tinymoogledancer:

8. Aureus

8.

Dare’.

Sweeting, I…but what words can I say, truly?

I can think of none. No apology would be enough. I’d beg forgiveness if I knew that would…but it will not. I fear nothing will assuage your grief.

It’s been 4 days, little love. 4 days, and you have neither eaten nor drank anything. Is this what you meant by having no hope? You lie there, prostate before me, like a dead thing. Indeed, something died within you that day, did it not?

You do not yet know, nor understand the bond I…what would you call it? It was not accidental, exactly.

Hmm…haphazard. Yes.

The bond I haphazardly made when I kissed you…it’s the only thing keeping you alive right now.

And the reason for that is because you are…not draining, but…ah. Siphoning. You are siphoning my strength, and I…I have never felt these feelings before.

You see, little love…I can feel what you feel.

I confess I…I have never felt things like hunger or thirst before. I have never felt humiliation, nor grief, nor guilt quite like this. So overwhelming. It crushes me.

And well it should, I agree, after what he did.

What…we did. Have done.

We never should have come back.

Seeing you lay there and not caring when I touched you…it confused and worried me. You usually fight back. You yell, or have a witty retort on tiny, delicate lips.

Now…nothing.

Not even when I stroked your back with my finger. Not even when I lifted you up and sat in front of the hearth. Well, it may not be a hearth as you understand it, but it is a source of heat, light, and comfort, especially in the Winter weather this part of the world.

I settled there with you, and…again, what else could I have said?

All I could do was cradle you against me, and say I am sorry.

And I am. It was my fault. All of it.

T’was my fault my brother killed her.

You likely don’t know that part. Or that I am the youngest of twenty-four. Or that I will have to face my father tomorrow.

He will punish me, and quite severely, at that. True, he did violate one of our laws involving Lessers.

We do not eat the ones with whom we can converse and mate. That is, those who are nearly on par with us in intelligence, or have the potential, at least.

My brother told me of a black market where that went on anyway. I had no idea that he actually encouraged it, or helped to run it, until after I saw him…do what he did.

Now I know why it nobody else seemed surprised or outraged by the…news.

Fascinating word, news: North. East. West. South. Clever, so clever of you adorable beings!

My father likely knew.

And chose to do nothing.

Why?

Because he loved his son.

His son. The Crown Prince; that’s what you would call him.

I must face my father tomorrow, little love. I fear I may be separated from you forever. If that happens, we will both die.

For now, I am grateful to have you with me, if just for a little while. Just a little while, Myne heart, let me sit here with you on my chest. Let me pet you an hour more.

At last, I hear your cries. Your entire body quivers under my hand. Such anguish you must have held within!

You can’t stop. I am trying to hold still for you, but I can feel your sorrow as though it t'were myne…mine. That was why I too, have tears.

That, and fear, such as I have never known.

We never should have come back.

I am so sorry.

Forever your servant,

Aureus

(Ah, that is the closest translation to my name, actually. And it means Golden, as You said my eyes are like. I pray you find that more fitting, little love.)