#will edit later
Laying down beside him, you carefully move, not to wake him up. Tucking him in a blanket, you sigh as the cold wind enters the room, reminding you to close the half-open windows. You’re about to get out of bed when he suddenly grabs your wrist. “Don’t go…” He mutters, his other hand reaching out to you and takes you in his arms.
“Don’t…”
Looking at his sleeping profile, you brush his bangs away from his eyes before kissing his cheek. His furrowed brows starting to relax.
“I won’t. I’m not going anywhere.”
You smile as you assure him while wrapping your arms around him. ‘I’ll close the windows later.’ You say to yourself as your burrows your self in his arms, inhaling his familiar scent.
“I won’t leave your side. Sweet dreams”.
Y’know what, I don’t think Stan trusted the rest of the losers after they defeated Pennywise the first time and that’s why he didn’t go back (and ended up killing himself because of the trauma but we know that)
And I just want to say before I write this out that I fucking love Stan and I’m not saying this to drag him down :) anyway
Throughout the first movie, Stan is kind of established as the “coward” of the group, Pennywise sort of implies that he was the weak link and- even though I don’t think that’s true- he’s right in some ways. Stan is always the one to try and back out of potentially dangerous situations. He doesn’t want to find the source of the missing kids because he didn’t want to become one of them. He’s the first one to say that it’s summer and they should be having fun but when he’s pleading his case, Ben shows up and he doesn’t bring it up again for a while. Not only this but Stan has a lot of pressure from his dad weighing in on him and doesn’t have a way to relax. He’s literally being hunted and can’t escape it no matter how hard he tries.
The reason he goes along with this crazy shit is because of his friends. He trusts Bill with his life just like the rest of them and even though he’s slightly more outspoken about his distaste for what they’re doing, he still believes Bill can carry them through safely- everyone does! So when they come face to face with Pennywise for the first time- Eddie has a broken arm on the floor, Pennywise is coming at them looking ready to eat, Bev stabbed him but it didn’t kill him, and Ben gets sliced open again- Stan starts to realize that Bill really can’t defend them like they want to think he can and lashes out at him when they’re finally safe. I’m not saying Bill was wrong but I am saying Stan was right, what was happening was extremely dangerous and the group disbanding was inevitable.
So, why does Stan go back to Neibolt? The same reason everyone goes back, they all love each other. Despite how mad they were at each other, they all go back to save Beverly (who, mind you, was the only other person to back Bill up before they fell apart) solely because they love her and won’t let her die at Pennywise’s hands like that. The only thing is that Stan stands back before coming into the house, he knows what they’re up against now and knows damn well he could die but he comes in because he trusts his friends to get them out the other side. Alive.
And what happens? Stan gets separated and captured and almost killed by that fucking painting. Pennywise backs off and leaves but when Stan comes back to his senses, he immediately screams “you brought me into neibolt” accusingly and “you’re not my friends.” It breaks their hearts, obviously, Eddie is desperately trying to reassure him, Richie is sobbing and Mike is hugging him but this once again gets cut off because Bill runs off before he can properly recover.
We all know what happens from there and, to the loser’s credit, they do beat Pennywise and go home safely but Stan never got the conclusion he actually needed and he can’t anymore since 1/7 of their group leaves. So, what does Stan know now that he’ll carry into adulthood?
1. Pennywise would’ve killed him without his friends and he, Stanley Uris, is not enough to secure his own survival (I also don’t believe this but this is his own logic)
2. His friends almost didn’t save him
And, yes they defeated Pennywise by throwing away their own fear, but literally none of the losers remember that when the second movie starts. Not to mention, they throw away their fear but Stan is still the most anxious out of all of them and that kind of fear doesn’t just disappear in an hour.
Stan loves the losers, he wouldn’t have left those letters if he didn’t, but he didn’t trust them anymore. He gets, imo, the worst of the torture Pennywise dishes out and he would have died if the losers were just a few minute late. He was clearly wracked with guilt when he was dying, saying sorry to Bill like he’s a kid again, but I think he’s apologizing more for the lack of faith he has in his childhood friend. He really, really loves them, but he won’t put himself in danger with people he knows can’t protect him.
Over all, I think Stan doesn’t go back because of his lack of faith in his friends but kills himself because he can’t handle the memories or off chance that Pennywise could find him outside of Derry. Once again, I don’t think Stan is a bad character or person because of this, I think he’s incredibly realistic with this and, if I’m right, I think he’s one of the most complex ones too. I’ve just been thinking for years “why did Stan leave them, why didn’t he go back?” But watching the movie with fresh eyes gave me this new outlook on his decision.
