“Hanoi 6” by Unknown Mortal Orchestra // IC-01 Hanoi (Out 10/26 via Jagjaguwar)

The end of October sees the release of another new album from Unknown Mortal Orchestra. This time around the band has gone instrumental, constructing shadowy soundscapes that layer on precise, math rock-esque percussion to create a jarringly intense framework that is then developed by lush guitars and icy synths. The lead single, “Hanoi 6” is further proof that UMO are some of the most exciting and adventurous musicians in the game at this moment. Highly recommended.

multi-love checked into my heart and trashed it like a hotel room

it is finally over. 

inaprilhe crossed my boundaries: he was verbally and physically aggressive to me, while his family was visiting and sleeping two doors away from our room. i threw my phone, wallet and my stuffed animal in a bag, and took an uber to my parents in the middle of the night. after pressure from my parents (“it is rude towards his family”), i returned home after two nights where a theatrical sequence of denial, pleas, lies, played tenderness, threats ensued. 

a complete tiredness and hopelessness took over me. i confided in one friend who knows us both well but lives far away, which seemed like the right amounts of closeness yet distance to the situation. she advised me to take my time to recuperate the strength needed to fully, firmly, and calmly let go of him. she had been worried about me for some time, she confessed.

in the meantime it became may. he was pouring his heart out through text messages and sneaking into the guest and my de facto room at night in tears. same old script. i can recite it word by word.

i went away to the coast, came back with a little orange dog, which made him think that the reset button had been pressed (“we were one, then became three”). the all too predictable mega fight took place. he packed his bag this time, returned after a week, and we lived in limbo for at least another 2 months. 

today he is moving out. on a hot day in july. he has erased me from his life. the break-up was more spiteful and worse than i had anticipated. overall i have felt super relieved and optimistic. ecstatic even. until this weekend, when i finally started mourning the end of something that meant a lot to me, however problematic and unhealthy it has been.

i am seeking peace knowing that i can’t force my desired ending (“it’s sad we didn’t make it work, thanks for the love, it wasn’t easy, a hug, farewell, and all the happiness in the world to you!”) on another person.

i will have to find closure on my own. 

i will have to unlearn his sharp words that i somehow started chanting to myself. 

i will shatter his perception of me as little, unstable, dramatic.

“you, you, you.”

what about me?

I will be fine. 

to end with an insight from the oracle card that i pulled out of the stack last night:

You Are Worth It: The only way that you can accept, respect and love others, is when they accept, respect and love you… By showing what you are worth, this will have an effect on others. When you see yourself in this light, others cannot not help but respond to your sense of self-worth. If you try to love yourself more every day, you will discover how this will give you new energy. You are allowed to walk away from relations that belittle or hurt you. Enjoy and love who you are.