When am I going to get my obligatory Sonic Learns to Swim scene? I mean, the kid almost drowned, so I would hope the next movie takes care of that, because the idea lives rent free in my head.
It should be a really cute moment too, right? The idea of his parents teaching him how to swim while his two new brothers cheer in the background. It sounds super sweet and wholesome, doesn’t it?
WRONG.
That shit is going to be like watching a Roman Gladiator battle and it nothing short of chaos incarnate as Tom paddles violently in the water, holding onto Sonic’s legs as Sonic holds onto the dock with every last shred of strength in his body.
“BETRAYAL,” he screeches, as Knuckles pries his fingers off of the dock. “I SAVE YOU, AND THIS IS YOUR PAYMENT.”
“This is for your own good, brother,” Knuckles says solemnly.
“SONIC WE’RE IN THE SHALLOW PART,” Tom screams over Tails wailing in the background about how his new big brother is being murdered. “LET GO!”
“MY OWN FATHER HATH FORSAKEN ME,” sobs Sonic. “HOW COULD YOU DO THIS!”
“Sonic just let- DID YOU JUST LICK ME?”
Maddie eventually needs to jump in to wrench him off. But that’s a whole other issue in itself, which ends in Maddie holding a flailing, sparking child above the water, screaming at the top of her lungs about how “MOMMY WON’T LET YOU DIE BUT I SWEAR TO GOD SONIC IF YOU ELECTROCUTE ME YOU’RE GROUNDED FOR A YEAR.”
“TELL HIM, MADDIE,” shouts Tom.
Meanwhile, Tails finally gains enough bravery to grab at a floating toy off the dock. “FOR SONIIIIIIIIC,” he screeches between his tears, before beating Tom across the head with a pool noodle.
This is my dream. No I don’t take criticism.
The mental image of Sonic clinging to Maddie for dear life and just going “ma. Ma. MA I DIDN’T GIVE UP THE POWER OF A GOLDEN GOD JUST TO END UP HERE”*points to the innocent looking pool toy* “it’s gonna pop the second i move AND THEN IM DONE FOR.” They see he sorta has a point (HA!), so they bundle him up in one of those heavy duty life jackets instead. But it’s the one used for toddlers where he’s floating on his back and has pictures of frogs printed on it.
Knuckles can swim just fine and likes to race Donudad and Momaddie all the time. He’s trying to teach Ozzie to swim underwater for long periods of time. The races are one of the only ways to get Sonic in the water cause then he just runs across and if he’s feeling confident he’ll let himself lose momentum and float back up with his life jacket. Knuckles likes sitting at the bottom of the lake and he eventually gets Tails into doing it by make it a whole contest to see who can float back up the slowest and hold their breath the longest.
