#wedding industry
1-DAY AFFAIR : Why the Wedding Industry (and Wedding Planning) ‘Annoys’ Me
While I enjoy weddings and do believe they are incredibly special and important celebrations, the wedding industry infuriates me to no end. The movie 27 Dresses really captures it for me: all the glam and glitz really doesn’t mean much of anything, but we put up with it because in the end we hope that the relationship will be golden. Oh, and Bride Wars.
While as a movie, both chic fliks fall a bit flat, they both offer some stirring commentary on weddings and this idea of “the perfect” day, the “perfect” wedding. In Bride Wars though, *SPOILER ALERT* one of the relationships falls apart during the planning process, which is certainly reflective of real life - which reality TV shows about weddings certainly show us. I honestly don’t know why those exist except to ruin the big day, but whatever. There’s one mock billboard image I saw once that said
Loved the wedding. Invite me to the marriage.
God
And I don’t mean that as a religious thing, but simply that often, as an outside perspective, it seems like most people spend a lot of money on their wedding almost hoping the investment will keep them together, that the extravagant ceremony and honeymoon will somehow patch up any potential holes. And don’t get me wrong, I really LOVE themed weddings. Lord of the Rings? Lovely. Game of Thrones… less so…
George R.R. Martin Shouldn’t Plan Your Wedding
I mean, I’ve already picked a “theme” for my wedding. I don’t have a problem with people wanting to be creative or make it personal or make it nice. I have a problem when that becomes the ONLY point or priority of a wedding. What is the point of a wedding? At the end of the day, the two of you are married. What ACTUALLY needs to happen for that to be true? Very little. My parents got married without a ceremony or a ring. They couldn’t afford one. That didn’t change the fact that they were married and didn’t stop them from starting a family. I don’t understand the overwhelming emphasis on ceremony that pervades most weddings. If there’s significance to the bride and groom, great. If not, why do it? Why do we get told we need MC’s and a $1,000,000-dollar dress that will only be worn for one day and then go into storage for the next several decades, if not forever? Honestly, what is the point?
I want to be there for every wedding I can. But I want there because I want to support the people I love who are dedicating their lives to each other and celebrating that decision, to congratulate and bless them. I want to give presents that will build their home and their relationship. So yes, let there be a party. Sure, with food and dancing.
But why have a culture that says you (the bride) have to get a special dress and all your girl friends and both the mothers have to get special dresses and there must be a ringbearer and flowergirls and a wedding cake and a groom’s cake and toasts and that if you don’t, people will judge you for it? JUDGE YOU? JUDGE A WEDDING?!If we judge anything, why don’t we judge the marriage? I just really find it disgusting that there are so no “simple” weddings in movies. That there are no simple weddings in blogs, in magazines, just like there are no simple proposals. That culturally, we set up this idea that LOVE costs MONEY. Even if we don’t believe it at a conscious level, that is the idea we’re promoting. I won’t even get into consumerism.
I just really believe that weddings are… almost sacred. They are a beautiful day and a beautiful symbol of the start of marriage. And marriage is often hard and painful. But when you see really really old couples that have weathered the storms - and many will tell you that the first 10-15 years were hard - when you see people who have been together for 50, 60, 70 years, it’s really beautiful. Looking back now, I see all the people who have impacted my life, and my mother often tells me that yes, childbirth is painful, and parenting is painful, but it’s worth it for the person I get to become. And I think a wedding is like that.
I don’t care to judge on people’s personal aesthetics and choices. But I don’t think it should be so stressful, and that there’s so much pressure to make it “perfect” or just like anyone else’s, or to do anything because society says you need to. But no matter how much people tell me that it’s “my” day (though really, isn’t it “our” day?) and I should do what makes me happy, will it make me happy still if everyone else hates it?
So I really hate the wedding industry. I don’t hate everyone in it. I just hate the idea of turning love and the union of two individuals into a money-making scheme. That just disgusts me.
I wish we could somehow cling to the simplicity at the heart of weddings, which is, as a lovely old married gentleman once said, that “the first 100 years are the best.” Is it so impossible?
