#young jesus
02/18/2022
Hope you like the smell of BURNED HAIR.
JOKE-OGRAPHY:
1. Jesus has finally summoned a storm after four-hundred-and-fourteen cartoons of buildup, and this STILL isn’t the end of the story. Watch out [insert battle shounen anime series here]! Someone’s gunning for your high score!
2. Jesus was reluctant to summon a storm, but John insisted. Once the storm arrovened, John compared himself to God, which is a bit of a no-no ever since that “the Devil” guy had his little fit. John’s hubris earns him a playful little smite on the wrist. "Smiting" is when God electrocutes you with the sky for s i n n i n g.
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02/04/2022
Know the LAW.
JOKE-OGRAPHY:
John is trying to get Jesus to summon a storm as part of his scheme to baptize the young Lord (as seen in previous comics). This time, John asks Jesus to specifically summon a world-ending storm, which is hyperbole on John’s part, but impossible on Jesus’s part. This is because when God sent the Flood to destroy humanity WAAAAY back in Genesis, He promised Noah He wouldn’t do that again and put a rainbow in the sky as a reminder of that covenant. Now, that same rainbow holds a contract reading “Genesis 9:11” – the verse where God makes that promise to Noah – reminding Jesus that, as God in the Flesh, He’s gotta be careful about how big of a storm He’s summoning.
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01/28/2022
But breakthroughs aren’t made by the SANE.
JOKE-OGRAPHY:
John assumes Jesus can summon a storm using His God-powers. Though this may be accurate, Jesus calls John crazy because this baptism plan is getting out of hand. When Jesus speaks those words, John quickly pats himself down, checking for loose sanity. He expects that, because Jesus called him crazy, he’d suddenly BECOME crazy, but he feels the same as before, meaning that either (A) Jesus can speak in hyperbole without breaking the universe, or (B) John was already crazy and Jesus was just accurately representing reality with His words, or © both.
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01/21/2022
He has VISION!
JOKE-OGRAPHY:
Jesus asks if John is sure about his plan. John says his plan is “the only way”, which would normally mean that there’s no alternative, except that there IS an alternative – several, in fact – so John protects himself legally by adding that his plan is “the only way THAT [he] WANTS TO TRY”.
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01/14/2021
This plan is going over MY head.
JOKE-OGRAPHY:
John asks Jesus how He bathes if (as the running joke goes) He can’t go into water. Jesus reveals that He essentially takes showers by pouring water over His head. That gives John the idea to have Jesus summon a storm (since He’s God and all) which will cause waves to crash over Jesus, wrapping Him in water from above and below and technically submerging Him. John leads Jesus to the deepest part of the river with a raft so they can enact the plan. What – and I ask you this humbly and with grave sincerity – could POSSIBLY go wrong?
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01/07/2022
Keep your CHIN up!
JOKE-OGRAPHY:
John’s most recent attempt at helping Jesus swim… requires?… him to strike our Lord to render Him unconscious. When Jesus doesn’t move for a while, John begins to assume he’s accidentally killed his holy Cousin, so he begins quoting the part of scripture where Cain is cursed by God for killing Abel.
12/31/2021
Put your BACK into it!
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JOKE-OGRAPHY:
John is trying to help Jesus stop walking on water. His methods are limited in both scope and effectiveness.
12/25/2021
Merry Christmas! 'Tis the season where some people get to walk on water without being God!
***$5-and-up patrons can download this wallpaper at patreon.com/posts/walking-on-water-60336512
JOKE-OGRAPHY:
It’s a running joke in my comics that Jesus can’t NOT walk on water. In this Christmas-themed image, some water has frozen, so Jesus and His good friends, Mary, Martha, and Lazarus of Bethany, and His cousin, John the Baptist, can all finally walk out on the water together!
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12/24/2021
By the time they’re done, Jesus might just reach the end of His rope.
JOKE-OGRAPHY:
In the previous cartoon, John resolved to teach his cousin, Jesus, how to swim. The catch: the child Jesus can’t actually go INTO water because (in my cartoons) He hasn’t learned how to turn off His walking-on-water superpower. In this cartoon, it appears John’s method for helping Jesus submerge is somewhat crude, consisting of a rope with one end tied to Jesus’s waist and the other end tied to an anvil (which John’s devotion allows him to hold with remarkable ease). Will releasing the anvil succeed in pulling Jesus underwater, or will the rope bisect our gentle Messiah? (People who read ahead in the Bible please no spoilers.)
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04/08/2022
Father knows best!
Next week’s cartoon will be posted on Easter Sunday instead of Good Friday. See you then!
JOKE-OGRAPHY:
In the Bible, the adult Jesus prays in a garden before His crucifixion, asking God the Father to let the figurative “cup” of Jesus’s suffering and death pass away without having to be “drunk”, but despite His request, Jesus acknowledges that the Father has the final say, and Jesus submits Himself to the Father’s Will, even if it means doing something He knows He won’t like. In this cartoon, Jesus is speaking to His earthly father, Joseph, asking not to have to drink a literal cup of fruit juice because He thinks it smells weird, but at the insistence of His father, He obediently takes the cup as willed.
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03/25/2022
The GRANDE FINALE!!!
JOKE-OGRAPHY:
After nearly getting himself drowned, John has been saved by Jesus. John says he’ll probably forget about rivers for a while and live in the desert, alluding to his adulthood according to the Bible where he lives in the desert for a time before returning to baptize people (including Jesus!).
AUTHOR’S NOTE:
And that’s it! The story of John trying to teach Jesus how to swim has concluded in the only way it possibly could’ve: with an ending! Thanks for joining me on yet another long-form story. These are great fun to do, but they do take the place of more focused cartoons like the ones on saints and holidays and readings. Which do YOU prefer: long-form stories or individual cartoons? Could there be a place for both somewhere in the spinning gray of the future??!!?
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03/18/2022
The BREATH of LIFE??!
JOKE-OGRAPHY:
John can’t even see the sun for how deep he’s sinking, but lucky for Him, Jesus can see him no matter how far he falls. Seeing His cousin drowning, Jesus finally submerges Himself into the depths and drags John back to the light. Once on land, Jesus slaps John’s back to help evacuate his insides of water so he can breathe once more!
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03/11/2022
The WORD has SPOKEN??!
JOKE-OGRAPHY:
As seen in the previous comics, John’s hubris has gotten him tossed about and dragged underwater by the storm he asked for. In my comics, Jesus hasn’t found out how to turn off His walking-on-water superpower, so He can only watch as His cousin drowns. As He becomes more and more desperate, the storm above annoys Him enough to make Him order it to be quiet. The storm obeys, and Jesus remembers He’s God, which means all of nature has to obey Him. Finally, He realizes that, if He tells the water to let Him in, it HAS to let Him in. What a simple solution! The power was inside Him all along! Turns out the real walking on water was the friends we drowned along the way!
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03/04/2022
Way to kick a guy while he DROWNS.
JOKE-OGRAPHY:
As per previous installments, John forced Jesus to summon a storm for baptismal purposes, but the storm was wild and John wasn’t ready for what he had called down on himself. Overtaken by a wave, his raft is smashed and he’s sent sinking into the blue abyss, with Jesus presumably still stuck on the surface.
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Young Jesus - Dirt
