I’ve been rewatching Skyward Sword cutscenes for character research / getting mad about the sword spirits and I finally made it to Ghirahim’s debut scene and the related battle.
And I think it’s hilarious how swishy elf wizard this guy’s aesthetic is, like, you meet him and you’re like “okay this is a twink” but then he actually takes his cape off to fight you, and the battle starts, and he’s casually head-and-shoulders taller than Link, and he is actually jacked. This is a guy who can enter a strength contest between two of his fingers and Link’s entire arm and if you aren’t on the ball as a player Link’s entire arm will lose, he’ll cheerfully evaluate your sword, beat you up with it, and then throw it at your head.
Ghirahim is this excessively politely-spoken wordy individual who apologizes to someone he plans to kill that he raised his voice and he does things like complain you aren’t appreciating the extent of delicate work of the ritual you are interrupting, he seems to be a self-taught sorcerer and all this plus his bangs and cape and catlike tread lets you think for a hot second that our rowdy dungeoneering protagonist is more jock than Ghirahim, only for the man to roll up his figurative sleeves and put Link in his place on the twink hierarchy.
You could punch Ghirahim’s abs and they’d make a sound like a metal trash can and he wouldn’t even move. It is basically a matter of decorum he doesn’t just teleport in, bench press Link’s entire body, and then suplex him.
He also at one point says “This turn of events has left me with a strong appetite for bloodshed,” completely matter-of-factly and calmly like .5 seconds after having an extremely contained breakdown but that’s slightly less funny than this guy being shredded.
Clearly janus is the last one in his Christmas sweater because he’s the best
We know your game Sanders…saving the best for last
Exactly— plus, he’s obviously gonna have a dramatic introduction, and those take time
Awizarddrama queen is never late, nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means too fhghfghfhgf
Yeah!! Time revolves around his schedule so he’s always punctual about these things
Mans gonna show up, dramatically throw his scarf over his shoulders, hit us with the ol’ razzle dazzling smirk of his, clear his throat and in the most dramatic voice go “alright I’m ready, take the picture ;)”
HDHDHDHDHg o d he to totally would— and his photoshoot takes like, an hour for the first picture because he has to get the perfect angle sanders, and if those scales aren’t shimmering then he’ll perish
“Janus we’ve been standing here for an hour i just need a pic.”
“Wait hold on the suns not at the exact position yet to compliment my eye and make my scales shimmer, all the while making my outline glow and offset the outfit, give me a second.”
“Janusplease”
Five hours into it Thomas is just—
“Can we please just go home already—“
“Oh quit whining the sun is almost at the right place—“
“YOU SAID THAT THREE HOURS AGO”
“I lied three hours ago.”
HDHGFJDH–
*7 hours later*
“Drat, the suns already set. Looks like we’ll have to so this again tomorrow.”
“oh cOME ON-”
As soon as they get home janus is just— “alright sanders get the ring light and maybe some LED’s”
“What—“
“If the sun won’t help us then we’ll have to do it ourselves”
“Mother fU—“
After the week of trying to get the first shot, Thomas finally snaps and shoves the camera in his face “sTAY stilland smILe you bASTARD-”
ABDBDB Janus is unprepared but Thomas takes the shot to get it over with, and the picture looks ethereal. Divine. Godly. The other sides cannot compare, for Janus’ has come out the best.
And then over Thomas’ shoulder janus is just like “nOOO THE LIGHTING MADE MY HAIR LOOK ORANGE I WASNT READY—“
The other sides are just awing at the beauty of the shot and Janus is pouting in the corner like “you could have at least let me fix my hair it’s laying over my face in the wrong position to best compliment my eyes >:/”
“The sweater looks wrinkled and my scales aren’t shining evenly—“
“SHUTUP FRAUD FROLLO YOU LOOK GREAT—“
“YOU SHUT UP I DO NOT—“
Cue pof part two : the photoshoot
OH MY GOSH FHDHGFBVFVVD
Eventually Logan just slaps him because he’s done sickandtired of his falsehoods.
“I hear one more falsehood out of you and you’ll actually have a face to complain about” hfhhfhdhhd
NSNXNSND GOOD LORD—
Janus just looks at him, appalled, gobsmacked—
And then they’re all in the court room again because these two are gonna fight about it like nerds
“The state of Thomas Sanders v. Janus Sanders in the name of and authority of the state of Thomas Sanders, Logan prosecuting for the state of Thomas Sanders, under oath information makes that Janus Sanders; count one;
- Did unlawfully and without malice of forethought falsey impersonate a “less pretty” person.
Count two;
- Did unlawfully hinder the progress of important work efforts through constistant stalling and deceit of one’s own self image
Count three;
-Did unlawfully look so god damn hOT-”
“Judge Roman that’s not in the judge book…”
“Well maybe it SHOULD BE IN THE BOOK BECAUSE DID YOU SEE THAT PICTURE??”
“Roman I’m literally the prosecutor here?? And you saw me look at the picture????? Why is that— why—“
“Wait I’m missing my suit—“
“You’re not a lawyer this time, pat”
All the while janus is sulking at his stand like “stupid light sides and Remus don’t know a good picture when they see one >:( standards so low that I could take a photo of manure and they’d think it’s pretty—“
Logan calls Thomas to the stand as his first witness
“Good evening Mr. Sanders. Being the individual in charge of all of us, including the sweater picture set, you were there to witness said events?”
“…yes? Was that a question?”
“Fantastic. What can you confirm or rebut regarding the charges?”
“Oh they’re all true”
“theY ARE NOT-”
“OH! Looks like they are. That settles it, Janus is guilty.”
“hfggGgfhhfh– NO! >:(”
BDBDHSDJ HE SAYS A KEYSMASH OUT LOUD PFF—
“That’s misleading the witness!! I said they weren’t true!!”
“Yeah, and you’re deceit, so clearly you mean that they’re true. Therefore, you’re guilty, so—“
“yOUR HONOR YOU KNOW THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT—“
And after Thomas goes up janus calls virgil to be his witness, and the questioning is like :
“Ok how do you think I look regularly”
“Like a twister game board”
“Rude but thank you— now how do you think that picture looked?”
Late at night on Christmas Eve, after refusing to attend a Christmas party and working his assistant to the gears, the cold-hearted Dr. Eggman is visited by some unexpected guests.
