#who do you think you are

my work is giving me the absolute shits at the moment. I genuinely want to be able to work, except the problem is they’re doing it in the most irritating way possible. I’ve been saying No near on 95 % of the time because it’ll be one or more of the following: asking at 9 pm tonight if I can be somewhere tomorrow for 8 am - 3 pm, only a day or so notice, a few hours prior to the shift - this is including sleepovers - somewhere I haven’t been to before on that very day, asking me to do back to back shifts while I was already on shift or soon after finishing, offering only a few days in advance to do a 24 hour shift at a place that’s over 50 km away. also keep in mind that this is unpredictable work, I genuinely could get a knife in the neck one day for all I know

like no I’m not going to accept these anymore. I was going completely mental for all those months I had long weeks that were at times an upward of 60-70 hours, sleeping in a house that wasn’t my own, doing stressful work in a multitude of locations, frequent texts and calls from multiple people (org rostering, coordinators, supervisors, agency staff) every single day demanding that we remove, add, or alter shifts by location, hours etc. that then culminated into some insanely stressful shifts that were utterly cooked by a horrific level of mismanagement. to mention these events in detail would be a whole post by itself I’m sure.

not too long ago they caught on to me that I was essentially burnt out, I told them the last minute shift offers were significantly bothering myself and my partner, they seemingly listened. I’m not sure if my regular coordinator is gone, but that had soon been disregarded. they probably believe I’m difficult or possibly lazy, but their logistical and organisational skills are so mind blowingly incompetent that it will inevitably beget this kind of outcome. what do you expect to happen?

I’m agency at the moment, and we’re in the process of moving me somewhere else organisation-wise that will provide consistency, except idk man… I’m feeling incredibly jaded by the whole situation, there was a period I wanted to leave my agency and transition over to the organisation I’m still at, the organisation then seemed to take it upon themselves to use this as a way of pushing my boundaries. increased calls, ridiculous expectations, etc etc.

some people might argue that’s to test my worth! that I needed to stick it out! why? what to blindly follow the promise of dangling keys above me like some kind of chump? come on man, there’s no way I’m going to fall for that, nor am I going to be some performing bitchboy who puts up with that type of behaviour. I’ve been called a great worker by my agency/organisation, except it’s increasingly difficult to even tell how genuine they are. it does seem like a lot of smoke and mirrors, truly. if I’m so great then why did you treat me that way? I’m better than that, I suppose if I wasn’t an asset in their mind they wouldn’t be fighting to keep me within the agency + organisation. which again, I don’t overly trust. they seem to believe I can’t catch on to how facetious many aspects of this industry are. Self Care, Therapeutic Responses, oh did you do this? Ahhh always follow the planner! Be the Gestapo for the love of god, except don’t. you know what I mean?

anyway, feeling pretty frustrated about this situation. having time away (as you can all tell by the increased posting over the last month) certainly helped me realise what was important and how I truly felt, unfortunately that only helps me by personal perspective rather than an actual subsequent change with financial compensation, job security, or career pathways… hopefully things will be on the up soon? a sense of structure is extremely important to me

pinkconcert0:

I am smarter than you think. Smarter than you.

I’m not dead I just forget how to content sometimes, ya know?