#wanda drabble
you lived.
-summary;wanda doesn’t understand why you hurt.
-warnings;angst,lots of dialogue
-a/n; Cecilia Meireles, How To Recognise The Road: To Die
You were sitting quietly, staring off into space. Wanda watched as you stared at the walls. She dusted quietly, pottering around her home in her cutesy little dress. Her mind was on you, and your mind was elsewhere.
You had just gotten home from a mission. A solo mission in a world far away. Wanda wanted to come. She had a feeling that something was going to go bad. And something went very wrong. You came home bloody and bruised, half dead. You refused any of Wanda’s help. You refused to talk about what happened. You locked yourself in the bathroom and washed off the blood and then slipped silently into bed. Wanda tried to cuddle up against you, but you shrugged her off of you and rolled away.
“What are you thinking about, darling?” Wanda asked sweetly.
You didn’t hear her. She moved closer to you. You didn’t even notice. She took the chance. She dropped her duster and hastily sat down next to you. She folded her knees and brushed up against you. She threw an arm over your shoulder and pulled you against her.
“What’s the matter?” She mumbled, pressing a kiss against your temple.
You shook your head and scratched at your palm.
“Tell me, baby.”
“I think,” you began, quietly. “I think I died out there.”
“No,” Wanda soothed. “Nonono, you’re alive, honey. You’re here, with me.”
That was the last straw. You clawed your way out of her arms. She watched surprised as you stood and began to pace. You didn’t know why you were so angry. Wanda just wanted to protect you. You know she’d go to the ends of the earth to protect you.
“I’d never let you die alone, baby,” she tried.
“I die alone every day,” you scream. Wanda shook her head with tears in her eyes. “I die from everything the world contains; from what I saw, from what I heard. I die from what I lived.”
“I can fix it,” Wanda whispered.
“Wanda, no-”
“I can,” she interrupted. “I can take it all away. You’ll be whole again.”
“I’ll be empty.”
“You’ll be happy,” Wanda reached out for you. She held you by the waist and smiled up at you.
“I am happy,” you smiled sadly, stroking her cheek.
“Let me make it better,” Wanda rubbed a thumb over a gaping wound in your side. “I’ll make the world better. You’ll never die again.”
“I won’t remember anything.”
“I thought that’s what you wanted?”
You shook your head and slowly stepped away from your lover. She smiled, a sinister smile, one laced with confusion. You knew what she was capable of. You knew she wasn’t lying. She’d make the whole world new. No one would be themselves. You’d be an empty shell of the person you are, the soldier you are. you’d be someone else. You wouldn’t even be yourself.
“I’d be worse than dead,” you whispered. “I’d be a ghost who couldn’t remember why it haunts. I’d be empty and useless and loveless.”
Tears rolled slowly down your cheeks.
“I’ll love you,” Wanda whined.
You smiled.
“And I won’t know why.”
Wanda never really knew why you withstood this pain. You knew she could take it all away. You never let her. You cried and cried and cried. You bled. Wanda had seen you bleed more times than she cared to count. You hurt and you lived. You lived.
You lived.
Wanda still doesn’t understand. But she knows she can’t just fix it. So she lives. She lives with her pain, and yours, and the pain of the world. And it hurts, but that’s how she knows she’s alive. And every time she bleeds, she understands a little more.
