship.

Under, not less than. Hidden, not weak.

Just a friendly reminder, if you had forgotten.

Devotional Training.

acelticlady:

swallowmywords-tastemythoughts:

10 things a submissive needs but won’t say out loud / beautiful bond — it’s a beautiful bond

1. Please touch us

Cuddle us, spoon us, grab the small of our backs. Kiss our foreheads and make us feel small. We crave your hands all over us. We love them no matter where they happen to land—be that on our asses or up our skirts.

Just. Touch. Us. It reminds us that we’re yours.

2. Take pride in us

Relish in the fact that we’re yours—that we belong to you and no one else. Smile when we enter the room because you know we’re walking toward you. It lets us know you care. It makes us want to be better for you.

3. Let us cry

When we are sad or angry, or pissed the hell off. When we drink too much…especially when we drink too much, let us cry our eyes out. Let us be messes, with mascara running down our cheeks and pints of ice cream in our hands. Let us be okay with not being okay once in a while. This one requires no action from you, just that you be okay with it when it happens.

4. Forgive

Despite how hard we try, we will make mistakes. We will fuck things up, say things wrong, do things crazy, and when that happens we need you to forgive us. We’re not talking immediate forgiveness, or that a price won’t often be paid for it, but forgiveness that comes eventually. We need to know that the slate has been wiped clean, all trespasses have been forgiven…and when it happens, don’t forget to let us know. See number 5.

5. Communicate…. often!

We need this.. If we don’t discuss something, it will fester in our brains forever, eventually driving us crazy. A three minute conversation could ease hours of worry for us once an uneasy feeling sets in. If that can be prevented with a few sentences, please take the time to speak them. Honestly, like two seconds of your time could stop our heads from exploding….and you don’t want to clean up that mess, do you?

6. We want you to make us feel pretty

Not that you don’t make us feel super sexy pretty darn often, but once in a while, it’s good to actually hear. Tell us our ass looks great in our yoga pants, that our hair looks especially shiny today. Tell us you like our new boots. Notice something small and compliment us about it, and our hearts will swell for days. Compliments let us know what it’s like to look through your eyes. Those are glimpses of the world we don’t often get to see.

7. It’s the little things

Some of these are sounding cliche, but are just so fucking true. Sure, your big gestures of grandeur are admired, but it is often the small things that get our cheeks turning red. Leave a note on the mirror in the morning telling us to have a great day. Sit next to us during a movie you have no desire to see. Take the dog out in the morning so we can sleep in for an extra 10 minutes, remember what ice cream we prefer to eat when we cry. If you do these things, we’re yours for life.

8. Remember things

Speaking of little things, try to remember them. Things like how we take our coffee and the name of that bitchy girl who sits next to us at work. Remember anything. Three weeks from now, bust out some silly story we told you over dinner one evening in great detail. Remember something we’d never expect you to store into your internal drive. Remember our first concert together, and our best friend from kindergarten’s name. The more obscure the better.

9. Deal with us

When we’re singing in the car. When we drink too much wine. When we completely melt down. Deal with our pasts, and when we don’t feel pretty. Deal with our stretch marks and insecurities, our early bedtimes and exhaustion. Deal with our mood, and how we load the dishwasher the wrong way. These things silently tell us that you’ll be by our sides regardless of how nerdy, silly or utterly hopeless we can get.

Finally, the most important thing we need from you that we’ll never say out loud:

10. Be the most stable thing in our lives

Be stronger than us. Be the one person in our world that won’t turn on us or walk away. When life becomes scary and confusing, and we just need something solid to hold onto, please be our anchor. It’s because of you that our awful days are easier to get through. Don’t be perfect. Just be there. It’s the only real requirement on this list.

❤️❤️truth indeed

Devotional Training.