volition

part 1-part 2

previous chapters - VIII (ao3)

Yayoi once told her that coming back to the CID was easy; maybe because she already had her own investigation going at the time that it felt like a natural progression. Shimotsuki requested her assistance, and she was happy to help. Happy to help herself, more like; extending work hours as if on charity when she spent it making out with her in the analyst’s room, or sneaking away during lunch breaks and overtime so they could make love in her bedroom. Shion tried to resist out of fear that she would affect her psycho-pass— futile attempts that flew over Yayoi’s head as she stripped off her lace thong and laid her down on the same couch that both the young inspectors sat on that morning.

Such trysts feel so far away now, but at least she is able to give Yayoi some good news.

Shion arrived at the CID almost the same time as Kogami’s car, escorted by Division 2, pulled up at the basement carpark. She examined Akane first, checking her vitals and conducting initial scans. Seeing Akane’s phone charging on the dashboard, she quickly lifted it from the dock and placed it in her pocket before the drones took her away. Kogami was in better shape, though only just. Since then, Shion had spent almost four hours administering treatment and ensuring they return to a stable state.

The nurse drone hands her a warm, damp cloth. She checks Akane’s vitals one more time, satisfied that she’s fully asleep.

“You scared me,” she whispers, wiping down the bits of caked blood on her cheek. “Yayoi probably would have broken up with me… and of course your muscle man over there would have skinned me alive.”

She softly tilts her head so she can get to the bottom of her jaw; had she not received initial data forwarded by Hinakawa, she would have thought Akane was punched in the nose with all the blood on her face. They didn’t even have time to change her clothes; her usually crisp white shirt is stained with drops on the front and smears on her collar the shade of reddish mud.

She can only imagine the panic Kogami must have felt. Too often they fall into a false sense of security, rejecting their mortality in the pursuit of truth and justice. Romantic, but borderline stupid.

Akane has grown ever brave and reckless, testing the limits and going overboard, not seeking to be a martyr but acting like one. Shion shakes her head; she had a moment not so long ago herself, it’s not her place to lecture anyone.

Besides, she’s yet to meet anyone who can talk Akane out of doing what she believes is right.

***

The door opens, startling her as Shimotsuki and another man she’s only seen in news and magazines walks in.

“Sorry I’m late,” he says, bowing.

A puzzling statement; she wasn’t expecting anyone, though perhaps she should have been. After all, he is the Bureau Chief.

His slow ascent upright is punctuated with a clear icing of his features; handsome man, tall and well-dressed, whispering, like he can’t help it.

Why are they in the same room?

“I am only one person,” Shion replies cheerfully, finally meeting his eyes. “It would have been harder to treat them separately.”

Sothis is Shizuka Homura; youngest Bureau Chief in the history of the MWPSB, heir to the Homura Clan, most eligible bachelor—according to the press. Not many are lucky enough to match their looks with their accolades, but this man is an exception, holding himself with such ease, without a single strand of hair out of place. The suit he wears likely costs an Inspector’s monthly salary, and she will bet an arm and a leg that he smells good, too. Not bad for a man responsible for derailing Shimotsuki’s dreams for a promotion; the same mysterious man that Akane had been working with before her imprisonment, the same man who, rumor has it, had her released.

Her eyes can only tell so much. Looks like her dear friend needs to fill her in.

He slowly approaches the foot of the bed. Shion watches the lightness of his feet, careful not to make a sound, and the minute details in the corners of his eyes as his gaze lands on Akane. His lips part, speechless for a moment, before he averts his gaze, as if to center himself.

“How is she?” He asks in a surprisingly clear tone.

For a moment, Shion thinks she must have imagined his degree of concern, but his apathy is short-lived when Shion reaches for Akane’s hand. He stares where they’re joined with a gaze she easily recognizes as longing, as if he would give anything to be the one holding her.

Shimotsuki stares pensively, but remains quiet in the corner of the room. So it seems this concern is not so much a secret, then.

“Please tell me everything.”

“Good news first.” Shion graciously smiles, letting go of Akane and handing the towel back to the nurse drone. She turns it off so it can park itself in the corner and be out of their way.

“She’s stable. They both are.”

He nods. “And?”

Brushing off her second sentence, his lack of concern for Kogami is quite amusing; sometimes men are so predictable.

“It’s a gas poison that would have been deadly if not treated. She must have directly inhaled a large amount of it; there were significant traces of it on her face based on the initial scans.”

“I concocted a specific mix of medication to lift the poison that had already converted in her bloodstream, and then used another drug to physically draw it out. She’s lost some blood, but that wasn’t an issue; there’s plenty of stock here and the transfusion was successful. I also injected a sedative so that she will sleep undisturbed for at least half a day.”

He swallows, apprehensive. “And the bad news?”

“Oh, I already said it. She’s practically useless until maybe mid-afternoon. With the drugs we have, normally poison gases are easily treatable with first aid. Patients can be up in a matter of an hour or two, but she’ll need a bit of time to get her bearings back when she wakes.”

In a moment of weakness, he lets relief wash over his features, hanging his head and trembling, hands in his pockets. He looks up with misty eyes, clenching his jaw.

“I have no plans to send her back to work today,” he says, turning slightly to Shimotsuki. “Have the team adjust around it, please.”

“Roger.”

“And cancel all my meetings today.”

Shimotsuki raises her brow. “You can’t. Three of those you absolutely need to be here in the afternoon.”

“The ones in the morning, then. I can still be reached at home but,” he sighs, running his fingers through his hair. “I can’t do this, Shimotsuki. Look at me.”

Deadpanned, Shimotsuki brushes off what she would normally have used as a means to take advantage, and relents, flicking her wrist to go over her calendar on the holo device.

“I can cover the ones in the morning. You can’t miss the ones in the afternoon, I’m sorry.”

“I’ll make do. Thank you.”

“I’ll reloop with Arata and redistribute the work with Ignatov’s team,” Shimotsuki says, casting a soft gaze at Shion. “Thank you for taking care of her. Kogami’s boss can’t be reached, so I’m going to say thanks on her behalf as well. You can leave as soon as you’re done.”

“You’re welcome. Yayoi says hi.”

Shimotsuki waves from the door, surprisingly serious despite the mention of Yayoi; perhaps she’s busy accumulating this man’s dues and will collect them someday.

“Thank you, Karanomori-san.” He bows again, voice shaking with emotion.

Rising to his full height, his moment of dishevel is replaced with a clean slate, stately and respectful. Shion acknowledges she has witnessed him in a moment very few are privy to, and she has a feeling the only other person is the one who owns his attention, currently indisposed.

“It’s nothing.”

After feeling a little bit cruel standing in the way of Akane’s bedside, she steps away and gestures for him to approach.

He doesn’t wait a second longer, two strides and he’s there. Shion pulls a chair for him, and feels immediately like an intruder when he takes her hand in his, closing his eyes as if in prayer, so she walks to Kogami’s bedside, checking his vitals on the screen..

“Can I take her home?”

Shion turns, realizing with a beat that this home is something they share, and that in hindsight, it was right that she made sure to put Akane’s phone in her pocket.

“Of course.”

“Anything I need to do when she wakes?”

“Not really,” she says, walking back. “There are no side-effects to the sedative, but she needs to sleep undisturbed so that she can fully recover. She’s going to want to get up and go, but if you can let her take it easy for a bit, that would help.”

He nods, glancing at her from their clasped hands.

“I really can’t thank you enough.“

"Oh my, look at you,” Shion giggles. “We’ve been friends for a long time, Akane and I. She isn’t a kiss and tell type, but I suppose it’s understandable.”

He averts his gaze, a little shy. “I fail miserably to the point of showing off, but it’s mostly among our team.”

“Don’t think that’s unchecked, mind you. Or was it because you knew I’m taking care of her?”

“She has spoken about you, yes.”

“All good, I hope?”

“Of course.”

He finally smiles, and Shion feels a little victorious at that.

“I’m not sure you’re aware but it’s always been common knowledge that Akane is the Bureau Chief’s favorite.” She winks, holding out her hand. “She calls me Shion-san.”

“I suppose I have to earn it, calling you the same.” He says, relinquishing his hold on Akane to shake her hand.

“Indeed,” Shion teases.

Soft hands. Crisp suit. Smooth skin. Beautiful hair. Once upon a time, Shion would have played around and flirted more persuasively, and even she is surprised by her own lack of bite. Just like her one-time attempt at Kogami some years ago, it’s very clear she probably isn’t his type.

Her type in men is not someone head over heels in love. Women, however, well that’s changed, too. Shion’s gone soft. Monogamous, even.

“Her phone is in her pocket, and as far as I know she didn’t bring anything in the car. I’ll sign her release and get someone to fetch her bag in the office”

“Thank you. No food restrictions, either?”

“No,” she heads towards the door, slowing down before it opens for her. “I know it’s not my place but…”

Shion casts a glance at Kogami, before meeting Homura’s gaze. “He will want to know about her when he wakes up. She’ll want to know, too. Keep that in mind.”

“As much as I don’t like him, I am reluctant to admit that I owe him now.”

“Listen, you both love the same girl, so start with something you have in common.”

“Asking for a world war, I see.”

“My, my, you’re funny,” she compliments in between laughter, wondering what other qualities Akane sees in him.

The door opens, and Shion looks back with a lightheartedness more reserved for her friend. “Since you’ve taken it upon yourself to ensure she’s got nothing to do the whole day, do remind her to call me, Chief.”

Homura nods, playfully using Akane’s hand to wave back.

***

Yuzu welcomes them at the door, bouncing on his paws, his furry tail wagging excitedly with each happy bark.

“Okay, okay. We’re home, hush.”

Shizuka chuckles, unable to gesture with his hands to calm him, making him ever grateful that Yuzu is such a smart and obedient dog.

“Come, let’s put her to bed.”

The lights turn on automatically as he passes by Chiyo, rolling away from the charging dock in the living room. He lets out a sigh once he reaches the bedroom, not bothering with the covers before gently laying her down. She’s not heavy, and he doesn’t take himself to be weak, but the strain in his arms after the elevator ride from basement to top floor, along with her bag slung over his shoulder, is saying otherwise.

Yuzu has taken his place by the bed, softly whining. Shizuka gives him a pat and hands Akane’s bag to Chiyo, who was silently lurking and waiting for instructions by the bedroom door.

“When you’ve put that away can you get me a hot towel, please? Then clean up the food in the dining room. You can cook her something nice later.”

“Yes, Sir.”

Akane sleeps peacefully, undisturbed by the slight commotion earlier or even the mess of her clothes. He threads his fingers through her hair, smiling. Gone for a night and yet sorely missed, she has stamped her place in his home in less than a week.

Shizuka steps in the closet, taking off his suit jacket and waistcoat, hanging them on the rack as he loosens his tie and rolls up his sleeves. He catches his reflection on the mirror; edgy, still, if only a little bit calmer now that she’s back home and safe. Shaking his head, he reminds himself she needs his full attention right now, grabbing a soft cotton shirt from his side of the wardrobe on his way out.

Stained and worn, pretty much everything is going to the bin save for her phone and holo device, which he places on the nightstand. He hopes there’s no attachment there, but at least he’s sure she won’t miss a dirty shirt, or a pair of stockings with a hole and long run lining the side of her leg. No matter, he can always replace them.

Chiyo hands him the towel, exchanging it with her discarded clothes. Starting from her forehead, he wipes her down, checking to see if she has any other injuries. The part of her arm where Shion stuck needles in is bandaged, and he leaves that alone, taking off her bra on his way down her chest and stomach. There’s a bruise on her left hip, and a small wound where her stockings were damaged. Satisfied, he cleans her legs and feet, massaging between her toes and kissing her ankles. He puts the shirt on her, feeling the weight in his chest lighten as he tucks her in, sinking with her in the mattress without shredding a single tear.

***

“Chiyo, take the towel away,” he says, sitting up to pull off his necktie. He places it on the nightstand, along with his holo device, tugging at the covers on his side of the bed. “Block all incoming calls for three hours, unless it’s from Kasei or Shimotsuki.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Thanks, Chiyo.”

Shizuka settles next to her, taking her in his arms, linking his fingers over hers and placing them above his heart. This weight, he doesn’t mind, smiling against her crown and planting a kiss there. When she would normally snuggle against him in response, his lover now is like a doll, free to maneuver how he likes.

Exhaustion creeps in his body, his mind heavy and still reeling, jumping thought after thought, unable to move on. He still doesn’t know what happened, but he can’t accept that it couldn’t have been prevented… here he is again, overthinking to the point of unrest, and it aches that she can’t shake him out of it.

“You know something,” he murmurs, gazing down as if she can hear. “I thought that after everything, I didn’t have to bend over backwards when it came to the things that mattered to me. I feel so naive now hoping the outcome would be different.”

Shizuka steadies his hold, as if afraid someone invisible will snatch her away.

“I was on my way to the CID the moment I found out about you, but then they called me, telling me I needed to see them immediately. They knew what happened to you and had no reason to talk to me that early in the morning. No reason, and yet they made me choose, five minutes from the fork in the road.”

“As expected, whatever we spoke about, while important, could have waited. Almost four hours, as if they were waiting for me to walk out on them so that they can say I put you over my duty, holding you over my head because I am the Bureau Chief.”

“And I ended up doing so, didn’t I? Not knowing how you were doing but trusting that Kogami will be intercepted and assisted on his way back, and that Karanomori would be able to save you.”

“They think we’re toys, you and I,” he chuckles bitterly, eyes glistening, swirling his thumb inside her palm, his other hand stroking her back. His inabilities catch up to him like a speeding train, frustrated words tumble out of him, a pain that drives his untimely confession.

“I don’t know what I would have done if things didn’t turn out the way it did.” He whispers, swallowing down the guilt that eats away at him from the inside. “I’m not like your kind, Akane. I can’t shoot a gun, I can’t punch a man or knock them out. I can’t join you out there even when I know I risk losing you in the process.”

“But I can take the burden of dealing with them, even if they use you against me. I will let them drag me through the mud, I’ll be the wall in between that will keep them away. That, I can do.”

Akane’s breath hitches, startling him as she sighs out, a warm exhale over his shoulder. Shizuka smiles, captivated as he follows the little shifts in her body, tell-tale signs that she’s alive, full of life. He misses her fiercely, even when she lies sleeping in his arms, reminding him of what awaits, and all his other reasons. His gaze softens, landing on her parted lips. Once upon a time, he thought it impossible to sleep, let alone wake up with her in the same bed. Unable to help himself, he traces her mouth with his finger, stroking the edges, drawing a line down her chin, tilting it upwards, stealing a kiss.

“I love you.”

***

Kogami gazes up at a very familiar view; where long ago it would have been Tsunemori sitting on the chair next to his bed, his sluggish and dizzy state can’t mistake Gino’s familiar silhouette, busy with what looks like case files on his holo screen.

“Ah, you’re awake.”

“Tsunemori—where is she? Fuck,” he groans, trying to sit up but dropping back on his elbows as his vision spins. “Fucking hell.”

“She’s safe. Homura took her home.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? And who’s at home with her?” He clenches his jaw, scanning the room and wondering if he’s going to need a puke bucket soon.

“Relax,” Gino stands, grabbing a lollipop from the desk and handing it to him. “Karanomori said you might have this reaction when you wake up. Don’t make me put it in your mouth.”

Kogami doesn’t have the energy to argue; he tosses the candy back to him, sinking his head into the pillow.

“Open it. And tell me what I need to know.”

“I don’t have an answer, but I doubt that he’s left her alone. Homura is offline, I can only assume he’s with her,” Gino replies, handing back the unwrapped lollipop. “You’re surprisingly obedient today.”

He pops the candy in his mouth, making him squirm at the excessive sweetness.

“I’m not going to be if I don’t hear from her in a few minutes, Gino.”

“Don’t be an idiot. She’s recovering like you, she might not even be awake right now.”

“And Shion?”

“You don’t expect her to stay here, do you? She’s not a latent criminal anymore.”

“Yeah, fuck me, thanks for the brand new information,” he sighs, mildly surprised that his nausea is dissipating despite the near-diabetic levels of sugar. “Someone’s gotta tell me something more reassuring here.”

“I’d like to see you try to macho your way out of this bed.”

“Careful, Gino. The candy is working.”

“And what exactly are you going to do, huh?” Gino chuckles, shaking his head at his old friend’s apparent distress. Still, better to cover their bases and ensure he doesn’t do anything stupid. He takes out his phone and dials Karanomori’s number.

“He’s awake.” Gino snatches the phone before Kogami takes it. “I’m going to leave the room for a bit, I need to update Ignatov on something, and I’ll tell Hanashiro you’re awake. Don’t stress Karanomori out.”

“Yeah, thanks,” he says, moving the candy to the side of his mouth.

“Shion, tell me everything.”

“Good lord, you sound like how I expected you to sound.”

“And how’s that?”

“Like you need to brush your teeth.”

He chuckles, acknowledging the truth in her words. “Thanks for the reminder, first thing I’ll do, especially after finishing this.”

“You needed that, it’s because of the nicotine in your blood that you’re having a bad reaction to the drugs. Anyway, I know that’s not what you called me for. She’s fine.”

“She got sent home, who’s there with her?”

“Akane-chan didn’t get sent home, Homura took her home, so of course he’s with her,” she pauses, curious. “Is that stupidity or denial? Aren’t you smarter than that, Shinya-kun?”

He raises a brow at the name; it’s been a while, though he can only imagine his relegation to Kogami had something to do with her closeness with Tsunemori. Shion’s words bite despite the lack of information, reliably cutting through the bullshit—his own bullshit.

“Feeling sorry for me now?”

“I mean, he’s rich,” she giggles, and he imagines her shoulders shaking from the teasing, choking on the smoke of her own cigarette. “No but seriously, she is fine, I know that’s the most important thing you want to hear. Homura gave his word, we will know when she’s awake.“

It’s true, he only really cares that she’s alright and safe, but suddenly the candy doesn’t taste so sweet anymore, knowing he might not be hearing from her at all for the rest of the day. He restrains the urge to ask more questions that will force him to accept that he had shoved the thought of Homura having access to Akane’s apartment to the back of his mind.

"Already well acquainted with him, huh?”

“Hardly. But I trust what I see with my own eyes. Contrary to what you might have led yourself to believe, it seems he cares for her just as much, but let’s just say he’s a bit cooler, and I don’t mean that as a tease.”

“I feel like shit, but thanks, Shion,” he says, biting down hard. The candy breaks in his mouth, sending another wave of sweetness that makes him wince.

“You’ll be ok, just finish that lollipop and drink lots of water throughout the day. I won’t bore you with the details, you can read the report. In fact, you should do that to test your recovery. The expectation is you should be functioning as normal, so If you experience anything weird, give me a call. Just take it easy, no entering weird places and inhaling poison gas.”

“Lesson learned, trust me.”

“Good. By the way, I should tell you.”

“Tell me what?”

“Shimotsuki has a report on the state of your vehicle, or rather, what’s inside. It’s separate from my medical report. Don’t think I have to tell you what will get you in a bit of hot water, right?“

He sighs, wishing he was capable of kicking himself. "Yeah. For the record, we weren’t drunk.”

“And for what it’s worth, unfortunately, I don’t think it matters.”

“Yeah. I know. Thanks for taking care of us, Shion.”

“Anytime, lover boy.”

“Fuck off.”

“Careful now, or I might end up rooting for the man who has better hair.”

“You already sound like you are, so what leg do I have to stand on?” He says, sucking off the bits of sugar left on the stick.

“Nah, Akane-chan will dictate who my favor goes to. Yayoi, however, might be on your side. Might.”

“Using me as a tool for your kinks, I see.”

“Thank you for your service. Now is there anything else I can help you with?”

“No. I owe you, though. What do you want?”

“Something only the rich boy can afford.”

“Ok, bye—”

“No, no! God!” Shion bursts into laughter, making him hold the phone away from his ear. “Take a joke, will you?”

“A bit salty about that right now if that isn’t obvious enough.”

“Come over for dinner one of these days and bring whatever you like.”

“Ok,” he says, mildly surprised at the simplicity of the request. He can’t discount the gratitude he feels, Shion has every license to step on his pride anytime.

“Thanks again.”

“You’re most welcome.”

***

The brightness in the room has her turning away from the windows, burying her face in a pillow that smells like Shizuka’s shampoo. She pulls the covers above her head, raising her arms and stretching her legs. Yuzu’s weight sinks the mattress on her side, his whining ringing through her ears as his nose pokes the side of her cheek, forcing her to reveal herself.

“Hey, Yuzu,” she giggles, accepting the inevitable sloppy licks and the mini commotion of him barking and bouncing excitedly around her.

It’s like waking up from a dream, a complete turnaround from her state the night before. Akane looks down at her palms, opening and closing them into fists, disoriented as visions of last night begin to flash back in her mind’s eye. She notices the fresh bandages on her arm, the smallest sting underneath. Fear had only made itself known at the last minute.

This contradiction finally settles in her consciousness; she’s alive.

Needing answers, Akane forces herself up. Yuzu nuzzles behind, pushing her forward as she stands with shaking legs.

“Thanks, Yuzu. Where is he?”

Yuzu barks, leading the way out of the bedroom. The floor feels like it’s sinking beneath the soles of her feet, she’s surprised to still be upright with each step she takes. Chiyo greets her when she passes by the living room, and in the next room she hears Shizuka’s voice through the small gap between the door.

“Based on your intel, another one would make sense. Intercept him then and bring him in for questioning.”

Arata responds from the line, ending the call. She can see Shizuka through the hologram screens, massaging his temples and barely noticing Yuzu and her enter the room.

“Hey.”

He looks up, switching the screens off and immediately getting on his feet.

“Wait, stay there.”

“Everything okay?” He stops on the side of the desk, worried.

“My legs feel like jelly but,” she takes short, tentative steps towards him, looking up to meet his gaze, “I think I’m getting a bit used to it.”

Patiently, he waits until she’s two steps from him, then rushes to meet her in a tight embrace, making her breath hitch as she closes her eyes, settling against him. His arms cage her in, warm and tender like always. Between this and last night, the darkness of the unknown like a ghost she pushes to the back of her mind, she knows she’s home.

He holds her face in his hands, searching her gaze. “How do you feel?”

“Weird,” she winces, brows furrowed, “and worried, I’m so—”

Shizuka kisses her, pulling her flush against him, his hand drifting beneath the shirt to stroke her back. It’s slow, and passionate; a first in what felt like a long time. She reciprocates, clutching the lapels of his suit, her other hand on the back of his neck, pressing him closer, tears welling at the back of her eyelids. What she would have lost, she holds.

And it all feels real now.

***

“I don’t remember after that.”

With a shaky exhale, she ends her recollection of last night, relieved that she was able to live to talk about it, but still uneasy about what she doesn’t know.

“Don’t stress yourself.” He kisses her forehead, taking his phone out to dial Kogami’s number. “He got you out, so you might want to hear about that from him.”

“You don’t know?”

“I don’t. He was asleep like you when I arrived. And as for the rest of the story, you need to call Karanomori-san.”

Akane stares worriedly at the screen, heart in her throat. “Is he okay?”

“He should be. I’m also assuming he’s awake but you can always call him later if not.”

Seeing the numbers on screen, it occurs to her that she has memorized Kogami’s personal number without meaning to, and deduces that this number is the one linked to his holo device. It rings five times before he picks up, staying silent on the other line.

They exchange glances, Akane looks in danger of tearing up again.

Shizuka squeezes her arm, urging her to talk.

“K-Kogami-san?”

“Oh. It’s you.”

“Go,” Shizuka whispers, tilting his head towards the door. Akane nods, smiling when he kisses her hand as she walks away, Yuzu following in her wake.

“Don’t forget to call Karanomori-san.”

“I will.”

The door closes just in time for him to pull the screens back up, showing Shimotsuki’s report notification appearing one after the other. He patches a call on his holo device,

“This is everything?”

“Yes, as requested. You’ll want to have a look at the photos attached on the second report. Your call, then.”

“Thanks, Shimotsuki. I’ll be there in time for the meetings.”

“How is senpai?”

“She’s fine. I’m sure she’ll give you a call later.”

“My calendar is full, thanks to both of you!”

A quintessential image of her, with arms crossed, fuming at the two of them, pops up in his head. “Then I’ll tell her not to disturb you.”

“Excuse me?” Shimotsuki’s scandalized gasp echoes through the device. “Don’t tell her what to do! S-Sir!”

“Okay, okay,” he snorts, knowing she must be as red as a tomato. “I won’t. I’ll see you later.”

The call ends, and he pulls up the files, swiping through the report to get to what he needed. Something for his own sanity, to satisfy the clawing, nagging feeling at the back of his mind ever since he asked Hinakawa to trace Akane last night.

With a photo showing two empty bottles of one-cup sake discarded in the backseat, and the preliminary results showing traces of alcohol in their blood, Shizuka stares blankly at the screen, neither unhappy nor triumphant that his instincts were once again proven right.

***

“Sorry, I was on my way out. How are you?”

Akane hears the flick of the lighter, his long drag on the other line crystal clear as if she’s right there next to him, breathing in what he’s breathing out.

“I’m good,” she says, accepting the glass of water that Chiyo gives her on the way to the bedroom. It’s not a stretch to say the bed is inviting, and going back to it is a temptation she chooses not to resist. “I just got up maybe half an hour ago trying to remember how to use my legs.”

“That’s good to hear. I felt like shit when I woke up. Do you feel pain of any sort?”

“No. What about you?”

“Similar. Maybe it’s a numbing sensation or side effect for me, but it’s like I can’t exert force into anything,” he says, voice rough.

“Even so, I’m glad we got out of it. Will you tell me what happened?”

Kogami doesn’t respond immediately, nor does she feel a need to rush the conversation, not when the gravity of their recklessness weighs them down across the line. Her brushes with death are few and far between, even in her profession. She never dwells on her mortality, never wallows in regret. It is what it is, regardless of what she has, or what she could lose.

“I was expecting to meet you in the middle, as agreed, but you weren’t there. Remember that weird noise we heard?”

Akane hums, drinking the water and giving it back to Chiyo. The drone’s dashboard panel lights up, flashing a hologram screen with meal choices and a short message at the bottom saying “or anything you like.” She quickly makes a decision, selecting truffle risotto in the attempt to drown out the memory of the sound that triggered her misfortunes.

“There was a crash after that, so I followed the sound to that room. You were alone, passed out on the floor. I didn’t know what caused it but then I also started feeling strange, it was getting hard to breathe. So I,”he pauses, clearing his throat. “I got you out.”

“Yes, you did.” She smiles, distracted by the indifference in his voice, wishing he’d be a little more honest. Between the silence and relief, their emotions simmer on the surface, on thin ice. As always, it’s up to her to call him out.

But she’s not prepared to do that to the man who saved her life. Not now, anyway. The line is clear and voices are heard, yet words are never enough.

“Thank you, Kogami-san.”

“No need to thank me.”

“But I want to, so let me.”

Kogami chuckles helplessly, her plea tugging at the cold mask he wears, breaking down all his defenses.

“I give up.”

“You let me do anything,” she replies, soft laughter escaping from her lips.

He can just see it, the twinkle in her eyes, the unshakeable optimism that not even the most dire of circumstances can erase. Her light is blinding, worthy of worship, the only beauty his filthy heart hung onto, and will never let go.

“Correct. Thank me when we see each other again.”

“Tomorrow, then.”

“Tomorrow.”

Mouthing her name on his lips, his open secret, the desire to say it this time, when she can hear, magnifies tenfold. Instead, he bids her a simple goodbye with a lighter heart, a reminder of something to look forward to.

***