When you weigh 440 pounds, finding clothes that fit you feels a lot like musical chairs: you&rsq

When you weigh 440 pounds, finding clothes that fit you feels a lot like musical chairs: you’re running around the store just looking for something, anything that fits you. I have been at goal weight for nearly 6 years and the loose skin is gone but still every once in a while, I break into a cold sweat trying on clothes that don’t have the letter X in the size. I look in the mirror and I don’t recognize the guy there.

SOMETIMES I’M STILL FAT IN THE HEAD.

I don’t pretend to know what it’s like to be in a truly abusive relationship, but I’ve definitely come close to being in one with myself. I withheld love and tortured my body until the day came when I said, ‘no more’ and took a walk (a stumble would be more accurate) of a mere 212 steps. I gave it everything I had and as my body began to shrink, my everything became bigger.

Half a mile, then a mile… 5 minutes on the rowing machine… 20 minutes on an elliptical. Squats to parallel and eventually lower. Benching the bar… then adding plates on plates. Finding the strength to bend over until eventually I deadlifted over 400 pounds.

But the most important thing I’ve learned to do is to love myself enough to care. When I hit goal weight, I started to research fashion a little and care enough about myself to put my best foot forward. Like my weight loss, I cared enough to become my greatest self.

I don’t love myself because I can fit into Medium Slim Fit shirts now. I fit into Medium Slim fit shirts because I learned to love myself.

And you can bet your bottom dollar that this love affair ain’t ever ending.

(Quote by Oscar Wilde)