Thank you, thank you and once again thank you! Videnoir.net is now closed and we cannot be thankful enough for your priceless support. We have another ace up our sleeve for 2021 and something exciting is about to happen! We will be unveiling some more details already this week so keep your eyes glued to our social media channels for further updates!! *wink wink* #videnoircouture #videnoir #thankful #closure #comingsoon #gothiclingerie #brb #staytuned #moretocome #fullspeedahead #madeinItaly #reignofthebizarre #wearetheweirdos #goth #gothic #halloweenlingerie #halloweenlifestyle #blooddrips #redhot #todiefor https://www.instagram.com/p/CVviZvtLrAh/?utm_medium=tumblr
Welp, looks like this the end then. NSFW content is getting the boot, art’s in a bit of an ill-defined area I definitely don’t trust them with, so it looks like this blog is done for. Here’s where you can find me:
Please do follow me there, I’d hate to lose everyone who’s been so supportive over the few years I’ve been here. For people I’ve been messaging here, I’ll try to get a Discord link to you, or just send me a message on one of the linked sites. Oh, and I’ll try to grab any requests/questions still in my inbox and salvage them for later.
If they go back on the NSFW purge, I’ll probably stick around, but otherwise:
Just a little update before the purge. Made up my mind, I’ll be closing my blog for good on the 17th, or possibly earlier. I’m done with Tumblr’s bullshit. Even if they don’t cull the NSFW blogs, they’ve already made life miserable for us with their many other changes, and I doubt it’ll get any better. I’m giving it until the 17th just in case there’s a few followers who haven’t seen this yet.
All the old text-only asks have been saved. I’m still going through them all and preparing a nice convenient document, I’ll put it up on my other sites once it’s ready.
More importantly: I’ve made a CuriousCat page for asks! Please follow me and send all your questions over there in the future! https://curiouscat.me/Skeppio
After being abused by a boyfriend I learned that getting closure from someone isn’t always an option. It simply wasn’t safe for me to reach out to him to ask him the questions I wanted answers to for my peace of mind. I didn’t think I could move on without a sense of understanding, but as life went on eventually acceptance replaced confusion and I began to draw closer to peace.
I’ve lived through enough now to know that I won’t always get the answers when I want them, but I find that they’re usually waiting for me somewhere in the future. Going with the flow of life and not ruminating on other people’s motives has shown me that I can experience joy, peace and healing without receiving all the answers. The keys to my wellbeing are in nobody’s hands but my own.
if evermore and folklore were renamed as songs from the album what would you name them (i know evermore is a song on the album..but pick a different one lol)
This is a long entry folks, and it’s about the ongoing story of me and my ex, and this is the final chapter. It’s been an eventful day today involving me and my ex, full of drama, fighting, and then reconciliation. Where to begin…
It started last night. I was on Facebook talking to one of my ex’s friends that I befriended when I visited in PA. She’s a great person, very supportive, and she was hearing out my problems. We were discussing past relationships. Naturally my ex came up in conversation and I was foolish enough to ask details about her that ended up bothering me. On top of that, a post popped up on my news feed. It was one of my ex’s other friends, and she had posted a big paragraph praising her. I’m not proud of what I did, but I lost control and ended up writing quite a passive aggressive comment about her on that post. It was deleted within like 5 minutes, but that didn’t stop my ex from discovering it.
Fast forward to today and when I come home from school, I find my ex has written me on Skype, asking why I had bothered adding her back as a friend and why I said what I said. I tried to shove the incoming argument away, but there was no avoiding it. We ended up fighting and I said all the things to her to that I didn’t say when we broke up. That she was a bitch. That she didn’t have the decency to own up to what she did. That she was a horrible person. Etc.
How childish am I, right?
And when we finally stopped talking to each other, our mutual friend messaged me, as if on cue. I spent the next hour talking with her, telling her what just happened and spilling out my emotions and how I felt about my entire experience with my ex.
It was then I realized that I was doing something that I should have done long ago. When we broke up, I kept everything bottled up. I went into no contact for a month and tried to move on by myself. The sadness dulled, but there was still a little bit of unchecked anger, bitterness, and emotional pain lingering inside me. I had never properly vented these out. Never talked in detail with anyone about how I felt. About what really happened. Now I was there texting away with my friend, her listening to every bit and piece.
I was healing.
When I argued with my ex, I had finally released my leftover anger. When I talked about it all with my friend and listened to her wise words of experience, I left behind my bitterness and my emotional pains. It was then and there that this weight was finally lifted off my shoulders.
I had been the problem all along. I’m a stubborn and arrogant person, and when I lost my ex I had clung onto this brittle sort of hope. I was so arrogant that I told myself I could fix my ex, fix us. Like I had some sort of lesson to teach her. I hadn’t fully moved on, wouldn’t let go. It was so foolish and childish of me. Just because she had hurt me so badly doesn’t mean she deserved to have me attack her the way I did, and hurt her back. In all my arrogance, I had been so angered by her because I thought she was living some glamorous life, and that she hadn’t learned anything from what she did to me. In reality, she had lost practically all her close friends as a result, and there was now a war within her social circle. I felt awful.
She said it herself. People change. She changed. I just never wanted to accept that the sweet girl I loved so much was gone.
But after today’s events, I did. I finally let go. I finally accepted it. There was just one thing left to fix.
A few hours later I began talking with my ex on Skype again, and I told her that I was done being bitter. I told her pretty much everything I said above. No more bitterness, no more drama, no more bullshit. I told her, “Let’s be friends and never fight again. I can forgive you for what you did…for real this time. Can you forgive me for being a childish prick?”
Her response was yes.
We’re friends again, I’ve finally moved on, and the weight is finally off my shoulder.
Now I just wait. Wait for some special girl to pop into my life and take me by surprise.
Thanksgiving is here! Our office and warehouse will be closed Thursday and Friday, Nov. 22nd & 23rd. Normal business hours will resume on Monday the 26th. Thank you!
May I present Lauki fanart from Purple Hyacinth. It’s one of the best comics on Webtoon ✨ Go read it if you want to go through the emotional carousel #purplehyacinth #webtoon #comics #bestcouple #otp #lauki #touch #closure #imgladitwasyou #ship #kieranwhite #assassin #laurensinclair #policeofficer #feelings #touching #drawing #fanart #digitalart #art #care #emotions #deadsophism #pleasenotice #isitgood #eyesight #thatlook #shipdynamics #webtoons #goread https://www.instagram.com/p/CTt98gijDLF/?utm_medium=tumblr
Anon wrote:Hello. (19/F) ENTP looking for advice (more like closure). I dated a (19/M) INFJ and we went out on ab 3 dates. We met online and initially met up with very platonic intentions. The first time we hung out we talked for about 6hrs straight and I hadn’t really been interested in him but there was chemistry there and he seemed very gentle and interesting. While talking he would compliment me on my appearance and tell me how comfortable I made him and I took it as being friendly.
A month or so passes of just texting and continuing to date other people and I realized that he had qualities that I liked and I hadn’t met another person like him so I confessed feelings for him. This is something never do. In the confession I explained that it had been hard for me to keep my feeling bottled up and I apologized if he had been receiving mixed signals from me. But surprisingly I was met with about 5 mins of audio messages talking about how much he liked me too and he just wanted me in his life regardless of what I was but he would like a relationship.
So after that we planned to go to a comic book store we had about 3 dates which would consist of going to a comic book store or just his house to watch some movies. While at his house I met his mom and she was very warm and welcoming. He doesn’t often bring girls back and spends a lot of time alone so I assume she was happy about this.
A conversation that we had that had stuck with me is when I asked him about his fears. His answer was that he feared me disappearing because I meant a lot to him. His answer meant a lot to me because I dealt with a lot of abandonment issues and he and I also felt with getting ghosted which is one of the ways we bonded. During one of the other discussions discussions with him we talked about his past of lying to the people he got romantically involved with about who he was. Ultimately he a wasn’t his true self and that led to things ending badly when those girls realized it. After, he communicated that he had been authentic with me and feels comfortable to be himself.
Things went well after that. However, conversation ended up losing substance and became us just telling each other how we missed the other and asking for our days were. There nothing ultimately wrong with that but I value deeper conversation and is not seeing each other made things feel a bit dull. Along with this I began to find things I disliked about him such as not wanting to drive 38 minutes to see me after not seeing each other for a week, his submissive personality, and I really disliked how he left his job without any notice (which he had done 1 time prior). So, I had discussed my worries about our relationship since our dynamic was so new to me. I made sure to be more gentle because he’s a bit turbulent and I apparently lack empathy.
After the discussion he communicated how much I mean to him how I bring him peace so I felt better about the relationship. So a few days pass and we finally have a free day to meet up and I planned on talking to him about our relationship. He asked if he could get me early that day so we could hang out longer because we tend to hang out late at night. I agreed but asked to be picked up a bit later than the time he suggested because I wasn’t in the best mood. I also asked if his mom was home to avoid the feigned warm interaction since I wasn’t feeling my best. He told me she was but that was fine with me.
A few hours pass and it’s about ab hour before I am supposed to get picked up and I received no text back so I text asking if he wants a rain check. My messages go through as SMS which was odd because we both have iPhones so I check Instagram. He ended up blocking me from both of his accounts. I had no warning and was (still am) incredibly confused. So I wait a few hours and send a long text from another number asking if I had done something wrong and if he was ok. I did end up receiving a text but it was only two sentences saying “I’m really sorry. You did nothing wrong. I just want to be alone rn”. That was the last time I received a response from him.
——————–
As you mentioned, “ghosting” is very cruel because it is basically a form of abandonment. You are left to guess, wonder, and ruminate on what happened, so it’s very difficult to get any closure. It is especially painful when you believe that a real bond was formed and you trusted that the bond would protect you from abandonment.
As time passes, you’ll eventually realize that you only have one choice, which is to move on, because the other person clearly has. It’s a painful form of closure because it’s forced upon you. However, where this situation gets confusing is that you don’t truly know whether he has moved on.
A healthy relationship must have a sense of equality, in terms of both parties giving and taking in equal measure. You both have to be willing to give the other person the benefit of the doubt, to work through difficult situations together, and to be forgiving of each other’s foibles. You are now in a situation where the relationship is wildly unequal because he is unresponsive. The most rational decision is to cut your losses and move on. However, it’s hard to do that if you still secretly believe that the relationship should be salvaged.
He knows abandonment is awful, so it must be something big that he’s dealing with in order to take such a drastic measure. You can try to empathize with his problems, be understanding of his weaknesses, give him space when he requests it, and have patience to wait as he works things out by himself. This is the “giving” part of the relationship.
However, you also have to put in place some limits and boundaries to protect your own well-being and tend to your own needs and desires, in order to maintain your sense of equality in the relationship. Put a concrete limit on how much time, effort, or initiative you’re willing to put out. In other words, be giving, but within reason.
Decide at what point it becomes no longer worth it for you to keep trying and, at that point, decide to close the situation yourself and move on, instead of waiting indefinitely for a response. For example, put the ball in his court for a set period of time, and if he doesn’t show up within that parameter, take your ball and find someone else to play with.
As you said, you were starting to get bored with the relationship anyway and/or his problems might quickly lead to a breakup anyway. You never can tell these things ahead of time, but this may be a blessing in disguise, though things didn’t end in an ideal way. If you take that perspective, it will be easier to move on. Closure is in your hands. As soon as you decide it’s no longer what you want and you want something else, the situation comes to a close.
I always thought I needed closure from you. The missed calls, unread texts, and the disrespect was never enough. I felt stuck. Confused. Broken. All because of you. Until I realized…
Stop breaking your own heart by trying to make a relationship work that clearly isn’t meant to work. You can’t force someone to care about you. You can’t force someone to be loyal. You can’t force someone to be the person you need them to be. Sometimes the person you want most is the person you’re best without. You got to understand some things are meant to happen, but just not meant to be. Some things are meant to come in your life, just not meant to stay. Don’t lose yourself by trying to fix what’s meant to stay broken. You can’t get the relationship you need from someone who’s not ready to give it to you. And you might not understand WHY NOW, but I promise you, your future will always bring understanding of why things didn’t work out. TRUST ME. Don’t put your happiness on hold for someone who isn’t holding on to you. -Note To Self
multi-love checked into my heart and trashed it like a hotel room
it is finally over.
inaprilhe crossed my boundaries: he was verbally and physically aggressive to me, while his family was visiting and sleeping two doors away from our room. i threw my phone, wallet and my stuffed animal in a bag, and took an uber to my parents in the middle of the night. after pressure from my parents (“it is rude towards his family”), i returned home after two nights where a theatrical sequence of denial, pleas, lies, played tenderness, threats ensued.
a complete tiredness and hopelessness took over me. i confided in one friend who knows us both well but lives far away, which seemed like the right amounts of closeness yet distance to the situation. she advised me to take my time to recuperate the strength needed to fully, firmly, and calmly let go of him. she had been worried about me for some time, she confessed.
in the meantime it became may. he was pouring his heart out through text messages and sneaking into the guest and my de facto room at night in tears. same old script. i can recite it word by word.
i went away to the coast, came back with a little orange dog, which made him think that the reset button had been pressed (“we were one, then became three”). the all too predictable mega fight took place. he packed his bag this time, returned after a week, and we lived in limbo for at least another 2 months.
today he is moving out. on a hot day in july. he has erased me from his life. the break-up was more spiteful and worse than i had anticipated. overall i have felt super relieved and optimistic. ecstatic even. until this weekend, when i finally started mourning the end of something that meant a lot to me, however problematic and unhealthy it has been.
i am seeking peace knowing that i can’t force my desired ending (“it’s sad we didn’t make it work, thanks for the love, it wasn’t easy, a hug, farewell, and all the happiness in the world to you!”) on another person.
i will have to find closure on my own.
i will have to unlearn his sharp words that i somehow started chanting to myself.
i will shatter his perception of me as little, unstable, dramatic.
“you, you, you.”
what about me?
I will be fine.
to end with an insight from the oracle card that i pulled out of the stack last night:
You Are Worth It: The only way that you can accept, respect and love others, is when they accept, respect and love you… By showing what you are worth, this will have an effect on others. When you see yourself in this light, others cannot not help but respond to your sense of self-worth. If you try to love yourself more every day, you will discover how this will give you new energy. You are allowed to walk away from relations that belittle or hurt you. Enjoy and love who you are.
