Confess (it’s easy)

Idol: Kim Taeyoung

Genre: Fluff, (Small) Angst, Confessions

Word Count: 3k+

Synopsis: Love is supposed to be easy right? It’s not.

This is the story of Taeyoung falling in love.

Warnings: Fuck is used.

Meeting Taeyoung was purely by chance, on an afternoon where rain was imminent. A stormy gray sky above that threatened to open at any moment.

You were antsy, warily glancing up every few steps. Know that your  important documents were being sheltered in the thin weathered backpack that you’ve owned for years, one that surely wouldn’t withstand more than a couple drops of water. Taeyoung - who was walking the next street over - wasn’t worried at all, opting to keep his chin tilted to the sky. Seongmin’s word nothing more than a faint droning in his ears.

“You’re not even listening to me.” Indignant whining pulled Taeyoung from his thoughts, finally making him turn his attention towards the younger boy, who was now pouting angrily. “What could possibly be more important than our fanmeet?” Shrugging his shoulders Taeyoung sent back an apologetic smile, before turning his face once more to the sky.

“It’s gonna rain.” This statement caused Seongmin to rant about the importance of their fans, a rant that Taeyoung had heard so many times that he no longer bothered by it. He couldn’t explain the feeling he had, like something was going to happen. “Seongmin I’m sorry, but can’t you feel it?” A weird look was all he got in return.

“Hyung, are you alright? We can head back to the dorms if you’d like, Serim wouldn’t make you practice if you aren’t well.” Sighing, Taeyoung reluctantly shook his head before stopping.

“It’s not that. It feels like something’s going to happen. You’re telling me you don’t feel it at all?”

“You’re acting weird. I’m going to the studio, I’ll just tell Serim you’re not feeling well.” With a salute Seongmin turned on his heel, hurrying down the street to not be late, leaving Taeyoung standing in the middle of the sidewalk. Taeyoung couldn’t shake this feeling. Maybe he should head back to the dorm?

Glancing at the sky a drop of rain hit his cheek, causing him to blink incredulously. Perfect.

Around the corner you held out your hand, worrying your bottom lip between your teeth, watching as another drop of rain hit your palm. Fuck.

On cue with your revelation the sky opened above, soft drops of rain becoming a torrent in a matter of minutes. Breaking into a sprint you prayed that your papers would be safe. You were so close to your apartment, relief flooding you as your street’s sign.

Short lived relief as you turned the corner and ran into somebody. Reflexively your eyes shut, waiting to make contact with the hard concrete. Shocked was an understatement when you felt yourself make contact with someone’s chest, an arm wrapped around your waist keeping you pressed firmly against them. Slowly opening your eyes you were met with the sight of soaked hair and warm brown eyes, accompanied by the sweetest smile you’d ever seen. “You okay?”

“I’m fine, thank you.” His boyish grin only grew at your response, and you felt captivated. The feeling was mutual as he looked down at you, the street light doing little to mask your beauty, and he felt himself pulling you imperceptibly closer. That broke you from his spell, realizing that both of you were standing in the middle of a storm. Grabbing his arm you pulled him into your building’s lobby.

It wasn’t until you reached your apartment that you realized you’d practically kidnapped this stranger, who in his defense was just along for the ride. Turning around on your heels, you started sputtering out an excuse, a bunch of ‘i’m sorrys’ and ‘didn’t mean to just kidnap you’. “I don’t even know your name and I’ve practically snatched you from the street.”

“Taeyoung.”

“Excuse me.” That same boyish grin came back and you felt heat rise to your cheeks.

“My name is Taeyoung.”

A chance encounter that led to love at first sight. At least, on Taeyoung’s behalf.

That was over a year ago and now you were inseparable. Taeyoung doesn’t know how he survived without you in his life. You’ve become a crucial part in his life, intertwined so tightly it’s like you’ve always been there. The tiger stuffed animal resting at the head of his bed, one of many birthday gifts you’ve given him, your hoodies hanging in his closet, pictures from your first time visiting the photo booth stuck to his mirror while a drawing is taped to his walls. Every part of him has been touched by you, and his room is only a mirror of that.

Taeyoung can only hope it’s the same as you, that the hoodies he’s snuck into your closet remind you of him whenever he’s busy. Hope that you smile everytime you look at the purple bunny placed carefully on your dresser, remembering just how hard he worked to win it for you. Only hope that he affects you the same way.

Hope that you love him the same way he loves you.

Even now, he should be thinking about the cake you’re getting ready to bake, but all he can do is watch in awe as you walk around the kitchen, humming a song - Sunrise, your favorite song from his group - gathering the ingredients and placing them on the island. Mesmerized as you brush stray hair off of your forehead, a focused look on your face as your eyebrows furrowed, counting all of the ingredients and fidgeting with your necklace. A lock necklace, matching the key chain that Taeyoung had tucked underneath of his shirt.

“I think that’s everything? Are you ready?” Pushing himself away from the counter, Taeyoung walked closer, looking over the ingredients. “I’m so happy I finally convinced you to bake with me.”

Wonder if you knew how dangerous your smile was, especially aimed at Taeyoung like that.

“Yea, yea. I’m gonna be the one baking anyway. Last time you tried, you set the fire alarm off at 1 am.” Truthfully, Taeyoung liked you begging for his attention, it made him feel wanted. Made him feel like you might return his feelings. A pout formed on your lips as you grabbed the flour, carefully measuring it.

“Not like you’re any better. You forgot the water in your microwavable noodles.” Taeyoung’s face heated, before he mumbled something along the lines of ‘it was an accident’. Both of you worked in relative silence, despite Taeyoung’s hassling you worked in perfect unison, handing Taeyoung the eggs to crack into the dry ingredients, overcompensating for the extreme amount of vanilla that Taeyoung added, handing the mixing bowl to Taeyoung after the batter became too thick for you to continue mixing easily. It took two pans and a lot of paper towels before both of your cakes were safely in the oven, settled on the middle rack. It took thirty minutes for the cakes to finish baking, cracked only a little on the top, placed on top of the oven to cool enough for you to decorate them.

It took only thirty seconds for Taeyoung to think of something to do while you waited, and another five for Taeyoung to reach into the bag of flour before grabbing your face, leaving two almost perfect hand prints on each cheek. Giggling, Taeyoung backed up, a cheeky smile on his face as he admired his work. Grabbing some flour, you threw it at Taeyoung, laughing as it settled on his hair, making him look as if snow had been sprinkled on him. Both of you couldn’t help but continue to toss flour at each other, under the guise of defending yourself, the sounds of your laughter filling the kitchen while your hair and clothes became coated with flour.

“Let’s call a truce.” Raising both hands, you looked around the kitchen. The floor was absolutely covered with flour, along with the kitchen island that you’d been using as a shield. “We need to clean up before we ice the cakes.”

“Truce.” Cleaning turned out to be futile, the icing ended up everywhere as a result of you mindlessly placing your spatula on the counter instead of the cutting board, or touching the other ingredients without realizing that the sticky purple icing was covering your hands.  Taeyoung was no help either, continuously eating the icing in between coating the top of his cake with sprinkles and candies, causing his lips and somehow also his cheek to be covered with light yellow.

“How are you such a messy eater? You have icing everywhere.” Wetting a paper towel you grabbed Taeyoung’s chin, turning his face down towards you.

“Why should I be neat? I know you’ll always clean it up for me.” Rolling your eyes, you chose to ignore his taunting, opting to wipe his cheeks. Once you were positive the icing was gone off of both cheeks, you turned his head back, carefully wiping the dark purple icing from around his lips, absentmindedly brushing your thumb over his bottom lip. Glancing up at him, you saw his eyes were wide and a blush was spreading over his cheeks. Realizing just how close you were, you glanced down, realizing that you were still holding his chin, keeping him in place and keeping his lips only a few inches away from yours.

You wouldn’t even have to properly lean forward, Taeyoung would just have to lean down. Which is exactly what he did, placing his hand on the back of your neck and pulling you towards him.

You were never one for cliches, but that’s the only way to describe how you felt. Eyes fluttering shut when your lips pressed together, grabbing his hoodie and keeping him pressed against you. Everything about this kiss felt right, the way your lips fit together perfectly as if you were molded just to be Taeyoung’s other half, the way he kissed you the exact same way he treated you, gently as his hand moved to cup your jaw, keeping you in place, but with a determination behind it as he licked over your bottom lip, and you separated them happily. Once the need for air became too hard to ignore you pulled with a sigh.

Opening your eyes you were met with the Taeyoung’s shocked expression, releasing you as if you burned him, putting space between the both of you. The pout that formed on your lips as Taeyoung pulled away tempted him to apologize, mutter endless sorry’s before pulling you back towards him and kissing it away, but that’s what got him into this mess. Kissing you.

“I gotta go.” Rushing out of the kitchen, Taeyoung grabbed his shoes and slipped out of your apartment. Leaving you rooted to your spot, flour and icing covering your kitchen counter, two half decorated cakes sitting on the counter, along with the ray of sprinkles and candies. Filled with emotions that you can’t comprehend except for two.

Confusion and heartbreak.

★

Four weeks passed and you’ve yet to hear from Taeyoung. The first few days you waited for him to text you, keeping your phone close and reacting quickly every time your phone pinged. That hope you felt at every notification, praying that it was Taeyoung, died down as days bled into weeks. It hit  you, somewhere along the second week that Taeyoung wasn’t going to contact you. This realization caused your already frayed emotions to go haywire, causing you to climb into your bed, wrap your coziest blanket around yourself and cry, trying to ignore the way your heart clenched painfully everytime you thought about Taeyoung.

Minhee was the one who realized something happened - seeing Taeyoung’s red rimmed eyes at practice he easily put two and two together - and spontaneously popped up at your apartment with Jungmo, who held a tub of your favorite icecream - Taeyoung had told them specifically which one to buy - along with takeout. Every day Minhee came back, accompanied by Jungmo or Woobin, sitting in your desk chair for hours, listening patiently as you vented. Minhee was truly the one who helped you realize your feelings.

“I think I like him? When he kissed me it felt like everything fell into place,” falling back against the bed with a sigh you held the stuffed bunny closer to your chest, feeling melancholy at your nth venting session this week. “Every time I think of him my chest hurts, and my stomach makes me feel as if I’m going to vomit. It hurts so badly, and I just wish I knew for sure.”

Running his fingers through his hair, Jungmo shared a look with Minhee, one that you were oblivious to. Downturned eyebrows as they talk without using words. Minhee was the one who opened his mouth, “You’re in love with Taeyoung, you have been for months. You’re heartbroken because you love him.”

“I love him?” Those three words had a lightbulb going off, along with glancing over at Minhee and seeing the expression on his face, one full of pity that you knew he was serious. “Oh my god, I love Taeyoung.”

Your admittance had you sitting up in your bed, plushie falling to the floor. It explained so much. How you couldn’t help but steal glances whenever you were alone, all of the candid photos that you took under the guise of taking them for fans, looking at them long after Taeyoung had left your side. How your heart continuously skipped whenever he grabbed your hand or cuddled up close to you, staring at you with his sweet smile. Everytime you fight the temptation to lean in, opting to ruffle his hair or tease him to get him to stop looking at you. Scared that he’d notice how you’d stared at him as if he hung the moon and the stars. Scared that he’d see just how deep your emotions ran.

That he’d realize you loved him and leave. Exactly like he’d done.

★

Taeyoung regrets what he did, his stupid fucking decisions ruined your friendship. He knows he can’t take back the kiss - there’s no in hell he would either, it was a dream come true - but he wishes he could take back his reaction. The confusion on your face that melted into a pout when he turned to run from the kitchen haunts him. He wishes he would’ve just pulled you into his arms, kissed the pout right off of your lips and confessed. Admit that he’s been in love with you, but he panicked. Resulting in him making the worst possible decision, and now? He’s scared. How he could resist you, especially when you were so close, looking at him as if you wanted him to. Pressing his face further into the pillow Taeyoung wondered what would happen if you truly just left him, curling into himself further at that thought. Serim and Allen were merely there, Allen sitting on the edge of the bed rubbing Taeyoung’s back, while Serim continued to dispute all your negative claims and offer advice.

That he refused to take.

“You need to just talk to her. Don’t you want to apologize at least?” Solid piece of advice that Taeyoung had already attempted. No text he wrote sounded good enough.

“I’ve tried, but they deserve better than a simple text.” Shaking his head, Taeyoung fought the urge to scream. His hyungs meant well, but all of their advice were basic things he’d already thought of. Text her as if nothing happened? That just makes him look like a jerk that doesn’t care. Apologize? No text apology is good enough for what he did, and it looks like he made no effort to contact you after running out. “I ruined our friendship and then ghosted them for a month. How could I possibly even start to apologize for that?”

“How’d you ruin your friendship? Are we missing something?” With a deep groan Taeyoung looked up from his pillow, staring at his headboard, catching a glimpse of his chain wrapped around the corner, the key hanging mockingly knowing that you have the matching lock.

“I kissed them. I forced them to kiss me.” Covering his face, Taeyoung swallowed the lump in his throat that was progressively growing the longer he thought about it. Another exasperated look shared between the two. They’ve heard enough about this, Taeyoung holding your neck and jaw, ‘forcing’ you to kiss him. Allen decided to chime in, hoping he could finally get through as the voice of reason.

“I’ve met them only a couple times, but aren’t they the ones with great boundaries? Like, refusing to hug you if they don’t want to, and only cuddling up to you when they feel like it. And you allow them to do this. Why?”

“I care about them, why wouldn’t I? I don’t ever want to disrespect them.”

“Why would they allow you to kiss them?” Allen watched as the realization finally hit Taeyoung who turned around, staring at them shocked. Why would you let him? He’d never gotten away with pushing your boundaries, even when you were mere strangers. You wanted to kiss him? Thinking back to that day Taeyoung recognizes you weren’t confused because of the kiss, you were confused he backed away from you. When his eyes first opened you were smiling, lips upturned at the corner before your eyes opened,  crinkling at the corner to match.

“They wanted to kiss me.” He took no time to process his hyung’s expressions, both filled with gratitude at him getting it, and frustration due to the long process. “I gotta go.” Standing up, Taeyoung rushed out of his room. Both listened as the dorm door shut shortly afterwards.

“We should be getting paid for this.”

★

While Taeyoung ran to your apartment, in too much of a rush to wait for a manager or Uber to drive him, Minhee comforted you. Holding you as you cried and spoke your fears of Taeyoung leaving because he realized you love him, that you lost your best-friend due to one simple mistake.

If Minhee didn’t know Taeyoung was already suffering and more concerned with comforting you he would’ve left your apartment, giving Taeyoung a piece of his mind before dragging him back, forcing him to apologize. Taeyoung was his groupmate, and he loved him like a brother, but you didn’t deserve this. In the middle of your venting the doorbell rang. Wiping your face Minhee left, prepared to brush off whoever was there. His shock when Taeyoung was the one standing there was astounding.

“What are you doing here?” Taeyoung beat Minhee to the punch. Walking into the hallway Minhee flicked Taeyoung, unable to control himself and feeling satisfied when the younger grabbed his forehead.

“Exactly what I wanna ask you. Whatever you’re doing, you need to know that you hurt them. Badly. I’m here having to act as a makeshift best-friend because you disappeared on them. You need to make this better.” Taeyoung at least had the nerve to look guilty, being scolded by Minhee was something that he hadn’t expected, but he deserved it.

“That’s what I’m here for. Can I talk to them?” Sighing Minhee opened the door, waving him in. Before Taeyoung walked inside Minhee grabbed his shoulder, squeezing it uncomfortably tight.

“Make it better.” A simple nod and Minhee was releasing him, letting him go, watching as he rushed into your apartment. Taeyoung felt jealousy bubble inside him hearing you call out Minhee’s name but once you turned the corner he felt like he was punched in the gut. Tears stained your cheeks, eyes red and puffy as you turned to look at him. Eyes that went wide at the sight of him, lower lip beginning to wobble. Rushing over to you, Taeyoung cupped your cheeks, wiping your tears away and muttering apologies.

“I’m sorry, I can’t say it enough. I didn’t mean to leave you, I panicked. I should’ve just told you that I love you cause I do, I think I’ve been in love with you since I met you. I was scared that I ruined our friendship, and overstepped your boundaries that I ran. Fear kept me away from you, and no apology that I tried to write was good enough for you. I’m in love with you, and I don’t know what I would do if you weren’t in my life.” Fresh tears running down your cheeks silenced him, his blood running cold at the thought of you rejecting him, especially now that his heart is on the line.

“Shut up.” Taeyoung’s eyes widened as you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him down enough so that you could easily kiss him. If the first kiss felt cliche, this one felt like coming home after a long day of work, comforting in the best way as his arms dropped to your waist, holding you close. It only lasted a few seconds, but it was enough as both of you pulled away, love sick smiles on your face as you grabbed his arm, pulling him towards the living room and collapsing on the couch, curling yourself up on top of him, laying your head on his chest.

Looking up towards him you pressed one last kiss to his lips, muttering “I love you too” against his lips.

Maybe loving was easier than breathing. Something that helped you wake up in the morning before a busy day, continuously giving him a reason to fight, dance harder and perform a little better. It was encouraging texts when you were too busy to see each other, the code to your apartment that he had memorized, sliding into your bed after a long day and being able to wrap an arm around your waist, pulling you close to him.

It was the same thing that made him stop and smile whenever he looked at you, eyes revealing the love he held for you. What made it hard for him to fight the urge, leaning in and pressing a kiss to your cheek while you continued to happily point at the animals at the zoo, ignoring the sound of cameras flashing and the lecture he was sure to get when articles were released about the public display of affection.

It was worth it though, as long as he was allowed to love you.

♥︎