#writtings

I just hate how my mind tricks me into believing scenarios while dreaming.

Last night after days in which i felt my heart melt, my unconscious decided that it would be a perfect idea to project one of my current anxiety triggers for some reason.

I was there, I was walking into a random place, I remember you said to me you will be occupied because you will be fucking with someone else, I felt how my whole body went cold, suddenly all my blood drop to my feet and the anxiety started kicking it, I answered with a very tranquil voice “of course, it’s fine”, nevermore I’d make you feel like if you were on a golden cage again, as you said, nevermore I’d feel like an executioner, like that one painting of a lady feeding the moon, as the hours went by I felt the craziness rushing in, so I decided I’ll go into the looking of you, I don’t know how I ended up into a restaurant, very nice I could say, I saw you in the corner eating with your parents, and when i was about to get in, there he was, this handsome, hairy chef bear that asked me if i was looking for you, i said yes and he asked me why, that if i was your boyfriend to which i answered no, that we were some kind of bond, he felt relieved and said that if we were some kind of boyfriends it would be weird, then i don’t know how it happened but I was in a table sharing a meal with him, asking me all kind of things between us, he suddenly felt like a friend.

Of course I wake up full of anxiety, I felt my heart racing and how it was difficult to me to breathe, it just bummed me that few days ago I felt ready for this life but, perhaps, my mind says maybe not.