#a short fanfic

Jamie x Brienne: A Good-Bye

I had to.

           She always saw the best in him.

           Even when he couldn’t see it in himself.

           Especially when he couldn’t see it in himself.

           His heart hurt.

           He looked into her eyes, saw the love, the expectation, the purity of her soul and knew…

           He had to make it right.

           Had to right his wrongs, atone for all his sons, one way or another.

           He had to make himself worthy of this beautiful, honorable woman who made him feel whole, made him feel like he was worth a damn.

           He looked into her eyes and knew he couldn’t live with her, couldn’t revel in her until he had made it right.

           He yearned to kiss her, to pull her against him, to stroke his cheek against her familiar, strong palm as she told him he was a good man. He wanted to believe her, but all his past sins swallowed him in their darkness and not even this beautiful, noble warrior could reach him.

           He had to cleanse himself.

           If he died in the process, then so be it.

           But if he survived the oncoming battle, if he survived his own redemption by fire, then he would go back to her and spend the rest of his life reveling in her, learning from her.

           His muscles fairly ached from wanting to hold her but he felt as if he would taint her with the poison he carried in himself. He wanted to press his lips to her forehead, tell her not to worry, soothe her but he couldn’t touch her.

           It was impossible but he walked away from her. 

           He’d done impossible things before but this…

           He mounted his horse with a grunt and left her without a backwards glance, her sobs echoing in the marrow of his bones.

            He vowed to make himself worthy of her…he had to.