A great way to get a submissive to stay in line is to humiliate them when they’ve done something wrong. There are several ways to go about this, depending on your dynamic and kinks, but it’s an effective and amusing way to get the message across.
Clothing RestrictionClothing restriction can be done both domestically and in public. Restriction can be as much as not allowing any clothing (in legal or private settings), ordering a certain amount of skin be showing, or choosing a specific outfit or collar for the submissive. For shy submissives, clothing restriction can be intense. This is an especially good punishment for submissives who have said negative comments about their bodies.DiaperingFor ABDL or little submissives, this can either be a reward or a punishment. Depending on the comfort level with diapers, they can be used as a punishment that ties into humiliation. Making them relieve themselves in only the diaper for a set amount of time or wearing it around the house as their only clothing can be very humiliating for some people.SissificationSissification is a kink that is most common in submissive men. It’s the act of dolling a man up like a girl and humiliating him based on his presentation as such. This can be very effective for some people but can be very problematic to others. Be careful not to use this kink as punishment with trans or gender non-conforming subs without their explicit consent, as it can very easily trigger dysphoria and cause severe emotional problems. Public HumiliationPublic humiliation can be done in any subtle way that embarrasses a submissive without breaking any obvious laws. Some examples include making them wear an anal plug or remote-controlled vibrator to dinner, public leashing, or making them kneel at social gatherings. Work this idea into the submissive’s specific kinks and limits to be sure it’s just enough to embarrass them, without making them unbearably uncomfortable.
Orgasm Control
Orgasm control is simply that–controlling the submissive’s orgasms. Most of these types of punishments are used for submissives who break rules about orgasms, be it without permission or when they were told not to touch themselves. Controlling orgasms is an amusing way to teach the submissive who their orgasms belong to.
EdgingEdging is the act of getting your partner right to the edge of orgasm, then denying them release. This can be done multiple times, even in short amounts of time. It’s a little psychological torture, best for those who cum without permission.Toy RestrictionFor a submissive, like myself, who is accustomed to using toys during masturbation or play, toy restriction is a very effective punishment. This is especially good for submissives who have a difficult time reaching orgasm without toys, as it makes things very frustrating very quickly. An evil punishment may even combine toy restrictions with a quota of orgasms for the day that they must reach in order to get off restriction. Desperation will sink in very quickly and this lesson will be easily learned.Forced OrgasmsForced orgasm is another great punishment for submissives who cum without permission. It turns a great sensation into a torturous experience very quickly. This is especially great with toys like the Hitachi or a Sybian. Focus on a goal–either for number of orgasms, or a specific amount of time. An hour spent riding a Hitachi can really be the most agonizing thing for some people due to heightened sensitivity after each orgasm. DenialDenial is the complete opposite of forced orgasms. It’s like edging, but there is no orgasm at the end of the scene. This can be doing while using toys and not allowing the person to orgasm or it can be done by restriction orgasms or even touching oneself for a longer period of time.ChastityChastity, much like denial, is the refusal of orgasms. However, with chastity, the submissive is completely unable to touch themselves, even if they wanted to. Devices for people with penises and vaginas are available to purchase online to assure your submissive is following orders properly.
Domestic Discipline
Domestic discipline includes things that can be done within the home. Some of these include behaviour modifications or restrictions. While some of these can be done outside the home, these are good examples of things for couples who live together can do for punishments.
ChoresChores not only benefit the entire household, but they can also be an effective punishment for unruly subs. Added chores can be especially fun if you make her clean the bathroom with a toothbrush or make him do dishes with nipple clamps on. Combine with other punishments for your amusement!Furniture RestrictionEspecially fun for people into pet-play, furniture restriction involves limiting where the submissive can sit or lie down. Require that they sit on the ground instead of the couches or sleep on the floor next to the bed if they’ve been defiant.CagingAnother good one for pets, especially. Caging can be used to make the submissive reflect on their reasons for being punished. Be sure to use a cage small enough to confine them, but still large enough so they aren’t going to hurt themselves by spending too much time in the cage.BedtimeA great one for littles! Bedtimes are good for college students who don’t do their homework, or easily distracted adults with work to do. Set up rules that require all obligations get done and enforce an early bedtime to be sure they are well-rested (and easily frustrated) when they don’t follow these rules.Time-OutAnother punishment for reflection. Time-outs are good for brats and littles because it makes them analyze what they did wrong. Put them in a corner or a special "time-out chair" so they know they are being punished. Increase the time or add in other punishments if they break rules more than once.Sensory DeprivationSensory deprivation is a lot like time-out, but can be used for added psychological torment. Plug the submissive’s ears or use headphones, blindfold them, bind them to a bed or chair, and completely ignore them for a set about of time. This desensitizes them and not only makes them reflect on their reasons for punishment, but makes it very uncomfortable, assuring they won’t want to end up in isolation again.ObjectificationObjectification is fun for Dominants who like their submissives in service to them during punishment. Make them kneel and become your footstool or coffee table while you watch TV or catch up on work. This is even better when you make them do it completely naked and/or in front of guests.Dietary RestrictionIf a submissive has done something against the rules, you can make them follow a strict diet. This is especially useful for those using behaviour modification to lose or gain weight. However, be careful to ensure the submissive is still getting enough nutrition. For littles, see how much they want to be a brat after you take away their dessert privilege. For pets, try making them eat out of a bowl on the floor for each meal.Speech RestrictionFor disrespectful submissives, punish them by taking away their right to a personal pronoun, making them refer to themselves as "this girl," "Your slut," "Master’s puppy boy," or anything else you want to use. You can also make it a rule that they must refer to you by your Dominant title at all times, even in public. Having to remember their restrictions on speech will keep them thinking about their punishment all day.
Corporal Punishment
Corporal punishment is enforcement by physical contact. These types of punishments involve pain, which is a tricky subject for punishing. Typically, pain punishments don’t work as well to change behaviour, especially if the submissive is also a masochist. Be sure to carefully choose what kind of pain if you’re going with one of these methods.
ImpactIf your submissive likes thuddy pain, use stingy pain. If they like stingy pain, use thuddy. Push their limits carefully, but make it clear this is a punishment and not for fun. Have them apologize as you strike them. Tell them why they are being punished and make it clear that they are to be good and learn from their mistakes. Rice KneelingKneeling on uncooked rice is an age-old technique that leaves painful marks. Be careful with time, as this can scar if done for long periods of time or used constantly. Be present during this to be sure the submissive can take it and listen carefully for safewords. Use this as a time out or have them recite an apology to you as you do this.FiggingFigging is done by carving a plug out of ginger and inserting into the anus. This causes a stinging pain that ranges in intensity depending on the person. Frozen ginger is a milder form of this punishment.
Writing Assignments
Writing assignments are usually meant to bore a submissive into obedience. Whether it’s writing lines or a random homework assignment, the punishment focuses on making it undesirable for the submissive to misbehave.
LinesWriting lines is effective if you use it reflectively. For example, for a submissive who is disrespectful, you can have him write, "I will always be polite around my Sir," a hundred times. For a submissive who cums without permission, you can order, "I will ask permission from Mistress before I cum," until they fill up five pages. What’s even more fun is making them be stuffed with a toy or on their knees with nipple clamps on while they write.Apology LetterAn apology letter is a simple task meant to make the submissive think about what they have done, analyze why it was wrong, and have them apologize formally by writing it down. Have them read their letter to you our loud or crumple it up and put in their their underwear for that added perk of remembering all day that they were punished.EssayAn essay is a good assignment for submissives who don’t seem to understand their rules. Make them come up with reasons as to why these rules are in place and write a formal essay about the reasoning and purpose of these rules. Making them analyze the fact that this is for their benefit will remind them that rules are not just there to be mean, but to guide them to healthier behaviour.HomeworkEspecially fun for people with school girl or teacher fantasies, assign a random homework assignment. Ever wonder about a certain subject but never have time to actually research it? Assign a paper to your submissive about a subject of your choosing and have them report back to you–because knowledge is power! Grade their paper and reward/punish again as necessary for the quality of their work.
It’s important to remember that reinforcements are also important in addition to punishments. When your submissive follows directions, reward them. Give them a treat or praise them and thank them for being so good. If you mix positive reinforcement with punishments when necessary, they’re sure to be trained in no time!
Punishments do NOT negate the right to a safeword. Some people are mislead into dangerous situations by being told they cannot safeword during a punishment. This is completely untrue. All parties have a right to safeword at any time during any kind of play or punishment. Taking away the right to safeword equates to abuse, plain and simple. Don’t evertell your partner they cannot safeword or ignore their safeword for the sake of punishment. This is not effective and is extremely harmful to your partner’s mental and/or physical well-being.
NEVER punish out of anger. Anger is never a healthy motivation for punishment. Punishments are meant for the submissive’s benefit, at the core. If the submissive’s behaviour has made the Dominant angry, they should have a cooling-off period where they can calm down, think about an appropriate punishment, and resolve the matter at a later time, after healthy discussion about what happened.
Limits are NOT to be used as punishments. Many people have activities they don’t particularly enjoy that aren’t on their limits list. Some people have specific ideas for punishments that suit them best. However, regardless of you or your partner’s experience with punishments, it needs to be understood that hard limits are not punishments. Hard limits are never to be used for punishment’s sake because "hard limit" means "I do not want to do this under any circumstance." Using a hard limit as a punishment would be an abusive act, as hard limits come with an automatic safeword attached, since they are specificly stated as things the person does not feel comfortable with. Never, ever, threaten or use hard limits to punish a submissive.
Use healthy discretion. This one should seem obvious, but don’t follow through with punishments if rule-breaking was out of the submissive’s control. Say the submissive has a 11PM bedtime, but they recently suffered a trauma or loss and can’t sleep. Let them engage in healthy coping skills instead of punishing them for something they aren’t doing on purpose. Above all else, make safety and well-being a priority.
Make the punishment fit the crime. Punishments that are relative to the defiance are much more effective at changing the behaviour than random punishments. For example, if the submissive cums without permission, try a punishment from the "orgasm control" section. This will better reinforce the reasoning in the submissive and more effectively guide them to make better choices in the future. There are also punishments that work best for specific dynamics like for littles or pets, so be sure to read into those, below.
Aftercare is absolutely required. Like any kind of play, aftercare is required at the end of the scene. This is especially important during punishments because often times, the submissive is consumed with feelings of guilt and disappointment. After a punishment, Dominants need to give their submissives aftercare that includes a conversation about why they were punished, how proud the Dominant is for them taking the punishment so well, and that there are no negative feelings between them. The submissive should leave the punishment scene feeling forgiven for their mistakes and proud of themselves for making things right with their Dominant. Do not leave your submissive alone after a punishment without aftercare, ever! This is highly abusive and can seriously harm your partner.
A major part of many kinky dynamics is a focus on discipline. While "discipline" can be a fun part of your everyday activities, it can also mean something more specific in terms of punishment. "Punishment" differs from the general sense of discipline in that it has a specific goal to focus on that changes a submissive’s behaviour.
Many people engage in what can be called "funishment,"–punishment-type activities, like regular spankings or other forms of play, that are not meant to alter the behaviour of the submissive but rather to provide enjoyment to either/both/all parties. However, it is important to distinguish the difference between playful discipline and serious punishments. Punishments are consequences of negative actions, whether this is based on officially-written regulations or unspoken general behaviours like brattiness, defiance, or dangerous behaviours.
The idea of punishment is based largely on psychological research in the area of behaviourism. It consists of techniques that are supported by science to effectively alter the behaviour of an individual. (If you want to learn more about the research behind punishments, look up B. F. Skinner’s work in this area.)
Two types of punishments exist: positive punishments, which add undesired consequences to the behaviour, and negative punishments, which take away desired privileges.
Now, before I get into some specific ideas for punishments, there are some important key points I’d like to make. Please be sure to read all of these before deciding on a specific punishment.
The constant theme in femdom seems to be seeing submissive males as somehow an inferior type of human being compared to other men. Now, I do understand why this can turn people on. The level of power exchange can make a woman feel superior, and using that feeling of power to degrade a submissive into thinking he’s worthless is very easy to do. Since her dominance is what he craves, the idea of being degraded by her is a turn on for him because it caters to his core desire to submit, even if that means believing he’s worthless.
While it may be a turn on, it really doesn’t make for a healthy relationship. It’s not something that we can turn into a lifestyle that doesn’t lead to arrests, or abuse. The sad part about it is, this portrayal of female dominance is often seen as the only version that can exist. Many submissive males try to approach women by throwing themselves at their feet saying how worthless they are, and all it does is come off as desperate and creepy. Because it’s simply not practical. As a result we have submissive males living as lost souls having no idea how to be accepted in this world. We can make fun of them and call them betas and tell them that’s exactly how they’re supposed to be. But it’s a lie.
If we can get around this view of femdom, and take a look it from another perspective, we can perhaps, start to see another version of female dominance that can work for both partners, without the negative mental health effects. Because there is a way of having a beautiful relationship, when you take the qualities a submissive male is offering, and put them to good use, rather than beat them down.
Lets take a look at what a submissive male is offering. First of all, the most important thing to realize about submissive males, is that they realize they are not like conventional men. I don’t want to say normal men, because what is normal? Everything is normal depending upon the perspective. Conventional men have their own agenda and do their down thing. But submissive males, go the opposite way. Rather than wanting to conquer women, they want to honor women without conquering. They understand that they don’t want to be like the conventional man, instead, they want to be as supportive as possible, to the woman he deems most worthy in his life.
This means, submissive males want to not only understand their partner, but they also want to participate in everything to do with their partner. Which is completely foreign to most relationships. It’s an entire level of intimacy that simply doesn’t ever enter a conventional relationship. Most conventional relationships have power struggles and decision making arguments. But a submissive male doesn’t want these issues, the barter system is no longer an issue. He wants what she wants. Let me say that again, because conventional relationships never see this kind of devotion. He wants what she wants.
It’s not just that he wants what she wants, he needs what she wants. Every single time she makes a decision for him, he feels incredible, he feels like it’s exactly as it should be, because her pleasure, sexual or non sexual, brings him joy. He wants to shower her with attention, and support her in every way, as much as she’ll let him. Yet most women have no idea how far and how deep they can allow him in, because he’ll want to go as far as he can without making her feel uncomfortable.
He wants to bring as much value to her life as he possibly can. He will bring more value the more she allows him into her feminine world. It’s really up to her how much value she wants him to bring to the relationship. This can be a practical relationship that can lead to a very strong D/s dynamic that never has to lead to abuse or degradation or any kind of mentally / physically unhealthy qualities. It can truly be a lifestyle where a woman can truly let a man into her life, and trust him with the utmost integrity and feel completely safe knowing he is dedicated and devoted to her forever. How many conventional relationships have that?
This is why submissive males have value. Utilize that value in the right way, and submissive males will only fall deeper into loving submission. Respect the value they bring to the relationship by using that value and appreciating that value, while she always maintains and happily remains his dominant leader. Submissive males want to feel just as safe as women do. The feeling of being safe with another is something that should be treasured and not degraded.
Which is why I wrote my Practical FLR series. Volume 1 talks about the lifestyle and many different aspects of it, while volume 2 talks more specifically about how to create an incredible sex life with a D/s dynamic.
